Bad Guys

by Sarah Michelle Lynch

  “I really love you,” he tells me in a husky voice.

  I open my eyes to find Adam’s pinned on mine. The look in his eyes – love, yearning, fear, hope, awe – takes my breath away.

  “Take me to bed, Adam.”

  He picks me up like he’s Superman and is going to fly me towards the bed. I breathe deeply as he carries me to the side of the four-poster, placing me down on the floor.

  My love takes to his knees and unzips my boots, smoothing his hands up and down my legs once they’re naked again. I push the generous sweater dress down off my shoulders and the rest falls away, pooling at my feet. Adam takes my hips in his hands, leans forward and kisses my stomach, my hipbones, looking up into my eyes, delirious.

  “You’re so beautiful, Sass. You have no idea.”

  “Show me then, beautiful man. Show me.”

  “On the bed, princess.”

  I lie back, grinning. “Why do you call me that?”

  “One day, you’ll be my queen,” he murmurs, taking all his clothes off and joining me on the bed.

  What happens next can only be described as existential. Adam lies next to me, motions I put my hands above my head and strokes the back of his hand up and down my body – the hairs on my skin on end, my nipples shrivelling with desire… stomach clenching.

  “Your slate-grey eyes are my favourite bit of you,” he murmurs, staring at me intently, his calm assuredness now also calming me. “The soul inside them, it calls to me. I feel I’ve always known you but now the pieces are falling into place.” I blink rapidly, agreeing with an almost-sob and a quick, sharp intake of breath. “I love your body, it’s utterly beautiful. Your breasts are so delicate. I love your soft belly, round hips, pert bottom, long hair, longer legs, beautiful calves and gorgeous toes… and then, you also have beautiful hands, too. The best shoulders, you should wear more shirts and blouses because you have such great shoulders to get away with stuff that’s feminine but smart.” I giggle and he giggles, knowing how silly he sounds but unable to stop himself. “Your face… it lights up any room. Your scent, the way you become so wet for me… your tongue, your mouth… I’m hard just looking at you, let alone tasting you.” Adam leans in, brushes his mouth to mine and looks both quenched and hungry as he pulls back. “I want to be inside you, Saskia. Not just with my body. I want to be inside your soul, in your heart. I don’t want anything to come between us. I want to have a home with you. I want to have that whole great love story thing… where two people can really be everything.”

  “I want that, too,” I whisper, sounding emotional.

  “It’s time to claim you,” he says, “in the truest way I know.”

  First, he kisses me until I’m blind with lust. Then the rest is unreal… a dream… a never-ending nirvana.

  I’m swallowed into an abyss of endless orgasms as he kisses my pussy in a way no man has ever kissed me before, actually kissing me like he would my mouth, worshipping me.

  He rolls me over, presses his lips to every square inch of my back, sliding his fingers in and out of me simultaneously, pulling endless pleasure from my body until I’m sweaty, high and unbearably hypersensitive, all over. I’m then fucked on my side, on my back, on my front, doggy, cowgirl, back to front with him on the bottom, sideways… until I’m just this mess, my body tumbling from one orgasm to the next, never knowing where I am, who I am… what I am.

  I know Adam’s determined to come, finally when he holds me close, lying on top of me, sliding in and out of me slowly so he can feel every sensation as he plunges into my body.

  I’m like a guitar string he’s suddenly plucking very hard as he murmurs my name and tweaks my nipples, slips his tongue against mine and lowers himself so that his hard body murders my clit each time he plunges into me, the vibrations causing the essence of me to float away… drift… until I’m screaming as though from the hilltops.

  We lie together, bound, in the aftermath. I seek solace with my face against his chest, his arms cuddling me tight against him. I belong here, with him, nowhere else.

  I love him.

  In the morning, it feels like I dreamt last night but that I’m also dreaming this, too. We go through life, living so long without love, that when it happens it seems ridiculous we were ever without this feeling of utter quiescence.

  Neither one of us has said anything for a while now but I know he’s awake, too. It looks like there is frost in the windows, some of which we forgot to close the drapes on last night. It feels like it’s around seven or eight o’clock because it’s light. I always wake up at this time even on Saturdays. It’s only on Sunday mornings once my mind has finally switched down a gear that I actually manage to sleep in.

  I’m resting on his chest and his arms are heavy around me, his breath is against my forehead and I’m holding him around his back with one arm while my other arm is tucked beneath me.

  “I’m off work now, not back until January,” I tell him, “so we could see one another again, if you like? My flat is private and I don’t get visitors. I always meet Chloe on Christmas Day so after I’ve seen her, I could come get you and we could spend a few days holed up, in pyjamas, watching old films… or naked in bed, watching old films…”

  He chuckles, pulls me tight against him and kisses my forehead. “That sounds like heaven. Why not?”

  “Really?” I lift myself up to look down at him.

  “Yes,” he says. “I can’t think of a reason why we shouldn’t be together.”

  I lean in and kiss him, thankful and relieved. I pull back and stare at his face, trying to pin down his expression. Is he vulnerable… now at the mercy of me?

  “What shall we do today, lover?” I ask, feeling excited, even though sex is pretty much off the menu until we recover from last night.

  “We could look around the castle. Go for a walk. Could even drive to the coast and get fish and chips.”

  “God, that sounds perfect. Except I’m driving.”

  He chuckles. “Why can’t I drive?”

  “What, that Vauxhall?”

  “Yeah,” he laughs.

  “If you really want a go, I’ll let you drive mine.”

  “Really?” he asks, tickling my ribs and making me squirm. “You must really love me.”

  The hysterics halt immediately and he looks at me and I look at him. He takes a deep breath and whispers, “Everything is going to be alright.”

  I bury myself into his embrace and we hug tight, safe and secure together.

  “I really believe it’s going to be better than alright,” I chuckle.

  He groans into my hair and holds me close, pulling me flush against his body, our embrace warm, sensual and loving.

  “Let’s just stay in bed a little longer, then,” he murmurs, and I begin to fall back to sleep.

  Chapter Fifteen

  We leave the room late morning and hop in the car. It starts snowing a little so we decide to stay close by and hop over to Royal Tunbridge Wells, a quintessentially English spa town. I’m driving but I think that’s just so he can offer directions once we get there.

  It takes ages to find a parking space but once we do, the snow stops falling and there’s just a thin dusting covering everything… the air is still and as we walk into town, we realise why it was so difficult to get parked… the place is rammed with knitted-hat-wearing Christmas shoppers.

  It’s like a fairy tale as we walk beside the Pantiles, the white colonnades and delightfully cosy but cute little shops drawing in trade.

  “Where do we start first?” I ask, grinning. “Coffee, cake or chocolate?”

  He squeezes my shoulder, kissing my temple. “Don’t tell me we’re both food fiends?”

  “I’m a closet fiend, but don’t tell anyone. They think I stay in shape like this through karate or some bollocks. It’s just good genes.”

  He chuckles against my hair. “In that case we’d better just get everything then.”

  “Couldn’t agree more.”

  I
turn and smile into his eyes and almost drown in the blueness of his gaze, his heated look taking my breath away. I link my fingers with his and tip my head back against his shoulder. He drops his lips to mine and butterflies race around my stomach, my heart singing, my mouth tingling as we share a soft, precious kiss. His lips are plump and generous against mine and suddenly I’m reminded how it feels when he puts his mouth between my legs. He briefly pushes my mouth open and slips in his tongue and my insides are set on fire.

  He pulls back quickly and groans, “It’s bad that even in public I’m trying to get into your knickers. We’d better put food in front of ourselves before I do something indecent.”

  “I think the way you want me is very bloody wonderful, actually.”

  I feel alive… desired.

  I feel loved… in love… and beautiful.

  He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. Not like this.

  “Come on, then,” he says, giving me a lopsided grin as we head for some tearooms.

  We find a place that’s busy with steamed-up windows but we’re seated quickly which tells me they’re good at getting customers fed and sending them on their way to finish their shopping. After we order coffee, Adam peruses the menu with a type of glee in his eye akin to how he looks when we’re in bed together.

  “What are you having?” I ask, chuckling.

  “I’m wondering how mental I’m allowed to go.” He hides his grin behind his hands.

  “As mental as you want, baby.” I slip my foot out of my ankle boot and inch my toe under the leg of his jeans, toying with his sock.

  Adam reaches for my hand, holds it to his mouth palm-up and kisses it, grinning like a Cheshire cat. I think when the waitress returns with our drinks, she looks a little embarrassed.

  “Have you decided what you’d like?” she asks us, clearing her throat.

  Adam gestures for me to order first, so I tell her, “I’d like the afternoon tea with a choice of salmon and cucumber and cheese and pickle sandwiches, please.”

  “No dietary requirements?” She checks.

  “None. Slap it all on.”

  The corner of her mouth turns up into a grin. “And you, sir?”

  “Could I please get the blue burger, with a side of onion rings. Oh, and the nachos thing but I won’t have it as a starter, I’ll have it altogether. I mean… it can come at the same time.”

  She raises her eyebrows but jots it all down. “That’ll be all?”

  “For now,” I murmur, and she takes away our menus with a slight chuckle.

  Adam and I become engrossed in one another yet again, staring into each other’s eyes, probably making the rest of the clientele sick of the sight of us. I can’t stop my smug smiles and he can’t stop his either.

  “Do you have any Christmas presents to buy?”

  “No,” I whisper.

  “None?” He looks sad about that.

  “Chloe and I never do presents at this time of year; it’s always seemed tacky and a bit like buying into the whole commercial bullshit of it all for us. We do get stuff for each other, don’t think that we don’t, but not often at Christmas. And I already sent baby Henry a little something as his joint Christmas and christening gift. I don’t know if I’ll be in the country when he gets christened so I spoilt him a little.”

  Adam licks the froth off his top lip after sipping his cappuccino. He ignores my comment about me possibly being out of the country.

  “What did you get him?”

  “A playmat thingy. With all the latest bits and bobs. It was a posh one, trust me.”

  “Oh, I can imagine it was you all over.”

  I playfully kick him under the table. “I’m not posh, Adam.”

  “Oh, whatever. I know you like the good things in life.”

  I can’t stop myself grinning. “I watched my family struggle, you know?”

  “Me too,” he readily submits.

  “It wasn’t the financial hardships I remember, though.”

  “Nor for me,” he says.

  “No, you remember the good times, the days you’d all be together.”

  He studies me and must see my face change.

  “I remember the silences,” I tell him, “the deathly, terrible silences. The stares… the thick atmosphere of hate. The fear in my siblings when one of them was taken into the kitchen and belted. You could smell it.”

  Adam frowns. “What about you?”

  “She didn’t belt me,” I admit, “but I wish she had.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

  “What she did to me, it’s in here.” I tap my head. “Deep inside. ‘People aren’t good, people won’t ever treat you the same as them, people will never accept you.’ That’s what we all got, when we were growing up. That, we could all move on from. Even the beltings, I’m sure. But what she did to me… ‘Don’t forget you’re alive, she’s not’ or ‘Don’t forget, you’re the disappointment she never would’ve been’ and ‘She would’ve been great, you’ll always be average’.”

  Adam rests his elbows on the table and leans closer, still frowning. “So, it wasn’t all quite that jovial? She was very nasty indeed.”

  “Sometimes,” I admit, “and I suppose I should be thankful she never belted me, but the fear I have is, it was only because of Sasha I never got belted… it might have felt to her like she was belting us both, if you know what I mean? And even my mother’s not enough of a monster to belt the only thing she had left of her dead daughter.”

  “I see,” he mumbles, chewing his lip.

  He looks infuriated.

  “I’m almost a millionaire but there are reasons why someone like me would aim so high and shun any kind of social life for years on end.”

  He takes my hand and holds it. “I totally get it. But I’m here now.”

  “I know.” I squeeze his fingers and smile. “So, no. I don’t buy Christmas presents for many people. My sisters live far away, my brothers are all taken care of by their partners. My parents are happy in their own strange way, and well, I do enjoy the January sales.”

  Adam reaches across the table and brushes my hair over my shoulder. “I already have everything I want for Christmas, right here.”

  I can’t help my blushes and when the waitress returns, it’s a battle to figure out how all of our food is going to fit on the table. We end up putting the condiments on the windowsill beside us and ditching our saucers.

  Adam’s quick to tuck into his food but he has his eyes on my sandwiches, cakes, scone, crisps, salad, little nibbles and even my tiny cup of soup.

  “Wow,” he chuckles after taking a bite of his burger. “You do eat.”

  “Still not like you, though.”

  “Nobody should eat like me,” he says chuckling, “there’d be famine.”

  I toss my head back laughing and just like that, he’s absorbed years of my own personal pain within just a few short minutes of conversation… and it doesn’t look like he’s turned off, at all. He’s ready to take me on, whatever, the same as I’m willing to take on his baggage, too.

  We make it back to the car after wandering around the shops at a leisurely pace, browsing and picking up random, unnecessary knick-knacks, just things we decide his mum and dad might like… as well as bits for my sparse apartment. Frivolous, impulsive purchases really. We also bought a ton of confectionary, went wild at a farm shop so we don’t have to leave the hotel room tonight… and picked up wine, more cake and more Christmassy nibbles than even Adam could ever manage. We plan on holing up tonight as more snow is expected and we just want to be alone.

  He doesn’t ask to drive the car back to the hotel and in fact, he looks deep in thought and happy to be in the passenger seat.

  I put the radio on but don’t turn it up, letting it drone almost soundlessly in the background, just something to fill the silence. I wonder what he’s thinking about… her, maybe? His life… where it’s going? What are we doing? What is he going to do in the l
ong run? Or maybe that’s me… trying to figure all that out myself.

  Today has been fun and mostly silly, a little confessional here or there, but mostly a day of spontaneity and treats. I wonder if real life will suit us. Waking up next to one another. Having a fat day. A zit appears he wants to hide. He has bowel troubles. I’m on my period. He has a deadline to meet and I’m wishing he would give me more attention. Is this how things get when people are really together? Or is that just nonsense?

  I start to get a little worried about real life creeping back in, and as we get closer to Hever, the roads turn pitch-black as it nears four p.m. and we whoosh past lots of turn-offs for farm vehicles. I become convinced no farm vehicles will be moving about at this time of year, especially a few days before Christmas, and when Adam is least expecting it, I take a sharp left and skid down a turn-off. I take the car a little way down a farm track until we come to a bit of track shaded by trees, a little pull-in for when vehicles are trying to get past one another.

  “Saskia, what’s going on?”

  I take my belt off and climb over to straddle him. I take his cheeks in my hands and kiss his mouth, “I can’t wait a minute longer to have you again.”

  “Oh, god,” he groans, slipping his hands under my jumper dress and around my rear.

  His stubble bruises my mouth as we kiss frantically, tongues fraught and exposed, mouths careless and not tender – not anymore. I tug down the front of my generous cowl neck – the same one I was wearing last night – but this time I take my arms out of it and offer him my full breasts.

  “Fuck,” he groans, grazing my tender skin as he tries to get my breasts into his mouth all at once. While he’s busy feasting I unbuckle his belt, unzip him and shuffle his jeans down when he lifts his bum slightly. I tear a hole in my tights and tug my knickers to the side…

  Within seconds, we’re together.

  I hold my hands around the back of his neck and try to breathe as his big cock pushes insistently into me, deep and throbbing.

  “I love you,” I tell him, the car radio still playing, the engine still running – my only thought before climbing onto his lap was to switch off the headlights.