“I’m glad. Congrats, that’s good news. Want anything to drink?” she asks, pulling away from me and walking towards the kitchen.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll take whatever you’re having.” I follow her into the kitchen and lean against the counter. She hands me a can of beer and then smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“You sure you’re okay?” I ask with a tilt of my head.
“Yeah. I’m good. Jared’s at his dad’s, so it’s just us. Do you want to stay over tonight?” she asks.
“Sure. Have you eaten dinner yet?”
“I think you should know me enough by now to know the answer to that.”
“Diabetes Treats?” I tease her.
“Only the best for my body.”
“Milk does do a body good, and I have to say yours is a damn masterpiece.”
I busy myself in her kitchen as we make small talk about my conversation with the guys and her work day. She seems a bit off, but I don’t want to pry too much. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, then she won’t and I shouldn’t force her. I want her to feel like she can talk to me.
I guess this is what a relationship is like. I find myself thinking about her when I’m not with her, and I find myself wanting to always be near her. It’s an all-around different feeling than what I felt with Candy – something more welcome, something warmer.
It’s getting late and while I know she has tomorrow off, I’ve got to be up for work in the morning, so we make our way to her bedroom. I lead the way and walk her backwards to the bed while peppering light kisses along her shoulder and up her neck. She cranes her head to the side to give me better access. My hands cup her breasts before I remove her top. Her hands are on my forearms and when our lips meet, our tongues mingle and all my senses explode. She grips the hem of my shirt and pulls up, removing my shirt. My hands go to my belt buckle and I quickly do away with my pants at the same time she removes hers. We’re all legs and arms as we fall to the bed, my body on top of hers and her soft moans escaping her mouth between kisses.
My dick is rock solid and her scent is filling the air. She grabs my hips and pulls me closer to her. My dick brushes against her wet center and I use all the control I have not to thrust myself into her. Her hand goes in between our bodies and she grabs my dick and starts to stroke vigorously. I didn’t think my dick could get any harder, but the moment her hand made contact, I felt even more pressure.
“I need you,” she moans. Her back arches and the crown of my dick making contact.
We’ve had sex with and without condoms. At first I always asked, and now I let her lead. I don’t need any more confirmation than those three words and I’m pushing in. I’m seated in her, and her pussy feels so fucking good. Too fucking good. The warmth, the wetness, every piece of her is heaven.
“Put your hands over your head. Lace your fingers together, and do not let go,” I say and I drag my dick in and out of her tight channel. Her hips move up to meet my thrusts, matching my rhythm as I plunge in deep. Her lust-filled gaze meets mine as I pull out. I fist my dick in my hand and bring it back to her. I let the crown sink in a fraction of an inch, as the walls of her pussy squeeze me. I let out a satisfied moan and I thrust myself in fully.
Pleasure races up my spine, and when I feel my orgasm is on its way, I move my hand to her pussy and find her clit. She’s breathless and begging me silently with her eyes as I circle her nub. She squirms and releases a loud moan. Her pussy clenches and my orgasm erupts. I throw my head back and grunt as I pump into her faster, chasing my release. Her thighs tighten around my hips and her hands come to my side. Her jaw goes slack as I push into her two more times before I crumble.
“That was exactly what I needed,” she whispers, as her fingers stroke my shoulder blades.
“You are everything that I didn’t know I needed,” I say into her hair. I’m unsure if she heard me, but I couldn’t care less either way. I am in love with her.
Mika
I wake up with half of my body on the bed, and the other half resting on Brad. I decided to go talk to Reed about the stuff Derek said to me today I know Reed isn’t a lawyer, but he may be able to point me in the right direction of one since he has legal contacts.
After last night, It was loud and clear that I’m falling in love with Brad. I didn’t have any sort of mental freak out after the confession he made as we were drifting off to sleep. I haven’t had a relationship since Jared was born out of fear that either Jared or Derek would feel threatened and, of course, the first guy that I get involved with in a serious way, that’s exactly what happens. I know that I should have mentioned to Derek that I was seeing someone, someone who has a past like Brad’s, but I didn’t think to mention it since I get no say in the parade of women that Jared tells me comes in and out of Derek’s home. Maybe, if I would have mentioned it, I wouldn’t be going through any of this right now.
Brad’s alarm on his cell goes off and his arm moves slowly to turn it off. I adjust myself on him and push my face into his chest as his arm wraps around my shoulder.
“I love my job and all, but I would much rather spend all day in bed with you,” he says, his voice full of gravel.
I say nothing in return, choosing instead to revel in the warmth and happiness I feel being cherished and - dare I say it - loved by Brad. I get excited when I know he’s on his way over, and I relish that anticipation for his touch. Brad’s arm tightens around me and he kisses the top of my head as I breathe in and smile.
“I need to get up, babe. Duty calls,” he says, gently tapping my shoulder. I remove myself from him and continue to lie in bed.
When he returns, I’m still in the same spot. He looks at me quizzically from the doorway.
“Lazy morning?” he asks, leaning against the door frame.
“I’m going to meet up with Reed today.” I should tell him. I need to tell him. I take a deep breath.
“Everything okay?” He regards me, silently trying to assess the situation.
“Man, that’s a loaded question. Yes and no, I’m not really sure.”
He approaches and sits on the bed beside me.
“Talk,” he directs.
And I do. For the next thirty minutes, I stammer out everything that transpired when Derek came over. Brad stays calm and listens intently. When I am finished, he leans over and kisses me sweetly on the lips. His hand cradles my jaw and, as he pulls back, he holds my gaze.
“I know we haven’t been dating long, but this relationship of ours, it’s something big. It’s more than lust and it’s not some fleeting affair. This is new territory for me, but I’m not running. I’m sticking around for you and for Jared. I have no foreseeable plans other than to be with you and with him, that is, if you let me. Whatever you need, I will support you. If you want me to talk to Derek, I will.” He lays his forehead against mine, closes his eyes and breathes in.
“Thank you, but I think he’s so angry that he wouldn’t agree to meet with you. He’s already got a perception of you that knowing how Derek is, it won’t change. He’s into labels and he’s labeled you.” I whisper. It feels like I just got through the hard part, but I know there’s a storm brewing ahead of me.
“There’s no thanking here. I’m serious. This is something that I want in my life now,
I don’t know much about relationships, but I think we should talk about these topics when they come up,” he says.
“What makes you such an expert now?”
“I watch movies.” He shrugs with a smirk.
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this too. I wanted to tell you right away, but I didn’t want to add any unnecessary drama to our relationship since it’s still new-ish.”
“Being in a stable relationship is still a new concept for me, but I don’t want you to feel like you need to hold anything back. We’re both in this together, so I think that for us to be something amazing, we need to be open and honest. And you know that I appreciate honesty.”<
br />
“Sounds like you’ve read some relationship advice books.” I smirk.
“You said you were in love a bunch in high school. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love prior.”
“Prior?”
“Yeah, to you.” He shrugs nonchalantly.
I scramble up onto my knees, still clutching the sheet around my chest.
“Wait just a minute here. Prior to me? Did I miss something important, something vital?” I rack my memory for any recollection of Brad telling me that he loves me and I’m coming up empty.
“I’m lost. What just happened?”
“You said you’ve never been in love ‘prior to me.’.”
“Shit. Out loud?” he asks.
“Yup.”
“Um, yeah. So, okay, that wasn’t the plan. I like you; I like you a lot. My like for you is mixed in with love. So yeah, I love you too. It’s like the like and the love is mixed like paints and because of that—”
“Brad?”
“And the colors are all vibrant and shit—”
“Brad?”
“Then the fact that I’ve never felt like this ever has me all confused and so then there’s that…” He looks off into the distance, just above my shoulder.
“Brad!” I say louder.
“Yeah?” He shakes his head, his eyes focus, and he looks at me.
“I love you too.”
Chapter Sixteen
Brad
I told someone I’m not related to that I love them. More than that, I’m not completely terrified of how that admission makes me feel. At the moment, I feel like I’m on cloud fucking nine. My feelings for Mika are stronger than anything I ever felt for any other woman in my life before, and they are vastly different for anything I ever felt for Candy.
The feelings I had for Candy that I thought were love didn’t give me the satisfaction I have with Mika. Not even close. Now that I’m removed from that toxic situation, whatever I felt then was more like an addiction, like I was chasing the high constantly and was jittery. This feeling is calm and warm. It’s something that seems foreign, yet also familiar.
I’m sitting in my cubicle, waiting for the program I’m working on to locate any additional bugs before shooting it off to the next developer. My feet are crossed at the ankles and my head is back while I look at the ceiling. I attempt to list in my head what steps need to be taken next, but thoughts of my past, the lack of love life and my blooming relationship with Mika filter in.
Candy was a cold, calculating, and manipulative woman. She held my so-called feelings in the palm of her hand and let me know it every chance she got. She exploited me and turned me into a villain. And not to make myself a good guy in the situation, but now that I look back on the situation as a whole, she made me a victim as well.
Mika is the opposite of Candy. Mika is caring and awkward in a cute way. She is considerate of others. And best of all, she is unaware of the beauty and power she possesses, which brings out an enchanting quality in her. I think I began falling in love with her that day at the gym when she couldn’t shut off her filter. Bantering with someone who isn’t afraid to say what’s on their mind or, in her case, unable to censor which of her thoughts exit her mouth, makes every conversation an adventure.
In my old life, women only told me what they thought I wanted to hear, or they didn’t talk at all. Then Candy came along and controlled everything. Then I had three years of silence. It’s been refreshing to meet Mika, as she’s become a positive force in my life. When Mika told me she loves me, even after my stupid way of declaring my love for her and getting metaphorical about paints and shit, it made me the happiest I’ve been in a while.I did my best to stay calm when Mika told me what Jared’s father was threatening her with. I know there’s a potential that a judge to take Jared away from her, simply due to the fact that my past is public knowledge. My character before I went to prison will be seen as a concern, and I get it. If I had been smarter about the situation when Mika told me about Jared, I would have demanded that she told Jared’s dad about me. But being that I knew, well know barely anything about kids, I didn’t think of that foolishly and now look at the mess that she’s in. Now that I know someone is threatening her and Jared, I know I need to protect them. First, I need to know what her brother has to say about the situation and then I will hopefully have some guidance on what I need to be doing to support her.
As I try to start my life over and create a new and improved version of myself, it is frustrating every time something from my past gets in the way. It’s as if the bars I used to sleep behind still hold me back from moving on.
I’m lost in thought when my computer makes the notification noise indicating the program is ready for me. I finish my work for the day, text Mika and invite her to meet me at my place, and then I head home.
Mika is at my house already when I pull into my garage. She’s standing at the end of the garage as I get out of the cab; I shut the door and open my arms to her. She looks like she has been crying at some point during the day. She runs into me as if she hasn’t seen me for days. I rub her back and breath her in.
“I hate Derek,” she sobs into my shirt, clutching it in her hand.
“I’m sorry.” I continue to rub her back, unsure what to say. I’m not even quite sure about what has happened.
“He’s petitioning to get our custody and visitation changed. He wants to take me back to court. He wants to take Jared away from me!”
Fuck!
“Let’s go inside. I’ll make us some dinner and we’ll invite your brother over,” I say, holding her at arm’s length and wiping away the tears on her cheeks.
“I can’t bother Reed again today. I sat in his office all day today and came up with a list of topics to bring up during mediation. I don’t need to bring him into this. This whole situation just sucks and I should have gone about all of this differently.”
“He’s your brother, Mika. He’ll want to be involved.”
She sniffles and nods as I steer us toward the house and grab my cell from my pocket. I call her brother and ask him to come over. He arrives within minutes and pounds on my front door. Mika’s curled in a ball on the couch as I answer the door and silently wave him inside. We stand in front of the door and talk quietly.
“Derek’s officially taking her to court.”
“Shit!” Reed swears. “They’ll go to mediation first and if they can’t agree, then they’ll go to court.”
“So all in all, they’ll to court?”
“Yeah. She won’t need an attorney for mediation, but if it goes to trial, my friend who she already spoke with will help her out.”
“Yeah, I was afraid of that. Come on, she’s in here. She feels bad for bringing you into this, but I figured you’d be pissed if she didn’t.”
“Thank you,” he says, walking further into my home.
After a few hours of talking over strategy, a little or a lot more crying, and some pizza delivery, Reed leaves and Mika goes back to sitting quietly on the couch looking off into space. I excuse myself to the bathroom and just stand at the sink looking in the mirror.
I’m not the same guy I was before; I can be a good guy for her. While she didn’t say it outright, I know this is happening because of me. I knew my past would be an obstacle for me as I built my new life, so I’ve been working my ass off to put the past behind me and to make myself a better man. But now it seems my past has become a burden to the woman I love.
I know what I need to do.
Mika
Today officially sucks – not just one part of the day, but all of it. I spent much of my day in Reed’s office telling him what transpired between Derek and me. He called one of his buddies and the three of us went through as many scenarios as we could during lunch. Never once did I think that I would come home to being served papers by some random about Derek wanting a change in the custody agreement.
I knew at that point, I couldn’t fix this on my own and needed more support, s
o I had to bring it up to Brad. Even though I could tell he had no idea what to do, he took care of me and he called my brother. Brad sat with us and we discussed everything, from his record to what I would potentially face. After Reed left, I felt numb. I wasn’t sure if Brad wanted me to stay, or if I should go.
Brad sits beside me on the couch so I lean back and snuggle into him. His hand rubs up and down my arm.
“I need to ask you something,” he starts. “I need to give you the option for an out. If you want to take it, there are no hard feelings. But if you don’t, I want you to know I will back you up every step of the way.”
I sit up and turn to look at him.
“No,” I simply say.
“No?”
“No, there is no out.”
“Then I’m with you. Anything that you need, I’m there,” he says assuredly, his face level with mine and his palms cradling my face.
A tear escapes; I didn’t think that I had any more to spare. Brad catches it with the pad of his thumb, leans in and kisses my forehead.
He holds me close all night, and doesn’t make any attempt to turn the moment sexual, despite the erection I felt pressed against my body from time to time. While part of me wants to feel his body moving inside mine, there’s nothing I want more than just to feel his presence and absorb his strength.
I know I have to face the real world again. There’s an eight-hour shift in front of me to keep my mind otherwise occupied from the bullshit I will be facing over the next months.
Step one. Put on a smile.
Step two. Think about any instances that Derek would likely bring up and hold against me.
Step three. Try not to think about why I’m creating these steps.
I go through the motions of a shower in Brad’s bathroom. When I return, I find him sitting up in bed, coffee in one hand and a tablet in the other. He looks up at me as I cinch the towel tight against my body.
“You sleep all right?” he asks.
“I think so. Thank you for last night. I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with drama – my drama. Maybe I should give you the out,” I say quietly.
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