Defining Moments

by Ben Burgess Jr.

  “Be honest. Do you sometimes wish Billy were black?” I asked.

  “I won’t lie. Sometimes, but I love him. What’s got you asking that question?”

  I told her about my stress with Morgan, and Billy’s case. She nodded as she took in every word.

  “Baby girl, listen and listen good. Billy loves you. He treats you like a queen, and you’ve both been bringing out the best in each other since you were kids. When I see the way he looks at you, I think back, and I’ve never had a man look at me with the same passion I see in his eyes for you. When I was young, I turned down a lot of good men who were going places for your father. Don’t get me wrong. The best thing to come out of that relationship was you and your brother, may he rest in peace, but I put off those good men because I was excited and curious about being with a bad boy. The only thing that curiosity got me was him deserting us. Don’t let go of something good to chase something that’s uncertain.”

  “I understand that, Mom, but what about Bill representing that rapist?” I asked.

  “I can’t defend that, but you have to put the shoe on the other foot. With your job, haven’t there been times when you had to do things you didn’t totally agree with?”

  I mostly fought against things I didn’t believe in, whether it be in work or life in general, but I could admit there were some times early in my career when I questioned some of the things I was ordered to do.

  “I guess—”

  “You might not have wanted to do what was asked, but it was your job, right?”

  “Yeah, but I never did anything that could ruin someone’s life. I have integrity. That woman could’ve been you or me. That lady’s life is forever changed because of that guy who raped her, and now, Billy is going to get him off?”

  Mama looked at me with sad eyes.

  “Say I stay with him, and he wins this case. My thoughts would always take me back to that woman. I know how I am, and I’d end up hating Billy for it. I love Billy, Mama, but this, to me, is a deal breaker.”

  “What do you plan on doing?”

  “I wanted to stay with you at least until the trial is over so I can think.”

  “And then what?”

  “If he loses, I think he and I can work it out, but if he wins ... Hopefully, I’m strong enough to end things quickly.”

  “You know this is always home for you, but I hope you and Billy can get through this.”

  “Me too, Mama. Me too.”

  Chapter 30

  Bill

  Crushing Evidence

  “You wanna hear me say it, fine. I fucking raped her, and I’m not sorry about it, either.”

  I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about Johnny admitting to me that he raped Sophia. I rolled over on my back and stared up at the ceiling.

  Ebony walked into the bedroom. I sat up against the headboard.

  “What’s the matter? You can’t sleep?” she asked.

  “No.”

  “That’s your conscience eating you.”

  She opened drawers and started packing clothes.

  “What are you doing? Where are you going?” I asked.

  “I’m staying with my mom until I figure out where our relationship is going.”

  “Ebony-”

  “No, Billy. I can’t stay here and sleep next to you every night knowing that you’re working hard to defend a rapist.”

  “Are you leaving me?”

  “I don’t know. I have too much shit going on right now. Once your case is over, we’ll talk.”

  “That’s a month away,” I said.

  “We’re not broken up. We’ll still see each other and speak every day, but I can’t stay here with you.”

  “Who are you staying with, again?”

  “My mom.”

  “Shit, she knows?”

  “She’s rooting for us to stay together.”

  “Are you rooting for that too?”

  “Of course, I am, but it all depends on how your case turns out. How long did you know he was guilty? How long have you kept this from me?”

  I poured all of my feelings of regret into my gaze. “Baby, I didn’t know—”

  “Don’t bullshit me. How long, Billy?”

  “About a month. Look, I’m not sure—”

  “Stop. Just stop.” Ebony shook her head. “You’re going to try to manipulate the jury by using technicalities to make her look bad to disguise the truth that he raped that black woman. You need to lose sleep over that.”

  She finished packing her bag and left me to my thoughts again.

  * * *

  “It’s good to see y’all could make it,” Jerrod, the strip club owner, said.

  We exchanged pleasantries.

  “You said you had something to show us,” Francis replied, cutting straight to the chase.

  “Yeah, follow me. The bitch’s head was getting too big. I told her dumb ass to stop fuckin’ around,” Jerrod said.

  My phone buzzed. I glance at it quickly. It was a call from Ebony’s mom, Mrs. Williams. I sent it to voicemail.

  He took us to his office, which had close to thirty high-definition cameras on the two huge screens mounted on his wall. He walked over to the DVR behind his desk and pulled up the search bar on the screen. Then he typed in a date, and the screen showed Sophia going down on a white man in the VIP room.

  “Look at the date. Sophia is still fucking people. Don’t get me wrong. I love the attention she’s bringing. It’s drawing more people to my club, but I don’t need her skanky ass bringing the heat back on my business. Once the jury realizes that she’s lying and the media attention dies down, I want the cops to know I did everything to cooperate with you and tried to stop her. That police raid two years ago almost ended things for me. I can’t have that shit again.”

  “You’re doing the right thing.” Francis smiled. He faced me. “With this video, we got this case in the bag.”

  My phone buzzed again.

  “You need to get that, Bill?” Francis asked.

  “Sorry, I’ll be quick.” I smiled.

  “Mrs. Williams, I’m a little busy right now,” I answered. “I got to call you—”

  “Billy, your momma’s gone,” she said.

  “What?”

  “I’m sorry, baby. She just passed a few minutes ago.”

  I dropped my phone. My hands trembled. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I never wanted my mom to die alone. I knew Mrs. Wilson and Mrs. Williams were taking care of her, but I felt like I should’ve been there. I was so close to winning this case, getting the partnership, and moving her to get better care ... but I was too late.

  Chapter 31

  Ebony

  Drama Build-up

  “Momma, what’s up? I’m working,” I said.

  Rashida and I had just broken up a big street fight between a group of teenagers. Now we were driving to a domestic incident.

  “Billy’s mom died.”

  That stopped me in my tracks.

  “What?”

  “She passed a few minutes ago while I was reading to her at the hospital.”

  I signaled to Rashida to pull over. “Does Billy know yet?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I told him. Ebony, I know you two are going through something, but he needs you right now. Put your fighting aside and be there for your man.”

  “I will, Momma, but I’m not moving back in with him yet. Not until this case is over.”

  “I understand, but worry about all of that later.”

  She encouraged me to work things out some more before we ended the call. I finished up things at work and left early. I needed to comfort my man.

  * * *

  “Billy?” I called, taking my shoes off at I entered our place. My feet were killing me, and I’d been sitting in traffic for the past two hours.

  He didn’t answer, but I was sure he was home because his Range Rover was parked outside. I got a text from Morgan.

  Morgan: Where’d you go? Are we still stu
dying tonight?

  Me: Billy’s mom died. I had to go home.

  Morgan: Is that a no? I wanted to drill you tonight.

  I shook my head. I bet he did. He sent another text immediately after.

  Morgan: Our test is two weeks away. We got to stay focused. Plus, I want to see you.

  Me: You see me every day.

  Morgan: I want you to myself.

  He was getting too blunt. I cut the conversation short.

  Me: I gotta go. Talk to you later.

  I walked into our living room, feeling guilty. Billy was sitting on the couch holding his face in his hands.

  “I heard about your mom. I’m sorry.”

  His lips trembled. He cried hysterically, and I held him in my arms.

  Seeing Billy weeping made me feel like an asshole for the way I’d been treating him. I was mostly taking my anger out on him, but the truth was, I had other issues going on that his situation only amplified.

  “Are you here to stay?” he asked.

  “Billy, I love you, and I’m going to be here for you, but nothing’s changed. I’m not coming home yet.”

  “Why?”

  I wanted to ask him how his case was going defending a rapist, but I knew that would only lead to an argument. He was stressed as it was, so I just dropped it.

  “I don’t want to fight with you. Let’s just get through this, and we’ll work on ‘us’ later.”

  “If you’re with me out of pity, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

  “You know it’s not out of pity. I loved your mama as much as you love mine.”

  “I’m sorry ... for everything. I can’t lose you too.”

  I didn’t respond. I held him, and we cried together. I questioned if I could really let him go if he won his case.

  * * *

  The firm paid for a decent flower arrangement to give off the façade that they gave a shit about Billy’s mom passing, but during the week he took off to get her funeral arrangements in order, all the partners did was call him to make sure his head was still in the game for the case. They didn’t care that he was in mourning. They wanted to make sure the firm looked good and won the case.

  I stayed by his side the whole time, but I didn’t stay overnight at our home. When he wasn’t organizing things for the funeral, he would help me study for my test. We joked and laughed, and it felt so comfortable, but every time I saw him prepping for his case or talking on the phone with one of the partners, it brought me back to reality and pissed me off all over again. I studied with Morgan often, but I kept our study sessions at the academy. I didn’t trust myself to be alone with him while I was vulnerable.

  * * *

  The test was finally here. I looked at the test packet and pencil in front of me. I stared at all the other sergeants in the classroom, and they seemed confident, but doubt was creeping into my mind. I kept feeling like I wasn’t ready. I closed my eyes, and the thoughts of my cops being murdered, protestors’ negative comments toward me, the guilt of not putting Faizon in juvenile detention, and my budding feelings for Morgan flooded my mind. I thought about Billy and how we used to study together as kids, and even though his momma passed, he still took the time to help me study and get ready for this. That memory gave me the strength and motivation I needed. I opened my eyes and opened my test.

  I was ready.

  Chapter 32

  Billy

  Lights, Camera, Drama

  The day was finally here. CNN, the E! channel, and local stations were in the courtroom ready to film the case.

  “All rise,” the bailiff called.

  The courtroom was packed. Cameras flashed as Judge Norris quickly walked into the courtroom through a side door. He sat down and instructed everyone to be seated.

  “Please introduce yourselves to the court,” Judge Norris said.

  “Bronx County District Attorney Anthony Rodriguez and Assistant District Attorney Kenneth Ellis for the City of New York.”

  Francis and I stood. “William O’Neil and Francis Lincoln of Wayne, Rothstein, and Lincoln,” Francis said.

  It felt uncomfortable having a television crew filming the trial. I tried to ignore the cameras and focus on the task at hand.

  The jury had seven women and five men. Eight of the jury were black—six of whom were women—one female Hispanic, two black males, one Asian male, and two white men.

  Francis explained to Johnny that the first few days of the trial would be the hardest, but we had everything under control.

  One by one, the DA had four dancers from the strip club go up on the witness stand to testify on Sophia’s behalf, explaining how distraught she was that night.

  I observed the DA’s strategy and saw the direction he was going, but with no DNA evidence, he didn’t have a leg to stand on. The only things he had in his favor were the video and Sophia’s testimony.

  “Court is adjourned for today and will resume at nine a.m. tomorrow morning,” Judge Norris said. The courtroom was buzzing, and the television cameras were taking in everyone’s reactions. Johnny didn’t seem to give a shit about the women’s testimonies. He was more concerned about if he looked “hot” for the cameras. I left it to his entourage to assure him that he did.

  Chapter 33

  Ebony

  True Colors

  “Congratulations, boss lady,” Rashida said.

  After Rashida and I had hit the mall for some much-needed therapeutic shopping, we stopped by my townhouse. I checked the mail while Rashida sat in the living room and turned on the TV. I saw that I had a letter from the police department. I held the letter with teary eyes and trembling hands and read that I’d passed the lieutenants’ test. I jumped up and down with Rashida and pumped my fists in the air, elated that I was one step along in my goal of climbing the ranks. I wanted to call Billy and share the good news with him, like I’d always done ... until I saw his case on TV. Seeing Billy’s client slumped in his chair, unmoved by the women’s testimonies, made my happiness wane.

  My phone buzzed with a call from Morgan. I turned my phone away from Rashida so she wouldn’t see who it was and lecture me.

  “I’m gonna head out. Osborne just texted me, and she wants to come over for some servicing,” Rashida said.

  I laughed, rolled my eyes, and waved, then answered the phone.

  “What’s up? Did you get your results today?” Morgan asked.

  “Yup. I got 97 percent. What did you get?”

  “I got an 86. We should celebrate.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Come to my place, and I’ll show you.”

  “Morgan, I’m still with Billy—”

  “I know,” he said. “I’m not going to push up on you, trust me. We’ll just hang out. I’ll order us dinner, and we’ll have a good time.”

  I knew I shouldn’t, but somehow, Morgan convinced me to come over.

  We sat on his couch, ate Chinese food, drank wine, and laughed about the latest precinct dramas. I wasn’t drunk, but I knew I was reaching my limit. Morgan moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I tried to avert my eyes from his hard-on that was poking through his black jeans. He grabbed my hand and placed it on his cock.

  “Do you see what you do to me?” he said.

  I moved my hand, but I couldn’t help noticing that he was huge. “What the fuck, Morgan? You know I have a man,” I said.

  “I know, but I thought maybe you’d want to try something better.”

  I shook my head and glared at him. I felt stupid. I knew this was coming, and I didn’t listen to my gut.

  “Say we did fuck, what happens afterward? Are we going to start a relationship?” I asked.

  “I’m not the relationship type, but we’d be friendly.”

  I shook my head again. I heard my mother’s words in my head. “Don’t let go of something good to chase something that’s uncertain.” Morgan had played with my head to get me to let my guard down. He used my deeply hidden insecurity
about being with Billy against me to make me vulnerable enough where he felt comfortable to try to get me in his bed.

  “I’m not going to be another woman you brag about fucking in our precinct,” I said.

  He held my hand and looked me in the eyes. “I haven’t fucked anyone in the precinct.”

  I snatched my hand from him. “Gossip says otherwise.”

  “Well, your gossip is misinformed. There are rumors and shit about me, but they’re all bullshit. I’m feeling you. I want you, Ebony.”

  “But you don’t want a relationship with me.”

  “I don’t like labels.”

  “And I don’t like liars.”

  Morgan rubbed his hand down his face, visibly frustrated. “Spend the night with me. We’ll never know what it can blossom into.”

  The feelings I thought I had for him were quickly evaporating. I realized he was just persistent with me because I was a challenge. This was all a game to him.

  I got up and walked to the door. “All you want to do is fuck me. You don’t give a shit about me,” I said.

  Morgan threw up his hands. “You’re staying faithful to a fucking white boy who defends men who rape black women, but you’re judging me? Get the fuck out. I wasted enough time on you, fucking tease.”

  I finally saw the true side of him. Before this conversation, he was always gentle and patient with me, and now he was kicking me out of his condo.

  I walked out, my head down as I strolled to my car, sat inside, and wept. For months, I’d been fantasizing over Morgan, believing he was a decent brotha—but he wasn’t shit. He was just another manipulative asshole that wanted to prey on me. I needed Billy. I wanted to make love to the only man in my life that cared about me, and secretly apologize to him for the thoughts he would never know about or understand. Instead, I thought about his case, drove to my mom’s, and went straight to my old room to think. Then I texted Rashida and filled her in on the drama.