If I Fall..._Will You Remember Me?

by Jennifer Christy

  Nathan looked away quickly. Even though he had been a Watcher for many Earth years, there was still so much he didn’t know about the Fallens. All he did know was that they came in all shapes and colors, and not all of them came from Earth. He glanced back at the serpent-tailed woman and wondered if she were a corrupted human, like Matthew, or one from another realm awaiting deportation.

  The next cell was empty, but the third cell emitted such a dark energy, that Nathan felt his skin crawl before he even saw what the cell contained. As they got closer, Nathan allowed himself only the briefest glance inside, but it was enough to see how deep and dark the evil had permeated this creature of darkness. Even though sunlight cascaded about him, the room’s occupant, an old man, sat cross legged on the floor of the cell. He wore a loose fitted dark robe. What skin that could be seen was covered with designs of evil. The hate practically radiated from his eyes as he glared at Nathan. Nathan’s pace quickened.

  Cell after cell contained some variety of evil incarnated in flesh. Whether it was a Fallen, a mortal who had gone too far into a bargain with the Dark, a Demon-kind, or an Other, each and every one represented an evil that had radically tipped the balance of good and evil and could not be released until God himself could deal with them. Quabin should have been kept here, Nathan thought, instead of in an archaic box inside the Schoolhouse. He wondered about that and the circumstances that led up to her capture and imprisonment. Why the schoolhouse? Why in a Dimensional Prison World? Why didn’t old Butch Cassidy bring her here? Would that he knew the answer to that.

  As he neared Cell Eleven. Nathan slowed his pace. It had only been a day since his capture, but Nathan entertained the hope that there would be a visible change in Matthew. Some sign that Matthew was relinquishing his hold to Quabin.

  Nathan stepped before the cell. The Prison Warden made no move to open the door, but stood off to one side, just enough to give them some privacy but still visible to the prisoner as a warning.

  Nathan stepped close to look into the cell behind the crystal door. The room was flooded with golden light, warm and full of life giving rays. In the far left corner of the room, he saw the hulking beast Matthew had become, sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up and head down on them. His great leathery dark grey wings were extended above his head to shade himself from the light.

  “Can he hear me?” Nathan turned and asked the Warden.

  “Place your hand here,” the warden instructed tonelessly. There was a palm size imprint on a granite block next to the crystal panel. Nathan laid his hand against the cool surface and the humming of the crystal door changed frequency, a deeper and quieter hum.

  Matthew looked up squinting against the light. Nathan saw the strain on his brother’s demonic face. No longer the young, handsome rogue with dark curly hair and smiling blue eyes, now his skin was rough, patchy and grey. His brow, hardened and pronounced, furrowed over eyes that were narrowed and black through. Thin grey lips parted to reveal fangs – set in an exaggerated square jaw. Most disturbing of all were the six inch long black horns that curled back from his temples. His large wings unfurled and twitched as if he was about ready to take flight as he came to his feet, a bit unsteadily.

  Bare as the day he was born, but for a loin cloth, Matthew rose to his full stature. Nathan noticed the swollen red wound on Matthew’s inner thigh where Julia had buried her ball point pen in her desperate escape that almost killed her. It looked infected and painful, but Nathan knew Matthew had refused healing for it. Pain and suffering was what he relished.

  “Go away!” Matthew snarled before Nathan could utter a single word. Nathan cringed inwardly. There was something else about his brother’s appearance, that Nathan noticed. The demon skin was sloughing away. Around Matthew’s inside forearms and along the sides of his torso where his thick muscular arms rubbed, the skin was lighter in color and in some places pink, as if tender skin was regenerating there. It gave him hope.

  “Matthew,” Nathan began. In a flash, Matthew’s face was inches from his on the other side of the barrier, glaring down at him. It startled Nathan to see how fast his younger brother could move. Matthew was by far the largest and most intimidating demon he had ever faced and he was suddenly grateful for the crystal barrier separating them.

  “Do not speak that name,” Matthew roared, his voice unnaturally deep and resonating. Spittle flew from his lips and hit the barrier – hissed as it struck and evaporated. The force of Matthew’s anger and hatred caused even the Warden to take a step back. Matthew’s roar triggered a chorus of howls and roars throughout the hallway, muffled only slightly by the humming barriers.

  “That is your name,” Nathan replied softly, quickly regaining his confidence and resuming his place at the barrier between them.

  “That name is dead,” Matthew bit back. Nathan looked his brother over.

  “You are Matthew.” Nathan restated.

  The demon on the other side only laughed. “You have no power over me. That is no longer my name.”

  Nathan recalled from the tutoring he had under Roy that all Fallens who have contracted with a Demon Master acquired new names. Arguing about Matthew’s new name was pointless. If he knew the new name, he’d have an easier time unlocking the power Quabin had over his brother. Regardless, Matthew was inside that monster somewhere. He just needed to be reminded of who he was.

  “Your name is Matthew and you are my brother,” Nathan said firmly. Matthew lowered his head, as if he intended to ram the barrier with his horns.

  “Stop calling me that,” he warned. “Matthew is dead. And you are not my brother.”

  “Matthew!” Nathan said in a commanding voice. “Remember who you are! Forsake this demon skin!”

  Throwing back his head, Matthew roared. The sound was horrible and unnatural. Nathan covered his ears. The Warden tensed, shoulders raised and fists clenched as if he expected the demon to creak through the crystal barrier. The room shook, and silenced all the other cries of the prisoners. Suddenly, Mathew took a quick step back and charged the crystal barrier with his muscled shoulder, like a wrestler attempting to knock his opponent down. The instant Matthew’s skin touched the barrier, sparks leapt and brilliant light flashed. Nathan jerked back, throwing up an arm to shield his eyes. Even though pain registered on his face, Matthew only stepped back and charged again, roaring angrily. The barrier shuddered against his weight and Nathan fell back a few steps. Several Pre-mortal guards quickly appeared, flanking the barrier which Matthew was determined to break down despite the energy charges that kept sparking about him.

  The barrier held and after a few moments, winded and exhausted from his efforts, Matthew stopped, backing away while he breathed heavily. He leaned over, rubbing his shoulder that had made contact with the barrier.

  “Matthew,” Nathan ventured again. The demon lifted his head and fixed Nathan with an intense hate filled look. “Fool!” Matthew shouted, “I will not forsake my power to submit to you!” Spittle and rage flew at Nathan. Though he was not touching the communication imprint, Nathan could hear him clearly. Shocked by his statement, Nathan shook his head in disbelief.

  Coming closer to the door, Matthew leered at Nathan, “You have always wanted to control me. You have always condemned me, criticized everything I did, complained if I did not live up to your standards.” Matthew swung his arms up to emphasize his angry words. “You shadowed my every move and tried to take her away from me,” Matthew roared.

  Matthew’s words struck Nathan harder than a punch to the gut. “Her?” Nathan asked, “You mean Julia? You hurt her, Matthew. Of course, I would take her away from you, to save her. How could you betray her trust like that? Once she remembers, she will not love you.”

  Nathan stared up into his brother’s eyes. Matthew, leaning forward and looking down at Nathan, mouthed the words “I hate you.” His mouth broke into a fierce snarl.

  Never in his life had he seen Matthew so angry, or hear such vile contempt issue from of his mouth.
He didn’t know what to say or how to respond. His harsh words struck Nathan harder than he could have ever imagined possible and caused him to rethink everything he knew about his brother.

  Cold realization overcame him. The Matthew he thought he knew was long gone. Was it true that Matthew felt this way about him? Had he really been so controlling of Matthew that he inadvertently been the one to push him towards rebelling? He didn’t know what to say in his defense. The brothers looked at each other for several breaths, before Nathan turned on his heel to leave. He couldn’t answer Matthews accusations, couldn’t defend himself. He was only doing what he felt was needed as the older brother. How could that have been so wrong?

  “You’re a hypocrite,” Matthew shouted. “You’d walk away so easily!” Nathan stopped and cast a look over his shoulder, surprised that Matthew would still be talking to him. Perhaps Nathan was wrong. Maybe his brother was still fighting inside and wanting Nathan to rescue him. Nathan turned to face him. Matthew motioned for Nathan to come closer and pointed to the imprint. Nathan put his hand on it again.

  “You hurt everyone you claim to love,” Matthew’s voice sounded like his own for that moment, not tinged with the deep tone of the creature he had become. Nathan frowned, search his brother’s black in black eyes for any sign of Matthew.

  “I don’t know what you are talking about,” Nathan replied evenly. “All I have ever done is look after you, protected you, helped you.”

  Matthew shook his head. “No. You wanted to control me and force me to become like you and you did the same to Julia,” Matthew said. “It’s because of you and your greed that you brought down a False god on us and forced Julia to forsake her life.”

  “Leave Julia out of this,” Nathan’s voice rose. “You don’t know what you are talking about.”

  Matthew smirked. “Don’t I?” He crossed his arms. “If only,” Matthew continued and shook his head. “And what would Julia think about you when she learns the truth? That you don’t really love her, that your heart belongs to another. A blood oath, no less, Nathan. You’re bound to Quariel as she is to you through her sacrifice. You would use Julia for your own carnal pleasure.”

  Nathan gritted his teeth, biting down the anger that threatened to erupt in harsh words towards his brother. “I love only Julia. You’re talking nonsense,” Nathan said with heat.

  Matthew shook his head in disagreement. “No, Nathan. You are confused. Julia is not Quariel. I know where Quariel is and she isn’t in Torrey,” Matthew whispered and grinned wolfishly. “Your Julia is a mere Nephilim, a decoy used by Quabin to keep Quariel hidden from you.”

  “Impossible,” Nathan argued, “Julia remembers the shooting, where the bullet hit me and Quabin’s Agent marking you and me.”

  Matthew grinned, “Of course she would. But she isn’t your Quariel. Julia is Quabin’s. Sent to distract you and Roy while I worked to free Quabin.”

  Nathan glared at Matthew. “I don’t believe you!”

  Matthew shrugged. “Julia isn’t who you think she is, Nathan.”

  Nathan stared at Matthew in disbelief. Roy’s words came back to him. “Those demon marks don’t stick if the wearer isn’t already bearing a hidden token to bind the mark of the demon. Julia’s hiding something.” If Julia was not really Quariel, then who was she? Matthew’s cruel words had pierced Nathan through.

  Nathan ground his teeth. “Liar.”

  Matthew shrugged. “The truth is often the most painful to bear. That’s why I tell you, brother, to hurt you as you hurt me. Quariel is not Julia. Your fallen Angel of Death is suffering a mortal life far from here and she’s not in Torrey, but I know where she is.”

  For some reason, Nathan glanced at the Warden still standing guard as if seeking confirmation of Matthews words. The Warden made no sign he even heard the exchange between the brothers as he stared unblinkingly at the far wall. Only then, did Nathan realize the other guards that had come swiftly when Matthew nearly broke down the barrier were still there as well, but had effectively blended in with the walls to give Nathan the sense he was alone with Matthew.

  It couldn’t be the truth, Nathan determined, or how else would Julia know so much about their past together.

  “Don’t you want to know where your real Quariel is?” Matthew taunted. Nathan could not reply, did not dare. All that he felt, the love he had for Julia was now in doubt. If she wasn’t Quariel, if she was a pawn of Quabin…Nathan closed his eyes.

  No, it can’t be true.

  Nathan stood rooted to the spot, mute. Confusion twisted in his mind, disrupting his thoughts and wormed into his heart. All he could see was Mathew’s horrific demon face twisted and laughing at him. Vaguely he heard Matthew’s words, “Look in my truck, behind the seat. An envelope. You’ll find proof of the truth of what I am telling you.”

  Julia. Her name alone used to bring peaceful warm feelings to Nathan’s heart, but now, doubt and uncertainty accompanied it. He searched his brother’s eyes. He could always tell when Matthew lied to him by the way he looked back with feigned innocence. There was nothing. Nathan couldn’t read his brother’s expression – his face a study of complete neutrality, except for the eyes. The eyes never lied, but his eyes were so black, even if he were lying, the truth remained hidden behind the windows to his soul, so fouled with darkness that no truth could be seen.

  Nathan turned abruptly away. Mathew began laughing, a deep, mocking laugh that jabbed at Nathan’s heart and followed him down the corridor. Even after he could no longer hear his brother’s laughter, he could still feel it.

  ***

  Yehala turned his head to look at Nibilis after witnessing the exchange through the tablet. “I see now the wisdom in your words, beloved. Matthew might still be saved in time.”

  Nibilis shook her head. “I’m only following the Spirit’s directions, Love. I pray Matthew continues to fight his way back.”

  Chapter 8

  Waving as they pulled away in Drogo’s black Fiat, Missy called out, “Thanks for the Rattlesnake patties! We’ll see you next week on our way back to California.”

  Blowing her roommate a kiss and a wave, Julia watched the black Fiat roll down Highway 24. The bass of the music rolled back to her in waves, and a series of red lights zipped back and forth along the top of the spoiler in time to the thumping noise. Julia sighed in relief to see them finally leave. They were headed to Las Vegas for a weekend of fun and games, and secretly, Julia hoped to never see Drogo again. She could only hope that something would wake Missy up to the fact that Drogo was slowly sucking the very life out of her.

  Julia climbed into her red Dodge pickup, buckled up, started the engine before she cranked the stereo. A country song was playing. She knew this one and sang along. It was about a girl that kept falling off her horse, but was encouraged to get back on; one of Gramps’ favorite. She smiled. Even though he had passed on to the next life, she could still feel his presence ever so often over the last few months of the project. Gramps had become her self-appointed Guardian angel, even though she was Nephilim and didn’t qualify for an angel to guard her since she was born with the natural ability of spiritual protection. It felt really good to have Gramps close and looking out for her. Nathan had told her that Gramps’ wouldn’t be able to stick around for very long. There were rules to follow and in order for him to progress, he needed to let her go and move onto his next experience in his journey – whatever that may be.

  It was 7:30 and getting darker. Julia approached the road that led off Highway 24 up to the bed and breakfast, but as she slowed down, she realized that she didn’t want to go back there just yet. Several cars still lined the streets alongside the B&B, but the idea of interacting with the townsfolk and the proud owners didn’t appeal to her. She wanted to be alone, alone with her thoughts and think about Nathan. That, and she felt like she needed something cold and laden with chocolate to ease her feelings of missing Nathan, or maybe it was Matthew? She didn’t know. Julia accelerated and headed toward h
er favorite diner, the one with the penguin in front, to order her favorite double chocolate chunk brownie milkshake. That should do the trick of taking her thoughts off her man problems and sooth an overactive sweet tooth. She made a mental note do four laps around town tomorrow instead of two.

  Pulling into the café’s parking lot, her thoughts suddenly shifted and the past came alive. She remembered when Matthew had come into the diner to see her and drop off his bid package for the work of demolition. She was indulging in her favorite treat after the bid meeting where she had first met him. He had stolen her heart that day with his rugged good looks, his swagger and the way he talked, like chocolate syrup dripping across a brownie. She shook herself and stepped into the diner when she realized that there wasn’t very many places in Torrey that didn’t remind her of him somehow. The memories were bittersweet and she couldn’t completely shut him out of her mind, much less her heart.

  After ordering her shake, she lingered near the counter to wait for it. When the girl at the counter handed it to her, she returned to her truck and sat inside the cab, enjoying the frosty delight and remembered. Her thoughts turned to Nathan. Had it only been that morning since she saw him? It seemed so long ago already and she missed him. She could sense an immense gulf of separation between them. If she didn’t know already he wasn’t even in the same realm as she was, she could certainly feel it and she didn’t like it one bit. But he had gone, gone to help Matthew. Her heart ached a little for him. She still felt the familiar flutter shoot through her as Matthew’s face came to her mind’s eyes. The taste of his kisses, his warm embrace, the way his hands felt on her skin. She cringed, remembering the monster he had become. But that wasn’t him. That wasn’t the real Matthew, a voice told her inside. She knew this without a doubt, a truth that the real Matthew was a sincere, loving person. If only he had not fallen for the lies of that evil Master Demon. Julia couldn’t even bring herself to think the name of the demon that had been locked away and hidden within the walls of the schoolhouse.