Racing to Rhapsody: A Rhapsody Novel

by Selena Laurence

  “I think that’s pretty obvious,” Romeo deadpans. “You have your room key, babe?” He holds out his hand. It’s all I can do not to stomp on his foot. I choose to ignore him instead.

  “It’s over, Dez.” I look at him hoping against all hope that he’ll accept this and go away.

  “Why are you doing this?” he asks, his own eyes pleading with me to make it all right.

  “It was time,” I answer.

  “Fuck that!” He takes a menacing step toward us and Romeo moves too, angling his body between Dez and me. He still has ahold of my hand, and I realize that if he didn’t, I would have probably run into Dez’s arms by now. This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

  I see Dez struggle to master his anger, his head bows and he breathes deeply for a few moments. He’s so beautiful, even in his anguish, my heart simply freezes in my chest, and I know right then and there that it won’t ever thaw again.

  He finally looks up and he is destroyed, a shell of the Dez that I love with all my being.

  “I love you, Shannon.” His voice is raspy with anguish. “Maybe I should have told you sooner, but there it is. Do with it what you will.”

  Romeo clears his throat, glancing at me to see how far I’m really going to go.

  All. The. Way.

  “I’m sorry, Dez.” His body goes rigid. “I don’t love you. It’s over.” The elevator doors behind us slide open and Romeo gives Dez a look of sympathy before he turns and leads us inside. The last thing I see before the doors close is Dez looking straight through me as if I wasn’t even there.

  Dez

  “Dez?” Carson’s voice rings out from down the hallway. I’m not sure how long I’ve been standing here. I’m dizzy and everything in me hurts. Every single inch.

  “What’s going on, man? Did I see Shannon kissing that guy?” He reaches my side and touches me on the shoulder. It’s like a jolt to my system, a jumpstart that snaps me out of my frozen state.

  “Yeah. You did.”

  “What the fuck?” He glares at the elevator. Thank goodness I have one of my boys here with me. I might follow them and kill that fucker who had his hands all over Shannon otherwise.

  “I don’t know, man. But it’s over,” I say, running a hand through my hair and fighting back the bout of hyperventilation that’s about to pull me under.

  Carson can obviously see how hard I’m struggling. “Okay, here, let’s sit for a minute.” He leads me to a nearby bench along the wall and pulls me down with him. We sit side by side in silence for a couple of minutes. Carson’s good at the quiet. If Blaze were here he’d be shouting to the heavens, ranting and railing, and probably punching a few holes in walls.

  “You all right?” he finally asks, a hand squeezing my shoulder again.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Damn, brother. I knew Shannon was a hard ass, but I didn’t realize she could be that cold. She just ended it? No warning? And like that?”

  “She said she doesn’t love me,” I murmur.

  “And do you…”

  “Yeah, man. I always have.”

  He sighs. “I’m sorry, Dez. No one deserves that, and you least of all.”

  I nod, a lump working its way up my throat. “Thanks.”

  He stands and reaches out to pull me up. I give him my hand and let him.

  “What now? You want to go get wasted? Pick up a one-night stand?”

  I look at him. I can tell he knows I’m not going to do either of those things. It’s just not who I am.

  “No,” I say, “I want to go home.”

  “You’re leaving?” he asks, confused and a little hurt.

  “Yeah. I need to go home.”

  When I step off the plane the sun is rising, orange and pink and yellow washing across the harsh landscape, reflecting off of the aluminum panels of the private jet. I walk down the steps, my duffle bag in hand, and I’m surprised to see that it’s not my mother’s VW bus that’s waiting to pick me up, but my father’s classic turquoise blue 1956 T Bird. He’s removed the hardtop, leaving it open to the dry, cool air that blows softly through the mesa around us.

  When I reach the car he wordlessly puts his hand out for my bag, setting it in the trunk. I slouch in the passenger seat and lean my head back against the white leather. Dad gets in and starts the car up before turning to me.

  “I told your mom she couldn’t come because she’d fuss too much. The redhead took her stilettos to you?”

  I nod. “Yeah, man. She stabbed that heel right through my heart.”

  He puts the car in gear and pulls away from the airstrip. “Well, that calls for some Rosalita’s Huevos Rancheros.” Then he reaches over and opens the glove box, pulling out a flask. “And some time with my friend Jack.” He hands me the flask. “Drink up, son. Your first broken heart won’t mend itself.”

  Several hours later we pull up to my parents’ house. I’m stuffed full of eggs and green chile, mellow from a modest but steady supply of whiskey, and exhausted from a lack of sleep.

  “My love,” my mother says, her eyes sad as she hugs me in the kitchen.

  “It’s okay, Mom,” I tell her. “I’ll be okay.”

  “I know you will, but parents always wish we could spare you the pain, no matter how old you get.”

  My dad is stripping off his clothes in the mudroom next to the kitchen. He strolls in wearing only his boxers, scratching his hairy belly.

  “Don’t fuss over him,” he tells my mom. “You know he has to get through this in his own way.”

  My mother ignores him and pats my cheek like I’m twelve. “Your aura is muddy, which I’d expect, but your pink is turning to red and you have streaks of black. That worries me, Dez.”

  My dad rolls his eyes behind her back and I try not to smile. “Okay, Mom, I’ll work on that,” I assure her.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, and I can tell that she’s hopeful I will. But I just can’t. Not yet.

  “I got my fucking heart run over by a truck. Maybe I’ll give you the details later, but not yet.”

  Her brow is furrowed in concern, but she just nods.

  “I’m going to go catch up on some sleep now if that’s okay.”

  “Of course, darling.” She pulls my head down to kiss me on the cheek. “Sleep well, my love.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Then I go to the bedroom I grew up in, pretended in, and found myself in. I lie down on the bed that held a childhood’s worth of dreams, questions, and fantasies, and I give myself over to it one more time, hoping that this place can heal the greatest hurt I’ve ever felt. Because if it can’t, I’m not sure anything ever will.

  Shannon

  I text Carson to tell him what time we need to be at the venue, and then go downstairs to meet Romeo for brunch.

  “How are you doing?” he asks as he pulls out my chair.

  “You’re sort of gentlemanly this morning,” I mutter before sitting.

  “Yeah, well, it can be our little secret.”

  I can’t help but laugh, and he looks at me with eyes full of humor and something else that looks a lot like sympathy.

  “You get any sleep?” he asks as he peruses the menu.

  “Not much,” I admit.

  “You know, maybe if you explained it to him—”

  “No. He wouldn’t understand. He’s always wanted me to make a different choice. Leave the firm, go to work for someone else. He’d never understand this, and it wouldn’t change the fact that my dad has made this stipulation and he won’t change his mind. That’s not how he operates.”

  Romeo nods, then focuses on the menu some more. I look at the menu too, even though the words only swim in front of my eyes like little evil worms. I have no appetite anyway. I’ll probably never eat again.

  “So is this him?” a deep, gritty voice says, snapping me out of my pity party.

  I look up to find a very pissed Blaze Davis next to our table. Romeo stands immediately and Blaze takes a menacing st
ep toward him, fury etched into his features. I look around wildly, wondering where Dez is, but only Carson is there, arms crossed, watching his bandmate calmly.

  “Blaze? What are you doing here?” I try to stand too, but Blaze levels me with a look of such pure hatred it’s almost physical in its power, so I slump back into my chair.

  “I’m here to fulfill the rest of the tour obligations, and also to ask, what the ever-loving fuck, Shannon?”

  He glares at me briefly before shifting his gaze back to Romeo.

  “Hey, if you want to go after someone you need to make it me,” Romeo says. “She’s half your size, and I’m not going to stand here and let you insult her.”

  “Gladly.” Blaze’s fists clench and I know he won’t hesitate to throw the first punch. My manager instincts kick in, because if I’m the cause of my biggest client creating a P.R. disaster then I don’t deserve to be V.P. of my father’s company.

  I stand, nudging Blaze out of the way as I do. “Stop it. Everyone just stop,” I hiss. “Blaze. Where is Dez?”

  He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at me. “Why do you care? Oh wait, that’s right, you don’t.”

  “God, Blaze, stop it!” I look behind him to Carson. “Can’t you control him?” Carson shrugs in indifference.

  “Dez and I aren’t…doing whatever it was we were doing anymore. That’s all there is to it.”

  “You mean having a relationship? Because that’s what it was, Shannon, whether you want to admit it or not. Fuck, you’d been living together for weeks.”

  I sigh and rub my cheeks. “It’s over, Blaze. And I’m sorry if Dez is hurt, but you charging in here threatening my friends isn’t going to change it.”

  “Friends?” His voice is laced with disgust. “Well, I’ll tell you what can change, Shannon, and that’s our management.”

  My heart beats hard once. “Don’t make a decision in haste, Blaze. This doesn’t have anything to do with work.”

  “The hell it doesn’t.” He jabs a finger in my direction and Romeo growls behind him. Blaze glances at him and backs off me a few inches. “There is no way we’re going to continue to work with someone who doesn’t even have basic human decency.”

  I look to Carson for help, but again he simply stares back at me blankly.

  “We have a contract, Blaze.”

  “And I have a lawyer, Shannon. She’s reviewing said contract as we speak, and I guarantee you she’ll find us an out before the end of business today.”

  One thing about Blaze, he’s not a fool when it comes to business. His father is a corporate mogul and though they’re estranged, Blaze was raised at daddy’s knee and is as cutthroat as they come when he wants to be. He’s livid right now, and all I can do is give him some time to cool down and hope that he’ll reconsider once he does.

  I turn to Carson. “Will you both be at the venue at one?”

  He nods, never breaking a smile or giving me any sort of reaction. It’s obvious the whole band is freezing me out.

  “Okay, I’ll see you both there.”

  I sit back down hoping they get the hint. People are starting to stare and I know the camera phones are going to come out soon.

  “That’s your cue to go, my friend,” Romeo says.

  Blaze turns to him and bares his teeth. I see Romeo grin back at him. I have to admit the guy has balls of steel, Blaze is a former football player and built like a Viking.

  But before he leaves, Blaze bends down next to my ear. “I’ve never thought you were stupid, but anyone who would turn him away is a fool. He’s the best person either one of us has ever known.”

  Then he and Carson are gone, women fanning themselves in their wake. I look across the table at Romeo.

  “I’m so sorry…”

  “Don’t be.” He grins at me. “If people are going to think I slept with someone I didn’t, it may as well be the hottest woman on the tour. You watch, it’ll do great things for my reputation. I should hang out with you more often.”

  He reaches across the table and gives my hand a quick squeeze before flagging down the waitress and ordering breakfast for both of us. It’s going to be a long day and an even longer two weeks. But who knew that Romeo could be such a decent guy?

  Late that night I lie alone in bed for only the second time in weeks, and I ache for Dez, physically, emotionally, deep in my soul. I try not to think about how much I miss his soft words and strong arms. I try to imagine myself working alongside my father in our offices back in L.A., try to summon up the rush of euphoria that imagining his approval always gave me. But I can’t. No matter how hard I try, I can’t conjure anything that makes me feel as good as being with Dez did.

  After tossing and turning for hours I finally break down and call my gram. She’s many hours behind the time in Prague, so I know she’ll still be awake.

  “Twice in one week, dear. It’s so nice to hear from you,” she answers.

  “Hi, Gram. How are you?”

  “I think I’m better than you at the moment.”

  “Am I that obvious?” I kick the blankets off of my legs and try to sit up higher against the headboard.

  “No, I’m that perceptive,” she brags.

  I infuse my voice with as much cheerfulness as I can muster. “I have good news. Dad changed his mind. He gave me the vice presidency of the firm.”

  “Mmhm,” she murmurs.

  “What?”

  “So, that makes you happy?”

  I feel the scowl scrunching up my face. “It’s what I’ve been working for, and what I’d always thought would happen.”

  “Well, that’s good then.”

  And just like that I’m sad, and mad, and more confused than I can ever remember being, and I’m about to direct all of that at my seventy-six-year-old grandmother who’s like a mother to me.

  “Thank you so much for your support, Gram,” I bite out.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” she says softly.

  “What question?”

  “Are you happy?”

  I stare at the ceiling. She’s managed to distill it down to three simple words—Are. You. Happy. And I know the answer, but I don’t want to have to say it.

  “It’s what I’ve always wanted,” I repeat.

  “Sometimes my dear, we want things that aren’t good for us.”

  And sometimes we ruin our lives for them.

  The next two weeks race by, and I spend most of my time fetching and chasing for my dad or avoiding and running from Blaze. I couldn’t imagine that Dez would back up Blaze’s plan to get new management, but when I’m served with a restraining order prohibiting me from doing any further business on the band’s behalf, Dez’s name is there, right alongside Blaze, Carson, and Topher. The only one missing is Garrett, since he’s still in rehab, but the way the band’s legal status is set up they only need a majority to do something, and the moment I see Dez’s signature on all that paperwork I feel like I’ve lost him all over again.

  It’s nighttime when it hits me hardest—the pain, the regret, the disappointment. Because I am—disappointed—in me, in my father, and even in Dez, who hasn’t tried to contact me or check up on me at all. I have tried to check up on him, but the guys won’t tell me where he is or even if he’s okay. They seem to relish keeping me in the dark, seeing that it makes me miserable. But I guess I deserve the punishment. So I take it and anything else they dish out, trying to convince myself that the penance will help us all heal. But it doesn’t.

  On the last night of the tour, I’m sitting alone in my room when there’s a knock at my door.

  I swing it open to reveal Tully O’Roark.

  “What the hell did you do?” she barks as she charges past me into my room.

  “Hi, Tully, would you like to come in?” I snark as I close the door behind her.

  She’s only five foot two, but when she turns the full force of her fury on me I take a couple of steps back.

  “How could you?” she rants. “How
could you do it at all, much less that way? He’s the kindest, gentlest guy I’ve ever known in my life. He doesn’t even eat meat for Christ’s sake, which is just sort of unnatural, I mean, how you could survive without a good burger and corned beef at St. Paddy’s Day I don’t know, but still, it’s kind, and humane and all that crap.”

  “Tully, look—”

  “No, you look.” She jabs one of her tiny fingers in the air at me. “I told you to go easy on him. I told you he was crazy about you, and when I heard you were finally going to give him a chance I was so happy for the two of you. And Dez was happy. He called and told Blaze about it, and he was just so…so…alive. More alive than I’ve ever seen him.” She pauses then, and her scowl turns sad. “How could you?”

  I walk to the kitchenette and grab a couple of miniatures, one vodka and one bourbon. “You want one?” I wiggle it at her. She shrugs so I grab two glasses and gesture at the sofa.

  Once we’re both seated I snap open the tiny bottles of booze and pour them into the tumblers. “Cheers,” I say, drinking mine down in one draught.

  “How is he?” I ask, rolling the smooth glass between my palms as Tully sips from hers.

  “Blaze would say you don’t have a right to know.”

  “Yeah, he’s been telling me that for two weeks. What are you doing here in Edinburgh, anyway? We’re all going to be home tomorrow, you couldn’t wait one more day to see him?”

  “We’re going to see the Highlands and then on to Ireland.”

  We both sit quietly and then her voice softens. “You really want to know how he is?”

  I nod, my heart beating time and a half.

  “He’s hurting. And he’s confused, and for the first time since I’ve known him and more importantly for the first time since Blaze has known him, he’s lost.”

  My eyes burn and I breathe deeply to control the reflexive response to hearing that Dez is hurting.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say, still not looking Tully in the eyes.

  She sets her glass down and pokes me in the arm. “Why did you do it?”