by Shona Husk
Actually, the only good thing would be that he could see Rainy freely—except she’d be on the boat and gone while he was stranded ashore.
‘Won’t say a word. It’s not my place to until you’ve decided. As much as it kills me to say it, you have to do what’s right for you, not the boat.’ Smithy smiled. Kurt hadn’t seen the COB smile in a very long time. Perhaps he’d fixed things up with his wife. Not that Smithy had ever breathed a word of the troubles, but gossip had a way of leaking.
Rainy immediately filled his mind. It was only a matter of time. He was playing with fire, and it wasn’t a training exercise.
Kurt nodded. He watched as Smithy walked away, knowing that no matter what decision he made he would have doubts and fears and he had no one he could to talk about them. Except maybe Rainy.
He was sure that what they had was starting to grow beyond sex. His nickname on her lips had almost sounded like a come-on.
Chapter 11
Between work, duty during the week and seeing Kurt last weekend, it felt as though Rainy hadn’t seen much of Lily or Sunny. She’d kind of gotten home showered and fallen into bed, some nights wishing she wasn’t alone.
However she and Kurt had made no plans for this weekend. And they’d barely spoken at work. He’d been gone by the time she’d finished up. Stokers: first on, last off. Every time. Perhaps she should have done something easier—and more expected of a woman—like being a steward. Nah, what would be the fun in that? Besides she liked her job, and couldn’t imagine doing something that didn’t involve getting her hands dirty.
Tonight she’d promised Lily they’d spend some time together. So even though a glass of wine and a DVD would be ideal, she finished her late dinner, bless Sunny for putting it aside and in the microwave, and braced herself for doing something with Lily.
She’d be lying if she wasn’t secretly hoping it was TV.
Sunny had taken herself off to her bedroom to study and would only come out when it was time to put Lily to bed. It had been hard enough getting through sub school—and that was her job—she wasn’t trying to study around the edges like Sunny. But Sunny rarely complained, she just got on with it. Spending an evening doing something with Lily wasn’t a big ask. She was going to miss it while she was away.
She’d got used to being surrounded by family.
‘I want to do some cooking.’ Lily jumped up to sit on the kitchen counter and started pulling out pulling out the recipe books that had been neatly stacked in the corner.
‘Get down, you’re not allowed up there.’
‘You aren’t, Mum.’ But Lily slid down and stood on the floor. She flicked though a book of paleo treats that Sunny liked to experiment with when she was trying to be healthy and fun. So far Rainy had yet to be convinced—she liked her chocolate mousse made with cream and eggs, not avocado. Lily slammed the book closed. ‘So what can we make?’
She had no idea. Perhaps she needed to buy Lily some more interesting cookbooks. Rainy shrugged. ‘Pick something.’
‘I want to do something neeeeew.’ Lily rolled her eyes as only a nine-year-old could do, as if that she wanted to do something different should have been obvious to any adult paying attention.
She had one hour before Lily would be going to bed. She’d been a crappy aunt all week and really needed to make it up to her sister and niece. A quick look in the cupboard and the fridge failed to inspire. But then, it never did. Not like Kurt. He’d made them eggs Benedict with smoked salmon last Saturday. He’d made the sauce from nothing. His fridge and cupboard was full of stuff that could be turned into food at the drop of a hat.
Perhaps … she pulled the chocolate spread out of the pantry. ‘I know a way to make French toast sandwiches.’
‘That doesn’t sound like much cooking.’
‘It’s not really, but they are yummy.’
‘And you get them on the submarine?’
Rainy laughed. Wouldn’t that be nice? ‘A friend showed me how to make them.’
‘What’s her name?’
‘Kurt. He is the cook on the boat.’
‘Oooh. So it’s a proper recipe, not one you made up.’
She sighed. Yep, even Lily knew that cooking wasn’t her thing and was wary. ‘Would I torture you like that?’
Lily gave her the side eye. ‘Maybe if I hadn’t done my homework or jobs …’
‘I’m not Mum, remember.’ There had been a time when she’d envied Sunny. She’d married the love of her life, had a kid and everything had seemed perfect. Rainy had finished school and joined the navy, determined to carve her own path. She’d come home to coo over the baby, the whole time being jealous that Sunny had found someone who obviously loved her for who she was. Then she’d come home for Christmas two years ago and Sunny had moved back in with their parents. Marriage over.
As they’d grown up, they’d grown apart. Sunny’s husband had given up on his music career for a stable job to support his family and had grown to resent it. Sunny was no longer happy playing house and wanted to study. In the end neither of them were happy. Now they were separated they were friendly enough for Lily and Lily saw her dad every school holidays.
But if Sunny and Joel couldn’t make it work, what hope did she have?
She thought of Kurt in the kitchen and the way he smiled at her when no one else was around. The way she’d wanted to wake up with him in her bed more than once this week.
No matter how she played it in her mind, she didn’t see what they had doing anything but ending. And it couldn’t end badly because they had to work together. Maybe it was better that it petered out into nothing. If neither of them made the effort, then that is what would happen. While she wasn’t ready for it to be over, she didn’t want to keep feeding the fire either. She didn’t want to be the one getting burned. She didn’t want either of them to get burned.
She forced a smile. ‘Right, we need bread, some fruit and egg and some milk. Fingers crossed we have all of that.’ Rainy actually crossed her fingers, and not just for Lily’s benefit. If they didn’t have everything they needed she was going to have to test her internet search skills to find a recipe that they did have the ingredients for.
Lily smiled back and crossed her fingers before starting to get the food out.
As she and Lily put together the sandwiches and dunked them in the egg and milk mix, the forced smile became a real one. Lily kept up a steady chatter filling her in about her week at school, only occasionally asking what she’d done. None of it was very exciting to a nine-year-old, but Lily would expect postcards while Rainy was away and presents when she returned. This time she’d be able to hand them over straight away instead of waiting until she came home on leave, or worse posting them home.
The sandwiches almost fell apart in the frypan. And when she dropped them on the plate they looked nothing like Kurt’s. His had been perfect, hers looked like a mess.
Lily looked at her, eyebrows raised as if wondering if the mess was safe to eat.
‘I think we need some practise.’ Rainy placed a scoop of ice-cream on each plate. That did not improve the looks of the dessert. ‘They’ll still taste good.’ She hoped. Surely she couldn’t screw this up?
‘Perhaps he needs to show you again.’
‘Maybe …’ Rainy pulled her phone out of her pocket and snapped a picture. Kurt would either laugh or be horrified. She hesitated. Should she send him the picture? It would be opening up the door again.
‘Do you want to see if Mum wants one?’ Rainy needed a moment to deliberate.
‘Muuuum.’ Lily shouted without leaving the kitchen.
‘I could yell to her myself, go and ask.’
Lily ran off through the house.
Cooking Kurt’s creation made her feel a little closer to him. She doubted she’d ever forget him, if only because he was the one to make her push rules to the side and have fun. It had been a long time since she’d let herself just be, and just be with someone without an expectation. She’d ex
pected her last boyfriend to be the one, to eventually ask her to marry him; after all, they’d been together for two years. That experience had made her cautious.
Kurt had taken away that caution.
He’d taken caution and thrown it overboard in a weight belt.
Damn it. She didn’t want what they had to end. Even though that wasn’t the smart or sensible thing to do, she sent him a quick text with the photo of her mess.
After she’d hit send she wondered if that was the right thing to do, then dismissed the doubt. They were friends and she was being friendly, what she’d sent she’d share with any friend. That she wanted more was her problem and if he didn’t reply or replied very coolly then she’d know where she stood.
Lily grabbed a plate and took it back to her mother at a much slower pace. When she came back she had a message. ‘Mum said that when I’ve gone to bed she wants to see you. I think you’re in trouble for being late home all week.’
More like Sunny wanted the latest news, of which there was none. Her phone buzzed in her hand.
LOL. Come around tomorrow evening and we can work on it.
It was definitely not over. This time she didn’t bother pretending she was going to refuse.
***
The garage door was up the same as last time so she parked inside. Kurt obviously didn’t want anyone seeing her car there. Had anyone actually paid that much to what she was driving? It wasn’t as though she had an interesting car. It was an average little white sedan. She didn’t mind leaving it when she sailed and it was too low-end to be targeted by thieves.
Unlike a lot of new sailors, she hadn’t gone out and got herself a flash car the day after she finished recruit school. She also knew of several who had ended up crashing that flash car while DUI and had spent years paying off the loan for a car they no longer had. Maybe once she got her dolphins and a pay rise she’d treat herself to something a little nicer.
But really, as long as it ran well and didn’t cause her any grief, she quite liked the car. It wasn’t as though she could do any work on a new car anyway. Too many chips and warrantees took away all the fun.
She knocked and let herself in. Kurt was sitting on a recliner with the football on.
‘Hey.’ He got up and closed the garage. ‘Did you want a drink?’
‘Not yet.’ But he’d already had at least one, judging by the empty stubby bottle on the floor, and was onto his second. She got the distinct impression something was up. ‘Maybe in a bit. Can I grab a glass of water?’
He nodded and sat back down. But he wasn’t still and focused on the game. He kept turning the bottle, rubbing the dew off the glass and picking at the label. She’d never seen him so twitchy.
She perched on the arm of the other recliner so she could face him. They were set up for TV watching, not talking or touching. Then she didn’t know what to say.
‘You not in the mood for company?’ It might have been nice if he’d rung her and let her know if he’d rather be alone.
‘I’ve been looking forward to you coming around all day,’ he said without looking at her.
She heard the silent but?
It was there, filling the gap between them and growing with every breath. Kurt muted the TV, frowned and studied his beer some more. Rainy tried not to fidget, but the disquiet squirmed in her gut.
‘Me too.’ She tried to keep her voice light. That made him glance up for a moment but didn’t draw a smile.
He sighed and his frown deepened. ‘I don’t know how to say this without it sounding like I want you to be part of my decision, but I need to talk to someone.’
That made very little sense. ‘What about the guys?’
He shook his head. The only secret she knew about him that he wouldn’t want people knowing was her.
‘Is it something to do with me?’
‘No. It’s me.’
Oh, here we go. It’s not you, it’s me. Wrong place, wrong time. She already knew all the reasons she shouldn’t be here, but she’d thought they were past that and having some fun.
He took a swig of his beer then put the stubby back in the drink holder. He scrubbed his hand over his face. ‘I’ve got six months left and even though I’ve known it was coming I still don’t know what to do.’
She released the breath she’d accidentally been holding. ‘And?’
‘I need someone to talk to, but everyone I know would talk me into staying.’
‘You want me to tell you to get out?’ And it all clicked into place. If he got out then what they had wasn’t an issue, which was why he was worried she’d think he was getting out because of her. Oh.
He lifted his eyebrows as he watched her process. ‘See my problem?’
‘Okay first, um, it’s not my place to tell you to get out. Second, if you stay in one of us will probably post off Ellis after this trip anyway, assuming we make it that long.’
‘You’re expecting it to end.’
‘I’m being realistic. We may not last the trip, and we sure as hell don’t want anyone suspecting.’ She paused; he was actually concerned and maybe a little hurt. She hurried on. ‘I’m not saying that I want it to be over. But I don’t know how to keep it going without us getting caught with our pants down.’
‘Neither do I, but I want to try.’
‘And if you go back east?’
‘That is at least one thing I’ve decided. I’m going to stay in WA. My friends are here. I like it over here, and there are plenty of mining jobs.’
‘So why the dilemma? If you want out, get out.’ If she ever started hating what she did, and she meant really hating complete with Monday morning blues or post-workup resentment, she’d get out. She knew lifers who were in because they couldn’t do anything else or had been too scared to try and they were the bitter ones.
‘And that’s why I like you, you make it sound easy. You make everything easy.’ He beckoned her over and she sat on his lap. ‘I don’t know if I want out. As much as I don’t like the rules some days, most days I like what I do. I like being on the boat.’ He kissed her temple and his hand traced up her thigh. His palm was hot through her jeans. She wished she’d worn a dress.
‘Plenty of people get out and come back.’
‘I don’t want to be that person.’ He shook his head. ‘I got in because I didn’t make it the first time.’
‘That wasn’t your fault.’ Thousands had been out of work all across Australia in all industries.
He closed his eyes and rested his head on her chest. His breath caressed her skin and she shivered, her nipples pebbling. He kissed her throat as his hand slid higher up her thigh.
‘But if I fail this time it will be my fault.’
‘You need to have some faith in yourself.’ She cupped his jaw, enjoying the roughness of his stubble on her palm.
He didn’t answer, just kissed her as if he never needed to breathe again. She let herself sink into desire.
***
Faith in himself. If only it was the simple. She’d never had to face job insecurity or going against her parents’ wishes. Her family supported her and wanted her to do well, his father had only wanted to see him fail.
It would be nice to have someone on his side. He drew back to look at her. What had started as lust and a need to see her was quickly becoming something more. Even as he recognised that he didn’t know what to do with it, or even how to keep that alive over the next few months. But he did know that he wasn’t going to give it up.
No matter what anyone said.
His hands skimmed over her body, cupping her breast through the thin long-sleeved T-shirt she was wearing. He kissed down her throat, needing to taste her skin. Needing her. She moved with him, letting him slowly pull off her shirt and then her bra, leaning back as he drew one nipple into his mouth and sucked. Her stomach tensed, and her fingers ruffled over his hair as if looking for something to grab. He wished he hadn’t cut it.
But he’d had no choice.
We
ll, he had but he didn’t want to muck up his record when he still didn’t know if he was getting in or out.
He scraped his nails over her jeans, wanting to tear them off. He settled for opening the fly and sliding his hand beneath.
She squirmed on his lap, her hip making contact with his erection that was pressing uncomfortable against his jeans. It was time to move.
‘You want to shed those jeans?’ His fingers didn’t stop moving, sliding over the soft fabric of her panties.
‘Here?’ She raised one eyebrow, a half-smile forming on her lips.
He smiled, why not. ‘Sure.’ He opened his belt and jeans, enjoying the way her eyes widened as she watched. ‘Unless you’d rather …’ Although considering they hadn’t made it out if the kitchen last time. It had been rushed and hungry. A craving that needed sating. He’d made up for the haste later in bed, not that she seemed to have cared. She’d wanted it as much as he had.
‘Here’s fine.’ She shoved her jeans over her hips and stepped out. ‘Got any condoms handy?’
‘Not on me. They’re in the bedroom.’ Which seemed too far away right now. He hadn’t planned on getting to sex so fast. She made it impossible to think about anything else. Another reason he liked her. Being with Rainy was uncomplicated, while they were actually together. It was the before and after and everything around them that made it difficult. ‘You’re the first person I’ve slept with since the navy last tested me.’ Which had only been three months ago. It would be really nice to not wear a rubber.
She pressed her lips together, an expression he knew meant that she was thinking and it wasn’t going to go in his favour.
He didn’t wait for her to reply. ‘Come on.’ He stood and grabbed her hand. They might as well go to the bedroom.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I’m not ready to go there.’ She let him lead her down the corridor to his room.
‘You don’t have to apologise.’ In his room he shucked his jeans and shirt, while she pulled a condom out of the bedside table. He bit back the smile that formed. She knew where they were kept now and wasn’t worried about helping herself.