by Shona Husk
It was a mess. And while she hadn’t said anything to Kurt, she was beginning to think that maybe they should stop seeing each other. Not because she particularly wanted to, but she was standing too close to the fire and the flames were licking her skin.
Their relationship had slid from sex to something much more serious. She wasn’t sure how serious and she wasn’t sure how to tell him they should stop when every time she was around him she couldn’t keep her hands off him. When trying to sleep, she spent too much time trying not to think about how nearby he was sleeping.
Play it cool. As if I know nothing about Tasker, or Garland.
Tasker had only found out because he’d turned up at Kurt’s place. It would be fine … but what was she going to do about Kurt in the long run?
Sex had been simple. Relationships weren’t. She didn’t want a relationship right now and she couldn’t have one with Kurt.
Sunny had suggested let it run its course. Maybe it burns out, maybe it survives—that was equally as scary. What if it did survive? What if Kurt got out? She couldn’t go to sea knowing he was at home, even though not every boyfriend cheated at the first opportunity. Sunny had reminded her about the card reading and giving into fear, but then Sunny had also been amused that Tasker had found out. Her sister didn’t get it.
So Rainy pushed it out of her mind and tried to get on with her job.
It took about three days to get used to the six on, six off shifts at sea—not that she’d managed to sleep during all of them as STG created imaginary havoc whenever they felt like it. The lack of natural light was also kind of weird; at least on a ship she could go onto the deck. It wasn’t only the lack of light, but the lack of space.
The exercise equipment was limited, but because she was used to doing something she was going to try and keep that up while at sea. She’d heard it was very easy to gain weight. And the last thing she wanted was a ‘Navy Issued Ass’. She made her way to the weapons stowage compartment to the exercise bike and she stopped dead. The bike was in use.
By Kurt.
He slowed. ‘I’m almost done.’
‘That’s fine.’ She could wander off, but if she left someone else might take her spot and she only had forty-five minutes before she started. The idea had been to go for a half-hour ride, shower and then work. So she waited. ‘You about to start or sleep?’
‘Sleep.’ He lifted one hand and crossed his fingers. ‘Hopefully.’
‘Don’t like your chances. It’s been quiet for the last nine hours.’
See, fine. Nothing to freak out about.
He stopped peddling and got off after giving the bike a wipe. ‘Have a nice ride. Watch out for the dog at number 28.’ And there was that smile, and the look in his eye. Onboard it was what they didn’t say that mattered.
***
‘That fuckety-fuck, I’m going to kill him.’ Tasker stalked through the engine room. Several people looked up and then got busy.
Rainy glanced up. A mistake had been made, but she didn’t know where. She was hoping that it hadn’t been her. When Tasker had been called up she’d expected the worst. But Tasker glared at her and walked past to yank Hessey up by his shirt. ‘When we are doing exercises, do we actually do the action or are we playing pretend?’
‘Pretend.’ Hessey squeaked.
‘So tell me how the fuck a real flare was set off during the fake flood?’ When Tasker was angry it shimmered off him.
Rainy watched, glad she wasn’t on the receiving end. Setting off a signal flare instead of a water shot was a huge fuck-up.
Hessey’s lips moved but no sound came out.
Tasker gave him a shake. ‘Well?’
‘I got confused.’
‘Confused. Do you remember what a red flare means?’
Hessey remained silent.
Tasker turned to everyone in the area. ‘What does red mean?’
Submarine down. But Rainy didn’t say it. Someone else did.
‘You sent up a red flare, Hessey. The Captain had to tell HQ that we are fine and don’t need a search and rescue. STG is in conniptions and you have a date with the Captain. Where I have just come from. Take your own fucking lube as you’re going to need it.’
Hessey blanched. ‘You were supervising me. You should’ve looked.’
‘I’m sorry, what? You’re blaming me? Yes I should have watched you closer, but it’s signed off in your fucking book. So I assumed you knew what you were doing. You don’t get babysat once you have your dolphins. Man up and go see the Captain.’
‘You’ve been in a mood all week. Have lovers’ tiff with Milly?’ Hessey tossed as he walked past. He managed to sneer at her as well.
Her heart stopped beating. No one spoke for several seconds.
‘You know why I’m in a mood? Because I have fuckwits like you working around me, my girlfriend is eight months pregnant and I haven’t had sex for three months. Then, of course, Milly’s boyfriend might have a problem with me fucking her. So get your facts straight before you start mouthing off, Able Seaman Hessey. The Captain is waiting, oh and Chief Oliver is there too. Enjoy.’ Tasker ran his fingers through his hair. ‘You all finished looking?’
He’d mentioned she had a boyfriend. That’s okay, they didn’t know who it was. The tension in the air thickened. No one was willing to break it.
Tasker tapped her on the shoulder about half an hour later. ‘Milly, with me. I’m going to go through what Hessey mucked up with you.’
She followed him to the Submerged Signal Ejector. It didn’t take long. She knew the difference between workups and the real thing. Workups involved lots of acting and going through the motions of the Emergency Operating Procedures. But then she had several years of sea-time up her sleeve and even though they liked to make fun of skimmers who transferred over, sometimes, just sometimes it might give skimmers an edge as they kind of knew what to expect at sea and during workups.
After running through it he checked his watch. ‘That’s it, we’re off duty. Dinner?’
‘Is it dinner?’
He shrugged. ‘Mystery meal.’
They walked along the narrow corridors to the mess. After he’d pretty much avoided her all week, she was cautious that he was now talking to her. They grabbed some food and sat.
‘I’m sorry I’ve been a prick all week.’
‘I get it.’ And she didn’t want to be talking about it.
‘Not all of it.’ He shook his head. ‘I should’ve supervised Hessey better. When I first got you I thought I’d gotten the short straw. Now … you’re all right. I think you’ll be fine. No matter what happens.’
Was he still talking about the stuff up or about Kurt and her? There were too many people around for her to ask. The shift was changing and people wanted to eat and get to sleep. She was one of them.
‘Thanks. I think you’re dealing with a tough situation. I don’t think anyone would blame you for being a bit short.’ Her first assessment of Tasker had been right. He was a decent guy, getting fucked over by his, for want of a better word, girlfriend. She hoped that it all got resolved before they deployed otherwise it was going to be a very long trip.
‘There will be gossip.’
‘I figured.’ Now that Hessey had said it, people would be trying to figure out if it was real or not.
Tasker smiled for the first time since they’d sailed. ‘Could be worse.’
She nodded. Yeah, people could have worked out who she was really sleeping with. At least this way she could honestly deny being with Tasker.
‘At least I’m good looking.’
She laughed. ‘And modest.’
A couple of people glanced over. Tasker noticed too. They ate the rest of their meal in silence before heading to their racks. Rainy lay awake for what felt like hours. What would Kurt think when he heard the rumour?
He’d probably appreciate the irony.
She turned. There would be no gossip because it was a dumb idea spouted by Hessey. But in her gut she suspected He
ssey had been looking for something he could pin to her to make her look bad. That he’d screwed up would only make his need to damage her reputation more intense.
Her next shift was going to suck.
Chapter 13
‘So, I hear you’re banging your trainee.’ Kurt tried really hard to keep himself from smiling. The news was the first thing he’d heard from the other cook when he’d started his shift.
When Blue had wandered in looking for a caffeine fix, Kurt couldn’t resist taunting him. While the heat was on Tasker, it wasn’t on him. However, he was worried about Rainy. She hadn’t been part of boat gossip before.
‘It was so good I don’t remember it ever happening.’ Blue grumbled. ‘Have people got nothing better to talk about?’
‘Well, there was word that the boat was down, since we’re all still here and waiting for the next evolution to happen that must have been an error. STG is going to hammer us now after that screw-up.’
‘Let’s talk about Milly instead.’
Kurt shook his head. He wasn’t going to be doing any of the talking. He didn’t want the gossip to touch him at all. He couldn’t stop it, and his involvement would only make it worse. ‘Who started it?’
‘The cum-rag Hessey.’
Yes, Hessey with the mouth that needed filling in. Kurt’s fingers curled, but he wouldn’t hit the other trainee. That would only add fuel. ‘I’m sure it will blow over. Unless there’s truth to it.’ Kurt gave his friend a wink.
‘If Kylie heard the rumour she’d make my life hellish …’ he paused. ‘Actually, I’m already there. Maybe I should put some fire behind the rumour. Then at least I’d be having a bit of fun.’
Kurt’s jaw tightened a little, but Blue was smiling, waiting for him to bite.
‘This trip is going to be so much fun.’ Blue finished his coffee. ‘See you in six hours.’
As Blue walked away, Rainy walked in. ‘Mornin’ lover, you’ve got ten minutes before you’re late for handover.’
Rainy looked as though she wanted to kill Blue, even though he’d given her a warning that the rumour was alive and well. Her lips thinned and her grey eyes became as hard as steel. ‘Kiss my ass.’
‘You kiss mine and I’ll kiss yours.’ Then he was gone, leaving everyone in the mess looking a little confused. A few turned to look at Rainy.
‘Really? You think I’d sleep with him? He has red hair.’ Then she ignored them all and helped herself to some breakfast.
‘Do you want anything hot? Sausage?’ Kurt smiled, there was no way he could keep a straight face.
‘Oh, yes. This is hilarious.’ She drew in a breath and released it slowly. ‘Why is Blue feeding the rumour?’
‘Because denying it will keep it burning for longer. So he’s making sure people realise how ridiculous it is. I mean really, who would be dumb enough to sleep with a crewmate?’ He handed her a coffee made the way she liked it. She’d need it today.
‘True. No one would actually be that stupid.’
For a moment he glimpsed the fear in her eyes. He got it. If they were busy debating whether or not the Milly/Blue rumour was true, how easy would it be for them to attach another name to her? No female submariner wanted that kind of reputation. Although a few had earned it fair and square.
***
While she ate she could feel the heat of people’s stare on her back. She hoped that by the time they deployed this would be well and truly over. She didn’t want people thinking she was sleeping her way to her dolphins.
However, Chief Smith was waiting for her after she’d finished eating. He stopped her by the ship’s office and asked her to step inside. Her hastily scoffed breakfast clumped and threatened to rise.
‘There seems to be a bit of rumour running around the boat. Did you want to talk to me about it?’ Smithy watched her, his glasses on his desk. He wasn’t as old as she’d first thought. Maybe brushing forty instead of being over it, but he was too serious and never cracked a smile.
‘Hessey suggested Tasker was in a mood because we’d had a fight.’
‘The rumour is a bit more detailed than that.’
‘I’m sure it is.’ Had Hessey been expanding on the original lie?
‘Are you sleeping with Tasker?’
‘No. His moods are his own business.’
‘Tasker denied it too. Said you both had partners—not that it matters. Do you have someone?’
‘I do, but it’s kind of new.’ She wished Tasker hadn’t said anything. The truth was worse than the rumour. ‘And may not last the trip away.’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t want to flash my private life around.’ And why should she? ‘Hessey was burned after making a mistake and lashed out, it’s unfortunate he implicated me.’
The COB took a moment. ‘Have you and Hessey had issues before?’
Issues. That was one way to put it. Was he looking for a reason to put one of them off the boat? Well it wouldn’t be her. ‘He didn’t particularly like that I was a skimmer, or that I did better than him during training.’
‘That’s useful to know.’ Smithy put his glasses on. ‘That’ll be all.’
She hesitated. ‘Is there a way to kill the rumour, Chief?’
He was silent for a moment. ‘At some point everyone will be the centre of chat. For some it will be deserved; for others, it is true. Some even love to be the centre of attention. Count yourself lucky that you know this is a lie and can brush it aside. Next week it will be someone else.’
Rainy nodded. That hadn’t been the answer she wanted. She was going to have to tough it out and move on. It irked her that Tasker was unbothered and even Kurt had thought it amusing.
Same old story, for guys an affair was something to be proud of but for women it was something they were supposed to be ashamed of. Perhaps Tasker and Smithy had the right attitude about this. Let them talk. She knew the truth. And as long as no one else did it would be fine.
‘Thank you, Chief.’
‘Good luck, Miller. But I’m sure you won’t need it. As you said, this isn’t your first trip.’
True, very true. She didn’t need to do anything to Hessey as payback. He was doing it all himself. Starting gossip, spreading lies and screwing up wouldn’t endear him to the crew. However, proving that she could get through it with a sense of humour would. She fixed her smile and left the office, already late for her shift. Today could only get better.
***
In the female cabin Emily was waiting and so was Caroline. A couple of weeks ago everyone had been talking about Caroline’s lack of ring and recent break-up. While Rainy knew the feeling, Caroline was rather prickly, so they hadn’t really spoken much.
Both women looked at her, but Emily spoke first. ‘Okay, first up I don’t believe you slept with Tasker.’ She shot a glance at Carob. ‘But I want to know about your boyfriend. The one you’ve been keeping quiet about.’
‘Yes,’ said Caroline. ‘You’ve never mentioned him and yet suddenly he appears to get you out of trouble.’
‘I don’t talk about my private life.’ She never really had, even on ships. She liked to keep them separate, and was failing very spectacularly this time.
‘I knew it. He doesn’t exist.’ Caroline gave a small victorious smile. Bitch. ‘What was Tasker like? Does downstairs match the roof?’
‘What?’ Oh … she had no idea what colour his short and curlies were. ‘I wouldn’t know, I’ve never slept with a redhead. If you’re so interested, why don’t you ask him?’
Caroline blushed. Did she actually have a thing for Tasker? Then muttered some excuse about needing to shower before getting some sleep.
Emily leaned in. ‘She hit on him after they’d been drinking up top. He shot her down. Next thing you know word is she spent the night with Chief Oliver.’
‘He’s married.’
‘Yes he is. But he lives by the different country doesn’t count rules. Smithy hates him.’ There was no gossip that Emily didn’t seem to know. ‘So, your boyfriend?
’
‘We’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. It might even be too soon to say he’s my boyfriend.’ And if Kurt had heard she had a boyfriend, he was hardly going to dispute the title where everyone could hear.
‘Exclusive?’
‘I believe so.’ It was but she didn’t want to share that, as it made the relationship seem more committed. As much as she liked Kurt, the idea they were heading into committed territory was scary. She heard the warning alarm that it wouldn’t last, that she’d crash and burn again.
Rainy started getting changed for bed. With workups happening, she changed underwear and put on a clean T-shirt and shorts and put her cams ready to be pulled on.
With the two of them getting changed there wasn’t much room in the cabin.
‘Where’d you meet?’
‘Fremantle, at a pub.’
Emily paused for a moment, an odd look in her eyes.
‘What?’ Rainy eased into her rack.
‘Nothing. You don’t look like the type to pick up in bars.’
Rainy lay down and closed her eyes. ‘I don’t usually, but I hadn’t had sex in over six months and he came up to me. It was hard to say no.’
Emily turned off the light and climbed into the rack above Rainy’s. ‘Yeah, I hear you there. Surrounded by testosterone and unable to touch it.’
‘You aren’t interested—’
‘Hell no. I dated a skimmer once. It was not good. Civvies only.’ Emily moved. ‘Carob won’t give you an easy time, I suspect the others will join in simply because you’re part of a rumour, even if it’s not true.’
‘Great. Damned either way.’
‘Kind of wished you’d enjoyed the crime before doing the time?’
In a way she was enjoying the crime, Hessey just had the wrong person. She hoped Chief Smith was right and it would pass as they realised there was nothing to talk about.
Chapter 14
Kurt was cleaning up after food service had finished when Smithy stepped into the galley. He stood still for a moment without saying anything. Usually Smithy got to the point. Kurt stopped and looked at the COB, there was something in his expression that put Kurt on edge. ‘Chief?’