by Shona Husk
‘Commander Fisher would like to see you see you in the Ward Room.’ While Smithy was usually quiet and serious, there was something different in his voice this time. A much more worrying undertone.
Kurt stood there for a moment with the cloth in his hand. The edge sharpened and traced over his skin, drawing the hairs on his arms up. ‘What is it?’
‘Just head up, Garland.’ Smithy moved aside so Kurt could get past.
His stomach clenched. There was definitely something wrong if he had to speak to the Captain. He forced his fingers to release the cloth. His mind spun with possibilities even as he walked calmly past Chief Smith.
Was the Captain going to kick him off the boat because he couldn’t decide what he was going to do? No, that wasn’t it. It was worse.
Had the Captain somehow discovered about him and Rainy?
He swallowed hard and hoped that wasn’t what had happened.
His feet kept moving, up the steep stairs that were almost a ladder to the next level where the senior sailors and officers had their living quarters and mess. Commander Fisher was sitting at the white table. He had sheets of papers in front of him. For some reason Kurt noticed the way the light hit the top of the Captain’s bald head and made it shine.
It was almost amusing. Nothing about this should be amusing. He was about to get spoken to and he had no idea why so couldn’t prepare.
Kurt stood in the doorway, waiting to be invited in. There was no one else in the Ward Room. The dark blue U-shaped sofa didn’t look inviting. His unease grew, pressing against his throat as if to choke him. He’d never been in any trouble before. He really didn’t like the feeling. But this was no dodgy meal, or something simple. This was bigger than that. How big? He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. But in the sub, under the sea there was nowhere he could run.
‘At ease, sailor, please take a seat.’ Fisher beckoned him in, his face echoing that same seriousness that Smithy had worn.
This was definitely bad. His stomach bottomed out, but he sat and pretended he was calm and unconcerned. He had nothing to be concerned about, yet. There was a pause that seemed to last for hours before Fisher finally spoke. Kurt recognised that look, sympathy and concern. He’d seen it when his mother was sick and again when she’d died.
‘I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this.’ Fisher began his voice was soft.
Kurt took a breath, bracing for the coming news.
‘I received a signal … your father was killed in a vehicle accident this morning.’
Silence filled the Ward Room. Beyond, the noise of the submarine continued. People talking, their lives going on as they waited for STG to pull another drama to test their response.
His father was dead. That wasn’t possible; his father was too tough and too bitter to die. He was like a cockroach that would survive long after every other human had perished. ‘I don’t understand.’
Fisher pushed a piece of paper over the table.
Kurt didn’t want to touch it. If he touched it, it would be real. While he’d never seen eye to eye with his father, hadn’t spoken to him in eighteen months, that didn’t change the fact that Dave Garland was still his father. They’d spent eight resentment-filled years living together until Kurt had joined the navy. His father could’ve thrown him out once he’d turned eighteen, but he hadn’t. Probably because it was convenient to have someone staying in the house for the stretches he was away driving between Sydney and Queensland.
He tried to read the words written on the page but they kept moving around and blurring.
The car his father been driving had been hit by a truck. He’d been pronounced dead at the scene. He’d spent his life driving trucks, only to have it ended by one. No doubt he was angry about that too.
‘I’ll arrange a small boat to collect you so you can get ashore ahead of schedule and get home.’
Kurt looked at up. The Captain was talking about pulling him off the boat. Getting a little runabout to pick him and take him back like he was some sad sack who couldn’t handle staying. ‘No.’
He wasn’t going to get taken off the boat
‘Kurt, do you want to take a few minutes to think about this? We aren’t due back at Stirling for another twelve hours. You could be home by then, with your family.’
‘I have no other family.’
‘Your aunt made sure you were notified.’
Kurt shook his head. He hadn’t seen his aunts, any of them, in over a decade. If his father saw them he’d never taken Kurt, and had never spoken to Kurt about them.
‘I want to stay, sir. Just get me on the red-eye back to Sydney.’ The midnight flight from Perth to Sydney was never nice but he was not leaving the boat with only a few hours to go. His father had never made any concessions for him, never turned up to anything in high school, so keeping his aunts waiting a few hours really didn’t matter.
‘Is there anyone onboard you’d like to talk to?’
Yes. He wanted to see Rainy. To be able to talk to her and hold her and feel her arms around him. But he couldn’t say that. ‘I don’t think so, sir.’
The Captain considered him. ‘I know this isn’t the only thing on your mind at the moment. Take next week off, spend some time with family and come back and tell me what you’re going to do.’
‘There’s workups next week.’
‘Which you will miss.’ Fisher was telling to him go home and take the week off, but he didn’t want a week off, and he didn’t want to go home. Maybe his father wasn’t dead and this was an elaborate stunt to mess with his life. He couldn’t imagine his father not being there and making sure everyone was as miserable as him.
‘You are no good to me if you are distracted, Garland. Take a few minutes. If you change your mind and want to go, let me know. Otherwise, see the Chief and tell him that you are fit for duty for the rest of this workup and don’t let me hear otherwise.’ Fisher stood up and left Kurt sitting in the Ward Room.
He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, wrapped his hands around the back of his neck. He couldn’t deal with this now. There was too much going on. But then, his father had always had impeccably bad timing. Everything from coming home early to find Kurt and his girlfriend trying to lose their virginity, to getting home late and drunk and without the suit he needed for the school formal.
Why should his death be any different?
With a final glance at the piece of paper, he stood. This was the last day at sea, and STG wouldn’t let up until they’d fake sunk the boat. He was glad. He wanted to be so busy he didn’t have to think. He’d have enough of that on the flight home, and the following week. As he went down the ladder the first alarm sounded.
‘Emergency. Emergency. Emergency. Hydraulic burst …’ It was on.
With grim determination, Kurt moved to his position in the junior sailors mess. Engineering was now busy fixing a fake burst down aft so STG would set something up at the front of the boat to test the rest of them.
***
The boat had completed its emergency surface and the crew had formed up on the casing ready to abandon the sub. They wouldn’t, of course, but it was the final part of the training exercise before heading back to base.
He swallowed as he remembered what that meant. Going home. Bright winter sunlight bounced off the little waves. The sky was the clear blue that looked like summer but meant freezing cold nights. Kurt closed his eyes and breathed in the cool salty air. Beneath his feet the boat was gently rolling. People were talking all around him but he wasn’t listening.
‘You all right, Garland?’ Smithy stood in front of him.
‘Yes, Chief. Just taking a moment.’ His father’s death still didn’t seem real. It must be, but he didn’t feel any different. He was tired and looking forward to a decent night’s sleep. That wasn’t going to happen. He’d be on the last flight of the day from Perth to Sydney. The midnight flight wasn’t called the red-eye for no reason.
‘Your travel docu
ments will be waiting when we get in.’
‘Thanks, Chief.’ He didn’t want to thank him. He didn’t want to go home. When he went home it would become real. And even though he’d never gotten on with his father, he’d never wished the man dead. He should’ve gone home for Christmas. At least rang him on his birthday, but he’d been avoiding the confrontation that always accompanied every conversation.
There would be no more conversations and no more confrontations.
Smithy walked away. Blue and Rainy came over. Could people not leave him alone?
Blue touched his pocket and swore. He glanced at the people smoking downwind, grimaced and turned back. ‘If I go up there, I’m going to end up bumming a smoke and starting again. Are you okay?’
‘Fine.’ Was he fine? He really didn’t know. ‘My father died during the night.’
‘What?’ Rainy’s eyes widened.
‘I have to go home. Captain has given me a week off … I suppose the funeral needs organising.’ What else would there be to deal with? Or was one of his aunts taking care of it? He should ring before he turned up. Let them know he was on his way. He’d have to find the number.
Rainy touched his arm. ‘I’m sorry.’ Then she realised what she’d done and pulled back.
He wanted to pull her closer and hold on. Close his eyes and forget.
It was Blue who gave him a hug, which Kurt returned. ‘I’m sorry, man. I know it wasn’t great between you guys.’
‘It’s okay.’ Kurt kept saying that, but it was making less sense.
Other people were looking now, wondering what was going on. Maybe it was his turn to be talked about.
‘I leave pretty much as soon as we get back.’ He glanced at Rainy. ‘The COB and Captain know, and I’ll tell a few others. I guess you’ll all know next week.’
‘And you’ll miss a week of workups,’ she said with a touch of envy.
Kurt shrugged. ‘Guess the trainee cook will get some hands-on experience.’
‘Oh dear God. Don’t wish that on us.’ Blue put his hand over his heart. His fingers skimming the pocket as if wanting the reassurance of his unsmoked cigarette.
‘You take care. I’ll leave you my house key in case.’
‘Cheers.’ Blue nodded.
Watson walked over. She gave everyone a quick glance. ‘Can I join your party?’
Kurt looked away. A single dolphin played about fifty metres off the bow.
‘Garland has found the perfect excuse to get out of workups. He’s going home for a funeral.’
‘Sorry for your loss. We’ll keep your rack warm.’ Watson gave him a tight-lipped smile.
Loss, was it a loss? It didn’t feel like a loss. ‘I hardly knew my father. We lived in the same house for nearly a decade and I couldn’t tell you anymore about him than his favourite rugby team and alcohol.’
Watson looked at him like he was freak. ‘He was still your dad.’
Kurt nodded. It could’ve been worse. His dad had never once hit him, there was always food in the fridge, if not on the table—but he’d learned how to cook caring for his mother so it hadn’t bothered him. He’d hoped that by putting food on the table his father would at least appreciate his contribution but it had gone unnoticed. ‘I won’t be going to drinks tonight.’
‘We’ll have a drink for you.’ Rainy said.
He’d rather be drinking with her. ‘I’ll have a few on the plane.’ Maybe before he got on so he could at least sleep. He’d make sure he put some earplugs in his pocket before he got off the boat.
They were all silent for a few minutes. They’d be going back down soon to get underway.
‘I’m going to get a replacement smoke. If you see me smoking, Milly, take it off me.’ Blue made his way along the casing to the smokers.
‘Since when did I become his keeper?’ She shook her head.
‘I guess since you started sleeping with him.’ Watson was grinning, her gaze darting between him and Rainy.
‘If my life was half as exciting as the rumours.’ But Rainy wasn’t smiling anymore and she was watching Blue. For a moment Kurt was able to buy into the rumour. Blue and Rainy were at ease around each other. She’d slotted straight in. ‘Do you think he’ll start up again?’
‘No. He acts like he still wants to smoke but I know he’s glad he quit.’ It gave him one up on Kylie who obviously hadn’t quit. Kurt was glad the conversation had moved away from him. He didn’t want to talk about it as that meant thinking about it. He willed Watson to walk away so he could have a minute with Rainy.
‘What happened to the smoke he kept?’ Watson frowned as she watched Blue take an offered smoke and hold it in his fingers.
‘No idea.’ Kurt lied smoothly. ‘Maybe it went through the wash.’
‘Yeah right. He’s been carrying it around for months, in case he ever felt like one.’
‘Maybe you should ask him.’ Blue wouldn’t tell, especially not now.
‘Maybe I will. Have a good trip home. We’ll all be thinking of you.’ Watson walked away, everyone would know before they got back to Stirling that he was going home. At least they didn’t know he was thinking about getting out. Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d stay and enjoy being at sea. After all, Rainy would be at sea and he had no family expecting him to see them.
‘How are you holding up, Milly?’
‘Fine. I think the rumour is dying down.’
‘Good. I’d be lying if I denied it made me jealous to think of you and him.’
Rainy laughed and shook her head, her gaze on the cluster of smokers. ‘I hope you’re right about him.’
‘So do I.’ Kurt studied her profile. The way her eyes were squinted against the sun, the blue/grey patterning of the cams matched her eyes. The only thing missing was the patch with the dolphins on. ‘I’ll miss you.’
‘Me too.’ Her voice was soft, like the waves lapping at the casing. She didn’t look at him, but she didn’t need to. A stand of her hair coiled along her cheek in the breeze. He wanted to reach out and brush it away. His fingers curled, but he didn’t move.
For anyone watching they were simply standing there waiting to go back down. The truth was right in front of them and they hadn’t seen it. It was almost enough to make him smile.
Chapter 15
Emily had convinced Rainy to go out for Friday night drinks. It was a small group of them, mostly singles—except Tasker. But he might have been stalling the inevitable. After getting changed in to civvie clothes onboard, she’d caught up with Emily instead of driving back to Freo and coming out again. She would’ve liked to have called Kurt, but she guessed he was packing before getting a cab to the airport. However, once he was at the airport he’d have a couple of hours to kill before boarding. So she planned to ring when she left the pub.
It seemed like she was being let into a group. Emily, Giles—whose first name she hadn’t learned, Tasker who seemed to prefer Blue to his first name of James, and Pierce Lovell, another MT who so far had been quiet and kept to himself. Which as far as Rainy was concerned was good as he hadn’t played into the rumours.
‘You know what is nice?’ Emily said as she sat down and handed out the drinks she’d gathered from the bar. ‘Having another girl here. It’s about time we expanded the group.’ Emily held out her beer for a toast.
Rainy tapped it with her beer bottle. ‘I’m glad to be here. Beats going home.’
‘No plans with your boyfriend this weekend?’ Emily raised an eyebrow.
‘Not yet.’ Not now he was on his way to Sydney for a week. She’d been really looking forward to falling into his bed after the week of workups. ‘But we generally leave it until the last minute.’
‘Booty call,’ Blue said with a grin.
Rainy wanted to kick him so badly, but she smiled as widely as she could. ‘You’re just jealous ’cause I’m getting some.’
He pulled a face. ‘Rub it in why don’t you. If he ever says no, you know I’ll say yes.’ He winked at her. He wou
ldn’t. She was beginning to see how much his talk and bluster hid.
Giles and Lovell wandered over to claim their beers. ‘I put some decent music on the juke box.’
‘And Giles just made his first pass and miss of the night.’ Lovell grinned.
‘Don’t you have someone to go home to?’ Giles spun his chair and sat on it backwards.
‘He won’t be home until late.’ Lovell sipped his beer; he looked at Rainy as though daring her to say something.
Rainy lifted an eyebrow. Did Lovell stay out of gossip because he’d been caught up in it before? She hadn’t realised he had a partner. ‘What does he do?’
‘Ballet dancer.’
‘And he’s gorgeous.’ Emily mock whispered.
Giles nudged Emily. ‘Seen anyone of interest?’
‘Too early. I need better beer goggles …’ She bit back a yawn. ‘Plastic might be the least hassle tonight.’
Giles pulled a face. ‘Ew, TMI, Watson.’
Rainy laughed. She knew how Emily felt. A week of workups and broken sleep was exhausting. Kurt leaving had taken away the bright side of the weekend so perhaps it was just a bed and a book kind of weekend.
‘So how did you like your first lot of workups?’ Blue leaned forward.
‘It was good. Hectic. I didn’t screw up.’ After what Hessey had done, she’d been extra careful.
‘For which I am grateful and I collected my winnings already.’ He pulled a fifty-dollar note out of his pocket. ‘Hessey is buying the round by default.’
They raised their glasses in a cheer.
But Rainy’s mind wasn’t on celebrating, it was on Kurt, and how he was doing. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose either of her parents. Around her conversation ebbed. They talked about the boat, the crew. Her ears pricked up at the mention of a few names but for the most part she listened.
‘Come on, Milly. Wake up.’ Emily punched her in the arm.
‘I’m awake. Just thinking.’
Blue gave her a sidelong glance. ‘You going to be right to drive without falling asleep at the wheel?’
‘There is no way I’m getting on your bike—gee, imagine the rumours that would start.’