Another clank.
Jenna raised her eyebrows but then took in a deep breath. Even though she wanted to march across the kitchen and pull the cups from his hands, she forced her feet to stay by the oven. It didn’t do to argue with him. It just made his face fall, as if he thought she wanted to hurt him. He didn’t get it. She was trying to take care of him, make his life easier, and trying to tax him as little as possible so he’d live longer. Why couldn’t he see that?
“Jenna, I’m fine.”
He moved to set down the next cup and lost hold of it. The glass smacked the edge of the heavy butcher-block-style tabletop, rocketed toward the ground and shattered. He made a late move to try to catch the glass, which sent a second cup down the same path of destruction.
Shards shot around the room like a firecracker going off.
“Oh, dear.” Dad gripped the back of the chair and hung his head.
“I’ll get it. Don’t move.” Jenna lurched forward, but smoke curled from the skillet. She needed to take out the mushrooms and put the fillets in, or else dinner would be ruined. But Dad was barefoot and shouldn’t be near the glass. He couldn’t drop to his knees and clean the mess up either, because it would be too hard for him to get back up off the floor.
She’d have to do it. And figure out how to salvage dinner later.
Although truthfully, all she felt like doing was crying or screaming. Both at once didn’t sound so bad. Watching her father deteriorate piece by piece each day felt as if someone was slowly puncturing the deepest parts of her heart, creating holes where hope and faith leaked out of her life. Drip by drip. Never to return.
The back door opened. Toby’s gaze went from the pile of glass on the ground to Jenna’s face. He held up a hand to block the child following behind him and then the other one to Jenna so she wouldn’t move. He mouthed, “Let me,” as he set a jug of fresh cider on the counter. Jenna nodded. She quickly dumped the mushrooms onto a waiting plate but decided to hold off on adding the fillet medallions until the chaos in the kitchen subsided.
Toby smiled at Dad, an understanding passing between them, and then turned toward the small girl. What struck Jenna most was that Kasey looked like a carbon copy of Toby’s cousin, Sophia. Her family used to visit the Holcombs every summer. Sophia had even stayed at Jenna’s house for a few girls’-night sleepovers. Kasey and her mother shared identical long, dark hair and striking green eyes.
Toby dropped to one knee and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, Kase, I’m going to help Mr. Crest, but first I want you to meet a really good friend of mine.” He pointed toward Jenna. “This lady’s put up with me since she was younger than you are. Isn’t that wild?”
Kasey’s chin sank to her chest, and she inched closer to Toby.
He wrapped his arm around her. “It’s okay. These are good people. The best. So you don’t have to be afraid, all right? You already know Mr. Crest.” He gestured toward the man.
Dad waved, and despite the heap of glass at his feet, a genuine smile warmed his tanned face. “Hey there, pumpkin. I was wondering when you’d come and visit me again.”
Toby smiled a thank you and then moved so that he and Kasey were facing Jenna. Jenna got down to one knee, too, and summoned the warmest smile she had.
“This is Jenna. I know you’re going to love her.” Toby smoothed a hand down Kasey’s hair. “Because she’s my best friend in the whole world.”
Jenna’s breath caught, and it suddenly felt like everything in the room had turned and slammed into her chest. She’s my best friend in the whole world. Why would Toby say something like that? Of course, he was trying to make Kasey feel comfortable around her, Jenna got that. But he shouldn’t lie to her. Children were perceptive, more so than most people realized. She’d been older—fifteen—when Mom died, but people had lied to her to try to make her feel better, too. It never worked. Once the grieving kid figured out someone they trusted lied, then they started to question everything. Or learned to pull inward. Neither were good choices.
Kasey’s shy gaze met Jenna’s and then skittered away, back to Toby’s face. “She’s really pretty,” Kasey whispered to her guardian.
Toby rose to his feet, and his eyes found Jenna’s. “You’re right. She is.”
Jenna opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Why was Toby torturing her? He knew how to say the right things to get what he wanted. That’s all he was doing. If only she’d figured that out back when she was a teenager. From the age of nine or ten up until seventeen, Jenna had pictured herself marrying him. Toby had been her hero. Her everything, if she was being honest. Until he’d made a fool of her, led the school in mocking her and then left.
She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t live near him. But their lives intertwined now. If she didn’t need help on the orchard and with Dad, and if Toby didn’t have Kasey and need a place to stay, she’d tell him to leave. Forever. But she did need help, and Kasey needed a home. Jenna was stuck.
As if someone had squeezed a corset around her waist, Jenna’s lungs felt tight and boxed in. She forced out a breath and held her hand toward Kasey. “I could really use help with dinner.”
Toby pressed on the child’s back, and she tiptoed over and slipped her fingers into Jenna’s. Kasey’s hand was so tiny it made Jenna’s heart constrict.
“Do you like to cook?” Jenna asked.
“Yes,” Kasey answered shyly.
Toby spared them a warm, soft smile and then turned toward her father.
“Hang tight, Mr. Crest. I’ll dig you out.”
Dad shook his head. “I don’t know how it happened. Sorry to burden you all.”
Toby crossed to the closet that held all the cleaning supplies. Evidently, even after ten years, he still remembered where they kept everything. “Not at all. Like all boys, I secretly wanted to be a fireman when I was younger, and you’re helping me live out my dream.” He pretended to push up sleeves, even though he was wearing a crisp navy blue T-shirt. “Commencing rescue mission.” He bent over and swept up the majority of the shards before moving onto his hands and knees with damp paper towels. “I think the glassware companies have some sort of conspiracy going. They need us to break their stuff so we buy more.” He moved the chair and hunted for pieces under the table.
Dad chuckled. “Of course. They implant them with invisible computer chips, and they’re programmed to jump out of our hands after a certain time of ownership passes.”
“Exactly.” Toby crawled toward the pantry and deposited more glass into the trash can.
Charm might as well have been Toby’s middle name, especially where her father was concerned. He’d always had a soft spot for her childhood friend, and their latest interaction reminded Jenna why. If she weren’t determined to dislike Toby, his tender kidding with Dad would have warmed her heart.
Too bad she didn’t care about anything having to do with Toby.
Jenna pulled a chair over and then fished a spare apron out of the linen drawer. She looped it over Kasey’s head. “I’ve got red potatoes in the Crock-Pot, and it’s just about time to mash them. Think you could do that?”
Kasey nodded. “I’m really good at mashing.”
“I thought you might be.” Jenna winked at her as she offered Kasey a hand to climb up onto the chair. She unplugged the Crock-Pot and pulled it closer. After she adjusted all the ingredients so they were within Kasey’s reach, she explained when to add the butter, cream and seasonings and told her to go ahead and mash away.
Toby finished cleaning the floor and had Dad settled around the same time that Jenna finished the steak medallions. She plated the mashed potatoes and meat, covering both with the mushroom cream sauce.
Toby moved Kasey to the table, then sidled up beside Jenna. “Smells great.” His arm brushed against hers. “I forgot what a good cook you are.”
&n
bsp; She twisted, shoving two plates into his hands. “Try it before you rave about it.”
“Don’t need to.” Toby placed a plate in front of Dad and the other before Kasey. “The smell alone is better than anything I’ve had in years.”
Jenna rinsed off her hands before she brought the other two plates to the table. Toby was in the seat next to hers, his arm hooked over the back of her chair. She had to lean close to set a plate in his spot. He smelled clean—she caught a hint of cedar—and his hair was still a bit damp from a recent shower. She finally dropped down into her seat. They had shared many meals around this table, sitting in the same places, knees nudging whenever they needed to share a secret joke or convey something without her parents noticing.
Well, that wouldn’t be happening today. Jenna scooted her chair farther away from him.
Dad reached out his hands, taking one of Kasey’s and one of Toby’s. “Let’s say grace.”
Jenna scooped up Kasey’s outstretched hand but kept the other one, the one close to Toby, under the table. He simply reached under the table and cupped his hand over hers. His skin was warm, his hand so much bigger than hers. As he held her hand, Toby absently traced his thumb over the back of it. Jenna was having a hard time concentrating. Toby had always possessed the ability to overwhelm her. A part of her wanted to snatch her hand away, but the other part wanted to ask him not to let go. That thought freaked her out more than anything else. She stiffened.
Dad cleared his throat. “Thank You, Lord, for filling my table again, but not just my table—thank You for filling my life again, too. For my beloved daughter. For bringing back the man I’ve always considered to be the son of my heart. Thank You, also, for my new friend, Kasey. With these friends here, I feel whole again. Bless this food and bless our conversation, too. Amen.”
Jenna yanked her hand away from Toby’s and dived into her food, avoiding the questioning look he shot her way. Everyone praised the meal, but it might as well have been cardboard for as much as Jenna tasted. Her thoughts were far away.
Toby’s knee bumped hers. It was the “You okay?” nudge. Yes, they’d long ago worked out an intricate type of Morse code, all from nudges. She tucked her leg away from his and dug into her mashed potatoes with more gusto than the spuds called for.
Too bad she and Toby had never worked out a sign for “No, I’m not okay. I’ll never be okay, and you’re part of the reason why.”
Because unlike her father, Jenna had no hope of ever being whole again.
* * *
When Jenna and Kasey started to clear the table, they shooed Toby and Mr. Crest out of the kitchen.
“Come on. We’re unwanted men at the moment.” Jenna’s dad rested his hand on Toby’s arm. “I haven’t had a chance to speak to you much since you got back anyway.”
Toby steered the man toward the sitting room located at the front of the house.
The son of my heart. Mr. Crest’s words sank into Toby’s chest, rattling him. If Jenna’s dad really felt that way, then Toby had failed him, too. He was yet another person to add to the Disappointed by Toby Holcomb list.
Why hadn’t Toby ever visited? Called? Sent a Christmas card?
He’d been so selfish.
Regret tasted sour at the back of Toby’s throat as Mr. Crest shuffled down the hallway beside him.
The second he’d driven under the Crest Orchard sign at the entryway of their property the other day, Toby had actually begun to believe he could do this—be a good guardian for Kasey.
Over the past five months, Toby had struggled to know what to do with Kasey’s tears and cries for a mother who would never hug her again. But at the Crest household, he’d always felt like he was someone worthwhile and capable. Ha. Wishful thinking. He was still the same failure of a man he’d been back in Florida. Really, the one he’d always been, even here in Goose Harbor. The Crests had just always looked past that. They had cared without expecting anything of him. He’d spent every summer of his childhood zigzagging through the lanes of trees with Jenna. They’d built forts and dreamed of what life would be like when they grew up. She’d held his hand during his brother’s funeral.
Toby swallowed past the lump in his throat.
A lot of time had passed since then, and all of the dreams they’d pored over in their youth hadn’t come to fruition. Not one. Toby wasn’t a national football star, Jenna wasn’t a bestselling author and neither was happily married with kids, as they’d assumed they’d both be by now.
Although, he had a seven-year-old child he was responsible for, so maybe he could start rewriting his future. Maybe that was what God was doing—writing a new chapter in his life by bringing him back to the place where all his hopes had once taken root. And boy, did he need a new chapter. He couldn’t afford to be a failure now, not with Kasey depending on him.
Toby took the wing-backed chair off to the side of where Mr. Crest sat. Other than the new-looking couch along the back wall, their front room looked the same as it had been the last time he’d been here.
Jenna’s dad picked up the Bible resting on the small table between them. “How are you, son? And I don’t mean today. Your parents have kept me up to speed on most things, but I want to know where you stand with God these days.”
In an effort to hide his smile, Toby smoothed his hand over his mouth. Mr. Crest had never been one to beat around the bush. For that, he deserved an honest answer. No matter how raw it left Toby.
“After my injury—” Toby cleared his throat. “After my life didn’t go as planned, I went down the wrong path. I’m ashamed to say that it took me longer than it should have to get back on track.” Just own up to your mistakes. Mr. Crest already knows them. “My second drunk-driving arrest was the shock I needed to clean up my life. I’ve been sober for two years now. In that time I started attending church with my parents and have been reading through the Bible. I’m a Christian, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Mr. Crest hugged his Bible. “You say your life didn’t go as planned—well, that seems to be a running theme for everyone on this earth. I didn’t plan to lose my ability to run this place due to illness, and yet here I am.” He tapped the Bible. “But I find I’m in good company. Do you know not one person in this book had their life go according to their own plans? Not one, son. Think about that.” He fanned the pages so they made a slight whooshing sound. “Yet God used them. Sometimes He gave them a greater plan, and sometimes the plan for their life was so different from their own that they fought tooth and nail against God. Letting go of our human plans is the first step to living by faith. I’m proud of you, Toby.”
Uncomfortable with the man’s high regard for him, Toby shuffled his feet. “It would have been better if I hadn’t wasted a handful of years being messed up though.”
“Maybe so, but maybe not. You’re the man you are now because of those things. If you hadn’t been injured at that final game, you’d be playing football on the national scene right now—how would that have prepared you for your role as guardian?”
Who knew? If Toby had achieved his dream, the one that had been within his grasp until the career-ending tear in his knee, he definitely wouldn’t have been able to drop everything and move to take care of Kasey. That much was true.
Toby rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, hands together. “Mr. Crest?”
“It’s Rich.”
He shook his head. “I’ll never be able to call you by your first name.” Toby looked down at his hands. “With all you’re going through, it’s just...”
“What is it?”
“It doesn’t seem like you’re afraid of anything. How do you do that?”
Mr. Crest set his Bible back on the table. “I have fears. Everyone does.”
“What are you most afraid of?” Toby asked quietly.
“Leaving Jenna all
alone.”
Not dying? Not losing his purpose? Toby kept his eyes on the intricate pattern that spanned the edges of the Oriental rug beneath them. Emotion grabbed him, lodging in his throat as a slow burn simmered in his gut. The thought of Jenna completely alone—no family—left him feeling ill.
Toby’s mouth went dry. “Sir, you don’t have to worry about that. I promise she won’t be alone.”
Mr. Crest cocked his head. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Yes, yes, I do.” Toby straightened up, hooked his ankle on his knee and rested back against the chair. “I have nowhere else to go. I can’t live at my parents’ retirement community. I tried to start a business and had to close the doors within a year. I...” He shrugged. “This is the only place I’ve ever fit. I’ll stay here and take care of her, if she’ll let me.”
“It’s a nice thought.” Sadness clouded Mr. Crest’s eyes. “But outside of one circumstance, it’s an impossible promise to keep.”
“You don’t think I’ll do it?”
“Oh, I think you’re serious, but, son, what would you do if Jenna fell in love with someone? Then what? You two can’t play house here like you used to when you were knee-high.” He wore a far-off gaze, as if he was picturing five-year-old Jenna and Toby playing blocks together in the very same room. “I want love for Jenna, real, true love. Not a brother-type figure.”
“Well, sure.” Toby coughed. “I mean, if there was someone...if a guy came along...of course I’d get out of the way.” The words had been forced out, and Toby wasn’t sure if they were true. He’d been back for only a few days and Jenna was all bristles and thorns toward him, but still, the thought of handing her over to someone else’s care didn’t sit well. Jenna was a vital part of almost all of his good memories, and her smiles, her encouragement, were the only happy spot in the midst of his bad memories.
Mr. Crest shifted in his seat. “And if you find someone to marry, what becomes of Jenna?”
Toby barked out a laugh before he could rein it in. “That’s not going to happen. Marriage isn’t for me.”
Apple Orchard Bride Page 5