“I don’t know what to say. But I’m here for you.” He reached over and held the side of her face, his thumb tracing it to catch her tears. “Know that. I’m here for you as long as you want me to be.”
She leaned into his hand, wanting the affection to be real. Wanting it to mean something more than a friend soothing an old friend.
Toby licked his lips. “I’ve done things to lose your trust, so I know I can’t ask you to have faith in me. But let me try to prove to you that I’m here for the long haul, okay? Can you do that much?”
“I know you’re my friend. I’m sorry I pushed you away at first.”
“You had every reason to.” He climbed out of the shed and held out a hand to her. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”
When she reached solid ground, he held her around the waist because her legs had turned to applesauce. Knowing that she had nothing to fear was very different from convincing her body she was fine. Attacks always left her feeling spent. If he offered to carry her, she’d say yes and sag against him.
She clung to his side, no doubt stretching out his shirt more. He just pulled her closer as if he didn’t mind.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you,” Toby said. “Not ever again. Not as long as I’m here.”
Except she couldn’t hold on to his promise, no matter how kindly he offered it, because he was the most probable reason for future pain. Losing the only man Jenna had ever loved was bound to hurt far more than anything else in her life to date. Oh, Toby might not be planning to leave, but he would. Someone would catch his eye—his heart.
Someone who wasn’t named Jenna Crest.
Chapter Eleven
Toby swirled his coffee around and around in his cup. Come two o’clock, he’d be kicking himself for waking up so early. He stifled a yawn when Jenna crossed through the doorway into the front room of the Crests’ house.
She let out a little “Eep,” her hand flying to her heart. “You startled me.”
He set down his mug. “Sorry. Couldn’t sleep.”
She rolled her shoulders. “Me neither.”
“Come here.” He patted the space next to him on the couch.
Normally he strolled into the house in the morning and found her in one of the side chairs reading a Bible, but today he wanted to share with her what he’d learned. After they’d talked last night, Toby had spent hours poring over his Bible and praying for Jenna. He’d asked God for wisdom, too. What hope could he offer someone who didn’t believe God responded to calls for help from His followers?
Jenna slowly came around the coffee table and took the seat he offered. Her fingers hugged her own cup of coffee. She jerked her chin to indicate the Bible and handful of colored notecards spread across the table. “What have you got there?”
He gathered them up and waited for her to put down her cup. Then he handed her the stack. “Verses.” He cleared his throat. Why was he so nervous? “For you.”
As she flipped through them, scanning each verse, she started blinking like crazy. Oh, no. Was she crying? He was trying to help. Not cause her more troubles.
“Jenna, I—”
She met his gaze and held it. “This is the sweetest thing.”
Looking into Jenna’s misted-over eyes was the wrong move. A sudden desire to lean in and brush his lips against hers almost overwhelmed him. After what had happened with his parents and Ben, Toby had made a choice not to fall in love. But with Jenna, that proved impossible. Besides, she decimated every single one of the reasons he had for not wanting to date. She knew his worst and still cared about him. She stuck with him and believed the best about him, even though he’d disappointed her in the past. She’d endured terrible things in her life and still laughed and joked with him and Kasey. She loved family—loved deeply. Any pain he faced in the future was worth loving this woman.
And she was only inches away.
Toby rocked back, breaking eye contact. After what she shared last night, he didn’t feel right planting a kiss on her without some encouragement on her part. He should probably wait for her to make a move or tell him that’s what she wanted. Any physical advances ran the risk of scaring her. He could wait. He would wait and win her heart.
He ran his hand down the back of his bed head. “It’s just some verses I looked up for you. Hopefully something to encourage you with the stuff you’re dealing with.”
“‘Our Lord and our God, You are my mighty rock, my fortress, my protector.’” She traced her finger down his block lettering on the card. “I want to believe that,” she whispered.
I’m so bad at this. Give me words.
“Why don’t you?”
“Like I said last night, God never rose to protect me against what happened. I did what the Bible says to do. I cried out to Him, and it didn’t matter. It was like He didn’t even care.”
Toby took her trembling hand in both of his. “Being a Christian doesn’t mean nothing bad will ever happen to us. There will always be bad people, evil, sickness—stuff we can’t control. God isn’t a magic pill that makes everything perfect, and He never promised to take away troubles.”
She pushed her palm into his. “Then why bother?”
“He promised to be with us during the worst. That makes all the difference.”
She snatched her hand out of his, pushed the Bible away. “It’s not that easy.”
Toby was ruining this opportunity, wasn’t he? Failing God.
God, help me.
He’d have to be gut-level honest with her. Let her know that he struggled with this idea as much as she did. “With everything in me, I wish God had stepped in and stopped what happened to you. I wish He saved your mom. Saved Ben. Prevented your dad from getting sick. But He didn’t do any of those things.” Toby sighed. “Still, I have to believe that God cares. I have to cling to the knowledge that God is upset by every single injustice and that He will make all things right in the end. I have to trust that, because if I don’t, then all hope would be lost. I think... I think that’s what it means to have faith.”
“I know you’ve suffered, too. I don’t mean to make light of the things that have happened in your life. And not just with Ben, but the depression you fought and the career that got taken from you.” She slipped her hand over his. “More and more, I want to depend on God and believe what you’re saying. I just don’t know how to get there. If I knew how, I’d do it, but I feel like I’m behind a wall or something, stuck. I’ve been stuck in the same place spiritually for eight years.”
“You need to realize that you are not your circumstances or your past.”
“Toby, don’t you see? That’s just it, though. Because of what happened to me, I’m damaged. Forever.” She studied her coffee and said in a voice he could hardly hear, “I can’t change that.”
“First off, get that notion out of your head. You are not damaged goods, Jenna Crest. Hear me. Believe that. Okay?” He waited until her eyes met his, and then he added tenderly, “No man in his right mind would see you that way. You are pure and innocent and worth the effort of working through all that.”
Her eyebrows rose. She looked hopeful. “Really?”
“Stuff happens in everyone’s life. The thing that dictates who you are all depends on who you run to for help.” He tapped the Bible. “I know you’re a Christian, but did you ever give over all that pain to Him, or are you hanging on to it, too afraid to trust what He needs to do in your life in order to heal you? Have you surrendered it?”
“Surrender?” She ran her fingers over her forehead. “But how’s that any different from being a Christian? I’m not being snarky—I honestly don’t understand.”
“When you surrender, you stop trying to protect yourself and leave room for Him to work in your life.” His own words rocked through his heart. Did Toby believe that? The Toby a m
onth ago hadn’t. But he found he did. Today, he did. “It’s an everyday battle of giving over what you want to Him. Each and every day choosing to surrender, and it’s not easy.”
He failed at it. Daily. But he would make a point to surrender all to God going forward, including his feelings for Jenna.
She started to talk, but he cut her off. “Hear me out. I want you to know that when that bad stuff happened to you, God cared. You didn’t see Him, but believe me—He grieved over what happened to you. Evil breaks the heart of God, Jenna. Every time you’re scared and huddling somewhere, when your mind is taking you back to those attacks, He’s there with you. He’s angry about what happened to you, too.”
The sound of Mr. Crest’s wheelchair made them both swivel toward the doorway. Mr. Crest smiled as wide as a kid discovering a pile of birthday gifts. “Well, don’t you two look cozy this morning?”
Toby picked up his cup and got to his feet. “Actually, I was just heading out.”
Jenna slipped her hand into his and gave a little tug. “Stay. You’ll miss breakfast.”
“I would love to, but there’s something I need to work on.” He headed out of the house through the kitchen, placing his mug into the dishwasher before he left.
Yesterday evening, before he went searching for Jenna, he’d run through his plan to surprise her with her father, getting Mr. Crest’s approval first. Mr. Crest had promised to see Kasey out of the house every morning if Toby needed to use that time to work. They couldn’t tell Jenna about his special project, but she would find out soon enough.
And hopefully when she did, she’d understand what it meant.
* * *
“Okay, Tobe...when can I take this blindfold off?”
He just chuckled. The rat.
Although, Jenna had to hand it to him—with one of his hands on her lower back guiding her and the other serving as a scratching post for her hands, he’d expertly steered her through the yard without stumbling. He didn’t even whimper when she sank her nails into his arm.
Two weeks had passed since the night in the shed when she’d told Toby everything. Two weeks of finding him in the front room reading his Bible when she woke up. Two weeks of his leaving for work early and heading back out to the orchard when he returned from football practice. She’d questioned him again and again about the project that was taking up so much of his time, but he hadn’t given her a clue, and he’d made her promise she wouldn’t go searching in the orchard to figure it out either.
The Crest Country Store was selling out every weekend. Thankfully, all the seasonal employees were back. They’d enjoyed a boom of pick-your-own-apples business, as well. Also, Jason Moss had accepted six articles from her for publication in the town’s newspaper. It was only Goose Harbor, but it was still writing. Ever since that morning when Toby had first joined her in the front room, she’d memorized all the verses he’d written out for her, and they’d slowly started to change her perspective. She wasn’t alone. She’d never been alone. Never would be.
God had promised to see her through every moment of her life, if only she’d surrender. He was doing something in Jenna’s life—changing her, allowing her to see a new path. One that included the man she was currently clinging to.
“Almost there.” Toby’s voice was right at her shoulder.
“You know, normal people celebrate birthdays with a cake or balloons,” Jenna teased. “A little singing, maybe.”
“Ah, but there’s the issue—you’re not a normal person. Not to me.” He gently turned her in a different direction. “So a normal celebration won’t do.”
“So you’re saying I’m abnormal?” she baited him.
“Haven’t you heard? All the best people are. Now stand here.” He took her shoulders and positioned her. “I hope you like it.”
Her blindfold fell away to reveal that she was standing in the forested area of their property where Jenna and Toby’s old clubhouse used to be. The old structure had long rotted out, and Jenna had stopped visiting their special place soon after she and Toby stopped speaking.
But the clubhouse was back, and it was bigger. Much bigger.
The top section looked like a functional cabin. It had a red front door, cute little windows and a wraparound balcony. The space was easily tall enough for an adult to stand inside. Below the cabin area was a second, lower level—an open-air platform area housed a table and tree-stump stools, and seven glass jars hung from the ceiling over the table with flickering candles burning in them. It looked like something out of a children’s fairy-tale book.
“You rebuilt our tree house? I can’t believe you did this. Tobe, I—” Jenna’s voice trembled, and she couldn’t continue speaking. She brought her hand to her mouth and let her shoulders shake.
Toby’s proud grin dissolved. “You hate it.”
“I love it. I’m crying because I love it.” She looped her arms around his middle and pulled him closer in a side hug. In response, he lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders so she could lean against him.
“This is the special project you’ve been constantly sneaking off to work on for the past two weeks.”
“Happy birthday.” His smile was back.
Jenna let go of him and then ran toward the stairs to the lower platform, with Toby laughing at her heels. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine they were teenagers again, swapping secrets under the stars here. But reality was even better than that image. They were adults, and Toby was home where he belonged. He was attentive and sweet and loved God, and he was good with Kasey and her father, and he was staring at her with the goofiest lopsided grin.
And even though she knew she had to be satisfied with being only his friend for the rest of her life, she’d never wanted anything more than to kiss that man in this moment.
Instead she turned to face the last of the sunlight. Pinks and oranges burst on the horizon, making the trees in the orchard look like they were on fire.
“Come eat,” Toby said. He hauled one of the large apple baskets from a stool and began unpacking. There were glass bottles of pop, plates and utensils, food packed in little jars, and a brown box from Gran’s Candy Shoppe, a place located in downtown Goose Harbor that served homemade sweets.
Jenna dropped down onto the stool next to him. “You even packed food?”
“These jars have chili with a layer of corn bread baked on top.” He tapped the medium-sized jars and then moved on to the larger ones, which obviously held salads. “And these are pear-and-walnut salad. I hope you like that sort of thing. And we have cupcakes for dessert. Red velvet. That’s still your favorite, right?”
“Tobe.” She’d tried his cooking before and had lived to tell about it, but he still wasn’t good with anything more complex than scrambled eggs. “I know you’re not much of a cook. Did you make all this?”
“Such doubt.” He threw his head back and laughed. “You know me too well. I called up your friend Kendall, and she paired me with one of the caterers she uses for her business. Also, you’ll be happy to hear that Kasey and your dad are excitedly waiting for their pizza delivery. I’ve been informed they have grand plans for a checkers competition, as well as an old-time black-and-white-movie marathon.”
Jenna picked up one of the cloth napkins and spread it over her lap. Her shoulder brushed his in the process. “You thought of everything.”
His eyes were so warm in the candlelight. “I just wanted you to have a nice evening.”
“Well, you picked great company.” She elbowed him in the ribs. “But seriously. This is amazing. I can’t believe you did all this. It’s so much work.”
“I did it for you. I’d gladly do more.” He passed her a pop and jars of each of the food. “Can I pray for us?”
“Please.” She rested a hand on his knee and bowed her head.
“
God, we thank You for old roots and new beginnings. I thank You especially for Jenna today, on her birthday. God, she is a blessing to everyone she meets, and without realizing it, she’s a beacon of Your hope to the people around her. Bless this food—that I did not cook. Amen.”
As they ate, they fell into the usual chitchat about the operation of the orchard, and they brainstormed a list of things they needed to accomplish in the next few days. It was already the beginning of October, and traffic was bound to pick up even more and carry steadily until the end of the month. By November, most of their business would drop off, except for the occasional barn or property rental. This winter they’d host Kendall and Brice’s reception, but beyond that, they had nothing else booked yet.
Toby laid down his silverware. “Speaking of this week, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
She pushed her plate to the center of the table and turned toward him. “Go on.”
“Saturday is our homecoming game. My team at the high school, that is. But it’s our homecoming game, too.” He pointed between the two of them. “They’re hosting a party afterward for our ten-year reunion.”
Jenna laced her fingers together and studied them. When she received the invitation to the class reunion in the mail, she’d promptly torn it into twenty shreds. Surely Toby knew that she wanted nothing to do with that place and those people who had ridiculed her. He might have fond memories that he wanted to revisit, but she definitely didn’t. “I hadn’t considered going.”
“It would mean a lot to me if you came to the game. My guys have been working hard, and I’d love for you to see the other place I spend my time.”
He didn’t get it.
“I don’t like that place.”
“Jenna—I’ll be with you.” He inched closer. Sometimes it was aggravating how well he could read her, see her fear even when she was trying to mask it. “I have to go, and I don’t want to be there without you.”
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