Apple Orchard Bride

by Jessica Keller

  Jenna grabbed the back of a folding chair nearby, steeling herself. Choose strength. She lifted her chin. Choose strength. She started walking across the dance floor to come up behind Toby and join him. Choose strength. She was not a victim.

  Jeremy cuffed Toby on the back. “Rumor is, you’re with her these days. Is that right?”

  “Wait, you’re with Amish Chick?” Ashley’s voice rose in disbelief.

  Jenna’s feet turned to concrete.

  “She’s not Amish.” Toby jammed his hands into his pockets. “And yeah, I’m living at their place. It’s a good job.”

  “Living at their place”? Not...“She’s my best friend”?

  “But she was such a zero in high school,” Ashley said.

  Toby pulled his hands from his pockets to cross his arms over his chest, biceps popping. “She’s not—”

  “Harsh, Ashley.” Megan swirled her drink around in her cup. “We’re adults now.”

  “Anyway.” Toby rocked on his feet, clearly uneasy. “No, we’re not together. It’s not like that. Not at all.”

  Megan snorted. “Of course not. You and her? Yeah, that’s a never.”

  Jenna dashed away a stray tear. Stupid. She was so stupidly stupid to have believed they were friends again. To believe they had ever been friends. Toby was ashamed to admit he knew her. She backed away, slamming into a man who looked like he was there for his forty-year reunion.

  “Sorry. Sorry.” She spun away from him, pinballing between people as she rushed outside.

  Get away. Get away before they see you.

  Toby didn’t care. It had all been a lie. Their friendship wasn’t real. Never had been. She was a way to pass his time and nothing more.

  One loud sob tore its way out of her throat before she was able to rein in her tears and stumble away from the tent. Strength would have been facing those people—facing Toby—then and there. But Dad was wrong. It wasn’t something a person could just choose or summon up upon need. Someone was either strong, or they were not. And Jenna fell firmly into the latter category. Who even cared? Strength mattered very little when it felt like her heart was being shredded apart.

  She’d handed him her last piece of hope, and he’d drop-kicked it into the dirt. Again.

  The only person she could blame was herself. Toby was a fake. He’d always been a fake. She’d been a fool to believe otherwise.

  Claire Atwood held up her hand, waving at Jenna. She called, “Are we still a go for tomorrow?”

  Oh, Jenna did not want company right now. She wanted to wallow alone in her heartache.

  “Tomorrow?” Jenna eked out.

  Claire bid the group of people she was talking to goodbye and then joined Jenna on the bus lane in front of the high school. “Kasey’s coming to my place to play with Alex. Don’t you remember? I talked to you and Toby at church about it last week. We’re going to decorate cookies.”

  “You’ll have to check with Toby.” Her voice shook on his name. “I don’t have any say with Kasey.”

  Claire’s brow formed a V, and then she hooked her arm through Jenna’s and tugged her away from the crowd, down into the parking lot. They stopped between a conversion van and a large bus. “What’s wrong? You look like you’re going to cry.”

  Jenna hugged her stomach. “It’s nothing.”

  “It’ll help if you tell me.” Claire inched closer and lowered her voice. “Is it man troubles?”

  “You could say that.” She blew out a long stream of air. Perhaps wallowing alone wasn’t wise. That route had never helped—it often left her stuck, roadblocked by her own pain. Jenna needed to start reaching out to other women for friendship, especially since she was a terrible judge when it came to men.

  “It’s Toby, isn’t it?” Claire leaned in. “I may be older, but Goose Harbor isn’t all that big. Between you and me, I happen to have a good read on these sorts of things. I figured you two had something going on.”

  “I always liked him but...” She shrugged.

  “But he’s an idiot.” Claire started talking with her hands, causing the mess of bracelets on her wrist to clank. “He hurt you before and now he’s done it again, hasn’t he?”

  “I can’t blame him.” Jenna moved her arms to cross over her chest and leaned her head against the school bus. If she looked up at the first stars, she might be able to keep her tears from falling. “He doesn’t love me. He’s never going to.” Her own bitter laugh surprised her. “He doesn’t even want to be my friend. I’m the idiot.”

  “You’re not.” Claire grabbed her biceps with more force than Jenna would have given the lean woman credit for. “If he can’t see how amazing you are, that’s his huge loss. I’m going to go ahead and give you some advice—woman-to-woman—as a girl who’s been down a similar path.” She pointed at Jenna with her keys. “Don’t let a man with a hold on your past ruin your future. You’re better than that. Guys who let women like us go—they just aren’t worth our time.”

  “Toby and I were never involved.” Well, other than the one kiss, but that didn’t count. She’d all but begged him to kiss her, which wasn’t romance. It was pathetic.

  Ouch.

  Jenna shoved her palm into her sternum, as if the action could hold her crumbling world together.

  “Anyway, he’s a loser,” Claire said. “They all are. How about we get out of here and go for ice cream? There’s this place I found. It’s off the beaten path over in Shadowbend. You’re going to love it.”

  Jenna glanced back at the crowd.

  Claire jiggled her arm to gain Jenna’s attention. “You know you want to. Come on—my parents are watching Alex, and you’re free. I’d love to hang out with you. We’ve never done that. It’d be nice to get to know you better.”

  Jenna didn’t want to go back to the reunion or find Toby. What would she say to him? He wouldn’t miss her. In fact, he’d probably be happy not to have to carry on the charade of liking her in front of all of them.

  That thought made her decision easy. Jenna pulled out her phone, sent Dad a message telling him she was bailing on the reunion but was fine and then turned her phone off completely.

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Hands clutched at the back of his neck, Toby paced the length of the Crests’ kitchen. “We need to call the police.”

  Thankfully, he’d put Kasey to bed more than an hour ago. She’d asked about Jenna no less than ten times before he tucked her in and they said prayers. Fear was front and center in Kasey’s eyes—fear that Jenna wouldn’t come home, just as her mom hadn’t.

  Mr. Crest shook his head. “She sent me a message saying she was fine.”

  “That was hours ago.” Toby tugged on his hair. “What if something happened to her? She never showed up to the reunion. I searched the place.” Each minute she wasn’t there made his pulse rocket. Where are you, Jenna? “I walked every aisle in the parking lot looking for her car, and it wasn’t there. I’ve sent her a stalker-level amount of text messages, and my calls keep going to voice mail. This isn’t like her.”

  Her dad scrubbed his hand back and forth over his whiskered chin. “Son, the fact is—”

  “If you don’t want to call the cops, I get it.” Toby stopped pacing to fish his keys from his pocket. “But I have to go out looking for her, or I’ll lose my mind worrying. I... If she’s hurt somewhere...if she’s alone...”

  Mr. Crest laid his hands on the table. It was a silent “Cool your jets.” “Being around so many people, she probably had an anxiety attack.”

  “But why didn’t she send me a message?” Toby stared at his phone, willing a message to appear. “I would have left in a heartbeat. I didn’t care about that thing. The whole point was to stand there with my arm around her in front of everyone—to h
elp close the door on what tore us apart in high school. I wanted her to get out and have a fun night.”

  “I’m afraid sometimes when she goes into this zone, she does things that don’t make sense,” Mr. Crest said. “It’s understandable if her behavior bothers you. It’s hard to take, and even more difficult to know how to deal with it. There’s no shame in admitting that.”

  “But that’s not it at all.” Toby held the keys hard enough to leave an imprint on his skin. “I love her—no matter what. She could battle this stuff every day for the rest of her life, and it only makes me see her as strong, a fighter. It’s only...” He yanked a chair from the table and dropped down into it. “I want to be there for her. I wish she’d let me. I want to hold her hand through the bad times. Every single one of them.”

  Mr. Crest fought a smile.

  Toby rested his arms on the table. “You heard me right. I love your daughter. I love her so much I can’t get through a minute without thinking about her.”

  “I know that. I’ve known it for a long time. But it’s still nice to hear that you finally know it.”

  Gravel churned outside. Toby shot out of his chair, knocking it to the floor, and ran to the back door. The sight of Jenna’s car parked in its usual spot made him brace his hand against the wall as a shudder of relief worked through his body. Then he plowed out the door and took the back stairs in two leaps, jogging over to her as she exited her car. He pulled her into a hug. “I was so worried.”

  Her entire body went stiff. “Let go of me.”

  “Jenna?” He pulled back from her a little. “Where were you?”

  She shoved from his hold and stalked out of his reach. “I don’t understand you. I never will. Maybe I don’t want to. I mean, do you get some sick pleasure out of toying with me?”

  Toby felt like he’d been hit upside the head. He was so confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “You want to know where I was?” She crossed her arms, the toe of her shoe tapping out her annoyance.

  “We can start with that.” Then maybe move on to why it looked like she wanted to claw him.

  “I went to the reunion.” She spoke in a deathly even voice. “Which, for the record, did you only ask me to go to so you could embarrass me more?”

  He took a step in her direction and put up his hand, as if he were approaching a growling coyote caught in a trap. “Jenna, I have no idea—”

  “Don’t.” She spit out the word and put up a finger. Her nostrils flared. Her chest rose with a deep breath. “Stop lying to me. That’s all you do.”

  “I’ve only ever been honest with you.” Toby kept his voice as calm as possible, even though he wanted to fight. “You’re the only person I can claim that with.”

  “I heard you, Toby.” She was yelling now. “They asked about me, and you denied that we’re friends. You denied that we’re close. You were ashamed to even say you know me.”

  At the reunion? But he’d told them that she was amazing. He’d told them they were wrong about her and always had been. He’d even told them he was in love with her and hoped to win her affection someday. Evidently, she’d left before hearing that part.

  “That’s not what happened at all.”

  “I am not deaf,” she said through clenched teeth. Her eyes were blazing.

  “Maybe not, but you’re sure bent on only hearing what you want to hear.” His voice carried a dangerous edge now, but he couldn’t stop it. She’d accused him of lying when she was the one leading him on and tossing him to the side. “Apparently you want to cling to being a victim more than you’re willing to see the truth about how I feel about you.”

  She worked her jaw from side to side. He’d struck a nerve. “You said we’re not involved at all.”

  He groaned. “They were asking about dating, and last I checked, we’re not. In fact, last I checked, I’m the joke around here.” He thumped his chest. “I’m the one following you around like a puppy hoping you’ll notice me, hoping you could care about me, when obviously that’s never going to happen. We kiss and—”

  “A kiss I had to beg for.” She got in his face, and even with anger simmering between them, he wanted to kiss her again in that moment.

  Instead he took a step back, speaking low. Praying she’d see reason. “A kiss I’d been wanting for a long time, but I waited until you were ready. After everything you’ve been through, I thought that was the honorable thing to do.”

  “Oh, I forgot. You’re so honorable.” She threw out her arms in an encompassing way. “You go around kissing women whenever they ask you to, even though it doesn’t mean anything to you. We’ve got ourselves a real knight in shining armor here, folks.”

  Her words hurtled through him as if they were jagged rocks, cutting, bleeding, aching. Wounds that would be a long time healing. How had everything gone so wrong? Fess up. Tell her the truth. Even if it hurts. Even if she laughs in your face.

  Toby closed his eyes and swallowed. “After that kiss, I tried to tell you that I’m in love with you. I want to be with you. The only thing I want—”

  “Stop.” She held up her hand and stepped backward, using her other hand to grope for the railing that led to the porch. “You’re heartless. I can’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth.” Her voice shook, and the moonlight revealed tears trickling down her chin. “You act one way to me and one way to everyone else. That’s the exact opposite of love.”

  “You’re the only person in the world who knows me fully.” He reached for her. He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. Not over a miscommunication. “Jenna, I love you. Please believe that.”

  “I don’t know you at all.” She shrank away from his outstretched hand and fled up the steps. At the top, she looked back down at him. “You’re a fake, Toby. That’s all you’ll ever be.”

  Then she shoved through the door, and he crumbled onto the steps.

  * * *

  Jenna skirted around a tipped-over chair in the kitchen and ran past Dad. “I can’t talk right now.”

  “I heard you two.”

  “Dad—I can’t.” She kept her head down and made a beeline for the stairs. Toby might follow her in, and she couldn’t deal with that. Their back-and-forth just now had zapped all her energy. She was empty now. The only thought in her mind was curling under her blankets for the next two months.

  Jenna pounded up the stairs and reached for her doorknob, but a little body came barreling into her, throwing her off balance for a second. Kasey clung to her middle, bawling into Jenna’s stomach. Jenna wrapped her arms around the small girl, pulled her into the bedroom and closed the door. She eased Kasey toward her bed and flipped on the small light on her nightstand. The glow cast shadows around them, as if the place where they stood hanging on to each other was the only safe spot in the world.

  Jenna dropped to her knees and framed Kasey’s face with her hands. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Why are you awake?”

  “You. Hate. T-Toby!” she wailed. “You hate him.”

  They’d been loud enough for Kasey to hear in her bedroom?

  “Oh, Kasey.” Jenna pulled her into a bear hug.

  “I h-h-heard you.” She was crying so hard she could barely get a word out.

  “I’m so sorry we woke you.”

  “Where will I live?” Her lips trembled. “When you toss us out? Where will Toby and I go?”

  Sickness rolled through Jenna’s stomach. “No one is tossing anyone out.”

  “But that’s what h-happens. People stop loving each other, and they make you leave. Guys always tossed Mom and me out.”

  “I love you.” Jenna stroked her fingers through Kasey’s hair, praying she could ease her fears. “Please know that. No one is making you leave.”

  “But you could stop loving me, just like you stopped loving Toby.�
� Kasey pulled her chin into her chest and hugged herself.

  The sight of the small child huddled inward, believing that no one loved her when she was surrounded by love, broke Jenna in two. How could Jenna make Kasey see the truth? She was loved and cherished and wanted.

  Be truthful. Even if it hurts. That was the strength her dad had been referring to all along, wasn’t it?

  “I haven’t stopped loving Toby. I don’t think I ever will.” Jenna rocked back to sit on her heels. “I’m really hurt and I said some very mean things, but just because he and I aren’t together, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about him. I’m so upset because I do love him a lot.”

  Kasey dragged the sleeve of her nightshirt under her nose. “I wish you two would be married so you could be my mom and dad and I could live with you guys forever.”

  Not for the first time, Jenna remembered the child she’d lost. The child who would be the same age as Kasey now.

  Jenna’s chin quivered. “I wish that, too. So much.” She swiped at her tears. “I really do. But Toby doesn’t know what he wants.” That’s all she’d say about it. Jenna might be angry with Toby, but she wouldn’t paint Kasey’s guardian in a bad light. “Sometimes adults get confused about adult relationships. But we both care about you. That’s what matters.”

  Misplaced love was a tornado that destroyed so many people. She shouldn’t have let Toby infiltrate her heart again. Look what it was doing to Kasey. This was what Jenna had been afraid of. This was the cost of not keeping her guard up. She hadn’t hurt only herself—her behavior had hurt Kasey by getting her hopes up. She could lump her dad into the pile of people she’d hurt, too.

  Jenna got off the ground and moved to a chair stationed near her window. She opened her arms, an invitation for Kasey to sit with her. “Come here.”

  She didn’t hesitate. Kasey climbed into her lap, wrapped her arms around her and shoved her warm, tear-streaked cheek into Jenna’s neck. “I wish you could be my mom.”

  Oh, sweet child. I wish that, too.

  Jenna cradled Kasey in a tight embrace, rocking slowly as she hummed the same lullaby her mom used to sing to her. Hot tears trailed down her neck, mixing with Kasey’s. Jenna cried for the family she’d never have. For the love that ripped into her like a burr. For the child in her arms struggling with feeling lost. And for herself, who felt just as lost and alone as the seven-year-old she was trying to comfort.