Man on the Ice

by Rex Saunders

  My left foot got very cold, but my right foot felt okay. That was a great worry for me, because my right foot had nerve damage, which left me with very little feeling in it. I was afraid it would freeze and I wouldn’t know about it, but I kept striking my two feet together and I would get up and walk around the ice pan. My right foot felt kind of funny, not cold, but it had a funny feeling. After walking around a bit and striking my feet together, my left foot would get warm, but my right foot would feel the same as before. That worried me. I began to pray again. I said, “Lord, if that foot freezes and they find me I’ll lose my foot because I’m a diabetic. If I’m not found alive, then it’s no difference about it. But I still believe I’m going to be found. Lord, I can take care of my left foot. I’ll beat them both together and that will warm my good foot, but You’ll have to take care of my bad one. Lord, I’m leaving it to You.”

  It was very dark, cold, and lonely. I thought about my wife and family, especially Darryl, our handicapped boy. I knew he would be asking his mom where I was, and I knew Irene would be having a terrible time trying to explain to him that I was lost somewhere out in boat. I thought about my church and our pastors. I thought about my mom in the senior’s home. I said, “Lord, she’s ninety years old now, and she shouldn’t have to go through something like this. Lord, take care of her. Don’t let her worry too much.” Then I said, “Lord, this is Tuesday night. About this time last Tuesday night I was at the prayer meeting in our church. This Tuesday night I’m adrift on an ice pan.”

  I thought about the many times we gathered at our church on Tuesday night prayer meetings, when Pastor Primmer would ask all the people to gather around in a large circle, and hold hands and pray because someone was in the hospital very sick or there was a serious accident somewhere. I said, “Lord, maybe Pastor Primmer and our youth pastor, Pastor Rogers, got all the people up front of our church and they’re holding hands and having special prayers just for me.”

  I also imagined my wife in our home with maybe twenty or more people gathered praying for me, and comforting her and Darryl. I knew for sure that our daughter Trudy was with her mom, and I thought Denley might be on his way home from Brampton, Ontario, because he gets very emotional. But the other two boys, Derrick and Corrie, were different. They love me just as much as Denley and Trudy, but I suppose they’re stronger and are able to handle things like this.

  I was getting very sleepy. It was getting close to midnight, or maybe even later. Maybe it was close to getting daylight. I had my hood strings pulled tight and my coat collar pulled up over my face, trying to keep warm by blowing my breath down my belly and under my arms. After a little while I would open my collar and have a look around, but still there was nothing to see. It was still dark. I was shivering so much and couldn’t control it.

  Then I said a prayer. I said, “Lord, You’re my Father in Heaven. I’m Your child. We’re all Your children, but I’m very cold and weak, Lord. I’m dying here on this ice pan. Lord, I’m a father and I have children. If one of my children was in this situation, I would wrap my arms around that child and I would squeeze that child to my chest and I would hold them until the pain or the sickness or cold or whatever it was they were going through had passed. I wouldn’t let go until they were all better again. Lord, You’re my Father. You’re my loving Heavenly Father. Will You please wrap Your great big warm strong arms around me and let me feel the warmth of Your arms? I’m freezing to death here and I don’t want to die. I want to go home to my wife and family. Please, Lord, send someone to find me.”

  Then I noticed I was beginning to get warm, and right away a different thought crossed my mind. First I thought I was dying. Was that why I felt warm? Then I said to myself, “I’m not dying.”

  I just asked the Lord to wrap His big warm arms around me, and I had faith enough to believe that’s what was happening. I tried to sing some more of our church hymns again. “There’s power in prayer,” I said, and, “Not by might nor by power but by my spirit, saith the Lord. This mountain shall be removed by my spirit, saith the Lord.”

  Now I was even more tired than before. I just wanted to go sleep, but I was afraid I wouldn’t wake again. I was falling off my gas can. I would fall to my right side and I would catch myself before I hit the ice. Then I would fall to my left side and I would catch myself again before I would fall all the way over. I would almost fall head-first, but I would catch myself again. I said, “I’ve got to try and keep catching myself again.” Then I said, “I’ve got to try and stand up and try to walk and try to get to my water hole and get a drink.” I was very thirsty. My throat was dry. I tried to pull myself up by holding onto the ice clump, but I didn’t have strength enough to do that. Instead, I got off my gas can and crawled on my hands and knees and got hold of the ice clump again. Finally, I got to my feet, but my jeans and the legs of my floater suit were frozen. I was having trouble walking. I was really weak, so I had to sit on my gas can again.

  I spent another while blowing down my belly and under my arms. I loosened my collar when I saw a seagull. It just landed right between my two legs and folded its wings. I said, “Oh my goodness, I’m going to put you inside my coat. You’ll be nice and warm on my belly and underneath my arms. You’re going to make me warm.”

  I tried to catch him by the head so it wouldn’t bite me. I was going to put it under my right arm, then under my left arm, then on my belly, but when I grabbed for it, it was gone. I thought that was strange. I was so sure it was a gull. So I had another look around but saw only ice pans and water, no lights anywhere.

  I went back to blowing down my belly and under my arms again. After a while I loosened my collar again and had another look around. Then I saw a seal, a young harp. “Now,” I said, “I’ll get that one for sure.” He wouldn’t get away from me. I wondered how long it had been there. I thought for sure he was there long enough to be nice and dry and fast asleep. I was going to take him back to my gas can and sit down and put my two frozen legs up across his back and put my cold old hands down around his nice warm sides. I thought I would warm myself up nice and fast. So I got off my gas can and crawled over to where he was and grabbed hold, but it turned out to be a clump of ice that had been there all the time. That was very disappointing. So I crawled back and sat down again.

  I began to think about what was happening to me, because I had thought for sure it was a seal. Then it hit me. There was no seagull and there was no seal. I heard of something like this happening before, either on television or I may have read it in a book, or maybe heard someone talk about it. I said, “I believe I am hallucinating or something like that. That’s what’s happening to me.” So I started singing again to try and get it off my mind.

  Shortly after that, I thought I heard an outboard motor idling. I looked around and right behind me was a speedboat with two men in her. I watched as the man at the front of the boat picked up a paddle or gaff and pushed the boat away from the ice pan out into clear water. The other man was back in the after part of the boat controlling the motor. I was trying to stand up. After a while I got to my feet by pulling myself up by the ice clump. Then I waved my gas can and my arms and shouted out as loud as I could. “Come on in here! I’m in here! Come on in!”

  After shouting out three or four times, I realized there was no speedboat, just as there had been no seagull and no seal. It was that hallucination stuff coming back again. So I sat down again, feeling very disappointed.

  I prayed and sang that old song again. “There’s power in prayer. All I ever needed is waiting right here. Just a few words, a child’s faith, and its goodbye despair. There’s power, so much power in prayer.” I also sang, “This mountain shall be removed by my spirit, saith the Lord,” and parts of a few more hymns we sang at our church. I had them all tangled up together. Then I said, “Lord, I know You can straighten them out.”

  Not long after that I had another look around, and there was a big flat pan of ice drifting by my piece of ice. I watched it for a whi
le. Then I said, “Oh my goodness, there’s a polar bear on that ice pan.” That was very scary. Then I saw another polar bear. I said, “Oh my, there’s two there, the two of them, together. It must be an old bear and her young one!”

  I thought if that ice pan goes on by, maybe the bears won’t see me, but if the pan happens to strike together with the one I’m on, then for sure they will see me. As I was watching, I saw the small bear put its nose up to the big bear’s mouth. Then I saw the big bear put its paw up on the back of the young one. They looked as if they were playing. Then I said I had better try to get to my feet if I can and try and scare them away. So I got hold of the big clump of ice and pulled myself up onto my feet. I took my gas can and waved it at the two bears.

  Then the realization came to me again; there were no polar bears. The same old thing was happening again. That old hallucination stuff. I put my gas can down and sat down again. I felt better knowing there weren’t any polar bears around, but I was very tired and wet and cold and hungry. I was very weak. My throat was very dry. I wanted a drink of water, but I was too weak to get to my water hole. The last time I had to crawl there, and the ice was too hard to break with my fist. I had to break it with the heel of my boot, but now my pant legs were frozen, and I could no longer raise my legs to break the ice.

  I wondered how much longer I could live like this. I wanted to go to sleep so desperately, but I was afraid that if I took a small nap, I might not wake up again. It was at that point I gave up. I could no longer stay awake. I was gone as far as I could possibly go, so I said, “Lord, I’m going to leave it all in Your hands now. My glasses are broken. I have them in my shirt pocket and I’m going to put them back on my eyes and pull my coat collar up around my face and pull my hood strings tight around my face. Please, Lord, don’t let me fall on my right side, because my head will be in the water, and don’t let me fall on left side, because my old body will be shut in behind that big clump of ice, and the people looking for me won’t be able to see me. Lord, please, when I fall, give me strength enough to crawl ten or twelve feet. Then I’ll be in the middle of the ice pan and someone will find me there.”

  So I put my glasses on and got ready to die. I said, “Lord, now I’m ready. The gulls won’t be able to pick my eyes out or pick my face to pieces.” I said, “Lord, when they find me they’ll open my hood strings and loosen my coat collar and my face will look the same as it does now. Then they’ll take me back to my home and they’ll put me in my casket and put me in my church and my wife and family will look at me and say, ‘Yes, that’s him, all right, ’ and they’ll bury me and put a closure to all this and get on with their lives again.” Then I said, “Lord, it’s all in Your hands now, but not my will, Lord, but Thy will be done. Amen.”

  I would fall to my right side, catch myself, fall to my left and catch myself, then fall forward and catch myself. I said, “I’m going to stay seated on this gas can as long as I can, but when I fall off the can, Lord, please give me strength enough to crawl, and I’ll just straighten myself out and go to sleep. In a few minutes I’ll be in Heaven into Your presence.” But, somehow, I refused to let myself fall off my gas can.

  After a few minutes I said, “No, I’m not going to give up this easily. I’m going to fight a little while longer.”

  So I loosened my hood strings and pulled my zipper down on my coat collar and had another look around and went back to singing the same old church songs again. “There’s power in prayer, all I ever needed is waiting right here. Just a few words of child-like faith and its goodbye despair. There’s power, oh so much power in prayer,” and, “This mountain shall be removed by my spirit, saith the Lord.” I took my old broken glasses off my eyes again and put them back in my shirt pocket.

  By this time it was almost daylight again. I looked around and wondered where I was, and which way was east or west or north or south. I didn’t know how far I had drifted. I was very cold and lonely. After a little while I saw the sky begin to turn red. I said, “That must be east, because the sky is a bit red and the sun rises from the east, so that’s what’s making the sky red.” Sure enough, I saw the sun, a big ball of fire coming out of the water. I said, “It’s east out there, and that’s home in there somewhere to the west.” I said, “Oh my, I wonder how far from home am I? This is going to be a good day. For sure, they’ll find me. Please, Lord, let someone find me today.”

  I was afraid I would go to sleep because the sun was very bright and warm, and there was no wind. The glare from the sun on the ice was blinding. As the sun was rising, I looked all around, hoping to see a boat or helicopter or airplane or something, but I saw nothing.

  The sky was as clear and blue as ever. Just then I noticed a small cloud. As I watched, it became round; it looked about the size of my fist. Then about a foot or so from that one I saw another very small cloud. As I watched, it grew to the same size as the first one, nice and round. Then I thought of the man in the Bible, 1 Kings 18: 44-45, “There ariseth a little cloud out of the sea, like a man’s hand. And he said, Go up, say unto Ahab, Prepare thy chariot, and get thee down that the rain stop thee not. And it came to pass in the mean while, that the heaven was black with clouds and wind, and there was great rain.”

  I said, “Lord, surely you wouldn’t be showing me a sign from Heaven. I’m not like them Bible people.”

  Then I saw a third cloud appear, about the same distance from the other two. As I watched, it gew to the same size. Then I thought, That’s three round clouds and I’ve been here three days. “Lord, are you showing me something? Do those three round clouds mean I’m going to be found today? Lord, I sure pray that it is a sign from Heaven.”

  But then I saw another cloud. As I watched, it blew up to the same size as the other three and kept the same distance apart. Then I said, “Oh Lord, I thought you were showing me a sign that I was going home today, but now I know that is not so. Maybe that fourth cloud means I’m going to stay here for another night. Oh Lord, if it is so, You sure will have to be with me, because You know I cannot stay alive another night.”

  Then a thought came to me. No, I don’t have to stay another night. That fourth cloud means I’m going home tomorrow, all right, but I’m going to the hospital today and I’m going home tomorrow. I bet, Lord, that’s what that fourth cloud means.

  Then I saw something coming toward me. As it got closer, I said, “That’s the Coast Guard boat. I believe that’s the Ann Harvey.” Then, somehow, a lot of strength came back to me. I got to my feet by getting hold of the ice clump and pulling myself up. I got to the centre of the ice pan, where it was a bit higher, and I waved my arms, holding my gas can. I did this until the boat got so close to me that I saw her name on her bow. Ann Harvey. I was sure that any second she was going to turn toward me, but no way. She went on at a very low speed, the same as she was coming toward me and went on by.

  At that time I lost every bit of strength I had. I saw her stern-on to me, and slowly going farther and farther away. I just sat and let myself fall on the snow. I didn’t even bother to sit on my gas can. I said, “Lord, what does all this mean? I thought You were showing me a sign from Heaven that I was going home today or I was going to the hospital today and home tomorrow, but I guess that’s not so. But, Lord, it’s very early in the morning. Maybe You’ll send someone else along and find me.”

  I just sat in the snow and put my gas can across my two knees and I cried like I never cried before, never in all my life. It was very disappointing watching the Ann Harvey going away from me, and I put my head down on my gas can and cried and sobbed.

  I was getting very weak and shivering a lot. Then I turned my head to one side and took another look at the Ann Harvey, and I noticed that she was turning a bit to the left. I watched her until she got broadside to me, but she was too far away for me to see her name. I said, “There’s no point in waving my gas can because they didn’t see me when they were so close. For sure they won’t see me from way out there.” I was too weak to stand u
p, so I just sat on the snow and waved my gas can over my head a few more times.

  Then, all at once, I heard the horn or whistle or whatever it was, and I saw a big tower of black smoke come from her smokestack. It was then I began to feel strength come back to me, but slowly, very slowly; it seemed like forever. She just stopped there and didn’t move. I was wondering why they weren’t coming for me. I thought I was hallucinating again, but I very quickly got that out of my mind. I said, “No way am I seeing things. That’s the Ann Harvey and I’m going home or to the hospital today.”

  I saw a small red rescue craft from the Coast Guard boat coming around a big pan of ice. It was then I knew for sure my time on that ice pan was over.

  The boys on that rescue boat were very fast getting me on board and settled away and back to the Ann Harvey. We were lifted up on the deck, gas can and all, and I was taken by the paramedics to a place they called the sick bay, where I was taken care of. The first thing they had to do was cut the floater suit off, because it was frozen from my waist down. They had to cut my jeans, and then they wrapped me in something warm. When I had warmed up, they put nice flannel pajamas and a pair of wool socks on me. I asked if I could go to sleep, but they said not yet, not until I got to the hospital.

  I had drifted 24.496 nautical miles from where I had capsized my speedboat off my home, St. Lunaire-Griquet, to a position off of St. Anthony Cape. They said it was about fifty-three kilometres.

  I arrived on the wharf in St. Anthony, where many friends and family were waiting for me. My wife was already at the hospital awaiting my arrival. I spent a night at the hospital and was released home to the care of my loving wife, Irene, and our family. A local restaurant called The Northern Delight had provided a big pot of delicious rice soup for the crowd who had gathered in our home while I was lost at sea. I don’t like rice soup, but my daughter, Trudy, put a bowl of soup aside in the fridge and said, “This is for Dad, and I’m calling it ‘Faith Soup.’ When he’s found, I will make sure he eats every last drop of it!”