Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “I’m being serious, Ryland. She’s a nice girl. Keep your hands to yourself.”

  She turned to leave the room.

  “I know she’s blind.”

  She turned her head to the side and stared at the floor. “She told you?”

  “No. I figured out on my own.”

  “Does she know?”

  “Not yet.” I made it clear that I planned on seeing her again. “She’s different, Careless.”

  “She’s blind, Ryland.”

  “That doesn’t change anything for me. She’s different,” I repeated,

  “Make sure she knows, Ryland.”

  I frowned. “Knows what?”

  “That you don’t do forever. She is going to fall for you if you don’t let her know.”

  “I’m not a child. I can handle this.”

  “Fine, but please, Ryland, don’t sleep with her.” She walked out before I could respond.

  I knew Careless was right and I hated when she was right. I was upfront to everyone when it came to love and forever, but a part of me was worried if I told her where I stood and about my lack of belief in the two, it would scare her off.

  She was far from the girls who were okay with my terms of commitment, and girls like Araya were dangerous. She already had me changing my rules around, disregarding a system that had worked for years now.

  That night I didn’t try to smother my dreams of Araya with my pillow. Maybe if I gave in to my subconscious, I would be less likely to surrender to Araya in person. It was a night of complete torture on an unfamiliar level, but I figured any kind of release was better than none at all.

  Ryland

  Nine

  When I saw Araya the next day, I could tell she was still embarrassed about everything that had happened, and I steered clear of her and Careless during the rest of the week. I wanted to give both of them their space, but when their last visit for the week arrived, I was anxious to see Araya again.

  Careless rarely left her side, and in the last week it seemed like she declared them conjoined twins and most of my time was spent doing recon.

  I hid in the study, watching them in the garden from the window. Rays of light showered only the center of the room, leaving darkness to linger in the corners. I leaned against the high-back leather chair.

  Most of the room was decorated in dark-brown earth tones, expensive leather, and ceiling-to-floor bookshelves. I was pretty sure I was the only one who ever stepped foot into this room after it was decorated. It was meant for J.D., but he spent all his time in his office, leaving this room just more money wasted.

  I watched the clock from my dark corner, counting down the seconds until Araya left, and I knew my opportunity was slipping away fast. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and I knew I was going to have to lure Careless away from Araya’s side. Halfway through planning how to take Careless out, I was chewing on my fingernail and pacing the study when I heard her.

  “What are you doing?” Careless questioned from the other end of the room.

  She frowned and her steps slowed when she saw me lurking. Yep, I was a lurker.

  “I could ask you the same question,” I said, eyeballing her.

  I attempted to throw her off, but her eyes thinned as she looked toward the window, and I knew she wasn’t fooled in the slightest.

  “You’re pathetic,” she said, rolling her eyes and heading for the door. “I’m going to the bathroom and then I’m going to get something to drink and check my phone. You have fifteen minutes.”

  “You’re a smart girl, Careless,” I told her, saluting her defeat.

  I jogged to the double doors but stopped, my hand hovering above the handle as I watched Araya through the window. Her fingers trailed back and forth through the dirt at the edge of the blanket Careless had laid out.

  Her hair shifted and her face twisted until the rays of the sun melted over her features. Her wild curls framed her face and it was like someone had struck a match and her hair entwined in fiery flames.

  I made my way outside and slipped inside the gates of the small, hidden garden. It wasn’t small or hidden by any means, but compared to the tennis courts, swimming pools (three exactly), pool house, guest house and everything else that was completely rendered useless, it was small and hidden.

  I didn’t want to sneak up on her, but she was so absorbed in what she was doing, I knew I would scare her no matter what. I stood there watching her and I found myself mimicking the movements of her head and facial expressions and laughed at myself because I probably looked like an idiot.

  One minute she was digging in the dirt and then she stiffened. Panic had taken over her expression as she tried to twist and turn to reach around her. Whimpers of fear slipped from her lips, and I rushed to her side, falling onto my knees next to her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I caught her trembling hands in mine and pulled them away.

  “There’s something on me… I can’t reach it.”

  She strained against my hold, arching her back and shaking. “Please, please.”

  “Shh, it’s okay. Hold on.”

  I leaned over her, sweeping her hair aside until I could see the bare skin of her back, but I didn’t see anything there.

  “I don’t see anything.”

  “It’s down my dress. Please, Ryland.”

  “Okay, I’ll get it.”

  Her fingers gripped her thighs and she bit her lip, nodding in agreement. I could feel her breath on my neck as I tried to wiggle my hand down her dress, but the material was already stretched tight.

  “Don’t move. I have to…”

  I tugged on the zipper of her dress until the material caved and split, revealing her back. I still didn’t see anything and peeled the flap of her dress down, and it fell out.

  The little green caterpillar crawled along the blanket, but I caught it before it could find shelter in the dirt.

  “What is it?” Her voice was shaky.

  Her face was still flushed and her chest rose and fell with each shaky breath she took. With my free hand, I lifted her face. Again, her eyes were hidden behind those darkly tinted glasses, and it was frustrating, but I knew why she wore them now. If it made her feel comfortable, I wouldn’t say anything about it for now.

  I adjusted my weight, sitting back on my heels. “Give me your hand.”

  She’d been staring down, but the second the words left my mouth, her head snapped up and she looked at me nervously. When she did things like that, it made it hard to forget she couldn’t actually see me, even if it felt like she could.

  “What? Why?”

  I chuckled. “Don’t worry, hummingbird. You can trust me, I promise.”

  A pink hue tinted her cheeks. “Hummingbird?” she repeated.

  “It suits you, don’t you think? A tiny, dancing hummingbird.”

  “Dancing?”

  I smiled. “You’re repeating me, hummingbird, but yes, dancing. That’s how they look to me when they fly. Let me see your hand.”

  She slowly lifted her hand toward me, and I turned it over. Her fingers curled into her palm and I ran my fingers over them until her fingers opened.

  “Don’t freak out, okay?”

  “You shouldn’t tell someone not to freak out if you don’t want them to freak out.”

  I laughed. “I’ll remember that. Just hold still.”

  I curved my hand around hers, directing the bug into hers. She gasped when it moved across her palm.

  “It’s a caterpillar. Don’t worry, it’s harmless. I think it’s as scared of you as you were of it.” I reassured her.

  I cupped both her hands together and moved them to the dirt, and she opened her hands, letting the bug go. She stared at the ground, as if watching it go, and then looked up at me.

  “Thank you,” she said and a single tear appeared from beneath her sunglasses and slid down her cheek.

  I didn’t even realize she’d gotten so upset.

  “Ar
e you okay?” I swiped my thumb across the smooth surface of her cheek.

  She laughed nervously, touching her hair and running her hands over her dress, trying to fix what she could. It was then we both realized her dress was still undone in the back and hanging off her shoulders. She tried to slip the sleeves in place, but they wouldn’t stay. I should have fixed her dress then, I know I should have, but her bare skin was too tempting.

  “I’m fine. It just caught me off guard,” she said around a slight sniffle. “I feel silly. I don’t know why I’m crying.” She swiped at her face again, her fingers slipping beneath the lenses, and her dress slipped again. “I probably look a mess.” She lifted her face toward me. “Fudge!” she said, frustrated.

  I laughed, “Fudge?”

  “It’s something my mom… made up,” she said sadly. “She worked around kids in a dance studio she owned and she tried to hold back on her favorite F-word. So she came up with alternative: fudge. It grew on me.”

  “Clever.”

  She just nodded. “Is my face red?”

  I was frustrated with those damn glasses. I wanted to see her eyes.

  “No, you’re beautiful,” I finally got out when I saw her shift nervously.

  She frowned. “Beautiful? No.” Shaking her head, she denied it. “No one’s called me beautiful in a long time.”

  There was no hidden meaning behind her words, no ploy to get more compliments from me. To her it was the simple truth. She said it with such certainly, as if the fact that no one had ever told her meant it couldn’t possibly be true.

  “I find it impossible to believe that’s true.”

  She shrugged. It didn’t matter if I believed it or not, because she thought it was true.

  “You’re the first person I can remember since… forever,” she said honestly.

  “Araya?”

  “Yes?”

  “You’re beautiful.”

  I watched the blush blossom on her cheeks and she ducked her head, biting her lip nervously. It was a shame she’d gone this long without being told a simple fact, but there was a part of me that liked being the first one in a long time to leave her this memory.

  “Thank you,” she said softly, laughing nervously. “I was told…” She bit her lip and tried again. “I was told it was somewhat of a mess. My face?”

  I gaped at her, feeling a spark of anger. “Whoever told you that is obviously an idiot! You’re gorgeous!”

  Her wide smile was sweet, intoxicating, and I found myself grinning back at her like an idiot. Shyly, she touched the tops of her cheekbones before running her fingers through her thick curls.

  “Thank you.” She sounded breathless and I knew I sure as hell felt breathless.

  “I was hoping you’d be here again today.”

  “Why did you think I wouldn’t be?”

  “I thought I might have scared you off. I needed to see you again.”

  “Why?” She chewed on the inside of her lip and I found it completely captivating.

  “Honestly, because you left one hell of an impression on me, Araya. I wanted to see you again.”

  She smiled, seeming pleased by that. “I did?”

  I laughed, realizing she repeated me when she was nervous. “Yes. I’ve thought about you a lot since I met you.”

  Her face was stained a soft pink, and she worked her lip more. “You’ve thought about me?” she barely managed to get out, and her innocence was compelling.

  “Yes, why do you sound so surprised?”

  “I didn’t expect you to give me a second thought. Most people don’t.” She shrugged.

  “I gave you more than a second thought.”

  “I’ve thought about you too,” she said, shocking me, but her honestly was sexy as hell. “I don’t want Careless to be upset with me, though.”

  “Don’t worry about Careless. She thinks she knows everything, but she’s harmless too.”

  “I really like her. I don’t want to ruin anything.”

  “Don’t worry, hummingbird. I won’t let that happen.”

  I knew Careless would be out here any minute, but I wasn’t ready to say good-bye to Araya yet. I wanted to talk to her. It didn’t matter about what, but I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to know how she became blind, but I didn’t want to just come right out and ask.

  “You know, I don’t know anything about you.”

  “There’s not much to know really.”

  “Well, then your life story should be pretty easy to tell.” I teased. “We’ll start off simple. How old are you?”

  “Nineteen. How old are you?” She spoke easily.

  “I’ll be twenty-one in a couple months.”

  “Happy early birthday.”

  “Why early?”

  “I don’t think I’ll be here for your birthday. I don’t know how long Careless will be stuck with me, and at least this way I’m the first to tell you.”

  “I think everyone who has ever met Careless would argue that you’re the one stuck with her… and thank you.”

  What I didn’t say was she would definitely be seeing me by then.

  “You don’t fool me, you know. I know you like to act like the mean older brother, but I see through your sham. You care a lot about Careless. I can tell.”

  “You think so, huh?”

  She tilted her head, something I noticed she did a lot. “Yeah, I do.”

  I leaned in toward her and whispered, “Let’s keep that our little secret, okay?”

  “Your secret is safe with me.”

  “Thank you.”

  She smiled. “So are you excited about your birthday?”

  “I don’t know. I guess. It’s just another day, really. My parents, however, will try and make it a big thing.”

  “That sounds like fun.” She scrunched her nose, trying to push the sunglasses back in place.

  “Eh, I’m not one for the kind of parties my parents throw. It’s always big and bigger with them. Besides, they’re not really celebrating my birthday.”

  “What are they celebrating, then?”

  “The fact that I’ll be twenty-one and I can officially become a partner in the family business.” My words came out bitter.

  “What is the family business?”

  “We make very expensive and very popular crystal.”

  “Sounds fancy,” she said, but I could tell she wasn’t impressed. “And you don’t want to become a partner?”

  “Honestly? I don’t know what I want.” But when I thought about it, I knew that wasn’t entirely true. “Actually, that’s a lie. I do know that I don’t want to become like my father.”

  “And if you become a partner, you think you will?”

  “It’s a damn good possibility. My father is a bastard of epic proportions and every reason behind that is because of that world.”

  “You could choose not to let it control you. Everyone has a choice, Ryland.”

  “Believing that means believing my father chose to be the way he is now and that’s a hard truth to swallow.”

  “Then choose to believe different. Choose to believe that despite his best effort, life, as cruel as it is, snuck up on him and he didn’t know how to deal with it.”

  I stared at her completely amazed by everything about her. I realized we’d gotten off topic and I still hadn’t learned what I wanted about her. She was scrunching her nose again, pushing the sunglasses into place with the back of her hand.

  I wanted to see her again. To really see her. Careless interrupted us before I had a chance the other day.

  I moved my fingers across the top of her cheekbones so I didn’t completely freak her out this time, pulling the sunglasses from her face. She froze instantly.

  Tentatively, I moved to touch the faded scars around her eyes, hoping not to scare her. She flinched slightly, but didn’t pull away.

  “How did it happen?” I asked softly.

  Araya

  Ten

  I hadn’t seen i
t coming, and just like the other day, he rendered me stunned. I would have thought I would be shock resistant by now, but I was distractingly flustered by everything Ryland did or said.

  He pulled the sunglasses from my face, and my first reaction was to panic, it was always my first reaction, but I couldn’t move. Now as I felt his fingers move against my flushed skin, there was no panic, no need to hide from his touch. In fact, it was the exact opposite. I wanted more.

  Once his question registered, my wants and my needs quickly took a back seat. I focused on my answer. I’d become so good at hiding it from people that they never gave me a second notice.

  “A car accident,” I finally whispered.

  “How long ago?”

  “Four years. I’d just turned fifteen. My mom was driving.”

  I fidgeted with the fabric of my skirt, and I could practically hear him swallow.

  “Did she…?”

  “Die? Yes. I lost the only person who loved me and went blind all in a matter of minutes.”

  I’d lost everything in the car accident.

  My words were sad, but there was no bitterness. It was a memory I couldn’t quite remember, but would never forget. I’d memorized every last detail I’d been told. I relived the accident every night until the memory possessed me and I couldn’t breathe.

  “You hide it well.”

  “I’ve had four years of practice.”

  It was a skill that had taken me three years to perfect, but I learned how to mask the awkward movement of my hands, the gawky way I looked at people, and of course, shielding myself behind the sunglasses helped. Yet he’d seen through it all. He didn’t seem to show any pity for me. I didn’t want him to start now.

  There was nothing but a black canvas of emptiness in front of me every day and every night, and the only thing I could see was the wreck. I wasn’t angry at what happened to me. It could have been worse; I could be dead. But I wasn’t and my mom was. So I accepted my condition without the tiniest bit of complaint.

  The day the accident happened I stopped living, making a point only to survive life.