Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Duke hadn’t so much as looked my direction since Angela and I entered. I saw him nod a hello to Angela a few minutes after we arrived and saw his features soften as realization of her presence, hopefully, hit him. Duke had helped me the last time Angela got strung out. He stayed with us while I got her detoxed and as close to sanity as she could have been at that time. That was right after Tony started his stint upstate.

  I stared, shards of ice pumping through my veins, as Eli snuggled into Shaw and laid her head on his shoulder.

  “Fuckin’ shit.” I muttered to myself. The only thing stopping me from hauling ass over there and pounding Shaw into the fucking ground was Eli didn’t belong to me. She didn’t fucking belong to me. I wanted her to, though. I wanted to lay claim to her so bad, I ached. But I hadn’t, so I kept my ass planted on the expensive couch that was the softest thing I’d ever felt—second only to Eli’s touch.

  One of The Elle’s was chattering to Angela and putting a serious damper on my sulking as she cracked jokes and they laughed loudly. If I didn’t know better I would have thought this chick was putting her best moves over on my girl Ang—but what the fuck did I know, she probably was, and even knowing nothing about this chick, I knew it would be a huge fucking leap from whomever Angela just finished messing with.

  A shadow moved to stand in front of me and I looked up, into Duke’s hard eyes.

  “Wanna play while they’re taking a break?” He clipped at me.

  I looked down at my battered left hand. The knuckles were crusted over with huge scabs and there was still dried blood clinging to the thick creases surrounding them. Duke must have followed my eyes because I heard him groan loudly. Yeah, it was pretty fucking obvious he was tired of my shit. But you know what, I was getting pretty fed up with his, too.

  I jumped to my feet, “Damn straight.” I said, walking past him and to the guitar Willow had just removed from her body. She watched me approaching her coveted instrument, but I stopped and pointed at it. She nodded her head, giving me her okay to touch what I knew she felt was an extension of her own flesh and blood. I hadn’t brought my own because there’s no way I should have been playing with how badly my hand throbbed, but I wasn’t going to let Duke fuck with me.

  “Forget it.” I heard Duke call from behind me. “You can’t play with your hand like that.” He sounded so defeated, and I hated I’d caused him to sound like such a pussy.

  “No, I’m fucking playing, so get your ass to the mic.” I snapped at him.

  Johnny and Blaine moved to their places and we all stared at Duke, waiting for him decide. He shook his head, laughed, and grabbed the microphone.

  A slow drumbeat thrummed through my body, calming me immediately; music always had that effect. No matter what, I could count on the melody to soothe me and set my shit straight. My fingers glided over the strings causing a full-bodied sound to stream through the amp. Even though this wasn’t my guitar, and it didn’t feel perfect under my fingers, it was the music flowing through it that mattered.

  Duke’s voice rang through the room and everyone froze to watch us. I could feel Eli’s eyes burning a hole right through me. I tried hard not to look at her, so fucking hard, but my fight was pointless. When our eyes locked I saw more tears in her eyes, but also a smile on her face—my music soothed her, too.

  We played song after song, and Eli’s eyes never left mine. They moved from my face, to my fingers, then back to my face on a steady loop. I wanted to rush to her, pull her to me, and claim her mouth right here in front of a room full of people. But she was here with Shaw, fucking sitting on Shaw. I knew my eyes must have moved to him because she turned her head slightly to peek at him. When she turned back, her smile had faded. Shaw was stunned when she leapt from his lap and rushed out the door. I followed her with my eyes until the door slammed behind her and she was gone. Shaw moved after her, but Willow put her hand up to his chest to stop him. They exchanged words then walked out the door together. Only this time he didn’t get to fucking save her, I did.

  I looked to Duke and he nodded, and even though I wasn’t asking his permission, I appreciated it. I set Willow’s guitar down, and for the third time, the studio door flew open and slammed shut. I immediately heard Willow talking.

  “No, I think you just need to give her some time. This isn’t easy for her, not to mention she’s drunk.”

  “Will, I don’t know what to do. She’s been great these past few days. Sometimes it was like it used to be, then she’ll shut down and everything changes. She’s slipping away, and I don’t know how to stop it.” Shaw replied.

  “You had to know things would be different. After what happened, Shaw, you better be glad she’s even speaking to you because I’m not convinced she should be.” Willow snapped at him.

  “I know you don’t, I can feel the hate coming from you. But I love her, more than I love anything, and no one will stop me from getting her back. I’ll keep trying until the day I die.”

  “Just do what her best friend is telling you, and go get your ass in your car, and go home. I’ll check on her, tuck her tight in bed, and you can talk to her tomorrow. She needs some time alone. I promise, she’ll be fine.”

  Shit, that fucking Willow; I wanted to kiss her mouth and slap her ass all at the same time.

  I heard footsteps growing near and saw Willow’s smiling face. She poked her finger into my chest and giggled.

  “You fucking owe me, Deacon Chastain, and when the time comes I don’t want you to forget it.”

  I nodded and headed toward the house.

  “Second floor, door with a diamond tiara on it.” She shouted after me.

  I entered the house and memories of that night flooded me. The fact so much had changed in just a few days didn’t seem real. How much I’d changed was fucking astonishing. I didn’t try to wrap my brain around it because none of it made any amount of sense. This girl—I didn’t understand. How did she have this effect on me? Every time I was around her I was drawn to her; to her sweetness, but also to how real she was. I could feel her emotions the instant she experienced them. Happy, sad, anger, turned on; I couldn’t know her well enough to know the emotions in her, but I damn sure did. So much time had passed since the moment I met her in the hallway outside her dad’s dressing room, but I felt like we’d known each other every second that had ticked by.

  I walked through the kitchen, where we’d shared a grilled cheese sandwich, through the living room where she’d slept on my lap while I memorized every inch of her face, and then headed up the stairs to a part of her life I’d never seen, but couldn’t wait to live.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Deacon

  There were so many damn doors, even with Willow’s directions it took me ten minutes to find the right one. There was no one in this world that needed this many fucking rooms, no matter how filthy rich. Someone like me definitely didn’t belong in a place like this. I finally made it to the end of a very long, winding hallway and found a light blue door with a huge crown made of diamonds on it, and I’d bet my life the diamonds in the damn thing were real.

  I slowly turned the doorknob and pushed the door open just enough so I could see inside. The light was on, and I immediately saw Eli lying on a mound of pillows and blankets across the room. I walked through the door, softly closing it behind me, locking it. The room looked like I’d jumped feet first into a Disney movie. Bright walls with crowns, hearts, and carriages painted on them. A huge playhouse that looked like a real castle ran along one wall taking up half the room. Everywhere I looked there was more princess stuff—I’d never seen anything like it.

  Either she didn’t hear me, or she didn’t care someone had followed her. I saw her shoulders moving up and down just one second before the sound of her sobs ripped through my ears. I was at her side before I knew what I was doing. I laid my hand on her shoulder—she still didn’t look at me. I rubbed my hand in a small circle in the center of her back and her crying slowed. Praying she didn’t kick my a
ss out of the room, I laid next to her with the front of my body pressed firmly against the back of hers. I draped my arm over her waist and found her hand, drawing it into mine, and placing it against her chest, pressing her further into me.

  We laid calmly for a long time. She barely moved beyond lifting my hand off her chest and running her fingers up and down my palm. She traced every line, every curve of my hand before wrapping her hand back around it and squeezing it tight. I alternated between rubbing my thumb across the back of her hand, to running my fingers up and down her arm. Before long, her tears had completely stopped and her breathing returned to normal. We just laid together and existed in silence. I couldn’t help but wonder if she even knew it was me. What if she turned around and expected to see Shaw laying here. I couldn’t blame her if she did, but I also knew it would rip my heart out at the same time.

  ***

  Eli Blue

  I knew Deacon had followed me the minute his scent hit me. I’d know it anywhere: a mix of metallic guitar strings and the delicious smelling cologne he wore. I wanted to spray my bed with it so it would envelop me every night while I slept, although if I did, I may never leave my bed. Hmm, maybe I could just tie Deacon to it.

  Shit! I shook my head and tried to focus. But he kept rubbing his hands all over me. I’d pulled his hand away once, but then noticed the large calluses caused by his guitar, and even though I’d meant to push him away, I ended up running the pads of my fingers over those rough spots instead. Which I’m sure had the opposite effect as I was going for. What was I going for? Hell if I knew. But this shit had to stop, he couldn’t just show up anytime he wanted and get a free pass to me. I didn’t work like that, never have and never will.

  I turned over and my eyes connected with his, almost immediately snubbing out my anger. They seemed darker than they had before, deeper and full of secrets. His gaze drifted from mine until he was staring over my head, burning a hole into the Cinderella mural painted on the wall. He had a black beanie on his head and long strands of hair were poking out, and it made him look even more menacing. I almost laughed when, exactly on cue with my thoughts, a scowl appeared on his face. It took effort, but I was able to suppress the laugh, but I did feel the corners of my mouth turn up slightly. He must have seen it because his eyes finally flickered back to me and his scowl deepened into a “What the fuck are you smiling at?” look, which easily made the fire of anger reignite within me; this had to end now, I had no use for his games in my life. The back and forth was already driving me mad.

  “What are you doing in here, Deacon?” I snapped as heat radiated from my core, up my chest, and spread across my face.

  “You looked like you needed a friend.” He replied after taking a long moment to settle on an answer.

  “And you thought, what? That you were the perfect man for the job?”

  “Well, I didn’t see anyone else chasing after you, if that’s what you mean.”

  He pushed up into a sitting position and I followed.

  “Normally when a girl runs from a room full of people it means she wants to be left alone.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?” He snapped, so sharply it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  I knew I was being a bitch, but I didn’t care. My emotions were building rapidly and he drew them out so harshly that I felt raw.

  I stood up and paced to the other end of the room and back.

  “What do you want from me, Deacon?”

  He didn’t answer; he just stared at me as I continued to pace.

  “I asked you a perfectly simple question, why can’t you answer me?” I paused, thinking he’d jump in, but he didn’t. “What. Do. You. Want?”

  Then he was on me, like a predator that had just picked up the scent of its prey. He moved forward and I moved back, faster and faster until I ran into the wall and had nowhere else to go. His body crashed into mine with the full force of his weight. Every inch of his body was touching mine. His chest was flat against mine, our legs were intertwined, even his hips pushed forward digging into my middle.

  I couldn’t speak, I could barely breathe.

  “I thought I made it perfectly clear what I wanted from you.”

  He tilted his hips further and dug his erection further between my legs, causing me to gasp.

  I moved my hands to his chest ready to push him away, but he grabbed my wrists and held my arms over my head, flat against the wall. His face moved to my neck, and he used his head to force mine to tilt in the opposite direction. I felt wet heat burning from the base of my neck up to my ear and then the warmth of his breath singed my ear as he spoke.

  “You know what I want, Eli, don’t play dumb. You know because you want the same thing from me.”

  All I could do was shake my head, but even I knew it was a lie. I did want him; I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.

  “Don’t lie to yourself princess, your entire body would ache without me.”

  He pulled away from me. The only part of his body still touching mine was his hands gripping my wrists. I heard a traitorous whimper slip from my mouth at the emptiness I now felt. He smiled a devious smile, one that would cause good church-going ladies to wake from their dreams in a cold sweat.

  “Ask nicely.”

  “No?” I cried, but it sounded more like a question than a declaration.

  “Ask nicely, and you can have my mouth back, or this…” he wiggled his hands on my wrists, “will be the last part of me that ever touches you.”

  I took a deep breath and swallowed the thickness that had gathered in my throat.

  “Please.” I said, but it didn’t sound like my voice; it sounded weak and distant.

  “Please what, Eli?” He teased, and I could feel the fire coursing through my veins.

  I pushed my lips together in a hard line and narrowed my eyes at him. He moved his head closer and skimmed his lips along my flesh. I could feel the heat of his breath with little nips of his teeth as he moved along my neck then down to my chest. He was going to wear me down, I could already feel the heat pooling in my core and my chest was heaving with heavy breaths.

  I’d never experienced anything like him, hell I’d never even heard of anything like this. I craved him, but was also disgusted with him at the same time. He was trying to prove he had some power over me—and he did. No matter how hard I wanted to fight it, no matter how much it didn’t make sense, he did.

  “C’mon princess, just say it and I’ll give you what you want.”

  “Please, Deacon.” I breathed.

  “That’s hard for you isn’t it? You don’t want to believe I have control over your body.”

  He shifted my hands over my head so he could hold them in place with just one of his. I closed my eyes and felt his fingers glide down my body and cup my breast. He rubbed small circles around my nipple with his thumb causing my hips to push forward, searching for him.

  “Say it.” He demanded.

  “Please, Deacon, please touch me.”

  “Oh God, I love the sound of my name coming from your lips.” He said against my mouth then he released me.

  He pulled me by the hand back to where we had been earlier. Laying me down, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me tight against his body, consuming me with his scent again. I reached up and ran my hand against his rough cheek craving more of a connection. Although his eyes were closed, his head was tilted down toward mine giving me easy access to his mouth. The tip of my tongue lightly caressed the defined outline of his bottom lip, and I felt his grip on my hips tighten. A strangled growl came from his throat just as he plunged his tongue into my mouth. His hand fisted in my hair and he rolled on top of me, pressing me further into the bed with the entire weight of his body. My legs opened willingly and wrapped around him, digging my heels into his ass, needing him closer—inside me.

  His tongue continued to plunder my mouth, as I fought to meet every long, wet stroke. I ran my ha
nds up the back of his shirt and over his warm, hard body. My fingernails ached to dig into his flesh, and scratch over every inch of his body. He slowly rocked his hips, pushing into my core exactly where I needed; faster and faster, until I was pulling at the top of his jeans, wanting nothing between us. I almost had the treacherous denim pushed down when his body suddenly left mine. He placed his hands on either side of my head and pushed up and away from me. Looking down at me through hooded eyes he shook his head. My feet were still on his ass, so I pulled hard, trying to drive him back down, but he didn’t budge.

  “What…wh…” I stammered as I fought to breathe.

  His eyes burned into me with a mix of passion and stubbornness, “Damnit, Eli, what have you done to me? I came up here to take care of you, not to take advantage of you.”

  I smiled. “I promise you’re not taking advantage of me, I’m more than willing.”

  He growled and looked up toward the ceiling. “Don’t say shit like that to me, especially right now. You’re drunk, and I’d give anything to get inside you right now. I won’t fuck up the possibility of a next time because your judgment is not so clear this time. You feel me?”

  I giggled and ran my hands under the front of his shirt and across his rippled stomach. “Oh I feel you, and I promise my decision won’t change tomorrow, or the day after.”

  “The more you try to convince me to strip my clothes off for you, the more I’m going to believe you really are drunk. So how about I move over here and we get some sleep? Then we’ll see how you feel in the morning.” He planted a single, chaste kiss on my forehead before he moved beside me.

  I folded my arms over my chest and huffed out a breath loudly. Yes, I was freaking pouting. Obviously, acting like a toddler wasn’t the most attractive thing I could have done when trying to get a man to strip his clothes off and take advantage of me, but I was just turned down, and no matter what state of mind you’re in, that’s never fun.

  Deacon elbowed me in my side. I ignored him. He elbowed me again. I whipped my head toward him and gave him my best glare.