Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Once we’re back on the bus, I put my earbuds back in. I’m being immature, and I know it. I should just tell him what he did to upset me. Instead, I give him the silent treatment. What’s worse is he can tell I’m annoyed, and he is now acting defensive and irked.

  I had this vision of Paris in my mind, maybe from movies or novels. Reality is not living up to the fantasy.

  Our next stop is the Louvre. Travel guides make it clear that you could spend days alone looking at all the artwork held there. Since we only have this one day in Paris, our plan is to go into the courtyard to see the glass pyramid and underground to see the rest of the pyramid.

  It’s crowded with people going in every direction. The closer we get to the line to go inside, the greater the feeling of awe I feel in my chest, knowing that the original works of the most famous artists reside within these walls. I’m having an emotional reaction to being near such greatness even though I’m not going to see them. Just knowing they’re there is enough. When Adam isn’t looking, I reach down, pick up a stone, and slip it into my pocket.

  We take some pictures and leave quickly. The crowds are overwhelming, and once the feeling of being near great art wears off, a feeling of claustrophobia sets in.

  We cross the street, and since a bus isn’t there for us to board, Adam leads me to a nearby bridge. The Louvre sits along the Seine. The bridge closest to it appears almost golden in the morning light. As we get closer, I can see that it isn’t the bridge but the brass padlocks covering its sides that are golden.

  I trail my fingers across one. There’s a date written on it in green marker. I’ve heard of these. I think I read a book that talked about them.

  Adam pulls out his camera to take a picture of a couple farther down the bridge as they attach a lock to it, and then they throw the key into the river. The lock symbolizes their union, their commitment to each other. It’s romantic, again reminding me of where I am and who I’m with.

  I take a few pictures of my own before we walk back to catch the bus. By the end of the day, we have seen the major attractions of Paris. I’m exhausted and still feeling sorry for myself, even with Adam by my side I am alone in a crowded city. I miss Ally.

  Our hotel is between the airport and Montmartre. We check in before driving closer to Montmartre to walk around and have dinner.

  It’s strange how we spent a good portion of the day sitting on the bus, but I’m still exhausted. Adam doesn’t seem as affected as I am. I wonder if he thinks I’m a dull companion.

  “Was Paris everything you imagined?” he asks over dinner.

  I think back to the couples we saw on the Eiffel Tower and on the bridge by the Louvre. “Seemed to be more of a city for couples.”

  He tilts his head and looks at me. “You’re probably right.”

  I doze off on the way back to the hotel.

  I wake up to Adam shifting me in his arms as he attempts to open the door to my room. I turn my face into his neck and inhale, filling my senses with his musk. If I were more awake, I would tell him to put me down, that I could walk. I don’t. I enjoy the feel of his arms around me.

  As he lowers me to my bed, I coil my arms around his neck and whisper, “Stay with me,” in his ear.

  He jerks his head back and looks at me with wide eyes. “What are you saying?”

  I groan, “Ugh. Never mind. I just thought you were comfy.”

  He moves toward me, but I shake my head. The way he reacted embarrasses me, and now, I just want him gone.

  Our rooms are separated by an interior door. He hesitates, looking back at me, before going into his room. I sit up and hurry across the room to lock my side of the door before collapsing back into bed and allowing my exhaustion to overtake me.

  His angry banging on the interior door is what awakes me the next morning.

  “What?” I yell, half awake, stumbling to the door.

  “Why did you lock the door? It’s time to wake up,” he snaps through the door.

  “I’m awake, and I locked the door because I wanted to,” I huff.

  There’s a pause. I turn to make my way to the bathroom when I hear him grumble, “You’re acting like a child, Aubrey.”

  My mouth drops open, and I storm back toward the door, unlocking it before I fling it open.

  “Locking a door makes me a child?” I fume, charging him.

  He shrugs. “Just because I didn’t want to sleep with you—”

  I cut him off. “Sleep with me?”

  He crosses his arms. “Yeah, ’cause I’m so comfy.”

  I blush, wishing I could disappear right then. “Trust me, I won’t make that mistake again.”

  I slam the door in his face.

  “We need to leave in thirty minutes,” he orders through the door.

  I contemplate ways of murdering him as I crouch under the too short ancient showerhead. I could push him in front of one of those big red buses, maybe drop-kick him into the Seine. After he suffers no fewer than ten deaths by my hand, I’m in a much better mood, and I beat him to the lobby.

  His hair looks strange. I have to stifle a laugh as I picture him trying to fit under his showerhead. Maybe he wasn’t able to wash out all of his shampoo.

  ***

  Our flight from Paris to Zambia has a layover in South Africa. It doesn’t really make sense to me that we’re flying past Zambia and will then backtrack. The Livingstone Airport is not as big as the O.R. Tambo Airport. It’s a ten-hour flight there, then a four-hour layover, followed by another two-hour flight to get to Zambia.

  Originally, I wanted to go see the pyramids, but my dad was nervous about the recent political unrest in the country, and he wanted me to avoid it. I can’t argue with his logic.

  While we were planning this trip, when Adam originally suggested a stop at Victoria Falls, I had to Google it to know for sure where it is. It rests on the borders of Zambia and Zimbabwe with national parks on both sides.

  We’re staying on the Zambia side at the Royal Chundu. The accommodations are on the expensive side, but the added security was important to my mom and dad.

  A shuttle takes us from the airport straight to the lodge. The pictures online do not do it justice. All milk chocolate wood with crisp white accents. We’re sharing a suite, our rooms separated by a lounge.

  I trail my fingers across the mosquito netting draped over my king-sized bed. It’s both romantic and a reminder of the dangers that exist, even in paradise. I open the door to the balcony off my room. We’re on the second floor, overlooking a pool.

  “You’re lucky we’re in a hotel.”

  I look up to see Adam leaning against my doorway. “How come?”

  “It’s considered rude not to eat what you are served in Zambian households.”

  I pause. “What do they usually serve?”

  He almost smiles. “Grasshoppers are considered a delicacy in some parts of Zambia.”

  I wrinkle my nose. That does not sound appetizing. “That can’t be all they eat,” I argue.

  He pushes off the doorframe and crosses my room, walking in front of me. Moving the sheer fabric of the curtain aside, he looks out the window before looking back at me.

  “This close to the Zambezi River?” He makes it a question that he answers for me. “The most common dish is freshwater fish.”

  I shiver. “Do you think that’s all they serve here?”

  He reads my panicked expression and has had his fun. “I’m sure they’ll have something simple that you’ll like.”

  I nod hesitantly, not really believing him. We have both had a long day. I’m a bit hungry but sleep has the greater siren call. He reminds me to make sure my net is secure before retreating to his side of the suite.

  I wonder what he thinks of me. I cringe, remembering the night before when I asked him to stay with me.

  One part of traveling that is not growing on me is the sensation of waking up in a different bed every night. It seems adventurous in your head, but the actuality of those firs
t few moments of waking before you remember where you are can be unsettling.

  I shower, knowing we’ll have our breakfast in the main dining room of the lodge. I want to make a good impression. I pad barefoot across the suite to check on Adam. I’m nervous about the idea of venturing off on my own, and I hope he’s up and ready for breakfast as well.

  His door is cracked. I gently push it open wider to peer inside. Other than that morning in London when he caught me watching him sleep, he usually wakes up before me.

  The netting leaves little privacy to hide his shirtless frame from me. I’m mesmerized by the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he sleeps peacefully. Not wanting to be caught and not able to put off breakfast, I quietly pull his door back to its original cracked stance.

  I pad back to my room to slip on tennis shoes, and making sure I have a key card in my back pocket, I leave our room in search of food. The lodge is inclusive, so food and drinks are covered during our stay.

  We passed the dining room when we checked in last night, so it’s easy for me to find. I’m quickly seated and provided a menu that is thankfully in English. I order nshima, a simple sugared porridge with fruit on the side to go with my coffee.

  There’s an Australian family seated at the table next to me. When they see I’m alone, they convince our server to push our tables together, so I won’t have to eat alone. I try to stop them, to tell them I’m fine. It’s embarrassing the way the other diners stare as our tables are combined. I’m annoyed at their pushy friendliness until their son joins our table. Then, I’m quite grateful for their insistence.

  His name is Conner. He’s tall and fit in the way that if he lived in the States, I would assume he was a football quarterback. He’s twenty-five and easy to talk to. He explains this grand trip is an annual thing his folks have done ever since he was ten years old. This is their third time back to Victoria Falls. He pauses and looks behind me.

  “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

  I turn to see Adam glaring at me. “You looked comfortable, Adam.”

  I turn back toward Conner and his family to introduce them. Adam continues to fume while a waiter sets a place for him next to me.

  After he sits, I whisper, “Why are you acting so annoyed?”

  He ignores me, so I turn back to Conner and pick up where we left off. Conner’s mom is able to get Adam to stop pouting and talk. I already told them about our trip so far and where we’re headed. They’re curious, or at least seem to be, about his previous trips. While they speak, Conner asks if I’d like a tour of the grounds around the lodge. Adam’s head snaps in my direction when he hears me accept, and I excuse myself from the table.

  His hand rises to gently wrap around my wrist, stopping me. “Where are you going?”

  I stare down at his hand, his fingers hot against my skin. “Conner and his family have been here before. He offered to show me around.”

  He looks up at Conner, who seems equally interested in Adam’s grip on my wrist, before he opens his grasp, freeing me. Conner directs me to a side exit, his hand drifting to the small of my back. I turn to look over my shoulder before we pass through the door, and I lock eyes briefly with Adam. His eyes are hard as they hold mine until I pass through the doorway.

  “Are you two dating?”

  My attention flies back to Conner. When we were sitting, his height wasn’t as apparent. I have to crane my neck to look up at him.

  “Adam?” I ask, even though I knew that’s who he meant.

  “I don’t mean to pry. He just seems…” He pauses. “Possessive.”

  I fold my arms across my chest. “He thinks he’s my babysitter,” I grumble.

  Conner blinks. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t the impression I got from him.”

  I shake my head. “Trust me, he just enjoys bossing me around. I had to ditch him in London to go have fun.”

  He directs me over to a bench by one of the pristine swimming pools. “This I have to hear.”

  I sit next to him, our legs touching, and I grin. “I got a tattoo.”

  “Brilliant.” He laughs. “What did you get? Can I see it?”

  I turn, so my back is to him, and I pull at the neck of my shirt. “I’m not sure if you can see it.”

  He peers down the back of my shirt. “Is it a bird?”

  “They’re angel wings,” I whisper, thinking of Ally as I look back at him.

  The wind has picked up, and he tucks a strand of hair that is dancing wildly across my face behind my ear.

  “We’ll have to come up with something, so you can ditch him here as well.”

  I raise my brows. “What do you propose?”

  Chapter 14

  Once our plan is settled, Conner walks me back to my room.

  Adam is waiting, sitting on the sofa in the lounge. “Our tour to the falls leaves in thirty minutes,” he reminds me gruffly.

  “Geez, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or what?” I snap.

  He moves his computer from his lap to the coffee table in front of him. “Excuse me?”

  I shake my head. “Seriously, you were so rude at breakfast, and now, you’re all pissy here, too. Are you annoyed at me for something?”

  He stands, rubbing his face, as he walks over to me. “As much as it annoys you, I’m supposed to be looking out for you. When I wake up and you’re not here and there’s no note or anything explaining where you went, I get annoyed.”

  My mouth drops. “You, for real, want me to wake you up before I go eat?”

  He rolls his eyes, and I restrain the desire to stomp on his foot.

  “You could have left a note.”

  As annoying as he is, he does have a point there. I guess.

  “Well, what about when you saw that I was fine in the dining hall? Why were you still annoyed then and now?”

  He rubs both of his temples as though I’m causing him mental pain. “You just go off with random strangers. Do you get how dangerous that can be?”

  I move past him toward my room. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Conner is there with his family. Do you think he would do something to me after his mother watched us walk away together?”

  “What about Nigel?”

  I turn and glare at him. “Nigel didn’t do anything to me.”

  “He kissed you.”

  “This conversation is ridiculous. I’m done explaining myself to you!” I shout, slamming the door in his face.

  My heart is pounding as anger and annoyance seep from my pores. I storm around my room, throwing things in my cross-body bag. The moment my hand touches Ally’s ashes, I sink to the floor and cry, cradling the box in my arms. This trip isn’t about Adam or how much he annoys me. It’s about Ally and doing what she wasn’t able to do.

  I feel silly and childish. I need to focus on what’s important instead of letting him get under my skin.

  Now calm, anger banished, I carefully pack the smaller box with some of her ashes into my bag. Adam is waiting for me by the door. I don’t ignore him. I just nod in his direction as I move past him. That’s all the maturity I am able to currently summon.

  We are part of a group tour leaving from the lodge to the falls. A British explorer named the falls after Queen Victoria, but the locals still call them Mosi-oa-Tunya, which means smoke that thunders, and thunder it does. I’ve seen smaller waterfalls, but nothing could have prepared me for the roar of the falls as our van approaches them.

  I sit next to Conner. We speak until it becomes impossible. I slip my waterproof windbreaker out of my bag and put it on before we get out of the van. There are only ten of us in this group.

  Adam’s annoyance with me seems forgotten as he focuses on capturing as many images as he can. The falls are not the tallest or the widest in the world. Our guide explains though that its combined height and width make it the largest waterfall in the world. Islands dotting the river are close to the falls, so we can explore them with a different tour offered by the lodge if we want to.

  D
epending on the time of year, there’s even a section of the falls that form a natural stone lip where people can swim since the threat of going over is smaller. It’s called the Devil’s Pool. As exciting as looking out over the edge of a waterfall would be, I just couldn’t picture myself actually doing it. While not deathly afraid of heights, I’m not a fan of them either.

  I spend most of our tour with Conner. It seems almost funny how annoyed Adam was, considering how uninterested in my whereabouts he currently is.

  Talking near the falls is impossible over their roar. We’re on the side facing them when I get distracted and start to stumble. A hand reaches out to stop my fall. I assume it’s Conner, and I blush when I realize it’s Adam who steadies me. Maybe he isn’t as uninterested as I thought.

  He charges ahead and away from me while I form the words to thank him. He’s already too far away to hear them. Conner isn’t far from us and sees what happened. When his eyebrows rise, I shrug. There really is no explaining Adam.

  We stop for a picnic-style lunch, provided by the lodge, next to the falls. The main dish is fish. I fill my plate with cheese, bread, and fruit instead. There’s something that looks like beef jerky, but thinking it looks spicy, I avoid that as well.

  Adam sits on one side of me, and Conner is on the other. I glance at Conner before I yawn and admit a nap would be nice once we’re back at Royal Chundu. I peek at Adam, hoping he believes me.

  After our plates are cleared, I make my way closer to the best view of the falls, and I sit down on a large gray rock. A fine mist of spray reaches my face. I glance around me before slipping the container of Ally’s ashes from my bag.

  This waterfall represents so many things Ally loved—nature, the idea of feeling so small in such a big world, and the flow of life. The water moves across its course. It does not hesitate as it breaches the unknown and flows freely to the pool below. Making sure her ashes don’t get caught in the breeze, I tap them out onto the ground in front of the rock I’m sitting on.

  I don’t cover them with earth as I did in England and Belgium. I’m comforted by the thought of the mist of the mighty falls reaching her. She would have loved to feel it if she were here, but this is as good as I can do.