Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I take a few grapes off the vine and feed both of us, alternating between her and me. There are a few surfers out in the water, but for the most part, the beach is deserted right now, which is shocking. I’m not complaining. It gives us more privacy.

  “You’re not what I thought you’d be,” she says as her lips graze my neck. What I am is losing my resolve not to spin her around and watch her come undone from my touch. Her body is the one drumbeat I can’t master, but I’ll never give up trying. I try not to overthink her statement. I’m not sure I want to know what it means, but leaving it unquestioned will only burn me later.

  “Meaning?” I ask as I feed her a strawberry.

  Katelyn shrugs. “Everything I thought about you was wrong. I had a list a mile long of reasons why we wouldn’t work. First with your tattoos, I assumed the worst. Then there was the woman at the bar when we were in Florida. When I saw that happen, I thought there was no way I’d be able to trust someone like you and wondered how Josie was doing it. I was so standoffish, and yet you come over twice a week to mow my lawn, even though I never asked you to. I kept saying we couldn’t be together and now that we are, I can’t find a reason for us not to be. If anything, you should hate me for being a bitch to you.

  “Here we are, at your gorgeous place that you left to live in Beaumont, and I can’t understand why. You’re feeding me, and that is definitely something I never expected from you. Hell, it’s never even happened to me before. And this afternoon, the way you made love to me…” Katelyn sighs and shakes her head. She leans forward and covers her eyes, hiding from me. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do here. Everything I’ve been doing so far, I’ve done because it felt natural, but right now, I don’t know if I’m supposed to reach out and touch her or leave her to sort through her thoughts. Right now, I’m lost and confused. Earlier, things seemed fine, but that’s definitely not the case at this moment.

  My throat is tight. I clear it a few times, but am unable to find my voice. I’m afraid to move. What if this is not what she wants? I sit like a statue and fight the pressure in my chest. I can’t take anymore.

  “I don’t…” I have to clear my throat again. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here, Katelyn.”

  She shakes her head again and stands. My shirt is long enough to over her ass, but I know she’s not wearing anything underneath. She turns and takes two steps forward before falling to her knees in front of me. I’m afraid to touch her, even though I’m burning to pull her to me.

  “Why do you hide from me?”

  I look at her questioningly. “What’re you talking about?”

  “Is this the real Harrison James sitting in front of me?”

  Well, isn’t that a loaded question with many possible answers? “What do you want to know?”

  “Where are your parents?”

  I run my hand through my hair and sigh. I look down the beach and smile. “My mom lives about ten minutes away. I told you earlier that my sister is in New York and my dad – he died when I was four. He was a police officer and was shot in the line of duty by a gang member.”

  “Harrison,” she says my name so quietly, but full of sorrow. Katelyn cups my face, her fingers dancing along my jaw, playing with my scruff.

  “It was a long time ago, Katelyn.”

  “But you were so young.” This I was, and I suffered dearly for not having a father figure around and a mom that had to work two jobs to make ends meet. I love my mom more than anything. She had to be not only a mother, but a father, and she tried so hard to make mine and Yve’s life the best she could. I need to change the subject before I tell her the horrors of my childhood that will surely send her running for the hills.

  “What about you? How was life as an only child?”

  Katelyn shrugs and plays with the hair at the nape of my neck. “I had Josie, so it was like having a sister.”

  “When did you and Mason start dating?”

  Katelyn pulls back a little and looks at me. Her head moves from side to side. She pulls her lip in between her teeth. I reach out and pull it out with my thumb and place a kiss where she was biting it.

  “You don’t have to answer.”

  “It’s not that. Do you really want to know?”

  I take this opportunity to pull her into my arms. “He’s a part of your life and he’s part of the girls’ life. I’ll never ask you not to talk about him when I’m around. I’ll never ask you to stop loving him. If he was here, I’d hate him.” I shake my head because that’s not true. “No, I probably wouldn’t know you if he was here, and for that I’m both thankful and remorseful because his girls are the best, most beautiful girls that I’ve ever encountered, and I want to do right by not only them, but him too.”

  Tears begin to roll down her face. I wipe them away before she has a chance to. She stares at me with wet eyes that are breaking my heart. I didn’t mean to make her cry, but it’s the only way I can get across with how I feel.

  “We started dating the summer after freshman year. He was so popular and cute. My mother said he only wanted me for my swimming pool, but that wasn’t the case. We all grew up that summer.”

  “Liam told me a lot about him. Sometimes I feel like I know him, especially when I’m with you and the girls.”

  Katelyn smiles and curls up in my arms. “Everyone loved him. He was the high school football star who returned to coach the team. He was supposed to go to school with Liam, but changed his mind and gave up a scholarship to the University of Texas to go to the state school with me. I wonder now, had he gone with Liam, if things would be different.”

  “Like how?”

  “I don’t know. Would they be in the NFL doing what they loved? Would I be one of those wives you see on television, bitching about her husband or involved in some marital scandal? Nothing went according to plan once we graduated high school.”

  “And now, you’re involved with someone who doesn’t fit your norm, sitting on the beach in my dress shirt and about to attend your first red carpet event.”

  “You wrote me a song.”

  I can’t help but smile. “I did and we are performing it tomorrow night at the awards show.”

  “I’m your date.”

  “You are, and from what I’ve heard, you have a pretty smoking dress that I’m going to want to rip off of you.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Can I ask you about my job?”

  I sigh. I’ve been hoping to avoid this topic. “Sure,” I say.

  “I’ve done a bad job. I let the band down.”

  I wrap my arms around her and rest my chin on the top of her head. Liam and I haven’t sat down and discussed what to do. We were going to wait until after this week was over before we made plans to move forward.

  “I think we threw you to the wolves without proper training. It’s our fault.”

  “I think I should quit.”

  “Why?” I’m caught off-guard by her statement.

  “Because if we’re together, I need to be away from you.”

  “What?” my voice breaks. I don’t want her away from me, ever.

  “Not like that. What I’m saying is I like that you come to my house after you’re done working and if we spend all day together, the evenings won’t have the same meaning.”

  I think I love this woman. I tip her head up and capture her lips. She’s right. The anticipation of seeing her after work will be worth it.

  “So what do you want to do?”

  “Quit. I’ll help Josie at Whimsicality.”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  Katelyn nods. I guess that settles it. I’m indifferent about her decision. I’ll miss her during the day, but knowing she’ll be expecting me at night is going to be worth it.

  “You’ve never kissed me in front of the girls.” She says as she turns in my arms.

  I feel the side of my mouth move up in a smile at her. She slaps me in the chest. “I’ve never kissed anyone aside from my mom and sister in front o
f Quinn. He’s never seen me with a woman.”

  “Are you serious? Why?”

  I look down. What if she finds my reasoning stupid? When I found out Quinn was mine, I changed my ways. Yes, I still partied and did my fair share of womanizing, but I didn’t bring that home to him. “I want him to have respect for women, and if I parade them around, he’ll think that’s okay when it’s not. Now why haven’t you kissed me in front of the girls?” I ask her the same question even though I know the answer.

  Katelyn purses her lips. I can tell she’s biting the inside of her cheek. “I’m not sure how they’ll react. I haven’t told them about us because I don’t know what to say. Honestly, I feel stupid trying to put a label on us.”

  “So don’t.”

  “Don’t?”

  I shrug. “Tomorrow night when they ask me who you are, my answer is going to be Katelyn. No one needs to know. Who cares what people think, we only matter to us and I’m not going anywhere, anytime soon. Are you?”

  “No,” she says, trying not to smile.

  “Good.”

  I hold her in my arms as the sun finally sets. When she starts shivering, I know it’s time for us to head inside. We walk, hand in hand, back to my place and all I can think is that this is my paradise.

  ***

  Chapter 28

  Katelyn

  “Are you nervous?” he asks as his lips find my now bare shoulder. The dress I chose for tonight is champagne in color with barely off the shoulder straps. I fell in love with the sweetheart neckline, but it was the back – cut low and swooping – that sold me.

  We stand in front of his bedroom mirror. I’m trying to put in my earring and he’s trying to take off my dress. If we don’t hurry, we’ll be late. I know it’s expected to be fashionably late for Hollywood events, but the long drive into L.A., together with the traffic will make things worse. I had suggested we leave earlier and get ready at the hotel, but he had other plans for us. I conceded once he showed me what he was talking about.

  “Harrison,” I say, quietly. I want to look good for him, but he’s making it difficult. I don’t think he understands the magnitude that tonight holds. The red carpet is something he’s accustomed to. For me, it’s a night of firsts, and with those firsts come the jitters and extreme anxiety. What if I fall or trip for all of national TV to see?

  Harrison sighs heavily and replaces my strap. He takes a step back. I watch him candidly through the mirror, as he looks me up and down. I want to shake my head, but rather like the idea that I turn him on.

  “My hand is staying right here all night,” he says as he places it on my back, his fingers inching themselves under the fabric. “Yeah, I do believe this dress was made for me.”

  “Incorrigible,” I murmur, adding a wink. He kisses the top of my head before disappearing into the closet. I watch his backside as long as I can, secretly hoping that he’ll come back out and hypnotize me once more. It seems that I can’t get enough of him and part of me dreads returning to Beaumont and to our lives. In one short day, I learned so much about him and us, maybe this is what we needed from the get-go.

  When Harrison steps out, he’s dressed in a black and white pin-striped suit. I honestly didn’t know what he’d wear. I’ve never seen him out of his shorts and classic t-shirts and felt incredibly awkward asking him, but figured it wouldn’t matter, because he’s beautiful enough to pull anything off. I am pleasantly surprised, however, to find out he isn’t wearing a tux. I know he’ll be wearing one for Liam and Josie’s wedding; and as stupid as it may sound, I want that to be the first time I see him in one.

  He comes over and stands next to me. I watch him do up his tie, and can’t help but think of Mason and the countless times I tied his. He never could grasp how to make the knot look just right. I didn’t mind and I’m hoping that Harrison has some trouble so I can help him. Sadly for me, he masters it perfectly on the first try.

  I slide in front of Harrison and brush some imaginary lint off his shoulders, anything to touch him to straighten out his already straight tie. I’m being sentimental, I know. I can’t help myself. I miss this part of Mason. Harrison stands there, I can feel him staring as I pinch the silk. I sweep my hands over his chest and shoulders, clasping his hands with mine.

  “There, now you’re perfect,” I whisper for my own benefit.

  He leans down and crushes his lips to mine, pushing me hard against the dresser. His hands slide down my sides and over to my ass as he picks me up. He sets me down on the dresser, urgently. My dress pushes up as he pulls me the edge where he stands. My legs are spread, welcoming him. He moves against me, rubbing up and down.

  Teasing me.

  Testing me.

  He knows the decision is up to me. He doesn’t care if he walks the red carpet, but I care enough for him and the band. I won’t be the Yoko Ono of 4425 West.

  “The car… shortly.” I can barely speak, let alone string together a complete sentence. Harrison smiles against my mouth, enjoying the torment he’s bestowed upon me. I try to push him away, but my fingers have a different idea and find themselves entwined in his hair. It’s already been styled with wax, so I can’t do any damage.

  He grinds against me, making it impossible for me to say no. My fingers seek out the buttons on his vest, then his shirt. I start at the bottom and work my way up. I throw his tie over his shoulder and unbutton the rest of his shirt. My lips are blazing a trail down his chest. I pull hard on his nipple ring just as he pushes up my dress and rips my panties off, the ones I bought especially for tonight.

  “I’ll go fast,” he says, dropping his pants. He slams into me once before pulling out. His green eyes are blazing, a fiery pit of lust. I hitch my knees over his hips, holding onto him as he thrusts again. I moan as he fills me instantly. He grips my ass as his knees bang into the drawers. The dresser has become our own earthquake as we shake the contents onto the floor. The mirror bangs, loudly, against the wall.

  “Harrison,” I say breathlessly, as he moves with such fluidity. He pulls away from my neck, his hand coming up under my knee. His other hand pushes my dress up more. I watch his eyes as they bear down on us. He watches himself as he rocks, working to reach his peak.

  “Fuck, baby,” he grits out. His head falls back. His movements are faster, harder. I lean back, my head rubbing against the wall and let out a sound I didn’t know I had in me. He looks at me and smiles, pulling me up to his chest. I meet his thrusts eagerly as we ride out our orgasms together.

  He kisses me deeply, cupping my face. I love that he holds me to him when he kisses me, afraid that I’ll disappear if I’m not in his hands. The doorbell sounds, causing me to pull back. I’m afraid of what I look like now. Ripped panties, a bunched up dress and hair that is surely messed up. I don’t want to look, but know I’ll need a few minutes to get ready.

  He kisses me again before stepping away. He pulls up his pants, but doesn’t bother with the buttons on his shirt as he leaves the room. I slide off the dresser, tentatively. My legs are shaky, my knees locked. I take a deep breath and turn around. My mouth drops as I lean forward and observe my red swollen lips. My mascara is smudged from the light sheen of sweat on my face. My hair – I want to cry – but thankfully it’s fixable. I stand back and look at myself, shaking my head.

  “I guess I know what it means to be thoroughly fucked.”

  “I say we stay home and do it again.”

  I follow his voice and realize I want to cry out in agony. He stands there with his hand in his pocket, leaning against the door jam. His shirt is still unbuttoned and now his tie is undone as well. He looks delicious, edible.

  I have to tear my eyes away, demand that I focus on anything but him. He’s a temptation. A risk.

  He’s my reward.

  I bypass him without a second glance. He chuckles and even though I smile, it frustrates me that he has that much power over me. When did I let this happen? I shouldn’t question myself. I’m done doing that. I’m where I wan
t to be.

  The car door finally opens. The screams are deafening. We are in between Liam and Jimmy’s cars. I understand why we couldn’t ride together, something about making an entrance. Harrison kisses me quickly before he steps out. He stands by the door and extends his hand, waiting for me to grab hold of it. His name, along with Liam and Jimmy’s are yelled loudly. The guys stand together and chat, pointing at some of the fans. When they do that, they erupt. Josie and I stand behind them, both of us mocking Jimmy’s date. She looks bored and only half dressed, and leaves no doubt in my mind that what Harrison I did before we left, they did in the car on the way here.

  The guys walk over to the fans that are barricaded by a steel fence, each one of them starting in a different location and moving down the line as phones and pens are shoved in their faces. They sign everything and pose in the most awkward ways, but do so with a permanent grin.

  “You know, I’m surprised you’re not at the hotel with us.” Josie moves closer, away from Jimmy’s date so we can talk. Even in my four-inch heels I have to look up to see her.

  “Harrison has a place on the beach. I’m staying there.”

  Josie nods and tries to hide her grin. She looks at the guys, then back at me. “Are things good?”

  “Things are great.” I never thought I’d be in a position to say that about my life, but I can, especially with how I feel about Harrison. If having a little bit of bliss can make me feel good about things, then so be it. I’m going to embrace it. Soak it in and hopefully share it with my children.

  “Harrison looks really happy, Katelyn. That’s because of you.” I give him a once over and smile when he leans in for a picture with a fan. If things hadn’t changed with us, I’d be wondering which one he’d want to take back to his place tonight. But I know after everything that has happened since we arrived in Los Angeles, that he only has eyes for me.