Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “I know, buddy.” He exits, leaving the door open. I take these few moments to think about what I can do to help Peyton. Probably not much, but we are more alike than she’ll want to accept. I don’t even know what I can tell Katelyn without her freaking out and coming home early. She needs this vacation, but if her daughter is being bullied at school, she needs to know so she can deal with it.

  Peyton appears out of thin air. I didn’t even hear her come down the stairs. She stands in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. Now that I know what’s going on, this stance makes sense. She’s protecting herself and that breaks my heart.

  “Want to come in?”

  She shakes her head no.

  “Okay,” I say. I move my stool closer to her and sit down. “We can talk right here.”

  She drops her eyes to the floor. Either she really hates me, or she’s embarrassed. I’m going to go with a bit of both just to cushion my ego.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened today?”

  “You’re not my dad.”

  “No, I’m not and I’m not trying to be, but I want to be your friend, Peyton, if you’ll let me.”

  “I have Noah and Quinn.”

  “You do,” I agree. “They’re some pretty great friends, aren’t they?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can I tell you a story?”

  Peyton shrugs and still avoids making eye contact with me. So I start my story in hopes that she’ll understand that I’ve been through the same things she’s going through now.

  “When I was four, I lost my dad. On the day he died, he kissed me goodnight and went to work. When I woke up, my mom was crying and she told me that he was gone. I didn’t know what that meant until we had his funeral. I was too young to understand that my life had just changed, that everything I knew was going to go away. I had to move from my big house with all my toys and friends that I played with every day, to a very small apartment and was only allowed to bring a few things. A year later when I started school, I was scared because I didn’t know anyone. My friends were all going to a different school. I was alone and some of the other kids picked up on that. They would pull my hair or make fun of my clothes. They would say hurtful things about my dad and laugh at me when I would cry. This didn’t stop until I graduated high school and no longer had to see those people.

  “If you’re being bullied, I can help you. I don’t want to know who is doing it because there’s no use in talking to his parents. Besides, you’re more important to me than some idiot kid who thinks it’s funny to make fun of people. People like him will get nowhere in life.”

  Peyton finally looks at me. I don’t know what I said, but whatever it was I’m thankful. I reach forward and wipe away her tears.

  “Do you want to know what I used to do when I was younger to get rid of all my anger?”

  “What?” her tiny, broken voice asks.

  “Come here, I’ll show you.” I get up and move JD’s stool back to where it was and walk over to my drums. Peyton stands next to me. I pull her closer, lifting her up on to my lap. I thought for sure she’d balk and run away, but she doesn’t. I place a drumstick in each hand. She looks at me questioningly.

  “Do you know what the mean kid looks like?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Good. Now picture his face on the drum and hit it.”

  Peyton does, but only taps the drum.

  “No, Peyton. I want you to hit it hard. Let it all out on my drums. You can’t hurt them, so don’t even worry about that right now.”

  Peyton hits the drum again, but barely.

  “Is that all you got?” I ask. I pull another set of sticks out and hit the drum hard. I do this over and over again, saying things that make me angry. Peyton tries again, this time much harder. We take turns hitting the drums until she has both sticks pounding down. I sit there, holding her steady in my lap so she doesn’t fall forward.

  When she’s done, she drops the sticks and turns in my lap. Her face is red and puffy from tears and it breaks my heart to see her going through so much pain.

  “I’m so sorry, Peyton, no one deserves this much pain.”

  “Your daddy went to heaven too?”

  “He did.”

  “Did you cry?”

  “I did. He was my best friend.”

  “So was my daddy.”

  “I know.” I pull her into a hug and she squeezes me as hard as she can. I don’t know if this is a turning point for us or not, but right now, I’m willing to accept whatever she needs to dish out, whether it’s good or bad. “You can come down here anytime you want.”

  “You won’t be mad?”

  I shake my head. “No, not at all.”

  She turns and picks up the sticks and taps them down a few times. She touches the cymbal and laughs at the different noises it makes.

  “Harrison?”

  “Yeah, sweetie?”

  “Will you teach me to play?”

  My heart soars with relief. I try not to think too much into what she’s asking, but if this is a way for us to connect, I’m running with it.

  “Anything for you, Peyton.”

  ***

  Chapter 32

  Katelyn

  I lose the contents of my lunch. Josie holds my hair back, just as she did when I had morning sickness with the twins. Every time an image flashes in my mind, I heave. I was so stupid to think that Harrison was genuine in his fondness of me. He only wanted one thing and apparently he didn’t just need that from me. The mere thought of him being with her brings up another round of the dry heaves. I’m out, empty. The burning in my stomach and chest are stark reminders of the amount of pain I’ve dealt with for over a year now. In one moment, Harrison brought it all back, rushing like water rapids and dragging me under.

  I wash my mouth out and pat my face dry. I don’t want to look at Josie. I don’t want to see the sadness etched across her face. I know that look well, no need for a reminder. I leave the bathroom and head to my room. The two-bedroom suite Liam booked is a godsend, as it allows for privacy. Privacy that I didn’t think we’d need.

  I fall onto the bed and bury my hands underneath the pillow. I sob into the pillow, allowing it to muffle the sound. I’m utterly and completely broken. I know now that I moved on too fast. If I had waited, I would’ve seen his true colors. He would’ve shown the real Harrison before too long. But no, I gave in. I pursued him, even though that was never my intention. I let him get close. I allowed him to woo me with thoughts of togetherness as a family. He baited me with my children. I was a fool to allow all of this to happen.

  He’s hurt me, and he’s going to hurt my children. I can’t have a man like this around them. And to think, he had the nerve to tell me he never has any women around Quinn – that’s because he’d tell his mother.

  I can’t believe I was so stupid to fall for his charm.

  There’s a knock at the door. I sit up and drag my hands over my face roughly. I don’t care what I look like. This vacation is over. The sooner I get home, the better. A lot of things need to change.

  Josie walks in with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Even though it’s the last thing I want to do, drinking to forget sounds like a damn good idea right now. She hands me my glass and sits down next to me. I bring the glass to my lips, hesitating for only a moment before tipping my head back and downing the sweet liquid.

  I hold my glass out and she fills it again silently. I repeat my action, letting the wine drown my sorrows. Josie has yet to take a drink as she sits next to me, refilling my glass.

  “Do you want to go home?”

  I scoff. What kind of question is that? The sad thing is, I don’t even have an answer. I shake my head. “Yes and no. I don’t know what I want, except to go back and forget I ever met him.”

  “Katelyn,” she says softly, but the underlying tone is there.

  “Don’t you dare defend him, Josie. Just don’t. I should’ve never listened to you or Liam, and now loo
k at me. He’s a lying bastard, a cheater, and I don’t have time for him in my life.”

  “Katelyn, just listen to me for a minute.” She stands and places her glass and the wine bottle on the nightstand. She kneels, taking my empty hand in hers. “I’m not saying anything to defend anyone, but I think you need to look at this with clear eyes.”

  “I am,” I bark out.

  “You’re not. Something isn’t adding up. Liam wouldn’t lie to me, and he’s told me many times that Quinn’s mom is out of the picture —”

  “Well, obviously Harrison is lying to Liam.”

  “Oh Katelyn,” she says shaking her head. She stands and takes my wine glass from me. “I’ll call the airline and have our flight switched.” She’s closed my door before I can respond.

  I never thought in a million years that my best friend would take the side of a man who just ripped my heart out.

  Nothing about my trip to California will ever make sense. The way Harrison treated me, the way he made love to me like I was the most precious person to him, and the way he told me that he wanted the world to know I had stolen his heart – all lies. He played me like he plays his drums, with perfection.

  We’re a day early, and I know there will be questions. I’m neither ready nor willing to answer them. Josie drops me off in my driveway. I stand there while she pulls away. I stare at Mason’s truck, then my car. The girls’ toys have been picked up and the lawn mowed, probably for the last time this fall.

  I drag my suitcase behind me and slide my key into the lock. Twisting the knob, I push the door open. I hate coming home to a dark house, but no one knows we’re back yet. I asked Josie not to say anything to Liam. I don’t want Harrison anywhere near me. It’s not that I need time to think. I just need time to compose what I’m going to say to him.

  I flip on the switch. My lower lip quivers as my hand covers my mouth. Hot tears stream down my face. A Welcome Home Mommy banner hangs in my living room. There are flowers everywhere and a wrapped present on the table. I wipe my face angrily. Why did he do this? I touch the hand painted letters one by one. The girls have painted their names in the corner. I’m so tempted to take it down, but I can’t. It will break their hearts not to see it up tomorrow when we come home.

  The slamming of a car door alerts me to his presence. Of course he’d be at Liam’s house. It was stupid to come home early. I should’ve stayed in Los Angeles by myself to figure this shit out.

  The door is open and he’s there before I have a chance to lock it.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks. I want to scream at the top of my lungs that he’s what’s wrong, but I don’t. I shrug and look away.

  “Katelyn?”

  I can smell his cologne the closer he gets. He’s tentative, moving with caution. Maybe Alicia called and told him about our little run-in. Sure funny how she knew where to find us.

  “I met your girlfriend at the spa.”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend,” he says, stopping his assent toward me. “I mean other than you.”

  “I’m not your girlfriend.”

  “What’s going on, Katelyn?” he asks again. This time he steps behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

  “Don’t touch me,” I roar as I spin around. I place my hands on his chest and push. He stumbles briefly before catching himself.

  Harrison looks at me with confusion. God, he should get a fucking Oscar for this performance. I want to rip his hat off and throw it away, but I don’t want to touch him. I don’t even want to look at him right now.

  He looks at me, his eyes glistening. I can’t look at him. I shake my head and turn away. “You need to leave.”

  “Why?” he asks. His tone is uncertain, questioning.

  “Because I said so, I don’t want you here anymore.”

  “Please, Katelyn, I’m freaking out here. You’re home early and something is clearly wrong.”

  “Like you don’t already know. Did you have this planned from the beginning? Seduce the poor, single mom who just lost her husband? Was that your plan? Why don’t you tell me how it’s supposed to end, so I know what I should expect?”

  Harrison rubs his hands over his face. He takes off his hat and throws it on the couch. He crouches and fingers the ribbon on the present sitting on the table. He’s too calm for me right now. Why isn’t he fighting for me?

  “Baby —”

  “I’m not your baby,” I reply, grinding my teeth together.

  Harrison stands and comes over to me, backing me against the wall. “I don’t know what the hell has changed your mind, but you need to tell me what the fuck is going on here, Katelyn. Josie showed up bawling her fucking eyes out and you’re not with her. In fact, you’re supposed to be at the fucking spa getting pampered and shit, but you’re here and something is wrong. So tell me, God damn it, so I can fix it.” His voice is soft and caring, but I know he’s doing this on purpose. This is the way he got me into this bed.

  “I met Alicia.”

  Harrison’s face turns pale and to stone. He straightens and backs away from me. Now that he knows I know, he has nothing to say. He stands there, not staring at me, but the wall behind me.

  “How would you even know who she is?”

  I shrug, “I didn’t, she found me,” I reply sarcastically.

  “How?”

  “I don’t know, Harrison, I’m assuming you paid for her day at the spa too.”

  Harrison shakes his head. His finger starts playing with his lip. He looks at me, his eyebrows squished together. “I haven’t spoken to Alicia since she walked out of my apartment, you know that.”

  “No,” I yell as I step forward with my finger pointing at his chest. “I know the lie. I know the stories you told me to get me into bed, to get me to trust you. The sad-single-dad whose girlfriend walked out on him and their baby.”

  “She wasn’t my girlfriend, Katelyn. I’ve told you this.”

  “You lied!”

  “About what?” he roars. He throws his arms up in the air in exasperation. “Why the hell do I need to lie about that shit? Do you think it makes me proud that I was fucking drugged and raped by a groupie and produced a son that I didn’t fucking want? What purpose does that serve me?”

  “I saw pictures,” I yell louder. “You kissed her on the red carpet.” I lift my chin higher in defiance. “You played me for a fool and I won’t allow it anymore.”

  “I’m so fucking confused right now, Katelyn. I sent you to the spa to get pampered and you think I sent Alicia there too? That I’m having some torrid affair with the mother of my child, whom I haven’t seen since he was born? And what… am I keeping Quinn from her too?”

  “Oh, I’m sure Quinn sees his mother all the time. It just proves to me why you won’t kiss me in front of him.”

  Harrison rakes his hands over his face and lets out a groan. He shakes his head and wipes wildly at his eyes. For some reason, it breaks my heart that he’s crying and it shouldn’t.

  “Katelyn, I don’t know what happened at that spa, but I can tell you there are no pictures of me and Alicia, unless they are from the night Quinn was conceived —”

  “I have them,” I say as I go over to my bag. I pull them out, disgusted that I’m even touching them. I drop them at his feet. I don’t want him to touch me, to pull me into his arms. I don’t think I can handle that.

  He bends and picks them up. He flips through each one before throwing them down on the table.

  “You know…” he shakes his head before putting his hands in his pockets. “I’m in love with you, but I see now that it’s not going to matter.” He bites the inside of his cheek and lets a tear drop. “You believe the lies over me, and that’s fine. I told you I thought you were naive when it came to the industry, and this just proves me right. If you can’t trust me, this will never work. I just wish I found out sooner.”

  He picks up the pictures again and hands them back to me. “I want you to really look at those and tell me why she’s wearing t
he same fucking dress you were. And tell me how someone that is about five foot seven without heels doesn’t even come up to my shoulder.”

  I don’t take the photos from him. He lets them drop to the floor. My eyes follow them as they scatter all over. Of course he’d buy her the same dress I wore so he could use it as an excuse.

  “I don’t know how she found you, but I’m so fucking sorry that she did. You don’t deserve this and frankly, neither do I. I haven’t been with another woman since the night I met you at Liam’s. I’m not going to stand here and try to fight for something you don’t believe in. I have a feeling I’ll be wasting my breath.”

  I take a chance to look at him and wish I hadn’t. He doesn’t bother to wipe away his tears. I hate that he’s crying, but he deserves it for what he’s done to me.

  When he moves toward the door, I don’t try to stop him. I won’t. I need to close this chapter and move on. The door opens, letting in a gust of wind.

  “If you don’t believe me, ask Quinn. He’s never met his mother, he’ll tell you that.”

  I scoff. “I can’t believe you would drag your son into this.”

  Harrison stalks over to me. “I wouldn’t, but you’re leaving me no choice, Katelyn. You’d rather believe her fucking lies than me. The man you’ve given yourself to. The man you said you’d try with. This isn’t fucking trying. This is bailing. You’re looking for any damn excuse to shut me out, and you’ve done it. You want to trust someone you don’t fucking know, good luck with that. You need to open your eyes and look at those pictures and tell me what you see.”

  “You need to leave.”

  Harrison shakes his head as he moves away from me, toward the door. “Last chance,” he says. I don’t know what that means and I don’t care.

  “Go,” I say loudly.

  He turns and steps out, slamming the door hard. It bounces back open from the force. The window rattles and the girls’ pictures fall from the wall. I jump when the glass shatters and hits the ground.

  I slide to the floor clutching my knees to my chest and sob. Everything is ruined.