Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  The singer of the band tells us it’s time for our speeches. He helps me step up on the stand and lowers the microphone stand.

  “Hello,” I say. “It’s hard to prepare a speech for your best friends, especially when mine are so special to me. I could thank them for the countless hours they’ve been by my side or tell you how they’ve been my rock through my most troubling time, but that doesn’t tell you about them. I’ve known them forever and it was only fitting that they became a couple. Whether we did this years ago or today, it was bound to happen. Today, I watch the union of two people who have triumphed over every obstacle thrown at them. They’re truly the epitome of romance and love to me. To Josie and Liam, thank you for showing me the path that I need to take.”

  They meet me at the side of the stage and we hug. When Harrison takes the stage, my heart stops beating. That’s where he’s most comfortable. Where he shines.

  “Good evening,” he says into the microphone. “As the best man, it’s my honor to give this speech. I’ve known Liam for over eleven years now and we’ve been through just about everything one can imagine. When he invited me into his home just over a year ago, I saw with my own eyes what had been missing from his life. I’m proud to stand up here tonight and congratulate my friend on finding the missing piece to his life, for having the guts to chase it down and for taking the steps he needed to make it his. Liam and Josie, you’re an example for us all.

  “Before I leave, I have a gift for you. Weeks ago, four very talented people came to me and asked for some help. What they asked for, I thought couldn’t be done in weeks, but they practiced every free minute they could. These four persevered, and I’m proud to introduce to you Noah Westbury and Quinn James on guitar, Elle Powell on lyrics and Peyton Powell on drums. And for the record, I didn’t pick the song.”

  My mouth drops open as the kids take the stage. I have to blink to be sure, but Harrison is right, my daughters are there and one is sitting at the drum set. Harrison moves around each child making sure they’re all set. When he gets to Peyton, I see it. I see how they connected.

  Josie and Liam come over to me and stand. “Did you know about this?” Liam asks. I shake my head. “I’ll be damned.”

  As soon as the music starts, the guests start laughing. The kids are playing their own version of Call Me Maybe. The lyrics Elle sings don’t really set with me because I’m focusing on Peyton. She’s so poised and determined behind the drum set and most importantly, she’s smiling. I haven’t seen her smile that big in a very long time and she’s doing it because of Harrison.

  When the song is over, Peyton hugs Harrison before she comes rushing off stage. I pick her up and hug her tightly. “Oh Peyton, I’m so proud of you.” I set her down and she beams at me.

  “Was I great?”

  “You were the best drummer I’ve ever seen.” It’s not a lie, at least not for me.

  “Harrison taught me after the boy at school started teasing me. He said to take out all my anger on his drums. He didn’t care if I broke them.”

  I replay her words over in my head. I don’t remember a boy teasing her. “What are you talking about?”

  Liam sets his hand on my shoulder. “When you were in L.A. there was a mishap at school. I thought Harrison would’ve told you, but I’m guessing now he was trying to save his relationship and it slipped his mind.”

  “Is she being bullied?”

  Liam shakes his head. “No, Quinn took care of that.”

  I try to make sense of what they’re saying but I can’t. I need to hear it from Harrison. I look around for him, but don’t see him anywhere.

  “Where’s Harrison?”

  “He went home. He has an early flight to L.A. in the morning.”

  “Why?”

  Liam looks away and down at the ground before meeting my gaze. “He’s moving back.”

  ***

  Chapter 39

  Harrison

  As soon as I step off the stage, the boys start their riff. We had to modify their song just slightly, but it works. Peyton has the hardest part and has worked really hard to learn her beats. I stand behind her, waiting to lend a hand if she forgets. But she doesn’t forget. She nails it each and every time she’s supposed to.

  I watch the crowd, looking at all the guests lined up to support the kids. I couldn’t be more proud of the four of them, and am so happy that they asked me to help them put this together for Liam and Josie.

  Peyton looks over her shoulder at me. I step up and guide her hands where they need to be. It only takes her seconds to remember what she’s supposed to do. Standing behind her, I have a clear shot at Katelyn, who is standing there in the middle of the dance floor staring, not at her daughter who is singing, but the one playing the drums. Her mouth is open in shock and honestly, if I was standing next to her, I think mine would be too. I can’t imagine what these guys look like to the rest of them, but to me, they look perfect.

  As soon as they’re done, Peyton jumps into my arms. I hold her tightly. She tells me thank you over and over again. Her words make my throat tight. I can’t find the words to tell her what she means to me or tell her how much I’m going to miss her and her sister. I’ll be back next week, but only to get Quinn and say my good-byes. I can’t say them today, not like this. Not on a happy day when everyone is laughing and enjoying themselves.

  “You should go see your mom,” I say, reluctantly letting her go. She smiles and runs off stage, right into her mother’s waiting arms. I can’t watch them. It’s too much. I wave at Quinn, letting him know that I’m ready to leave.

  He comes over and gives me a high five. “I missed a riff.”

  “It’s okay, you did good.” I ruffle his hair. “I’m going to go now. I’ll be back in a week unless you need me to come back sooner. All the things you need are at Liam’s, okay?”

  “I love you, dad.”

  “I love you too, bud. Call me tomorrow.”

  Quinn waves and goes back to the party. He’s getting pats on the back for his performance. I never thought about what I’d want him to be when he gets older. If music’s his thing, then so be it and if he wants to be a doctor, that’s fine too. I just want him to be happy.

  I walk along the back of the room to the exit. I take one last look at the life I’m leaving behind. Katelyn is talking to Liam. Josie is dancing with my son, and the two girls that I wanted to call my own are dancing with Noah. I feel a pang of jealousy that everyone is so happy and content when I could’ve been that way, if it wasn’t for the actions of someone else.

  The night air is cold. There is a light snow falling, just enough to leave footprints on the ground when you walk. I don’t wait for my car to heat up. After the snow is cleared, I pull out of the parking lot and head for home. The lights from the reception shine in my rear view mirror. Half of me wants to stay, but the other half wants to get the hell out dodge before my heart shatters beyond repair.

  By the time I pull into my driveway, the snow has become heavier. If this delays my flight, I’ll drive to Los Angeles. Even though there’s nothing there waiting for me, staying here has become torture.

  I flip on the lights as I enter the house. I only have a few more things to pack before I’m done. The movers will be here tomorrow to drive everything back and if it’s not in a box, it doesn’t make the trip.

  I change quickly into a pair of jeans and t-shirt, hanging my tuxedo up in the closet. Josie and Liam aren’t going on a honeymoon until February, and Liam said he’d make sure the tux gets returned, along with Quinn’s.

  I walk into the kitchen. The linoleum is cold on my bare feet. Boxes are made up in the corner. I pick up one, along with some bubble wrap and get to work. This is a tedious job and I know why I’ve left it for last. Wrapping dishes and glasses is probably the most mundane thing I’ve ever done.

  I look at the clock when I hear knocking on the door. It’s too late for anyone to be paying a visit, and everyone I know is at the reception. Twisting the
doorknob, I open the door. I bite the inside of my cheek to avoid having an expression. This is the last thing I want to deal with right now.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “We need to talk.” She steps in without being invited. I slam the door shut behind her, causing her to jump. She stands there without a jacket on, her skin wet from where the snow has landed on her. It takes every ounce of strength that I can muster to keep from touching her. She left me, I remind myself.

  “So talk,” I say with a bit of a bite. My wall is up. No more emotion from me.

  “You’re leaving?”

  I look around at the boxes and frown. Does she think I’m remodeling?

  “Yep,” I reply and walk into the kitchen to finish packing. I have a feeling I’ll be up all night doing this shit, so might as well make good use of my time.

  “Harrison?”

  “What, Katelyn?” I slam the glass that’s in my hand down on the counter. I feel like a shit when I see her lower lip tremble. I don’t want her to cry, but I can’t be a doormat for her. “Look, I don’t want to fight with you. As you can see, I’m moving back to Los Angeles.”

  “Why?” she asks as her shoulders drop.

  I can answer her one of two ways; truthfully or easily. I lean against the counter and clear my throat. Suddenly the floor has become very interesting. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “I can’t live in this town and watch you fall in love with someone else. I just can’t, and that’s going to happen someday and frankly, I don’t want to see it.”

  “So you’re leaving? What about Quinn?”

  “Quinn will be fine. Spending a few months in public school and leaving isn’t going to scar him for life. He’s used to a different way of living, he’ll adjust.”

  “But he has friends here.”

  “And he’ll see them when I come back to work once a month.”

  “So that’s just it, you’re just going to leave us?” Her voice breaks, which causes me to look up. There are tears streaming down her face, ruining her make-up.

  I shake my head and push away from the counter. “There is no us,” I say as I walk past her. I open a couple of boxes until I find what I’m looking for. Against my better judgment I wrap a quilt around her shoulders. I let my hands linger on her for a beat too long. When I pull away, she looks at me.

  I run my hand through my hair and tug at the ends. It’s too short now. I don’t like it. “I have a lot of packing to do before my flight and the movers come, you should go.” I don’t wait to see what she says or what her reaction is. I go back to packing and focus on it like it’s my professional job.

  I hate that she’s still standing there, watching me. Every so often, she sniffs and I think she’s about to say something, only I’m rewarded more silence. I can’t look at her for fear that I’d fall to her feet and ask her for another chance. I won’t do that because I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not about to apologize for something that I had no control over, when all she had to do was listen to me.

  “Harrison?”

  I set the plate in the box and look at her questioningly.

  “My daughter was being bullied at school.”

  I take a step back and realize that I never told her about Peyton. I would’ve, but she ended us. I nod and lean against the counter. “You were in L.A. and I got a call to pick up Quinn from school. Liam got a call about Peyton because your father-in-law didn’t answer or something. Anyway, I went to pick up Quinn and he had a black eye and I knew that Peyton was involved, but I thought she punched him. When we got back to Liam’s, Quinn told me a story about a friend that was being bullied and how he asked the boy to stop, but he wouldn’t. When the boy touched Quinn’s friend, he reacted.”

  I chance a look at Katelyn and see that her hand is covering her mouth. Tears continue to stream down her face, breaking my heart even more.

  “I put two and two together and figured with her outbursts and reluctance to do things, it had to be Peyton. So I called her down to the studio and showed her what I did when kids would bully me.”

  “What?” she squeaks out.

  “When I was a teenager, I found a drum set and brought it home and taught myself to play; but I’d imagine the faces of those kids who made fun of me day in and day out as I beat the drums. Every day, I’d pound and pound until I had nothing left. I gave her some sticks and let her go to work. She hit the drums so hard, I swear I could see the anger leaving her body.”

  “You helped her.”

  “Good,” I say.

  “You taught her to play as well?”

  I nod. “They came to me with an idea. They wanted to play a song for Liam and Josie. So we worked very hard on making it just as perfect as possible.”

  “She smiled.”

  “What?”

  “Peyton… she smiled at me for the first time since Mason died. And it wasn’t just any smile, her face lit up because of you, because of what you did for her.” Katelyn moves in front of me. I press harder against the counter.

  “Look at me, Harrison, I have something to say.”

  I look up with hesitation. Her watery eyes slice right through my heart. My hands grip the countertop, giving me something to hold on to.

  “I’ve been so stupid these past few weeks. It took a village of people to show me how wrong I was about you and those pictures. I thought I could let you go, that I could move on and just be a friend, but every time I turn around, you’re doing something that slaps me in the face to remind me that you’re here. You gifted my daughters with the most precious gift and for me… You gave me a bracelet that bears another man’s initials. Why?”

  “Because I told you I’d never ask you to stop loving him. He’s a part of you and I would never ask you to give him up.” I answer her against my better judgment.

  “Those are things I should’ve remembered when I saw those pictures. I shouldn’t have allowed someone to cloud what my heart knew, but I did, and I’m sorry.”

  I bite my lip to keep myself from breaking down. I look down and push my thumbs into my eyes. These are words I wanted to hear weeks ago.

  “Harrison,” she says as her hand pulls mine into hers. My heart soars as heat spreads through my body. I’ve missed her. Her fingers lock with mine as she brings our hands up between us. When her lips touch my skin, I want to push her away and tell her no. Tell her that I’m done and the damage can’t be changed, but I’d be lying to myself.

  “Katelyn, please don’t do this unless you mean it,” I beg her.

  “You can’t leave us. You can’t get on that plane and fly back to Los Angeles and leave us here. I’m sorry I failed us, Harrison, and I know I’m selfish and don’t deserve what I’m asking.”

  “What are you asking?”

  She steps closer, bringing her other hand into my hair. I have no willpower to tell her no or to stop. She’s going to be the death of me.

  “Give me… us a second chance.”

  I close my eyes and get lost in the feel of her hand in my hair. I want this, I do, but I don’t know if I can do it.

  “I love you, Harrison.”

  My eyes flash open, my heart races faster. Those are the words that I’ve wanted to hear from her for so long and now that she’s said them, I can’t, for the life of me, remember what they sound like.

  “Say it again.”

  “I love you and I love Quinn. My girls love you and we want you both to be a part of our lives. I need you by my side, Harrison. I want to walk the path that we lay together.”

  I pull her close before my mind tells me to second guess everything. She came over here in the dark of night to tell me this. My heart fills with love as I look into her eyes.

  I do what I’ve been longing to do for weeks. I move forward, tentatively and touch my lips to hers. Her reaction shocks me as she claims my mouth instantly. She lets go of my hand and grabs onto my shirt, tugging me closer. I pick her up, her legs wrapping around my waist as I try to lead us upstairs.
I stop when her hand slides down my pants and I know we aren’t going to make it to the bed.

  ***

  Chapter 40

  Katelyn

  I hadn’t realized how much I missed him until now. The way he makes me feel, the way he kisses me, it’s like he’s claiming me. This is not the adventurous Harrison opening my world on his motorcycle; this is not the sensitive Harrison who makes every cell in my body dance with his touch. No, this is primal Harrison. Domineering, animalistic. This is the rockstar telling me that I am his. I can truly understand what Josie means when she tells us about ‘Liam Page’. This version of Harrison is my own personal bad boy rocker.

  He excites me.

  He satisfies me.

  He makes me want to beg for more.

  I want him.

  I need him.

  My body is eager for him.

  I want him in every way possible.

  I slip my hand into the top of his jeans and flick the top button open. It creates enough space for me to slide my hand in. He growls. My legs rest on his hips. I bunch his shirt in my hand, trying with all my might to rip it away from his body. I palm his hard on, desperate to touch him. He hisses as he slams me against the wall, his casted arm pressing painfully against my back.

  “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he says heavily, his lips barely leaving mine. He pulls back, much to my dismay. I whimper when we’re no longer connected. My chest heaves, pushing my breasts closer to his mouth. He pulls the top of my dress down, freeing them. He takes one in his mouth and kneads the other. His tongue swirls over my taut nipple, biting it gently. I move against him, lifting my dress so I can be closer to him. Pressing against him does nothing to ease the ache that I feel.

  I tug again at his shirt. He takes it off with one hand, only breaking contact with me for a brief moment. I squeeze my legs tighter around his hips so I can work to free him from the confines of his jeans. My eager mouth attaches to nipple ring. I pull, knowing that he loves the way it feels. It urges him on. He moves against me, building the friction between our clothed bodies.