Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “That’s because I love you both.”

  Both girls tackle me, knocking me to the ground. I wrap my arms around them and I hold them to me. Quinn finds a spot and wraps his arms around my neck.

  “Hey guys, I think we’re missing someone,” I say above their laughter.

  “Come on, mom, there’s room,” Quinn says, letting Katelyn know that she’s needed.

  She sits in between my legs and the girls hold her in their arms. It’s in this moment that I realize my life can’t get any better than this. Anything that happens to us will just be an added bonus. I have my son, the woman I’m madly in love with, and two beautiful little girls that make my heart sing each time they smile.

  What more could a guy like me ask for?

  ***

  Six months later...

  ***

  Chapter 42

  Katelyn

  I stand on the porch, accepting the sun as I bask in its warmth while watching the kids. The kids… I still find it odd to say that, but at the same time, love it. I love everything about my life right now and have Harrison and Quinn to thank for that. Once I let go of my fear of losing Harrison and being alone with another broken heart, I started living again. The grass suddenly became greener. The sun was brighter, warmer. The biggest change was laughter. The happy sounds that echoed through our house were because of Harrison and Quinn. They made me and my girls’ smile, all while never forgetting that another man has been a huge part of our lives.

  Pictures of Mason hang in our family room. Harrison hung them while I was out shopping. I came home and once I saw them, I cried. I cried for hours in his arms, telling him that I didn’t deserve him. He should’ve agreed with me, but he didn’t. He’s the creator of this blended family that looks whole to anyone who sees us. And we’re almost whole. I still miss Mason, I always will. Harrison makes sure that he’s talked about, that the girls say their prayers to their daddy, and that we visit the cemetery at least once a week to place fresh flowers on his grave.

  If it weren’t for Harrison, I’d be a walking zombie. Because of him, I sleep peacefully at night. Because of Harrison, my girls are loved and have a father figure to look up to. Because of Harrison, I have a son who treats me not only like his mom, but also his best friend and he loves my girls like they’re his sisters. Because of Harrison, I have my life back and a family that my girls and I can love and feel secure in.

  The kids are playing in the backyard. The heat is rising fast today and they wanted to get out before it became unbearable. I agreed and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to watch them. Today is backwards day. What that means is that Quinn and I will go off and do something together while Harrison takes the twins for the day. We’ve been trying to do this at least once a month because I felt like I needed to spend some time with Quinn, getting to know him. Before we moved in together, he’d come to my house after school with the twins, but I was afraid to know him. Afraid that his father would break my heart and take his son with him, but that fear is gone.

  “Mommy, look at me!”

  Elle screams my name as she flies through the air on the trampoline. That thing scares the living daylights out of me, but my partner, who is supposed to side with me on everything, thinks it’s best thing ever and loves jumping with the kids. Last night the four of them camped out on it, under the stars. I stayed inside, away from bugs and in the comfort of my bed, missing Harrison.

  “Did you see me?” Elle asks, as she comes running over to me. Her hair is all over the place, half in a ponytail and half out. She wants to be more independent and I’m trying to allow that. It’s hard, I admit; she’s my baby and I want her and Peyton to not grow up, but there’s no stopping it.

  “You were so high, it scares me.”

  Elle rolls her eyes, a trait that I wish I could break. “Harrison says it’s fine as long as the sides are up and see,” she points to the trampoline where Quinn and Peyton are still jumping, “the sides are up. I can’t fall out.”

  “Hmm… what if you got so high that a bird swooped down and picked you up and carried you away from me?”

  Again with the eye roll and a shake of her head. “Dat’s ridiculous,” she says, bouncing back toward the others.

  She’s right, it is, but the thought has crossed my mind once or twice. The sliding glass door opens and goose bumps spread across my body. A smile breaks out as I bring my iced tea to my lips. His hands find my hips as he pulls me close to him. His lips graze the top of my shoulder.

  “What are you doing?” he asks as he moves his hands in front of me, locking me into his arms. I lean my head back and take in his freshly showered, ‘Harrison’ scent. This man, with all his money, insists on wearing Old Spice and I’m not going to lie, it smells damn good on him.

  “Just watching them and trying to convince Elle that she’ll get carried away by a bird if she jumps too high.”

  Harrison laughs. “That would have to be a huge bird.”

  I shrug. “It could happen.”

  I feel him shake his head. “He’d drop her after a minute, once he realized that she talks too much and would be worried about how her hair looks.”

  He’s right, of course. Elle is quickly becoming a little fashionista. Not that I mind, she’s always been more like me, but Quinn definitely hates it. The many fashion shows he’s asked to play music for gets on his nerves, but he’s a team player and puts on his game face.

  “Are you ready to leave?” I ask, not knowing what their plans are. That was something we agreed on when we started our backwards day. Plans are left a secret, so we have stories to tell later.

  Harrison whistles and just like that, all three of them come running. “I am,” he says, kissing me full on the lips. I’ll never forget the love and experiences I had with Mason, but with Harrison, there’s no comparison. He ignites a desire I didn’t know I had. A simple touch from him and there’s a fire burning until he can extinguish it.

  “Are we going now?” Peyton asks. She still wears her football jersey just about everywhere and has it on today, but Harrison doesn’t say anything. I wonder sometimes if he cares, but then I remember that he said he’d never replace Mason and that he would always live on in our family.

  “I am, kiss your mom and we’ll go.” I lean down and kiss both girls before they leave me for Harrison. He holds their hands as they bound down the stairs and disappear into the garage.

  “Well, that leaves us, are you ready?” I ask Quinn.

  “Sure am! Where are we going?”

  I shake my head. “What’s rule number one?” I ask as I walk back into the house to lock up. Quinn follows, shutting the sliding glass door behind him.

  “No questions until we’re there.”

  I ruffle his hair and know my time is limited before he asks me to stop doing that. “Let’s go, we have a busy day.” He smiles even though I know he wants to pout because I’m not budging.

  We drive in silence until he spots the Go-Kart track that just opened today. He’s been eyeing this place each time we drive by. I was surprised when he didn’t ask if we could go.

  “You’re so awesome, Katelyn.”

  “Let’s go ride, shall we,” I say, as we exit the car. Of course, the line is long and we’re given a number. We have about a two-hour wait, but it’ll be worth it. “Want to walk around, maybe play some arcade games?”

  Quinn nods and leads the way into the arcade. I hand him some money and let him change it into tokens that he hands back to me to hold. I follow him around, never much into video games myself, and watch while he tries them all out.

  “What do you want for your birthday?” His birthday is coming up soon and his grandma will be coming to town. This will be the first time he’s having a party with kids from school and I want to make it special.

  “I want something that probably costs a lot of money and can’t have.”

  I look at him questioningly. His eyes are downcast and the happy kid that I had minutes ago no longer ex
ists. He shrugs and walks away from me.

  “Quinn, is this about your mother?” I can’t stand the woman, even though I chose to believe her, but if Quinn wants to meet her, I know Harrison will make it happen.

  “Sort of.”

  I take his hand in mine and lead him outside. “Meet me over there.” I point to the table that’s open and head to the snack counter to get us something to eat.

  “Let’s talk while we share some fries. Tell me what’s going on.”

  Quinn sighs and sets his fry down. “I don’t want to meet my mother or anything like that, but I want… I don’t know how to say it, Katelyn.”

  “Just spitting it out seems to work for the girls, want to try that?”

  “I want you to be my mom,” he rambles so fast that I almost miss what he says. He’s not looking at me, and I can’t tell if he’s embarrassed by his request or not. I know I should be stunned, but I’ve considered him my son for a while now.

  “Quinn, can you look at me?”

  He does, raising his baby blues that match his dad’s, to meet my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “I know you already have kids and probably want to have a baby with my dad.”

  “So what if your dad and I had a baby, that means you’d be a big brother again.”

  He shrugs. “They’d call you mom.”

  “Do you want to call me mom?” He’s said it a few times in passing or during sentimental moments, but he’s not consistent.

  “Yes, but I want you to be my mom, like make it real.”

  I furrow my eyebrows when I look at him. “What do you mean ‘make it real’?”

  He sighs. “Noah said that before his dad came back, Nick was going to adopt him and his last name was going to be Ashford. I want you to have my last name and I want you to adopt me. Make us a real family.”

  I sit back as far as I can without falling over. Adoption. It’s something I’ve thought about, but haven’t had the nerve to bring up. Adoption might mean marriage and right now, Harrison is dead set against it, saying we can be a family and take care of each other without a piece of paper saying what we already know, that we’re committed and in love.

  But I want this. I want this boy in my life until I’m no longer here. I want to be there when he graduates and when he is meeting his bride at the end of the aisle. I want to pace the waiting room when his wife is in labor with my grandchild and hold his child in my arms, knowing that I’m a grandma. I want this boy to be my son.

  “I’ll adopt you, Quinn, on one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That from here on out, you call me mom, because when I hear you say that word, it makes my heart soar with so much love. I love you as my own and I think it’s about time we make it legal, don’t you?”

  He smiles so big I can see all his places he’s missing teeth. I stand and pull him into my arms, holding him to my chest. I don’t know if a son was in the cards for Mason and I, but if he’s looking down on me now I hope he’s smiling because I have no doubt that I’m meant to be this boy’s mom.

  ***

  Chapter 43

  Harrison

  It's backwards day, one of my favorite days of the month. It’s a time when I get to be a girly man and hang out with two of my best girls. I’ve been known to let Peyton and Elle do my hair and paint my nails, but that only occurs when Katelyn takes Quinn to the movies and the girls and I chose to snuggle on the couch, watching Disney movies.

  I stand and watch Katelyn while she watches the kids play. Last night, I chose to sleep outside on the trampoline with them. I was hoping Katelyn would change her mind and join us, but she didn’t. As Peyton said, she’s too girly. I sort of like girly, so I’m okay with it.

  To say my life is on path with my dreams would be inaccurate. I never dreamt this. I never thought in a million years that I’d be standing in a house that I own, with the love of my life, surrounded by children that laugh day in and day out. For me, this is perfect.

  I slide open the glass door and step behind Katelyn. I can’t resist touching her. My skin craves the connection we have. My fingers dig into her hips as my body responds to her. Never will a single moment be enough to quench the desire I have for her and each day, it grows exponentially.

  My lips trail kisses from her neck across her shoulder. I love the hot weather we’re having. The hotter it is, the fewer clothes she wears. Right now she’s rocking these tiny shorts that accentuate her tanned legs and a tank top that’s begging me to take it off. She’s a walking sin, and I want to be the one she confesses to later.

  “What are you doing?” I ask as I move my hands to the front of her stomach. I lock her in my arms, holding her against me. She leans her head back and even though she tries to act coy, I know she smells me. I smile, unable to stop myself.

  “Just watching them and trying to convince Elle that she’ll get carried away by a bird if she jumps too high.”

  I laugh at the thought of Elle flying through the sky, screaming her head off. “That would have to be a huge bird.”

  Katelyn shrugs. “It could happen.”

  “He’d drop her after a minute once he realized that she talks too much and would be worried about how her hair looks.”

  Katelyn tightens her arms around mine. “Are you ready to leave?”

  I nod and let her go so I can whistle for the kids. It’s crazy to see them coming running like their asses are on fire. “I am,” I say, kissing her goodbye. The twins each grab my hands and pull me away from their mom. I think they’re jealous.

  Today it’s the park, mall, and ice cream. I need to find Quinn a birthday present. It’s a hard task for a kid who has everything, but that’s where I’m going to rely on the girls. The three of them are thick as thieves and they’ll know what he wants.

  I reluctantly leave Katelyn on the deck and head off with Peyton and Elle. They’re both eager to get their day started. As a rule, my plans are kept secret until we arrive at the destination, and while the mall may not be my favorite place to be, I do love watching their faces when we’re riding the carousel. For some reason, my horse never seems to catch theirs. I think it’s rigged.

  The girls pile into our new acquired “family car” and buckle themselves in. We traded in both our cars for an SUV and a luxury sedan. I don’t mind driving the SUV; it’s fully decked out and completely loaded. These cars have come a long way from the stigma of a “mom mobile”. Peyton and Elle turn on the DVD player and start watching whatever movie they left in here. That’s one thing I had to grow accustomed to, a mess. Katelyn’s not messy by any means, but the girls leave stuff everyone. If I’m not stepping on a Barbie, it’s a barrette or I’m tripping over a ribbon. I love these two as if they’re my own, but damn do they need to pick up their stuff.

  “How long until we are dere?” Elle says. Since we moved in together, her speech has started to falter. I don’t know if it’s because of Quinn and me or if she’s just not focusing. Katelyn and Mason did an amazing job making sure these girls spoke clearly, I hate seeing that she’s having this issue now.

  “Elle, say ‘there’. Can you please do that for me?”

  “There,” she whispers.

  “Thank you,” I say, watching her in the rearview mirror. She smiles, but doesn’t reply. Frankly, that’s good enough for me. The relationship I have with the twins is good, if not excellent, and they know that I’m not trying to replace their dad. I just want to love and be there for them when they need me. And if that means scaring the living shit out of any guy who tries to date them, I’ll do it, because I think that’s what Mason would want.

  I pull into the mall parking lot and earn a ‘yippee’ as soon as I shut the car off. Months ago, Peyton would’ve crossed her arms and refused to get out of the car. We’ve come a long way and I know Katelyn is thankful. I meet both girls at their respective doors and take their hands in mine.

  As we walk through the mall, the women gawk
. The last time we were here, I got hit on. Katelyn says they were flirting because of who I am. I countered that they saw me as a committed man with twin daughters and that’s what they want. She rolled her eyes, but knew I was right. I could’ve had the upper hand with that conversation since one woman sat down and proceeded to ask if I had custody and what my visitation schedule was like.

  “Do you girls want to get lunch first?”

  “Yes! Yes! Yes!” they scream in unison as I pull them toward the Johnny Rockets for some of the best cheeseburgers and milkshakes around. We’re seated right away and in the back, which I prefer.

  Once the girls order, I get down to business. “Okay, I need your help. As you know, Quinn’s birthday is coming and your mom and I don’t know what to get him. So maybe you can help me find him something?”

  Peyton pokes Elle in her side with her elbow and nods toward me.

  “Quinn said not to tell,” Elle whispers.

  “I know, but I think we should. I want it too.” Peyton counters.

  “I don’t know, what if he says no?” Elle asks.

  “What if I say no to what?” I finally cut in on their back and forth.

  The twins turn and look at me. Peyton’s eyes are full of mischief and Elle’s are full of worry. One is about to spill, while the other wants to keep Quinn’s secret, which I can only imagine is going to anger me somehow.

  “We’re not supposed to tell,” Peyton says.

  “It’s not good to keep secrets though. What if he needs my help?”

  “He’s not in trouble,” Elle adds.

  I rest my elbows on the table and lean down slightly so they can look me in the eyes. “What does Quinn want?”

  Peyton sighs and looks at her sister before looking back at me. “He wants our mommy to be his mommy and I want you to be our daddy, but Elle doesn’t think you want that.”

  I sit up quickly, shocked by what Peyton just rambled off and say the first thing that comes to mind. “Mason’s your dad, Peyton.”

  She huffs and shakes her head. “I miss my daddy but you’re like my daddy now, and Quinn wants mommy to have his last name so we can be a really real family like Noah has.”