Not What I Expected

by Jewel E. Ann

  “Let me guess. Vinegar and oil?”

  Lilly kept her scrunched expression in place as she nodded.

  “It’s fine. It’s new. A fad. A novelty which will quickly wear off.”

  “How is business since … well … Craig passed?”

  I issued her refund. “It’s fine. Why do you ask?”

  Lilly pressed her lips together and glanced around the store. Yeah, it was dead.

  “Just … curious.”

  I handed her the receipt. “Thanks. Happy holidays, Lilly.” The fake smile on my face nearly cracked it.

  “You too, Elsie.” She shoved her wallet into her handbag and started toward the door. “Oh!” Pivoting back around, she smiled. “I’ve heard you’ve been quite the inspiration to your church group. Tillie Cunningham is making dinner tomorrow night for Mr. Hendricks. It’s the first date she’s had since Al died three years ago. She said you gave her the courage to let go and move on.”

  “Kael Hendricks?”

  Lilly nodded. “Uh-huh. Can you really imagine two nicer people finding each other?”

  I. Really. Couldn’t.

  As soon as it was time to close up shop later that day, I grabbed my purse, shut off the lights, and locked the door behind me. It didn’t matter that I’d had only two hundred dollars in sales that day. Nor did it matter that I had to formulate the most brilliant marketing plan ever to get back my business.

  All that mattered in that moment was avoiding any chance of running into Epperly’s most popular gigolo.

  “Elsie!”

  I made it ten feet and mere inches away from turning the corner to the parking lot at the end of the street. So so close … I should have used the back door.

  “Elsie!” Rachel yelled my name again.

  After squeezing my eyes shut for a few seconds, I turned and painted a neutral mask on my face as I waved back at her.

  “Come here!” She motioned again for me to go there.

  “I need to get home. Let’s meet up later!”

  “Just a few quick minutes!”

  Five people knew about the fight I had with Craig before he died—me, Amie, Bella, Finn, and God. How could I keep thinking four? I forgot God!

  God wasn’t happy with me. I felt it like a heavy cloud. I let petty things ruin my marriage and kill my husband. I disrupted a peaceful grief group at church. And I talked about sex just feet from the sanctuary.

  Oh … I forgot. There was also the sex out of wedlock the previous night that involved questionable STD prevention and the Lord’s name used in vain a few too many times.

  God wanted me to suffer, starting with Rachel blowing my cover as I attempted to escape seeing Kael until I had a better plan. I grumbled all the way across the center of the town square and ended with a plastic smile. “What’s up?”

  “Come in. It’s cold. We’re closed. But you have to try this.”

  “Try what?” I surveyed the store, internally paralyzed by the possibility of seeing Kael.

  Rachel led me to the kitchen where I’d been for the cooking class. “Kael made his first batch of peppermint bark. It’s to die for.” She snagged an irregular piece from a stainless steel tray and handed it to me. It smelled like Christmas.

  I frowned at it. Seriously? He made candy?

  I hated him—in the most Christian way possible, of course.

  Chewing it slowly, my complicated feelings toward him continued to twist into knots.

  Amazing—AMAZING sex.

  But just sex.

  My competitor.

  Chocolatier.

  Tillie Cunningham’s upcoming date.

  “Better than sex, right?” Rachel smirked.

  I had mixed feelings about that too.

  “Oh!” She glanced over my shoulder. “I never did catch for sure … have you met Kael?” As she nodded toward the door behind me, I finished chewing the peppermint bark and swallowed hard before pivoting like a stripped nut on a rusty bolt—my finger wiping chocolate from the corner of my mouth.

  He wore a red, long-sleeved shirt under his white untied apron hanging loosely around his neck. Dark jeans hung almost as loosely around his hips. And those boots … they were the same ones that had waited by my door as we did things the previous night.

  “We’ve met.” One corner of Kael’s mouth curled into a conspiratorial grin.

  “Hope you don’t mind. I had to let Elsie try your peppermint bark.” Rachel covered the tray of holiday goodness.

  “Not at all. Mrs. Smith can taste anything she’d like to taste.” He lived to embarrass me. “Rachel, your windshield is cleared, and your car is warm.”

  She nudged my arm with hers. “Told you he’s the best. He does it for all of his employees. Ready?”

  I remained unmoved by his generosity. My glare said it all, and he knew it.

  “I’ll walk Elsie out after I have a word with her. We’ve been trying to finalize some ideas for cross-promotion.”

  “That’s an awesome idea. Well, maybe dinner this Friday, Elsie?”

  I gave her a single nod and a quick glance with a stiff smile. “Sounds good. Night.”

  Kael walked her to the front door and locked it behind her. Then he shut off the shop lights, leaving on some LED accent lights around his holiday decorations.

  “Nice boots.” He leaned his shoulder against the doorway into the kitchen.

  My chin dropped to the red ankle boots I wore with my light gray leggings, cream velvet tunic dress, and charcoal wool coat. “So … you start your employees’ cars and clear the snow from their windshields, huh? That’s very nice of you.”

  It was very nice of him, but I didn’t make it sound that way.

  “Your windshield is cleared too. But I couldn’t find you to get your keys to start it.”

  “I can start my own vehicle. Thanks.” I glanced up, feeling the undeniable spark between us, so I turned and meandered around his kitchen, looking at anything but him while increasing the distance between us.

  “Can I get you something to eat? I have some leftovers from the lunch I made my team today.”

  “Your team?” I leaned in and sniffed fresh herbs in the trays under the grow lamp—rosemary, thyme, basil, and sage.

  “My employees. But I call them my team. We’re in it together.”

  “How nice of you.”

  “It really is.”

  So damn cocky.

  “Want more peppermint bark? It was just a fun experiment, but everyone loved it, so I’m going to package it and sell it.”

  “No. I don’t want more chocolate.” I continued to navigate my way around the big island.

  “Well, if you don’t want dinner or chocolate, can I offer you anything else like … me?”

  Grunting a laugh, I shifted my attention to him. “We’re not having sex again.”

  “No?” He canted his head to the side, hands partially planted into his front pockets.

  “No. It wouldn’t be fair to Tillie Cunningham.” I clasped my hands behind my back, gaze unblinking at him.

  “Why? Are you having sex with her too?”

  “Yes. I’m bisexual.” I rolled my eyes. “I know you’re having dinner with her. And that’s fine. I really don’t care. But she’s in my grief recovery support group, and I’m not going to get in the way of your budding relationship.”

  He chuckled. “Budding relationship? It’s dinner. I did some stuff for her, and she invited me to dinner.”

  “A date.”

  Kael inched his head side to side. “I don’t know about that. Does dinner have to be a date?”

  I shrugged. “I think it’s implied.”

  His lips corkscrewed as his eyes narrowed in contemplation. “Did we have a date last night?”

  “No.” My answer shot out without hesitation. “It was sex.”

  Satisfaction crawled up his face. “So we’re on the same page.”

  I nodded because I didn’t know what the previous night had been.

  Becau
se I was new to the world of casual sex.

  Because I’d spent my life raising a family.

  Because I was forty-two and in over my head.

  “So we agree that dinner can just be dinner. Dates are open to interpretation. And sex doesn’t have to be a date or preceded by a meal.”

  In. So. Far. Over. My. Head …

  Kael prowled toward me. “Let’s have sex then.”

  “Um … no.” My nervous laugh made an appearance.

  “Why not?”

  “Because my daughter is at home. And I said it was a one and done.”

  “Twice.”

  “You know what I mean.” I backed away from the island as he closed in on me.

  “Come on, Mrs. Smith …” He hooked my waist with his arm before I hit the metal shelving unit with the herbs on it.

  “Don’t call me that.” My breathless response added nothing real to my words.

  My hands pressed to his chest as he dragged his nose along my neck, from my collarbone to my ear. “You say that, but I think you like the idea that we feel forbidden in your rule-abiding world.”

  “My daughter’s home.”

  “It’s not a date,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m not taking you home.”

  Kael didn’t just wake up my libido that had been asleep for years. He stripped it naked and flicked it with his tongue so hard I couldn’t keep it in check with him in the same room.

  My fingers curled into his apron, showing a little strength. I was older. Responsible. Mature.

  We weren’t having sex on a whim in a public place of business. “Not happening.”

  My body hated my mind’s level of maturity. It was the only part of me that said no to Kael. My nipples, my heavy breaths, my flushed skin, my salivating mouth, and the trickle of arousal between my legs all screamed, “YES!”

  He bit my lower lip and tugged it before sucking it into his mouth for a few seconds and releasing it. “Just the tip?”

  I didn’t want to grin, but it happened anyway. My head drew to the side as I tucked my chin to hide it. “Stop it …” I choked on a stifled laugh. “It had just …” I wriggled out of his hold on me and distanced us with a good five feet.

  “It had been a while for you.” His voice dipped into that Mr. Nice Guy tone. A touch of sexy and a whole lot of compassion.

  “Yes.”

  “It’s hard to stay in control when you’ve denied those basic needs for so long.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well … then you had a good excuse for temporarily losing your mind. What was mine?” A little vulnerability leaked through his smile.

  It held its own kind of sexy. It made me feel equally wanted. A handsome and ridiculously sexy man—twelve years my junior—wanting me in such a physical way.

  “Does it have to make sense?”

  Kael eased his head side to side.

  “Does anyone have to know?”

  Another subtle head shake.

  “Does it have to mean anything?”

  He didn’t respond, but the confident expression he held answered my question. Kael didn’t need a wife or a girlfriend. He didn’t need someone to keep him warm in bed. And he seemed perfectly content with that life.

  I needed …

  That was just it. I didn’t know what I needed. But after a night with Kael, needing nothing beyond the now—the present moment—felt really good.

  Liberating.

  Gratifying.

  Limitless.

  It magnified just how suffocated and trapped I’d felt the last few years of my marriage.

  “I’m going to need more than the tip. So I hope you planned for the unexpected.”

  “It’s sort of my motto.” His mouth quirked into a knowing grin.

  My fingers unbuttoned my wool coat as he took purposeful steps toward me. I shrugged it onto the floor. His hands claimed my face first. I let myself melt into him, the warmth of his touch, the mint from the candy mixing in our long kiss.

  The kiss.

  I’d forgotten how amazing it felt to be kissed. To crave the taste of that person.

  Our clothes dropped to the floor one piece at a time. My bare butt landed on the island, and he pushed into me as my limbs wrapped around him. We fucked. And it was glorious.

  The profanity looping through my thoughts lost its taboo status. It wasn’t a word that made me recoil as it had for years. It was just a word—the best word to define our indulgent sexual act. I wasn’t searching for love or an emotional connection. That truth felt more sinful than the f-word circulating in my head.

  I felt so many things as his mouth sucked my skin, as his hands caressed me intimately, as he moved inside of me.

  Undeserving.

  That was it. While I allowed myself into a bubble of pleasure, I felt a looming reality awaiting because I felt undeserving of stealing something so carnal, so private, so instinctual all for myself.

  A drug that I didn’t truly need. It just felt so. Damn. Good.

  If we were nothing more than souls in mortal bodies, why did taking such pleasure have to be filled with rules and tainted in shame?

  Why couldn’t we let our brains and hearts love, but let our bodies feel the tangible things in life that made our hearts race, our skin tingle, and our muscles grip and pulse in immeasurable rapture?

  Really?

  Why the fuck not?

  “I…” my lips brushed along his shoulder while he rocked into me, large hands keeping my ass from sliding off the edge of the granite “…hate how good this feels.” My ankles tightened around his waist as I chased that orgasm he’d been flirting with forever.

  Forcing my hands around his neck to unclasp, he guided them behind my back and restrained them with one hand. My shoulders reared back in response, and he ducked his head to suck in my nipple.

  “ARG!” I jerked as he bit it like a piranha. Total sadist.

  But he rebounded with his free hand, sliding it between our joined bodies. My muscles spasmed, gripping him in tiny little pulses.

  Blurred vision.

  A sensual narcotic racing through my veins.

  The pinnacle of physical pleasure.

  It occurred to me that I might go to Hell, but I’d go there infinitely satisfied with my earthly experiences.

  Kael freed my arms and stabbed his fingers into my hair, crashing his mouth to mine as he stilled with his release and a low moan I felt deep in my own chest. “There’s…” he panted, breaking our kiss and resting his cheek against mine while his fingers kept a firm claim to my hair “…nothing about you that’s not perfection.”

  I chuckled, unlocking my legs from his waist as my left calf started to get a cramp. “That’s the orgasm talking.”

  He pulled out of me slowly, resting his hands on my thighs. “Your legs are trembling.”

  Rubbing my swollen lips together for a few breaths, I rested my hands on his. “Can’t imagine why.”

  He leaned in and grinned before brushing his lips over mine. “You taste better than that peppermint bark. And it’s pretty fucking awesome.” Those addictive lips made a lazy trip down my neck to my breasts, showing his tender side with them.

  I loved the feeling of him savoring me. I loved watching his eyes show appreciation of my gently used body. Kael made me feel beautiful and ageless with just his eyes.

  Sometimes I swear Craig didn’t even look at me. Really look at me.

  Without feeling rushed, we pieced ourselves back together, stealing flirty glances. I had a secret. One I never had to share. For as long as we mutually wanted it, we could do exactly what we’d just done and walk away without any sort of accountability.

  Sex.

  Just sex.

  “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Kael stole me from my thoughts as he disinfected the island, which made me grin.

  I slipped on my wool coat and buttoned it. Had I been honest, I would have told him my brain escaped to the order of getting dressed … or, really, undr
essed. Halfway through our marriage, Craig started to undress in a weird order before he’d get into the shower. I’d walk into the bathroom to see him testing the water temperature, wearing nothing but a T-shirt—occasionally socks too. It was quite possibly the unsexiest thing ever. A man child. A two-hundred-pound toddler who ran off before his mom could get his diaper and pants back on him. Bare ass and saggy balls exposed just below the hem of his shirt.

  So. Weird.

  It always made me cringe.

  But I didn’t tell Kael that. I came up with something less weird, but still kind of funny. “It’s an indescribable feeling to have a sex toy that nobody knows about.”

  He barked out a laugh. “Sex toy, huh?” After tossing the rag into a bin and returning the spray to the shelf above the sink, he grabbed my coat lapels and kissed me again.

  All the kisses.

  Each one as good as the first and as addictive as the last.

  “I’ll add that to my resumé.”

  “You really should. Snow removal. Valet. And sex toy. You could run for mayor with that stellar skill set. Seriously. Run for mayor. Close up shop and get your name in the race.”

  “Close up shop? After I perfected my peppermint bark? Are you crazy?” He bopped the tip of my nose with his finger.

  “Can’t blame a girl for trying.” I frowned.

  “True.” He turned and retrieved his coat from the hook by the storage room door. “But I can walk said girl to her vehicle since it’s dark outside.”

  “I think the worst crime to have ever happened in Epperly was some graffiti at the new skate park.”

  “See … that’s what I love about this town. It’s so pure and innocent.” He led the way to the front door, unlocked it, and held it open for me.

  I stepped past him. “Innocent? Sure. Except for that Elsie Smith. I hear she’s a little promiscuous.”

  He laughed, locking the door behind us. “If I’m the only guy you’re having sex with, then I’m not sure that counts as promiscuous.”

  We walked toward my Tahoe. No hand-holding. No linking arms. Nothing that would look suspicious to the few people still milling around the square.

  “Well, what if you’re not the only guy I’m having sex with?” Of course he was. But I needed to keep checking in on our situation. It really was too good to be true.