by Carmen Faye
Chapter 17
“Do you want another drink?” I ask as I lift my hand towards the waiter hovering in the back corner. The Pier 49 restaurant is completely empty besides Dani, the waiter, a chef, and me.
“No, no. I really shouldn’t have any more, Ash. I’ve got my test tomorrow. Champagne makes me light headed, you know.” Her face already turned blush a glass back. Even slightly drunk, she looks as lovely and as graceful as ever in that hunter green dress I bought for her. Dining with her is like dining with royalty or an old world movie star. She just has that air about her when you brush off that tough skinned, prideful side.
“Just one more. I want to get you liquored up for what I’m going to with you tonight.” I wink at her as she smiles.
Since nearly forcing myself into her hotel room a few days back, I haven’t spent more than a few hours apart from her. We are in this constant state of undress as she becomes more and more aggressive towards me. Can’t say I don’t like it, though. A girl who knows what she wants is one of the most attractive qualities a guy could ask for. Even for a man like me.
Still, I did manage to convince her that she should let me take her on a real date. It was something I had never done before. Girls of my caliber weren’t exactly the dating type. I couldn’t even remember the last time I sat down at a restaurant with cloth napkins and actual glasses. Dani, on the other hand, looked totally at ease as she placed a napkin in her lap and sat back in the large black dining chair waiting on her meal to be cleared.
She sighs as she looked off in the distance. The restaurant itself sits on the pier just outside of town. It serves fresh seafood from fishermen in these parts. And tonight, I managed to pay off, and possibly threaten, the owner so badly that he allowed me to shut down the dining room with the best view for a few hours.
Tonight is special. After all of our time together, I am coming to a conclusion. The two of us can’t be apart. I just can’t allow it. She is going to move in with me at the headquarters. I will have the boys build a suite complete with a kitchen and living room just for her. I’ll even fix up the fire escape as a balcony if she wants an outdoors area. Hell, I’ll let her get a dog or a cat if she wants one. Whatever it takes, I will do it to keep her with me.
The hours apart from her had dragged on like time had somehow stretched itself out. Even when she was out for one of her short runs, it took everything in my power not to get on my bike and just ride beside her (something I offered to do, but she had refused vehemently). And as time crept up to when she would do her overnight training shifts at the firehouse this weekend, I had to seal the deal and make this official. She was going to come home to me and no one else.
“Dani,” I say as I clear my throat. I’m not sure why, but my hands have begun to tremor and shake. I slide them under my pair of black jeans as I try it again. “I need to ask you a question.”
“Hmm?” She turns her attention back to me. The fading sunlight hits her ivy colored eyes and casts a shadow in her irises. “What do you need to ask me?”
Even though I have practiced this all afternoon, I still manage to stammer like a fool, “I -- I -- I want you to, um, move in with me.” Her face contorts as she tries to hold back any sign of emotion. I instantly go into damage control. “Look, I know it isn’t ideal, but you’re not safe here without me. Whatever’s going on in this town is just getting worse and I can’t have my boys waste their time protecting you out there.”
As soon as it flies out of my lips, I can tell it isn’t going to end well for me. She lowers her voice as she leans in over the table. Her fingers curl into the tablecloth. “I’m not safe without you? You won’t even tell me who the hell I am supposed to be afraid of, so don’t tell me I am in some kind of danger. Everything’s been just fine until you come around.”
“Dani, I didn’t mean it like tha--”
“And secondly, I never asked for your two body men to follow me around like I was some helpless lamb. If I wanted someone to protect me, there are plenty of guys on the force who would jump in and take their places. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”
This is spinning completely off the rails. I can’t control the conversation like this, but I can’t bring myself to tell her I am falling for her and that moving her in with me is for my benefit, not for hers.
“You talk to me like I should put all my trust and faith in you, but you have no idea how hard it is to sit across from this table and know you know who may have started the fire that almost killed me. You’re holding out on me. You’re not telling me what I should know. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, nothing could make living with a liar worth that.” Dani sits back against the chair and places her arms crossed against her chest. She looks back over the sunset before tossing her napkin on her empty plate. “I need to get going. I have my test tomorrow, and I can’t afford to hear anymore of this crap.”
“You’re not fucking going anywhere.” I pound my fist on the table as if it were one of the Devil’s Crucifix meetings. “Keep your ass in that chair and listen to me.”
“You have nothing more to say to me, Ash. And I have nothing more to say to you. It’s like what I said before you tried seducing me. I’m not going to give you the time of day until you start being honest with me on who started the fires and who you really are.”
“Who I really am?” I snarl. “Jesus fuck, Dani, you knew who I was before you jumped in bed with me. You managed to land yourself a dangerous convicted murderer. Don’t say you didn’t know who I was when you made that choice all yourself when you first fucked me in your fire department’s gym like the little whore you fucking love being.”
Before I can move out of the way, she is up and out of her chair. I feel the icy hot sensation of her hand striking my cheek as she cries out, “How dare you! Don’t you ever talk to me like that, you sad, sorry piece of shit.”
I grab her wrist in mid-air, keeping her from going another round. Both of us freeze for a moment in time, neither of us wanting to be the one who broke the silence evading the room. From the corner of my eye, I see the waiter stare at us in horror. I let her go, releasing her back down into the chair next to mine.
I half expect her to just walk out of the restaurant and leave me forever, but she stays. Dani looks out the window languidly with eyes of steel. Finally, she turns to me and says, “I don’t understand you. I thought that when you brought me here, you were doing it because you cared about me, not because you thought you owned me or something.”
“I think it’s clear to both of us that I don’t own you.” I take a sip of my warm champagne as I try to talk myself out of this box. “When I brought you here, it was because I wanted an evening together with my girl and that dress.”
Dani throws her head back and laughs contemptuously. “Oh, that’s fucking rich,” she cackles. “So now I’m your girl, huh? I don’t know if the slammer affected your memory or what, but you just called me a whore like…two minutes ago. So who the fuck are you shitting, Ash? Make up your goddamn mind about which one you want me to be, ‘cause honestly? I’m fucking done going back and forth with you.”
The vein in my neck threatens to pop out as I struggle to tell her what really is on my mind. Instead, I stick with, “I want you to be you, Dani. But I want you to be safe, and I cannot protect you if you’re living in that fleabag motel of yours.”
“Well, lucky for you, I just found out that my insurance check from the fire came in. They’re giving me enough money to buy a new condo and start over again. I’ll buy a security system or an attack dog or something if it means that you and your boys leave me alone once and for fucking all.”
You and your boys? Does she mean this is the end of us? I feel that nervous energy turn to complete and utter rage at the thought of her leaving me here and now after all that I have done for her.
“You’re not getting away from me, Dani. I will follow you to the ends of this Earth, but you are not getting away. I am no longer suggesting you
come live with me. I am giving you a fucking order.”
“And I am saying no to that order, sir.” She stands quickly, grabbing her purse this time, and adds, “With all due respect. Though you’re not really due any of my fucking respect.”
My time is ticking down quickly as I can see the next few minutes of our lives fast forward in a haze. I can’t let her go. I can’t let her walk out of here. My palms and neck sweat in this ridiculous dress shirt I pulled out of the store just for her.
Dani pulls down the hem of her dress as she adds, “Until you are ready to tell me what you know, I don’t want anything to do with you. I’m not your girl or girlfriend or whore or any fucking thing like it. I am just some girl you found in a fire. I’ll say thank you for that one last time, but that’s it. I don’t owe you anything else but that. The end.”
She turns and I stand, pushing the table with my thighs. A glass falls to the ground as she turns over her shoulder to look. With her attention back on me, I shout to her, “Dani! You have to be fucking joking with me. You can’t leave like this over me asking you to move in with you.”
“You never asked.” She whispers low, her head looking directly at the shards of glass reflecting tiny rainbows into the wall. “You just told me to do it.”
“Then fine. Whatever.” I walk across the damage, the glass crinkling under my boots. I place my hands on her shoulders as I say as softly as my temper would allow, “I’m sorry. Would you, Dani, like to move in with me?”
She pauses before biting down on the corner of her lip, the lipstick smears around her teeth, revealing the white, bloodless spot. My heart races as she opens her mouth to answer. “Not a fucking chance, Ash.”
“WHAT?!” I bellow.
“I have no interest in living with you,” she says, her confidence gaining. “You just reminded me that this, this night here at this fancy restaurant in this outrageous dress with expensive champagne…that isn’t you. I don’t know who the real you is. You’re just pretending to be someone else, and I can’t take that anymore. I’ve given you enough chances to open up to me and tell me what is really going on, but you’ve refused. I’m sorry Ash, but I’m out. For real this time.”
“Dani…come on…” I’m speechless, completely wrapped up in how disappointed she sounds. Something in me is breaking apart, but I feel the same with her, too, and that’s even more devastating. Seeing her so upset is something I would never, ever want or purposefully do.
“No, Ash,” she says, even more insistently. “It’s over. Over over. And please, please don’t follow me anymore. Don’t show up at my door with candies or boxes of new home goods. I’d appreciate if you called off your guys, as well. I think we both know they’re only around for your benefit and not my safety.”
“If that’s what you want…”
She swallows hard and closes her eyes. She doesn’t look back as she answers me softly, “It’s what I want, Ash.”
I let go of her shoulders, my hand brushing against hers, as she walks through the restaurant dining room doors and past the few patrons eating at the bar. I stand in my place, unsure what I should do. Going after her would be both against her wishes and my nature. I don’t chase. But my feet can barely hold themselves down. They want nothing more than to scoop her up, apologize, and promise her I can change. I can be the person she wants me to desperately be. I can be the guy at the restaurant with the napkin on his lap and a glass of champagne on the table.
The waiter interrupts my thoughts and brings me back to reality as he clears his throat. I spin on my heel as I look back at him. “Sir, would you like the check? Or would you like another drink?”
I nod as I indicate the check. He scurries off and then quickly brings back the little black billfold. Without even looking, I hand him over the black charge card that goes straight to my bank account. I know I can cover it. It’s not like I need much of my president’s salary to survive in club world.
When he’s done, I throw him a few hundred dollar bills from my wallet and walk straight out of the restaurant towards the parking lot where my bike is waiting completely out of place among the fancy brand cars and SUVs that take up the few, non-valet parking spots. Before I hop on, I unbutton the dress shirt and toss it in a nearby bin. Without Dani in my life, I have no need for these things anymore.
Chapter 18
“Where you been, boss? Out screwing that side chick of yours?” Remmy stares at me as if his life depended on that question. Lately, he’s been getting on the clingy side. Ever since I started pursuing Dani full time, he’s been nothing but a pain in my ass. He’s been up in my business and I even heard he’s been sneaking around trying to figure out what those two boys have been doing on their stakeouts.
Unfortunately, he’s messed the wrong day to deal with me. The drive back to headquarters didn’t exactly alleviate the tension like I thought it would. In fact, the farther I got away from Dani and that restaurant, the more rage built up in me. By the time Remmy barged into my office without even knocking, I’m already a volcano of terror about to explode.
I launch myself at him, grabbing his shirt by the collar as I press his large frame up against the door. It vibrates from the force as I wonder if any other move would send it flying backwards off of its hinges. I snarl at him, uncaring about my volume, “It’s nothing you need to worry about. What I do in my free time is my concern only. And I don’t appreciate you trying to make it your business either. Got it?”
“Woah, woah. Back off there, pal. I’m just curious. Can’t a guy be curious? When you’re off doing who knows what almost every night for the past three weeks or so, a man starts to wonder what he’s missing out on.” He puts his darkened, dirty hands to the air as he continues, “I just want to make sure I’m your right hand man on all of these important things, that’s all.”
He’s caught me off guard. I know based on all of his past actions and how quickly he’s become one of us Devil’s Crucifix members through and through that questioning his loyalty or his intentions would be out of line. But there is something about the way his eyes continue to float back towards the stack of paperwork on my desk and how he doesn’t seem to face me head on when talking.
Still, I don’t have time to deal with him right now. I push him off to the side and head back towards my desk, careful to put away the folder of info Duane gave to me earlier this week on Spark. The news wasn’t exactly good. As I had suspected, signs of Spark surviving the fall are everywhere. Police at the scene spotted still wet footprints leading towards a small home. The owners reported their car stolen hours later. And there was even the report of a man at the local hospital found soaking wet, suffering from several broken bones, without ID. He managed to sneak through the hospital’s loading dock before they could get any more information.
What the file on my desk doesn’t tell me is where he is now. While I have a pretty clear picture of how he managed to survive; there was nothing that came next. No fill-ins for the last five years or so. No opened credit cards, no names on a lease, no request for any life insurance money by his family. Everyone who had known him thought he was gone, another motorcycle club member taken by another club or died riding recklessly. There are a ton of possible explanations, but only the Devil’s Crucifix members at the time know what really happened and we keep tight lips.
Remmy wasn’t a member back then, so I’m not sure why I get the feeling that I need to keep a closed door on this with him. But there’s just nothing in me that wants to let him in on something so sensitive as this, even if he is the arson expert in the group.
I swivel around in my chair to face him as he adjusts his shirt and takes a seat on my couch. He coughs nervously a few times before saying, “I want to talk to you about a few things, boss. First, I want to know about a promotion or at least a raise. I’ve been with you guys long enough, and I think I showed my worth to you.”
Remmy’s question is so totally out of the blue that I’m not even sure how to begin answering hi
m. No one in club history has asked me directly for a promotion of positions, and they certainly haven’t had the balls to ask for more money. And while Remmy has done a ton of work for us lately with investigating the fires and running lead on some of our drop points, I’m not sure if I’m prepared to give him a few more dollars a week for that. Any other member would have done it without questions.
He senses my unease as he again coughs nervously and backtracks, “You know what, just forget about it. It’s not a big deal. I get that I gotta wait my turn and pay my dues. I just thought I would throw it out there anyway.”
“Fucking hell you have to pay your dues!” I can’t hold back that anger again. He’s managed to get me heated twice now in under five minutes. If he thought he was crossing a line before, he has really overstepped his territory. “Every guy here would kill for me to elevate him to a confidant. Even those in leadership roles don’t get as much ear time with me as you do. But the difference is that they actually put in the time and work before they ask something as big as a fucking raise!”