Large Animals in Everyday Life
Page 1
More praise for Large Animals in Everyday Life
“Large Animals in Everyday Life is worthy of a prize named for Flannery O’Connor. Like that of her benefactress, Brenner’s work is disturbed, taut, funny, and wise. Better than that, it’s good.”—Padgett Powell
“Not merely clever but smart, not merely intriguing but actually meaningful … We have nothing to fear for the future of the short story.”—Boston Book Review
“Her prose is at times as moving and mean as broken bottles…. Brenner is a writer of large talent.”—Atlanta Journal-Constitution
“Brenner breathes life into very ordinary people…. These stories are at once witty and graceful, and their little sorrows are delivered with a light touch.”—Library Journal
“An impressive first collection … Valuable, regenerative human desires and sympathies are expressed and discovered in this collection.”—Booklist
“Quirky, challenging tales and an impressive debut.”—Kirkus Reviews
“Brenner’s stunning first collection of stories is marked by her dark humor, deft stylistic range, and joyous use of language…. Fearless writing that is intelligent and honest and generous.”—Ploughshares
“Brenner’s eleven stories, uncommon tales about common people, produce spine-tingling results…. Brenner’s consistent care with small detail reminds this reviewer of Joan Didion at her best in novels like A Book of Common Prayer or Slouching towards Bethlehem.”—Choice
Praise for Phone Calls from the Dead
“A wired and very funny collection that has at its heart true tenderness and a deep understanding of American loneliness.”—George Saunders
“These stories are sneaky, beautiful, deeply eccentric, and brilliant.”—Kevin Canty
“Offbeat short stories that evoke the flavor of the New South.”—People
“A powerful collection, just when we need it.”—Boston Globe
“Maniacally imaginative … Ms. Brenner writes in warp drive.”—Richmond Times-Dispatch
“A remarkable reading experience. Her writing is smart, insightful and funny.”—Tulsa World
“Brenner expertly interweaves the tragic with the comic. We laugh at these characters, distantly hearing within their voices the cadences of our own, but we flinch, too, because their familiarity sometimes brings us too close to the edge of recognition.”—Bookpage
“Brenner’s witty, empathetic voice animates a tawdry, urban Florida filled with the lost and the lonely.”—Publishers Weekly
“She writes with wit, easily juxtaposing pop culture and human nature in a way that gives insight into both and to the way each shapes the other.”—Booklist
“Brenner’s incredible stories deserve to be savored by all who love good fiction, the art of the great short story, and a good laugh or two.”—Austin American-Statesman
large animals in everyday life
large animals in everyday life
Winner of the Flannery O’Connor Award for Short Fiction
Stories by Wendy Brenner
Published in 2009 by the University of Georgia Press
Athens, Georgia 30602
www.ugapress.org
© 1996 by Wendy Brenner
All rights reserved
Designed by Erin Kirk New
Set in 10.5 on 14 Berkeley Old Style Medium
by Books International
Printed digitally in the United States of America
The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition of this book as follows:
Brenner, Wendy.
Large animals in everyday life : stories / by Wendy Brenner.
149 p. ; 23 cm.
ISBN 0-8203-1794-2 (alk. paper)
United States—Social life and customs—20th century—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3552.R3863L37 1996
813′.54—dc20 95-21692
Paperback ISBN-13: 978-0-8203-3422-6
ISBN-10: 0-8203-3422-7
British Library Cataloging-in-Publication Data available
Thanks to the editors of the following publications where some of these stories first appeared: Beloit Fiction Journal: “Easy”; Mississippi Review: “I Am the Bear”; New Delta Review: “The Round Bar”; New England Review: “A Little Something”; Ploughshares: “The Oysters”; Puerto del Sol: “Success Story”; Southern Exposure: “Undisclosed Location”; Yemassee: “Guest Speaker.”
For their faith and support, thanks also to the Henfield Foundation, the AWP Intro Journals Project, and Charles East, and to Dina Benlev, Tasha Malinchoc, and Jamie Arthur.
ISBN for this digital edition: 978-0-8203-4290-0
To Lisa Wright and
to the memory of my
grandmothers. And to
the late, inimitable
Jim Shea, still and always.
We all growl like bears,
like doves we moan without ceasing.
We look for right, but it is not there …
Isaiah 59:11
Fish, if not exactly leading rich, emotional lives,
have developed some very peculiar characteristics.
Joy Williams, The Florida Keys: A History and Guide
contents
The Round Bar
A Little Something
The Oysters
The Child
Success Story
Easy
The Reverse Phone Book
Undisclosed Location
Guest Speaker
Dream, Age Twenty-Eight
I Am the Bear
large animals in everyday life
the round bar
I like animals and I like men. The big solid chest of a man, a big ruddy man who is not too young, not too clean, who smells a little like saddles and a little like dirt—that’s for me! And there certainly is nothing like a dog. Never, never in my complicated indoor adolescence up north, in the sad girly light of my bedroom, would I have believed such simple solid pleasures could be mine. For years I waited there in the dim, cheap twinkle of my dozens of bottles of cologne and gloss, their good scents slowly turning bad or redundant, their necks picking up lint and, shamefully, my own hairs, and I didn’t even know I was waiting. I did not have specific men or dogs in mind, but that did not prevent me from longing for them in the abstract.
One thing I like about dogs is the way they pursue their business. A man I know has two black Labradors by the name of Red and Blue, brother and sister dogs, one lean, one fat, one trained, one not, one friendly, one bites. The man works a lathe in his shop, then goes outside and drinks beer in the sun, and the dogs bite the lawnmower. They live in the woods, no mailbox, no anything, nothing but fine green land all around, bashful buffalo herd on the prairie bordering. I almost lived out there with that man and those dogs, but the man was skinny and sneaky, no chest on him, and he tried to write certain things into the lease, which wasn’t after all much of a surprise or disappointment because you don’t get men and dogs and land together like that for free.
Though I was expected to develop into a successful practicing artist (I was admitted into my grammar school’s Accelerated Program for the Specially Gifted in the Audio, Visual, and Kinetic Arts based on my performance on a test requiring me to create a picture of my own imagining around an empty bean shape which suggested to me the torso of a sad, keening dog, which I drew), instead I spend my time at the Round Bar, where there are both animals and men and you can either rotate or sit your chair on the part of the floor that doesn’t move. Sometimes there I even see the skinny sneaky man and we raise hands, no hard feelings, and I pet Red and Blue, who lie flat beside the seam in the linoleum, trying to bite the floor as it goes by.
But the main r
eason I go is to see the singer, a dwarfish Kentucky native who, though he once toured seven Southern states in a band opening for Conway Twitty, now plays alone and only for tips—“The Lord will take care of me,” he says—and whose business card reads NOT JUST A GENTLEMAN BUT A GENTLE MAN, though sitting with his heavy shoulders hunched around his twelve-string he does not look gentle or for that matter short. He always plays the same songs, sometimes twice in one night: “Make the World Go Away,” “From a Jack to a King,” “Where Am I Gonna Live When I Get Home?” but no one complains; patrons of the Round Bar, deep in their stubborn Southern drunks, cannot resist the singer for long. They approach him shyly all night, like third-graders walking to the front of the class, to put dollars in his plastic pitcher and touch his mikestand or his arm, or the women dance right in front of him, shaking their hips and looking into his dangerous eyes, or the men try to shake his hand that’s on the guitar and after a while give up and go sit back down, looking embarrassed but happy, as happy as you could imagine them ever looking. And I sit in my booth on the wall and wait, happy to wait, because between sets the singer will come over and say, “Hello, young lady,” and something very big will seem to be happening.
Interestingly, my father came from a long line of musicians, “players, primarily, of stringed instruments”—this is verbatim from a Xerox of a family history he researched and wrote years ago but forgot about and only found in his papers last year and sent me with my monthly check. His grandfather’s father, it was rumored, had requested that his violin be buried with him when he died. “How can I be an adult and not have known this?” I wrote to my father, and he wrote back, “We wanted to assure you, as always, that we support you in your independent artistic pursuits.” I was so excited about this evidence of kismet that I went immediately to the Round Bar and asked the singer if he played violin, and he smiled faintly as though remembering far back and said, “Used to could, used to could.”
But the Xerox also revealed that my father’s second cousin Larry was an idiot savant: Larry’s family had no inkling of his hidden talents but saw only that he lacked the most basic of skills for coping with the everyday world. Then one day when he was ten years of age he was riding with his mother Fannie on a Chicago streetcar and began emitting strange utterances. ‘A … G … B flat,’ Larry would exclaim, and so on, each time the car stopped. Finally Fannie realized he was declaring the exact key in which the brakes had squealed. Larry, though severely retarded, had perfect pitch. But Larry was never able to learn how to tie his own shoelaces or even lift a fork to his own mouth, the Xerox said, and he died under uninvestigated circumstances at the age of thirty-three in a state institution. “Did you send me this information to imply that I have not striven hard enough to succeed in the arts or that I am somehow doomed?” I wrote my father from my booth at the Round Bar, and my father wrote back, “In answer to your question, certainly not. Your mother and I believe you are doing everything within your power to forge your own way in these difficult times.”
Everyone in the arts hated me anyway. What happened was that there was so much talk at us from teachers in the program about boyfriends and prettiness not mattering that by sixth grade I knew I would rather die than not have both. The arts were easy, fuck it. I planned to impress everyone and teach them something new by showing them some hot sex. In photo lab that year I did a series of me in cutoffs letting a garter snake I’d caught wind around my neck and head down toward my un-snapped fly, and then in a talent show I performed a gypsy dance to “Magic Man,” also wearing the snake and cutoffs but with strips of red velvet tied on my wrists and ankles, and afterward when Dr. Bearwald, the emcee and also incidentally the one who had administered the empty bean test, said, “It will be difficult for anyone to top that but now let’s move on,” I did not cry, even though the snake had bitten me twice during my dance and it really hurt. And later, when he had me in to his office to ask me my career goals and I told him I wanted to become a model and he said casually, “You can’t, you’re not pretty enough,” his face looking like it was made out of wax, pink wax under black wax hair, I knew that though I was talking to a wax man now, down the road, in the invisible room of my future, real men who would have loved the snake and the velvet were waiting. I imagined them leaning casually against a long bar, big men made of skin and dirt, smoking and scuffing the toes of their boots on the cement floor. And I found these men, finally, at the Round Bar, and it was a relief.
For one winter after my formal training in the arts was complete I had tried to make a go of it in San Diego with an art librarian who spoke in a controlled whisper even outside the library, who never got angry but was secretly always angry, breezing around in seersucker suits and straw boaters and refusing to raise his voice. He himself was not an artist but had devoted his life to the preserving and cataloguing of art and claimed to be real happy about that, very satisfied; he also shopped for me at Victoria’s Secret and said I was the second most intelligent woman he ever met (the first was Hannah Arendt) and claimed to be able to feel it in his own nipple when he touched mine. He was much older than me, however, and over me in bed his eye bags hung down and I was beside myself trying not to notice them or acknowledge that they mattered. The real problem, finally, wasn’t his eye bags or even him, that much, but the city, which seemed to me unnatural for no good reason I could pinpoint except that the buildings, like any buildings but for some reason these really bothered me, lacked the integrity of natural creation. Buildings were false, I was just realizing at twenty-two (duh). Yes, we needed them, but we didn’t need so many of them, or such big ones. “I don’t like it here,” I said often, and the librarian would drape himself over me, saying, “Oh, baby,” trying to be some kind of spiritual blanket but at the same time getting, as he called it, aroused because he thought I looked like an aerobics teacher, which to him was a perversion: lowly physicality combined with bouncing commercialism, the dirty opposite of art.
So I drank, which made me feel that someone, I didn’t know who, who could make me feel better about something, I didn’t know what, was in the room with me or at least reachable by phone. Or, to get out of the house, I visited the Pai Gow Indian Reservation casino. There people didn’t talk to each other much, but everyone was in a wonderful mood, solid men and women of all ages dressed unapologetically in synthetic blends focusing hard on the cards and wheels and dice in front of them while grinning green-aproned Caucasians ran around administering exchanges and delivering soft drinks. Alcohol was not present in these big bright rooms, but high faith was everywhere, shining stubbornly from everyone’s eyes. I never learned black-jack or how to place an off-track bet, but stuck with five-card draw, the only thing I knew, and at the end of each evening when people dimmed down and turned philosophical I commiserated with Jim, a widowed Maine lobsterman visiting his married girlfriend during the off-season. When I told him about the librarian he said, “Sounds like his bullshit’s getting in the way of his slow-moving dream,” and when I told him I was trying to make a decision about whether to stay, he cut me off with scorn, saying, “Nope, nope, I don’t buy it, you don’t try to make a decision, I mean, you don’t try to make a decision. You know what you want to do. You do what you want to do.”
Jim was small and shifty-eyed and his whole face and neck were gray as if they’d gone that way naturally along with his hair, but I could not ignore him, even though he often discounted himself, saying, “Hey, I’m not the first guy to talk about God while he’s gambling and I won’t be the last.” So I listened and moved to Florida, where Jim had grown up happily, he said, stealing canoes and blowing up cypress knees with homemade gasoline bombs, and where I’d always imagined myself in cutoffs someday. I was in Florida no more than a week before I went to the Round Bar, where Jim claimed to have seen a girl bare her tattooed breasts one night before the pink light of the jukebox; it was either George Jones or Waylon Jennings playing, he recalled, and she was dancing and crying, and then she just pulled up he
r T-shirt, and on her left tit it said BORN TO RIDE, RIDE TO DIE and on her right tit it said TIT.
“Of course that was twelve, fifteen years ago,” Jim said. “Place may not even be open anymore.” But when I got there it was and nothing had changed: elephant ears hid the door, cats slept on the windowsills, antique beer signs blinked on the walls over the splitting leather booths, and the big bar rotated endlessly, imperceptibly, in the center of the room, just as he’d described, as though nothing in the world had changed, as though time and distance meant nothing. “Drop me a line if you ever make it there,” Jim had said, but the singer was playing the first night I went, and after that I just never got around to it.
• • •
Tonight is the singer’s last night. Tomorrow he’ll be back in Nashville trying to sell his songs, back with his wife and his wife’s cat and his new baby Liza and his four teenage sons from his first marriage. But watching him it is impossible to believe that he won’t be here tomorrow, that he hasn’t always been here. He’s set up on his stool on a wood pallet just large enough for him and his bass pedals and the one Wellington he’s taken off in order to play them, big black Peavey behind his elbow like another person, his head angling with the words like he’s kissing someone, and the music, what he calls his “fat” sound, pouring out of him, high clean string notes and his fat serious voice together filling the round round room, beautiful.
“Aw, he’s not that good,” Ron Russell says. He and his brother have joined me in my booth and are trying to convince me to take a ride in their Mr. Small Dent wrecker truck so that I’ll stop paying attention to the singer and pay attention to them.
“He does got a sweet mouth on him, I will say that much,” Jeff Russell says.
“I can show her something better than that,” Ron says.
“Hey, look at yerself,” Jeff says to Ron. “Look at yerself. Not a very pretty picture, is it?”