“What is it that you seek?”
“You think I am unworthy of your level. Well, I may think differently. Through the knowledge I have gained, I know that it is impossible that one could be the beginning and the end. How can you claim to be something that is impossible for everything and everyone else?”
He was surprised that he got to his point so quickly. A pause of silence, which felt like eternal minutes to Lucifer, fell between the two of them, but he was calm and longed for an answer. He stayed still, head down, knee bent, waiting for God’s answer. Maybe He didn’t know.
“I warn you—be careful, Lucifer. It is so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of philosophy and reason but in the power of your living God. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I have given you free will to make your own decisions, but that is all you need to know.”
He jumped up and stared directly into God’s light with clenched fists and venom pumping through him. Everything that had been welling up exploded in an instant. “Any fool can have faith! That is not good enough!”
“Are you challenging my authority, Lucifer?” returned God with a voice like thunder.
“And if I am? I do not fear you!”
God’s light intensified, and Lucifer squinted and fell back to a knee. His fists were still clenched as he continued. “Do you not want us to be wise, Father? How can we be wise without questioning and challenging you?”
“The fear of me, your God, is the beginning of wisdom.”
“Answer me! Stop toying with me and give me what I want, or I will leave you this time!”
God did not answer him. Had he lost his fear of God? What was happening? Lucifer felt heat pumping through his body but shoved it back down into the ball he had been holding it in. He needed to gain composure as God was obviously in charge of the conversation, not him. This was not what he wanted. A few seconds that felt like days went by before he finally spoke again. “I apologize, Father. I don’t know what came over me. I have had much going on lately. The announcement of your new Son startled me.” Disgusted me, he thought. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
He had much more to say and many more questions, but he knew God would not be pleased and that this was not the time. He would never get anything from God. He felt the pain turning to anger and resentment, but he didn’t want to give into it. Not now. He would wait until the time was right for the entire discussion, the entire confrontation, the entire war, so instead he made a huge decision right then and there.
He would no longer follow God. It broke his heart to think of the many years God loved him and he loved God, but reason was what mattered now. Not childish, ignorant, blind faith and love. God was not what He said He was, and it was time for Lucifer to expose this new truth. Faith was for the weak and ignorant. He was neither, and his faith was gone.
God never responded.
“I thank You.” Lucifer did his best to disguise his true feelings. “There is nothing else that I need from You.”
With that, he got up and started his descent away from God, walking quickly while resisting the urge to fly away at full speed. He was overwhelmed with anger and disappointment, yet these negative feelings birthed a strong sense of power unlike anything he had felt before. He felt as if he could single-handedly change the way things were in Heaven and gain the authority and respect he was seeking. It felt strange, but it also felt good. Great actually. He felt like his own god and had reason to justify it. He had not felt the usual euphoria on his walk to God’s throne; this feeling had replaced it, and he only wanted to feel more of it. He yearned for more power, and he now knew how he would get it.
He hurried on, putting distance between himself and God. He had suddenly realized the real reason Heaven had warrior angels, guardian angels, and keepers of the laws. Although he tried feverishly to mask all of these new feelings, he knew God sensed them. He was nervous that God was directly behind him and felt he couldn’t go fast enough. Maybe God even knew Lucifer’s plans for what was to come. What would He do if He did? Lucifer kept hurrying away and was careful not to turn around and find out.
Gabriel parried, deflecting Azrael’s thrusting blade mere inches from his throat. Azrael was brutal and cunning in their fights, holding nothing back. This time Gabriel noticed he was getting better. Gabriel had to focus. Azrael sidestepped before moving inside Gabriel’s next swing to slice down across his chest. Again Gabriel barely jumped back in time.
“You’re distracted,” Azrael said. He gripped the onyx hilt of his sword, swinging it idly from one hand to another.
South of the Great Mountain stretched a massive field surrounded by the complexes used by the angels for sport, practice, and competition. The field of immaculate green grass stretched for hundreds of miles across the inner island, but it was marked off for many practice fields, like the one where they now fought. There was only one true field for the actual Ludus Paradisus; it was called the Provender but was often referred to as the lawn. Countless wooden structures such as catapults, trebuchets, benches, buildings, targets, and tall seating platforms surrounded the impressive field.
Gabriel sparred often, and Azrael was his opponent most days. Gabriel wasn’t sure why Azrael came out to spar with him although Azrael’s looks and fighting skill gave Gabriel an ego boost. Azrael’s black hair and light skin always made Gabriel happy to be the scruffy, dark-skinned brute he was. Azrael was somewhat of a recluse, and he did not seem too interested in the games. Was he training for something? Gabriel was a force to be reckoned with in the lower classes every year, so he was learning from the best. Maybe he just wanted to get better. Azrael always studied Gabriel’s every move with a strange intensity, but Gabriel always let it go. He could practice for eternity and never catch up. Today, though, Gabriel’s thoughts were elsewhere, and both of them knew it.
“The ceremony for the new Ludus Paradisus community building is happening right now,” Gabriel said. It had been on his mind all morning. He should be the one revealing it, not some virtue angel.
“I don’t see how you can stand working with Raphael.”
He sliced again, and Gabriel blocked without thought.
“I don’t blame you for skipping the ceremony,” Azrael continued. “Maybe a wall will fall on him while he leads the prayer.”
“He’s not the reason.”
It was Arrayah. She was the one who had disrupted everything, shown him up in front of his team, and taken away his place of honor at the ceremony. If he could not even handle a construction assignment as Arrayah had made abundantly clear, how could he be trusted with leadership if some terrible event was coming? Why didn’t Michael go ask her to save half the angels?
Azrael feinted to one side, his blade flashing, and leaped to the other as he flipped the sword around to stab Gabriel in the back. Gabriel was prepared for him, though, and he poured his frustration into the swing of his arm as he spun about to meet the attack. He locked blades with Azrael and used his sword’s cross-guard to twist the other angel’s weapon down and to the side. Releasing the hilt, he backhanded Azrael hard across the jaw. Gabriel grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his head into Azrael’s just above the eyes. Azrael staggered a moment, his hand going up to his face, and collapsed onto the ground.
Gabriel, breathing hard, picked up their dropped swords and carried them over to the weapons rack.
“Where did that come from?” Azrael asked, still clutching his head.
“I have somewhere I need to be.” Without a backward glance, Gabriel leaped up, unfurled his wings, and the practice field dropped away.
He flew over the Field of Tranquility directly toward the location of the new building. He had no idea what he would say. As he neared the crowd around the tarp-draped building, he had second thoughts. There were thousands of angels surrounding the front entrance, all waiting for the unveiling. The lowest class made up the majority, but a few prominent hierarchs were also in attendance. A temporary stage
was built at the front to provide some elevation above the crowd. All of the work that had been put into this crystal structure was finally coming to a head, and Gabriel no longer had anything to do with it. Showing up like this would be embarrassing.
When he realized there would be no angels on the back side, he decided a closer look wouldn’t hurt anyone. He flew in and casually walked up behind the impressive structure. He climbed up to the highest vantage point on the building, staying careful to keep hidden. He was quite nervous, but he couldn’t help himself.
From where he crouched, he could see Raphael—upbeat and smiling as always, waving to the crowd as he ascended the steps and then gestured for quiet. He said a few words and then beckoned for Arrayah to join him on the makeshift stage. She stepped up, looking radiant in a simple white robe, her brown hair upswept and light glinting off of the dainty silver crown and diamond Humilitas necklace she wore. She gave a small, humble bow of her head to acknowledge the applause greeting her.
Gabriel didn’t want to take his eyes off her, but he couldn’t watch this. Looking away, he saw the top tier of the crystal framework specially designed for this building. The pure crystal had been cut, placed, and carefully angled so that it perfectly caught the radiant glow from God’s throne—the light that spilled out all across Heaven—and reflected it back from the front of the community center in a dazzling display. It was his idea. A thick canvas tarp had been stretched across it until the big reveal, and in a few moments, Arrayah would pull on a cord and it would drop away, scattering brilliant, colored light across the gathered crowds.
He should be the one pulling the cord. He should be—
Gabriel leaned closer, squinting. From this vantage point, it was clear that the golden pins holding the topmost and heaviest bank of crystals were not driven fully in. One of them looked on the verge of sliding out. Gabriel had completed this section himself in earlier days—had he been so distracted even then? If the pin slid free, all the weight of this corner would be on the remaining pin, and the weight of the crystals might be enough to dislodge it or crack the thin, silver framework supporting each row.
“I thank you all,” Arrayah was saying, “but the credit does not belong to me.”
That’s the truth, Gabriel thought. Although he couldn’t deny that she looked better out there on the stage than he would have. She was lovely. She always seemed so at ease and polished with everything she did. She sashayed gracefully over to stand under the row of crystals.
Looking back to the protruding pin, he gauged the distance between himself and the tier. The scaffolding used during construction had been removed, and there was no room to unfurl his wings. He did not even have a hammer.
“It took a team of angels to complete this beautiful building,” Arrayah said. She stepped closer to the lower end of the cord.
The tarp had been tightly secured to ensure it did not blow off prematurely. Arrayah would have to pull hard. Would one strong tug be enough to dislodge the pin? The rows of crystal were so heavy it had taken a dozen angels to lift and position each piece. Arrayah was standing directly beneath them. She would be crushed.
Gabriel drew a dagger from his belt, one solid piece of iron from blade to hilt, and leaned out across the gap. He stretched forward and used the pommel of the dagger to knock the pin further into place. It barely moved—he needed to strike it harder.
“And of course,” she said. “all the praise and glory goes to our God.” Her hand closed around the cord.
Gabriel reached out, straining, and slammed the iron pommel into the pin with all his strength. It drove in, but with too much force, splitting the crystal. Gabriel became overextended from his swing and lost his balance as a loud crack sounded when the silver framework ruptured. He clutched at the only thing available, the row of crystal, and the cracking sound repeated as the entire row broke free, each section knocking loose the next as it all collapsed.
“Arrayah!” he shouted. There was an explosion of light as the tarp dropped away. Crystals and silver struck his body as they fell, and an instant later the stage crashed into him. Everything went dark for a moment, and when he opened his eyes, he was lying in a heap of debris—the boards of the stage had broken beneath him and become half-tangled in the tarp and shattered shards of crystal lay everywhere. Their light was so dazzling he could hardly see.
As he rubbed his eyes, he made out Arrayah picking herself up from the floor. She had thrown herself to the side when it all fell. The sound from the crowd was a blend of gasping and gossiping. Gabriel saw Raphael storming up the steps, literally shaking with anger, his overseer’s robe flapping behind him like a white flag in the wind.
This was not good.
“I can’t believe you, Gabriel! Are you really this selfish?” Raphael said. Gabriel pushed shards of crystal off of him and attempted to pick himself up. He started to defend himself but drifted off, seeing Arrayah shaking her head in disappointment, and decided to go in a different direction. “I’m sorry, Arrayah.”
“You did this because you were replaced,” Raphael said. “You always make everything all about you. You were only replaced because you gave us no effort, and now you have screwed up everything for everyone! Why couldn’t you just stay away?”
“It was an accident, Raphael.”
“You accidentally brought the front of the building down at the moment we were about to reveal it? We couldn’t even find you half the time to work on it, but your timing is impeccable when you want to make a statement.”
“I thought the crystal might fall on Arrayah. I didn’t mean to mess this up.”
“Well, messing things up seems to be the one thing you are good at these days, Gabriel.”
Gabriel could hear angry shouts from many in the crowd, and he saw the disappointment in Raphael’s eyes, but it was the sadness on Arrayah’s face that hurt the most.
“I’m sorry.”
Gabriel left. Not a single angel tried to stop him.
Lucifer needed to get to the cosmos to breathe. He was so angry he could feel it burning in his throat. He could feel its power, like nothing he had experienced before. He was careful to hide it from the seraphim and thrones when he passed them on his way down the steps, but he felt like everyone was looking at him. The golden stairs below him now looked stained. The shimmer of light exuding from each seraph made his stomach turn. He wanted to shove their heads under water until their light faded.
The three upper platforms seemed unending. Trying to ignore the bright colors around him, he hurried past each level and away from the light. The throne angels wore crowns. What a joke. He should shatter them. He longed to rip the velvet from their robes and strangle them with it.
On the outside, he stayed as smooth as ever. His emotions were like boiling water about to overflow, but he shoved them deeper. God’s answer made no rational sense. Lucifer watched with his own eyes an explosion in the cosmos that caused the formation of newfound planets. God couldn’t be whom He claimed to be; He was too busy with his ridiculous new Son to possibly know what had happened. Lucifer would not believe any longer. He refused to. He would become his own god.
Lucifer took a deep breath, filling his lungs to the full expansion of his broad chest. The other angels already praised him like a god. What was the difference? His angels had a right to know more than God told them. He would give them answers. Lucifer stopped walking down the steps, mentally daring God to put him in his place if He was all knowing. If He was the almighty Alpha and Omega, why did He let Lucifer leave? He walked to the final step of the golden staircase and turned around to look up at the light he was leaving behind.
God had no idea what he saw in the cosmos. Lucifer pictured the explosion in his mind’s eye. He had seen the creation of a new world while God only cared about a Son. God wanted everyone to serve Him blindly like fools. Did God think he was a fool? Lucifer’s thoughts came furiously. He paused for an answer he knew would not come. All alone on the final step, he finally explode
d, “Why don’t you stop me from leaving?”
He waited. Then he waited some more. He felt like the only angel in Heaven. His eyes became wet with tears. He raised his hands and lifted his eyebrows in defeat. Nothing. A shiver slowly crept over his body from the top of his head to the tip of both end feathers and back down his spine where it stopped.
Lucifer needed to get away from the blinding light that plagued every angel. He walked quickly through the heavenly city, but it felt like days. He needed the angels to understand his newfound truth in order to situate himself above God in the minds of the angels. I will expose Him for what He really is, Lucifer thought. He is a selfish liar, isn’t He? How could He not be with the answers He gives? He needs us more than we need Him. He needs us to praise Him.
He knew it would be quite a challenge to turn the masses away from someone they loved more than life itself. But he felt compelled to do so, and he knew a few of the angels wouldn’t be as difficult as others to win over once they heard his unanswerable questions. Lucifer knew many that couldn’t think for themselves even if God demanded it of them. They were so pure and innocent, yet they had never been truly challenged. Lucifer had an idea. Many ideas, actually. They were revolutionary.
As Lucifer approached the pearl gates, Saraquel landed heavy and hard, panting like he had just finished the Four Corner Corridor race in the games. His disheveled hair dripped before he flung it back over his shoulder and wiped his chest plate.
“Lucifer! Excuse me, sir! May I ask where you have been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you, but you were nowhere to be found.” Saraquel apparently searched for a better reason as he hesitated. “We wanted to ask your opinion on your new throne.”
Lucifer kept walking, through the gates and past the silent dominion. Frustrated by the interruption and perturbed by the reminder of the horrible throne, Lucifer said, “I don’t care about that.” Instead of leaping off the cliff, he paused at the edge of the Great Mountain and stopped Saraquel with a stiff arm. “Why didn’t you tell me God was announcing a Son?”
War of Wings Page 4