A Killing Rain

by P J Parrish

“You’re too young to stay alone,” Louis said.

  “My friend Joshua stays alone.”

  “Well, maybe next year when you’re twelve.”

  Louis glanced at his watch again, seeing his reservation for the waterfront table, and the whole evening, going up in smoke.

  “Ben, do me a favor,” he said. “Go see what’s taking your mom so long.”

  Benjamin didn’t look up. “She’s doing her hair again. I heard her swearing at it in the bathroom.”

  Louis stifled a sigh and brushed at the cat hairs on his cuffs.

  “So how come it took you so long to ask my mom for a date?” Benjamin asked.

  Louis pursed his lips, trying to think of an answer. He had been thinking about asking Susan Outlaw for a date almost from the day he met her more than a year ago. But she was a public defender and he had been a private investigator working for her. An awkward situation to begin with, with no room for romance. When the case ended, though, he had asked Susan out. She had refused, saying she didn’t want to get involved with anyone. It stayed that way for over a year.

  One night his friend Mel Landeta offered some advice. “Well, Rocky, you need to either get off your island or let her get on it with you,” Mel said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Women like to get inside you. You got to let her in.”

  So he had tried. Tried the small talk, tried to be less cautious, tried even to make an effort with her son Benjamin. Benjamin warmed up to him first. Then Susan came around.

  And now, here he was, sitting on Susan’s sofa like some pimply prom date, complete with sweaty palms, racing pulse, and cat-hair pants.

  He glanced toward Susan’s closed bedroom door. It took him a moment to realize Benjamin was staring at him.

  “Your pants are hairy,” Benjamin said.

  Louis smiled. “Yeah, I know. My whole house is hairy.”

  “Ma’s got a lint brush. You wanna borrow it?”

  “Nah, that’s okay.”

  Benjamin shrugged and went back to putting the car together – or taking it apart, Louis wasn’t sure. But he did know this: he liked the kid...no doubt about it. He liked the kid’s mother. He liked the fact there might be a place for him in their world.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” Benjamin said.

  “What question?”

  “Why it took you so long to ask Ma out?”

  “Fear.”

  “Are you afraid of her?”

  Louis didn’t -— couldn’t -— answer that one.

  “Yeah, she can be mean sometimes,” Benjamin said. “But it’s for our own good.”

  Louis smiled. Benjamin was twisting the toy.

  “What is that?” Louis asked.

  “Optimus Prime.”

  “Looks like a car to me,” Louis said, his eyes wandering back to Susan’s bedroom door.

  “Watch.” Benjamin pulled and twisted on the toy and then held it out proudly. Now it looked like a robot. “It’s a Transformer,” he said.

  Louis caught a whiff of something sweet and looked up. Susan was standing under the archway of the hall, hand on her hip.

  “Makes you feel old, huh?” she said.

  One glance was all he needed to take her in. Some kind of black blouse that draped nicely across her breasts, offering a peek of brown skin in the deep V of the neckline. A spark of light at her ears that he finally saw was just earrings catching the light of the dining room chandelier.

  Louis found his voice. “I’m twenty-eight but when it comes to kids, I feel fifty.”

  She frowned. “Twenty-eight?”

  Louis realized she was looking at him like he was a bug on the wall. “How old did you think I was?”

  She threw up her hands, but they just hung in the air, the fingers wiggling nervously. “I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t matter. I just thought...”

  “Thought what?”

  She dropped her arms. “Never mind.”

  Benjamin was watching them. “Ma’s thirty-two,” he said.

  Ben!”

  Susan turned and went into the kitchen. Benjamin looked at Louis and shrugged.

  She was embarrassed? But why? Not at being thirty-two, he guessed, but more so at being the “older woman.” Man, he needed to fix this if the evening was going to go anywhere. He followed her into the kitchen. She was pulling steaks from the refrigerator.

  The words came out before he could stop them. “I thought we were going out.”

  She faced him, the package of T-bones sagging in her hand. “Going out? I thought you meant...”

  It was then he noticed she was wearing jeans. “You said you wanted a steak. You didn’t say —-”

  She dropped the meat on the counter. “Well, shoot,” she muttered. She looked around the kitchen, at the loaf of French bread on the counter, the potatoes, the salad in its teak bowl. Louis realized she had put real effort into this, but so had he in trying to get that special table at La Veranda, including twenty bucks in advance to the maître’d.

  Susan gave a small shrug. “I guess if you want to go out, we can go out. I can call April and we can —-”

  Louis held up both hands. “Relax. It’s fine.”

  “No, it isn’t. Look, you’re already ticked off because you had some high hopes of —-”

  He touched her shoulder. She didn’t move away.

  “I’m not ticked off. I can do the family thing. I don’t mind.”

  She turned and leaned against the counter, brushing a stray hair back off her face. Then she crossed her arms.

  “Look, I don’t know exactly what I did,” Louis said. “But I’m sorry.”

  “It’s me,” she said quietly. “I might have misled you, you know, about dinner. It’s just, well, I didn’t think you’d come if I told you I wanted to have it at home.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “It’s just that it’s been so long,” she whispered, staring at the floor.

  “So long since what, Ma?” said the small voice behind him.

  They both looked down at Benjamin standing in the doorway. Susan moved away from Louis quickly and began ripping open the steaks.

  “So long since what?” Benjamin asked again.

  She glanced at him then her eyes flicked up to Louis. “Since I’ve had a good piece of meat,” she said.

  Louis turned away, smiling. Benjamin slid into a chair, his car sprouting arms again. “We having steaks?” he asked. “We never eat steaks.”

  “Yes, we’re having steaks,” Susan said.

  “Is that what people eat on dates?”

  Susan looked at him but didn’t reply. Louis sat down at the yellow Formica dining set. He broke the awkward silence by clearing his throat. “Do you have anything to drink?”

  Before Susan could answer, Benjamin jumped to the fridge, yanking open the door. He plopped a can down in front of Louis.

  “Ma got you Dr Pepper. She says you like it.”

  Louis looked from Benjamin up to Susan. He could see a tint of red color her skin. “I have wine if you’d rather have that,” she said, holding up a bottle.

  “This is good,” Louis said, popping the tab. He could feel Benjamin’s eyes on him as he drank.

  Susan brought the wine to the table with a corkscrew. “Well, I could use a drink. You mind doing the honors?”

  As Louis opened the bottle, Benjamin continued to twist his robot back into a car.

  “What is the purpose of that?” Louis asked.

  “Transformation,” Benjamin said. “You know, changing into something else.”

  “That could be handy,” Louis said.

  “Yeah, like if you’re being chased or something, you could change into something else.”

  “Cops could be superheroes,” Louis said. “Like the Six Million Dollar Man.”

  Benjamin made a face. “Kinda.”

  Louis looked back at Susan. She was watching them, and she had a strange look on her face —- almost like pleasure. It t
ook him a moment to realize that her look wasn’t just at him being here on a date. It was him being here with Benjamin.

  “If you could transform, what would you turn into?” Benjamin asked.

  Louis looked back at him. Benjamin was peering at him with large brown eyes behind black-rimmed glasses.

  “I don’t know. Maybe I’d transform into head of detectives for Fort Myers Police.”

  Benjamin cocked his head. “But you’re a P.I. That’s more cool.”

  Louis glanced back at Susan. She was busy getting the steaks ready for the oven, but he knew she was listening to every word.

  “What about you?” Louis asked Benjamin. “What would you be?”

  “A bird, so I could fly.”

  Louis turned in his chair. “And you?” he asked Susan.

  She was slicing the French bread with a huge knife and when she faced him, she held the knife up in her hand.

  “I like being me,” she said. “I like being a mother and I like what I do. I have no desire to be something else.”

  Benjamin slipped from the chair again and disappeared into the living room. Susan dumped the potatoes into a pan and put it on the stove.

  She grabbed two tumblers from the cabinet and came to the table to sit down. Louis looked at the glasses, the wine bottle in his hand.

  “Ben’s using my only two wineglasses for a school project,” she said. “They’re supposed to be underwater space stations or something. They’re covered with algae by now, I’m sure.”

  “I understand,” Louis said, pouring the wine into the tumblers.

  She gave him a wry smile. “I doubt it.”

  “I was a kid once, you know.”

  She took a drink of wine, her eyes never leaving his across the rim of her cup. “I’m sorry,” she said finally. “It’s just... well, you need to know what you’re getting into here, Louis. Living with a child is different. There are things you have to do...different.”

  She was trying to put him off again, trying to warn him of the “dangers” and responsibilities of taking care of a child. He knew it was also her way of making sure that he understood she came with baggage that was four feet tall with glasses.

  He looked at her. “Susan, I don’t care about the wine-glasses.”

  She looked away. “It’s not the wineglasses. It’s him. We’ve been by ourselves so much, and I have never brought anyone —- any man —- into his life for fear he would get attached when there was no chance...”

  She rose suddenly and went to check the steaks. It was quiet for a moment.

  “Susan, I promise I won’t hurt him.”

  She didn’t turn.

  He let out a breath and took a drink of the wine.

  “His father hurt him,” she said, facing Louis. “Ben used to say his prayers every night and always ask God to bring his daddy home. He stopped asking last year, and stopped saying his prayers altogether a few months ago.”

  Louis looked down at his wine. For a moment -- just a moment -- he was back in a cold room in Mississippi kneeling on a hard linoleum floor.

  If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen. And God, please bring my daddy back so momma will stop drinking.

  Louis sat back in the chair, his fingers wrapped around the tumbler.

  Tell her. If you want this to go anywhere, talk to her.

  “Susan, I was...” The words caught in his throat and he swallowed hard. “I was a foster kid. I used to lay awake at night too, hoping to be rescued by a man who never came. I know what it’s like.”

  She stared at him. He could see so many things in her face, like suddenly a mask had slipped, a crack had opened, and all her emotions were there, raw and hovering on the surface. A year to wear her down and now here she was, wanting so hard to trust him. He could see it there on her face.

  “I promise,” he said. “I promise that no matter what happens between you and me, I won’t ever walk out on him.”

  Susan wiped the corner of her eye with the back of her hand. “Jesus, it’s warm in here.”

  She turned to busy herself with cooking. Louis stood up and wandered into the living room.

  He took a deep breath. All right... that was it. He had let her onto his island, even if it was just one small step. And it didn’t feel so bad. Strange, maybe, being able to share something like that with someone so suddenly. But not bad at all.

  He was staring at the television when he heard the door-bell. Susan poked her head into the living room.

  “Louis, can you get that please?”

  Louis rose and went to the door, looking through the small diamond-shaped window.

  The man on the porch was holding the screen door open with his shoulder, straining to peer into the little window. He had smooth brown skin and was wearing a suede trench coat the color of butterscotch, a black scarf, and a black fedora. Louis opened the door and the man’s brown eyes snapped back to him. For an instant, the man seemed confused, but he covered it quickly with a smile.

  “Hello,” he said. He craned his neck, trying to look beyond Louis into the living room.

  “Can I help you with something?” Louis asked.

  The man looked back at Louis. The smile was still there, but it looked forced. And the man’s eyes, now focused on Louis, narrowed ever so slightly.

  “Yeah, I’m Austin Outlaw.”

  The smile remained.

  “Is my wife here?”

  CHAPTER 3

  Louis stepped back from the door and Austin Outlaw came inside, taking off his hat. Susan came in from the kitchen and when she saw Austin, her body went rigid. She just stood there, holding a dish towel, eyes fixed on Austin, lips parted. The air in the room was suddenly thick with a million memories and emotions.

  Footsteps from the hall and all heads turned toward Benjamin. Louis watched the boy’s face. It first registered shock, then recognition, then grew bright with joy as the boy rushed to his father.

  “Daddy!”

  Austin bent and picked Benjamin up, bringing him high into the air then pulling him against his chest. Benjamin was talking excitedly, his brown twig arms wrapped tight around his father’s neck.

  Louis turned to look at Susan. Her eyes were glassy with tears, and when she saw Louis looking at her, she wiped them quickly away with the back of her hand and stepped forward. She forced a tight smile.

  “Austin.”

  Austin lowered Benjamin and moved to Susan. He took her by the shoulders and pulled her close to plant a kiss on her cheek.

  “Baby, it’s good to see you.”

  Susan pulled away, throwing Louis a pained look, the towel wrung around her fingers.

  “Daddy,” Benjamin said, pulling at the small black leather bag that was slung across Austin’s suede coat. “Why didn’t you call? Where have you been?”

  Austin was looking at Susan, his eyes shimmering with warmth and something else Louis couldn’t immediately decipher. Affection for Susan or surprise that she didn’t return his embrace as warmly as he had given it?

  Benjamin finally drew his father’s attention downward, reluctantly away from Susan.

  “Want to see my telescope? I got all the planets, too, and that bus you sent me from England and —-”

  Austin flashed a grin, patting Benjamin’s head. “In a minute, Ben. Your mother and I need to talk first.”

  Austin looked at Louis then back at Susan. “Sorry to break up your evening, Susan. I would’ve called except I found myself in town kind of suddenly, and I knew you wouldn’t mind if I just dropped by.”

  Susan took a step back. “I do mind.”

  “For his sake, I meant,” Austin said, nodding to Benjamin.

  Benjamin was stroking Austin’s suede coat, oblivious to the tension.

  Susan set her jaw. “Of course not,” she said tightly.

  Austin looked back at Louis. “I’m sure you understand, Mister...?

  “Kincaid. Louis Kincaid.” Louis looked at Susan. “I think I sh
ould go.”

  Susan touched his arm. “No, stay.”

  “I don’t think —-”

  Her fingers tightened around his wrist and she pulled him quickly into the kitchen, out of sight and earshot of Ben and Austin.

  “Louis,” she whispered. “Please stay.”

  Louis leaned close to her. “Do you know how awkward this is for me?”

  “Yes, yes. And I’m sorry. But I don’t want him thinking he can walk back into our lives without even so much as a phone call first. It’s been that way every time. Every couple of years, he just shows up and tries to treat me like we’re still married. He touches me and stares at me in ways —-”

  “Just tell him to hit the road.”

  “But he does it in front of Ben. It’s like he dares me to cause a scene.”

  Louis was silent, listening to Austin and Benjamin tussle playfully in the living room.

  “I tolerate him for Ben,” Susan said softly. “I can do this by myself. I’ve done it before, but I’m asking you to help me this time.”

  Louis knew what was happening. She wanted Austin to think she had another man in her life. A part of him understood, but a part of him was also pissed. They had been friends these last eighteen months, but not close enough for her to have earned the right to use him like this.

  Susan was looking up at him, waiting.

  Damn...

  She was a public defender. She handled liars, cheaters, and murderers every day. But this was different. This wasn’t the woman talking; this was the mother.

  Louis nodded. “All right.”

  Susan led him back to the living room. Austin was putting his fedora on Benjamin’s head and they both looked up.

  “So, what’s the plan?” he asked, standing and adjusting the bag that hung across his chest. “Pick a restaurant, my treat.”

  “We’re eating in,” Susan said, “the four of us.”

  Austin’s eyes moved from Louis to Susan. “All right. As long as you’re not making spaghetti. You know I can’t handle all those spices you put in it.”

  “They’re having steak,” Benjamin said. “I’m having a hamburger.”

  “I’m sure Ben would love it if you had what he was having,” Susan said.

  Austin smiled, sensing the slight. “Sure. The last thing I want to be is a burden. A burger will be just fine.” He started toward the front door.