Order

by Larsen, Patti

  And, if anyone could tell me where Liam was, if he still remained here, it would be the soul tied to the Gate, right?

  Worth a shot.

  The Gate flashed green as I called out to Cian, both in mental voice and with Shaylee’s earth magic tied to my own. The family power had bonded with me despite my attempt to keep it free, and though I wasn’t coven leader any longer it held on tight and did my bidding as though begging me to pay it attention. Guilt, my old friend, washed softly at the edges of my sadness while I reached for the soul inside the Gate.

  Honestly, part of me thought it was a lost cause, that surely after all this time—all the passed centuries—the soul of Cian was too fractured to talk to me. Sure, I could see Gabriel reaching him, at least enough to sense him. But for Cian to speak? To appear and have a discussion? A long shot at best.

  I scrambled to my feet in shock and new hope as a tall, golden haired Sidhe appeared before me, a mild look of surprise on his face. He wavered as if unstable before solidifying, looking down to examine his long fingered hands, arching eyebrows climbing to his sharp widow’s peak as his clear, yellow eyes settled on me.

  “Daughter of the Light,” he said. “Doombringer.” Cian’s flowing gold robe quivered at the hem as he dropped his arms to his sides and smiled. “Love of the Gatekeeper. Well met.”

  ***

  Chapter Three

  I hugged myself a moment, not sure what to say or do, staring in shock and hurt at the sight of him. I hadn’t expected the form before me to elicit such a response, hadn’t even for a second considered what I was doing, who I was actually calling. Until now.

  Cian looked around, not noticing or caring I was a bit of a mess, I guess, a soft and near reverent look on his stunning face.

  “It has been a long time since anyone chose to address me directly.” His gaze returned to me, the faint flicker of his image reminding me he wasn’t here in body, only in spirit. “Thank you for this, Sydlynn Hayle.”

  It was only then, as he smiled again and green sparkles flashed in his eyes, I began to function once more, freed from what held my tongue still, my heart quiet and aching. He felt recognizable, of course he did, but more than that. I was acutely aware as I drew in his appearance and accepted it at last the O’Dane family had not only taken on an identical look from Gatekeeper to Gatekeeper, but that they had somehow either been created in Cian’s image or had evolved that way.

  He was Liam, only perfect. Utterly, stunningly, deliciously perfect.

  “Forgive me,” he said in Liam’s voice made more dulcet, deeper and smoother, a river flowing softly over smooth stones in a dappled glade. “I forget human hearts feel more keenly than ours. You stare at me for good reason, do you not?” One hand rose again, sparks falling from fingertips to the floor in a cascade of green. “You see the one you lost in me.”

  I nodded, swallowed. Not often I was caught at a loss for words, but this was a doozy so I figured I’d earned a bit of stunned silence, thanks.

  “The O’Dane family has served me well,” he said, tucking both hands into the arms of his robe, the gesture reminding me of Max and helping somewhat to free me from the last of the stunned sorrow the sight of him woke in me. “The best of all the families I have adopted over the centuries.” Oh. My. Swearword. That meant there were others out there, didn’t it? I’d never thought of that, the idea not crossing my mind until this moment. There were more human/Sidhe Gatekeepers who looked like Cian.

  Who looked like Liam.

  But Cian was shaking his head as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. Maybe he did. Our power was still linked through Shaylee and the family magic, tied to the Gate to keep Cian here.

  “Only the O’Danes also carried my bloodline,” he said, dispelling the tightening in my chest, the near panic I felt at the thought. Why did it bother me so much, the idea there might be more Liam clones out there in the world? Because I just couldn’t handle it.

  What if they were jerks?

  Worse, what if they weren’t and I went looking and found Liam, or who I thought was Liam, and couldn’t live with myself for needing him so much I would accept him in anyone?

  Get a grip, Syd.

  Relief flooded me and I sagged, my own arms dropping at last from the desperate clutch I had on myself. “Thank you,” I managed to choke out. Cleared my throat. “Do you know why I called you?”

  “I can guess,” Cian said, with more kindness than I’d heard from any Sidhe before.

  I beg your pardon, Shaylee muttered.

  Sorry, I whispered back.

  Cian’s smile perked at the edges and his eyes sparkled yet again. But when he spoke it was to me, not his fallen princess. “I may no longer possess a mortal body as you know it,” he said, “but I am well aware of what has happened these centuries. More so, my attention has been here, in this place, quite frequently. Since you and Liam met.” A faint hint of amusement. Nice to know we’d given him something fun to do. “I am unashamed to tell you I wept at the loss of the most recent Gatekeeper,” he said, sobering, voice dropping deeper. Unbidden tears, uncontrolled and painful, burned in my eyes as he went on. “Liam was dear to me, more dear than you know. Which is why I felt great relief and rejoiced when Gabriel was born.” He knew my son’s name. Not sure that was a good thing, though it made sense. Still, the way he said it had a hint of reverence to it. Cian had to know who Gabriel was. Why did that bother me? He went on while my mind spun. “Though I understood your reasons for removing the power of the Gate—and agreed with that decision—it is good to have you and the boy home again.”

  Home. This did feel like home, I had to admit. And his reference to “the boy” stilled my fears. I knew Gabriel was special and so did the Sidhe lord’s soul before me. Did he feel the need to soften the edge of my unfounded and odd worry with such a casual reference? It worked. And made me wonder how much Cian had been altered by his role as the Gate maker. He acted like no Sidhe I’d ever met.

  Ahem. Shaylee really needed to just get over it already.

  Stop being a princess and pay attention, my demon growled.

  Snort.

  “May I see him?” Cian’s hesitation made my guilt quirk again. Tentative and soft, hopeful.

  “Of course.” I paused before turning. “But I have to ask first. Liam?” My turn to hesitate and for my voice to crack. “He was here all this time.”

  Cian nodded, full lips pulling down into a sorrowful frown, even more stunning in his sadness. “I tried to free him, to send him on, but he refused to leave.” His golden eyes held mine. “He insisted you would return, that you would need him again. And he was correct.”

  He was. “Did you know the future, Cian?”

  He shook his head, golden hair tinted red swinging over the floor. “I did not,” he said, “nor do I. Though, I can only believe he did.”

  Made sense. Fate took him away from me. That same Fate had to have warned him, told him I would need him one day. And trapped part of his soul here, alone and waiting.

  I’d hated Fate before. This time, that feeling doubled.

  “He held no regret,” Cian said, cutting off my fury before it could devour me and send me in search of Zoe Helios. To throw my power at the partial statue of Creator and just shatter the crap out of Her once and for all. “If anything, he was joyful knowing he would be able to see you again. Do not belittle his decision—make no mistake, it was his, Sydlynn—by blaming others for what he knew he wanted to do.”

  Fine. Whatever. Grumble mumble.

  Love took over. I allowed it.

  “Cian.” I cleared my throat again, finding it so hard to speak. “Is he gone at last?” I didn’t want to know. Needed an answer. Begged him to remain quiet a moment longer so the possibility of Liam’s return could live another heartbeat.

  More sorrow in the Sidhe’s face. “I’m sorry,” he said, destroying the final shred of maybe in my heart. “I don’t feel him here anymore.” He paused, head tilting to one side, a faint fr
own puckering his perfect brow. “At least, not in the Gate.”

  Okay, there was hope again. I leaped on it. “Then where?”

  Cian’s gaze left mine, drifted over my shoulder. He smiled again, raised one hand to point past me. I spun, found my son watching us.

  “In him,” Cian said. “Gone to the new Gatekeeper.” The tall soul of the Gate maker bowed deeply to Gabriel. My darling son, face calm and much older than his eight years, nodded his head back. “Gateway,” Cian said with great reverence. “All of my efforts and sacrifice have come to fruition. I am most pleased with you.”

  I knew the power of the Gate went into my son. But Liam’s soul?

  Gabriel approached slowly, his sister slinking out of the archive and down the hall, watching with huge, blue eyes. Grave, sad, but with the power of presence I’d felt in him only a few times, my son crossed to Cian and raised his hand. The two touched briefly, the Sidhe’s image flaring with green fire.

  “Thank you,” my son said.

  I wept, unable to stop myself, despite knowing seeing me cry would hurt my son. Cian seemed to understand, met my gaze again, his face shining with joy.

  “There is one person who might be able to help you,” he said. “To locate what remains of Liam O’Dane, if such a part of him yet exists.” He nodded to my son one more time before his image flickered and began to fade. “Question closely the one who tasked me with this life. I am the Gate maker, but it was her power that I used to build them so long ago.”

  With that, he was gone, with a final wave for my son.

  And a scrap of hope left for me.

  Oh, dear, Shaylee sighed. She’s not going to like helping us.

  Too bad, my demon snarled.

  Indeed, my vampire sent. But which of us, I wonder, is going to hold Syd back when Queen Aoilainn decides being unhelpful is a good idea?

  How I hoped she’d give me a reason to do her harm.

  That would have to wait. My son stared up at me, his young face full of gravity and wisdom.

  “Mom,” he said. “I’m sorry to make you sad. But it’s time you told me exactly what happened to my father.”

  ***

  Chapter Four

  While sitting on the floor in the Gate room might have been an appropriate place to have the conversation, considering it was exactly where Liam died, I wasn’t comfortable talking to my eight-year-old son about the loss of his father in that place.

  Forget his sadness. Total selfishness on my part drove me to move with my cheeks wet from my tears. I took his hand in mine, Ethie tucking in against my other side, the two children I’d do anything for and who held the weight of the world thanks to their parentage walking with me into the archive.

  Sassafras sat on the desk, waiting for us. How much had the silver Persian heard? Everything, I had no doubt. He’d become a permanent fixture in this place, abandoning the family for my little brood and the quiet and security of the cavern. Not out of any need to feel safe, I was sure, but because I’d promised him when I left again—and I would, I was sure of that—I’d take him with me wherever I ended up. The Stronghold, another plane, somewhere away from here. To a place that didn’t remind me the people I loved would very soon grow old and die and leave me alone to live forever.

  He still didn’t trust me not to go without him, I guess.

  Amber eyes blinked slowly at me while I took Liam’s seat behind the heavy, wooden desk that had been one of his favorite places in the world. It was odd to see my children perch on the tall, plush cushioned chair across from me, piling into it together. That used to be my place, with Sass in my lap, the giant hound of the Wild Hunt, Galleytrot, stretched out at Liam’s feet.

  But Liam was long gone and now so was the black dog. No longer believing himself of use or able to care for my kids, Galleytrot had chosen to return to the Sidhe realm. In shame, at least to him. As much as I missed having him around—the kids, too—I knew he finally had the life he’d longed for with Erica Plower on the other side. She’d been allowed a light sentence, in my opinion, though the witches who agreed to give her to Gwynn ap Nudd didn’t think so. For her crime of betraying all witches to the Brotherhood she’d become a hound herself. Because of that, the black dog turned man, Jared Runnel, had seemed content enough when he crossed over to the realm to be with her. And while Erica earned her punishment, I was pleased for both of them they had at least a modicum of a happy ending.

  Nice to know someone did.

  Gabriel cleared his throat while Sassafras leaped to the chair my son shared with his sister and stretched himself out across both their laps. Ethie stroked the soft, silver fur while the cat purred, her eyes still huge. It was likely she feared I’d ask her to leave. Being included was probably the most vitally important thing in her life. She was still so young, too, barely seven. But they were both old past their literal ages, had seen and endured more than any ordinary child. And they were Hayles.

  They deserved to know everything.

  I’d told them a little about Liam when the two of them had finally asked who Gabriel’s real father was. I know it hurt Quaid at the time, but it was readily apparent to anyone who looked at my son and then at my ex-husband the likelihood Quaid was his father was slim to zilch. Ethie, on the other hand, was all me mixed with her father’s strong jaw and eye shape, enough of me and him no one would mistake her for anyone but a Hayle.

  But, I’d purposely left out things, glossed over certain details about Liam’s death. Yes, they knew my first husband died, that Ameline Benoit had been the murderess. So odd, this life of ours. Ameline’s echo was now gone and her soul, cleansed of the evil of her upbringing, now a kind and witty person I actually liked. And Gabriel greeted her when he met her again after all that time with gentleness and acceptance.

  There were things I didn’t think the kids needed to know. But today, I didn’t leave anything out. Even when Sass spoke up, just a whisper of faintest protest.

  You’re sure? He didn’t judge, wasn’t even seeming to call me out. Just sad.

  It’s time, I sent. They’re asking. And they need to know everything.

  And so, choking up from time to time and doing my best to remain stoic no matter my churning emotions, I explained exactly what happened. From being forced to choose a husband by the coven by my twenty-first birthday, a task I forced into a yearlong process but finally completed by marrying Liam. Max’s betrayal at the hand of Fate and Liam’s death, the fact he had no witchy echo and was lost to us as a normal would be—or so I thought. Gabriel’s absorption of the magic of the Gate. He gasped at that, then nodded, chewing his bottom lip as I went on. And, at last, to the final fight between myself and Ameline in the maji chamber below the vampire mansion, after almost self-destructing when I thought Gabriel was dead.

  I wound down, staggering to a halt, not sure how to wrap up what I’d just shared. Some pithy statement, surely, a moral to the story. But nothing came to me, not a single offer of comfort or glamor to tie the bow on that particular chapter in my life.

  Ethie’s blue eyes brimmed with tears. “And then you married Daddy?”

  I smiled at her, wiped at my own cheeks. “I did,” I said. No need to tell her the only reason I did was due to the magic our mothers had bound us together with as babies. “And we had you, beautiful girl.”

  She beamed at me before hugging her brother, laying her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered to him. Ethie didn’t often show empathy, so self-centered I wondered at times if she was too much a Hayle. Sure, she needed to be powerful and controlled, but the balance of emotion, of caring was what made a truly great leader. She banished all of those worries from my heart with that one gesture, those two words. And, with Sass’s soft sigh and head butt for her, I realized he thought the same.

  And remembered, as my son gathered his thoughts, visibly preparing to speak, there were things I needed to discuss with my demon cat and my grandmother, Ethpeal. Worries they had about my daughter turning out like
her mother. Whatever that meant.

  “I want to give it back.” Gabriel’s first words surprised me enough I lost my train of thought about my daughter and focused on him again.

  “Give what back, sweets?” The Gate was fine, obviously.

  He turned to look at me, hazel eyes wet, cheeks pink. “My father’s magic, Mom. I’m the reason he’s not here anymore.”

  As I stared into that grief, I had an epiphany. Fate and Max and Liam and death all spun around in my head as I realized the true reason my husband had to die. Not to challenge me, not to force me to marry Quaid. But so my son could be the Gateway.

  “Gabriel,” I said, weeping again but feeling my heart lighten. “You can’t. There’s no one to give it back to. And this way he’ll always be with us. In you.”

  My son choked on a sob, hands clenching in his lap as his sister patted his arm with great kindness. I thought of Max, of the suffering I’d put him through, sent him a silent thank you for carrying the burden all this time. Had he known the true purpose for Liam’s loss? Possibly, though he’d seemed as unprepared for Gabriel and his Gateway power as I was. To blindly follow Fate like that…

  Could I do it after all? Could I commit, as Zoe asked me, to trust and just act?

  Could I afford not to?

  Gabriel could have fought me. I would have, at his age. Did fight my fate, I seem to recall, younger than him. Instead, my son nodded sadly, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand before hugging his sister.