“What about you?” I broke the silence.
He shrugged and rubbed the fine stubble on his face. I noticed a scar on his jaw line. It ran along the bone between his chin and ear. Faint and fine, it looked like a slice. I saw more scars, round ones, on his inner arms near his wrists, cigarette burns.
“My dad, he’s got a problem with drinking.” Tom’s face changed, the knowing glint in his gaze replaced with sorrow. “My mom…”
“You don’t have to…” I didn’t want him to think I meant to pry.
“Drugs, you know? They just got a hold of her.” He cleared his throat, pain flashing across his features. “She used to be an artist, but the drugs ruined her mind. Towards the end, she’d be gone for days, just…missing. Sometimes a cop would call, or the hospital…but, when I was eleven she just didn’t show up again.”
“That’s really sad, Tom.”
“Those dealers, they just wouldn’t stop selling to her. I begged them; I even boosted a car for this one guy, to pay off her debt.” He shrugged the thoughts away, his face hardening.
“You stole a car?” Startled, I whispered in shock.
“Yeah, but they didn’t catch me or anything. Besides, it didn’t work. She was into him for even more money the next week, even though he promised to cut her off.”
Tom shook his head. After a few seconds, he took a deep breath, his anger quelled.
“I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t do any of it.” Tom looked at me with a bemused expression.
“I know, but…” I sighed. “I’m actually not sure what I’m saying right now. I’m a mess.”
He shook his head and ran his finger down the bridge of my nose. His smile made my stomach flutter.
“You’re going to be OK, Ruby. I promise.”
I handed him the origami lily and smiled awkwardly. “Scout’s honor?”
Tom shot me an impish grin. “I was never a Boy Scout, but I beat one up once. Does that count?”
“Yeah, for now.” I laughed. The bell rang and I got up to go to the hatch. “Are you coming? Class is over.”
Tom grabbed a wadded up baseball cap from underneath the cushion and pulled it down over his face. He lay down on his back, hands behind his head. “Nah.”
“Are you going to stay up here all day?”
He lifted his head and eyed me from under the cap. “No, just until I smell lunch cooking.”
I watched him settle in for a few seconds and then started down the ladder. Before my head dipped below the roof level, I glanced back at Tom with a racing pulse.
He murmured from underneath the cap. “Watch where you’re going or you’ll fall.”
Embarrassed he’d caught me staring. I stifled a giggle and climbed down without a word. I felt better than I had in days. The oppressive fog of grief looked like it could clear, like it wasn’t forever. I’d found a friend in a frightening place.
I didn’t know it then, but that day on the roof would change my future.
****
I finished my shift at the ER at midnight and dialed Ben’s cell on my way to my car. Even though I could handle the situation with Antonio myself, it wouldn’t hurt to have Ben drive his patrol car by the clinic a bit more tonight. Besides, it would give me a chance to get to know him a little better. And that’s what I wanted, right?
I left a message on his voicemail and asked him to call me back. I finished my message and hit end. Staring at the phone on my elevator ride down, I wondered about Tom. He looked so much like I remembered. Strong, assured, insanely casual about dangerous things. He said something about being in town for a while, but he couldn’t mean that he was still undercover. Could it? How does a shooting fit into the criminal element’s etiquette? Wouldn’t his bosses make him work a desk job while he healed? I knew almost nothing about the DEA.
Realizing I was staring at my phone as if it would do a trick for me, I threw it back in my bag. Ten hours on my feet made me look forward to the futon in my office. I pushed through the outer doors that led to the parking lot and froze.
A pummeled wreck stood in the parking space where my car should be. I shook my head, not understanding what I was seeing. I moved closer and then my hands flew to my mouth. I stared in disbelief.
“Oh, no,” I stammered, gut wrenching.
Orange sodium vapor lights lit up every broken window, every bashed in panel of metal. My tires, slashed, slumped against asphalt covered in splashes of what looked like black paint poured over every inch of the car. A black snake drawn in paint on the brick wall overhead, made my stomach twist. I dropped my bag to the street and stared open-mouthed at what was left of my only possession.
Nauseous, I felt suddenly vulnerable out in the parking lot in the middle of the night. Fear clawed at my throat. I grabbed my stuff and looked around frantically, hoping to see a security guard or someone walking by, but the parking lot was empty. I backed up slowly and headed into the hospital. Heart pounding, my eyes darted to every shadow that moved, and my breath came in short gasps. I yanked open the door to the staff entrance and flattened my body against the wall, trying to control my breathing.
“Just, calm down,” I said quietly. “They’re probably long gone.”
I wiped sweaty hands on hospital scrubs and smoothed my hair. I checked my watch and decided that Mike was probably still in the security office.
I got to the office and quietly knocked on the door.
“Yah,” Mike called from inside.
“Mike, its Ruby. I’m having car problems.”
I grimaced at the absurdity of that statement. I didn’t exactly have a car anymore. Mike’s chair squeaked from inside and his footsteps neared. He popped the lock and opened the door with a smile. “I told you that old jalopy would give out sooner or later.”
Mike Hannel stood all of five feet with a belly that looked like it belonged in the Labor and Delivery ward. Almost sixty, he often threatened to retire one of these days. I was grateful that today hadn’t been the day he made good on his promise. He knit his bushy gray brows when he saw me. “What’s the problem, Ruby?”
“Someone trashed my car.” I couldn’t stop the hot tears. I wiped at the moisture with my sleeve and shuddered.
His face pulled into a worried frown. “Huh?”
I pointed over my shoulder, feeling helpless.
Mike pushed past, and I followed him to the parking lot exit. He stopped short when he spotted my car.
“Whoa!”
“I don’t suppose anyone reported anything,” I asked.
Mike shook his head. “Nah, this section of the parking lot is for visitor overflow. We don’t even have cameras out here.”
Of course no one saw anything. This was a county hospital in a bad part of town. Someone could probably sleigh-jack Santa in the middle of the day out here, and the police would get nothing. I sighed through the ache in my throat. The busses didn’t run past eleven. I had no way home.
Mike rubbed his chin and pointed at the snake painted on the bricks.
“You think that it was some sort of devil worshipers? Snakes are used to symbolize the devil, right?”
I shook my head. “A black coiled snake is the symbol for the Culebra street gang.”
Mike wrinkled his nose at me. “Cul-What?”
“It’s Spanish for snake,” I explained. “But this wasn’t a gang thing. They don’t bother with people like me. This was personal, I think.”
I thought of Antonio and anger surged in my gut. That little—
“I’m going to call the police, Ruby.” Mike interrupted my internal rant. “You’ll need to file a report in the morning.”
I nodded. My car was toast. No report would bring that back. I shifted on my sore feet and then turned to Mike. Too tired to wrap my mind around the crushing inconvenience not having a car would bring, I swallowed back another rush of anger. “OK, well thanks,” I said. I patted him on the shoulder and headed back to the hospital. My cell phone rang in my bag. I g
lanced at the screen and saw that it was Ben. “Hey Officer Farrell,” I caught myself and sighed. “I mean, Ben.”
“Ruby, I’m so sorry about what happened.” He sounded worried, even a bit angry.
Surprised that he knew so fast I glanced back at my ruined car. “Hey, well…How did you find out so fast? I just told Mike in security five minutes ago.”
Ben didn’t answer for a few seconds. When he spoke, he sounded confused. “You spoke to Mike at the hospital?”
“Uh huh, I think it’s ruined, Ben. I mean, wait till you see it.”
“Ruby, I’m standing right in front of it.”
“What? I don’t see you by the car.” I turned around to face Mike and the car. No one else was around.
“Ruby, how did Mike find out about the clinic so fast?” Ben asked.
I stood in stunned silence. A quake ran through my body, and my hand shook so badly I nearly dropped the phone.
“Is Lilah—”
“She’s fine. The guy who runs the store next door to the clinic saw her leave. But the clinic…”
Barely breathing, I whispered into the phone. “What about the clinic, Ben?”
“Aw, Ruby,” he said with a heavy voice. “Someone broke out the front windows and threw paint everywhere. It’s all over the inside. It looks like a lot of stuff is missing, too. Tables, chairs, I think they even took the trash cans.”
I couldn’t form words. I stood frozen in the dark parking lot of the hospital and gawked at the yellow sliver of a moon that hung crooked in the night sky. I sank down and sat cross-legged on the curb. This would ruin my chances with the Sports Medicine Wing, for sure. My heart ached for the kids, we’d been so close. Why was this happening?
“Ruby?”
“Yeah?” I whispered through my tears.
“Are you OK? What were you saying about your car?”
“Ben…I have to go for a little bit, but maybe someone can give me a ride to the clinic in the morning? I’ll be at the hospital.”
“Uh, sure, Ruby, I can meet you over there if you want.”
“Thanks, that would be great,” I said, and hung up before he could hear my voice crack.
Down by the pile of metal and rubber, Mike wandered off, talking on his radio. He didn’t see me sit down. I hugged my bag to my chest and leaned against the rough stucco wall of the hospital.
Frustration and helplessness crashed, sending me into a crying jag that left me hitching for breath. My gaze shot to the sky, and my chest filled with the overwhelming urge to yell at God. I hadn’t let myself even think of faith for so long, the thought surprised me. I bit back words, not going there. I closed my eyes on more tears.
You’re on your own on, kid. You always will be.
8
The ‘On-Call’ bunk beds never struck me as particularly uncomfortable. Most doctors complained, but once you’ve spent a few nights sleeping on a park bench, you have a whole new appreciation for thin lumpy mattresses. Still, I slept fitfully, waking up at one point in a cold sweat, convinced I’d been kidnapped because the room was unfamiliar. Unable to fall back to sleep, I tossed and turned and beat on my pillow with my fist. By six in the morning, I gave up trying to rest and went to take a shower in the doctor’s locker room. I always kept some extra underwear and bras in my locker since I often changed here.
The nice thing about wearing scrubs is that you just trade them out for new ones in your size. The hospital kept an abundance of them tucked into closets all over the place. A necessity when dodging vomit and blood was a daily occurrence. I decided to go with a pea-green ensemble this morning. I envied the nurses their pretty soft colored ones. I finished dressing, tied my hair up in a bun, and left the locker room feeling a bit better.
Renee met me on the way to the front lobby and steered me into a room used for conferences. She wore brightly colored nurse’s scrubs that had pictures of flying teddy-bears on them.
“Are you OK? Can it be saved?” She asked.
I leaned against the table. “Are you talking about my car, the clinic, or my sanity?”
She tapped the clipboard in her hand with a pencil. “All three?” She gasped.
“My car is probably totaled. It was a wreck to begin with. The clinic, as I’m sure you’ve heard, was vandalized, but I haven’t seen it yet.” I arched my brows. “How did you find out?”
“Oh, Mike told me about the car,” Renee said, still looking stunned. “You just told me about the clinic.”
“Oh.” I’d make a terrible criminal. I always spilled my guts under the slightest pressure.
She scratched the tip of her nose with a coral polished nail, thinking. “This explains what I’ve been hearing then,” she said, finally. “The receptionist up on the fourth floor, the one who works for Dr. Banning, she said he had her call everyone on the Oversight Board this morning. One right after the other.”
I marveled at Renee’s information network within the hospital. “I guess my application is pretty much squashed at this point.” My voice wavered and I bit my lip to keep from tearing up. “Would have been nice to get a phone call from one of them first, though.”
“Aw, Ruby,” Renee murmured. “I’m so sorry.”
She wrapped ample arms around me and gave me a rose-scented hug. Being a nurse, she dealt with comforting people better than most doctors I’d seen. I was grateful to have such a caring friend.
“Thanks, Renee.”
Renee released me and adjusted the glasses on her nose. “If you need anything, you let me know, Dear.”
“You wouldn’t happen to have an extra car lying around, would you?” I asked flippantly and reached for the door.
“I do, actually.” Renee beamed at me.
“Huh?”
“Well, my husband, Charles, just bought one of those cute little mini-cars for my birthday. He was going to put my old SUV up for sale on that free website, but if you need to use it for a while you’re more than welcome.”
“You want to lend me your car?” I stared at her with disbelief.
Renee nodded and patted my arm. “It’ll just sit there until we get a bite on the advertisement, anyway. Might as well do some good. It’s parked outside my house. You can come and get it whenever you want.”
“I’m…thank you so much,” I stammered.
“Don’t be so shocked, Sweetie. Good things happen in this world too, you know.”
“I guess that’s hard to remember sometimes,” I murmured.
Renee looked over her glasses with concern. “All that stuff you see, all those lost souls who come through your clinic doors, you need to see some of the happiness out there, Ruby. You need someone to take care of you for a change.”
“You know, Renee, when I count my blessings you’re at least in the top fifty,” I teased.
Renee laughed and rolled her eyes. She took a wad of keys from her pocket and twisted off the one for the SUV. She shook it as she spoke. “OK, OK. I won’t tell you about my amazingly handsome and available nephew.”
“I really appreciate this, Renee.”
“I know, Sweetie. I know you do.” She patted me on the shoulder and smiled. “I’ll keep you in my prayers.”
Not knowing how to respond, I managed to mutter my thanks and left. What was with everyone feeling the need to pray for me lately? Did I look that bad?
I grabbed some breakfast at the cafeteria. Sasha, the manager of the cafeteria, made it a point to forget to scan my employee card every time I went in there. Two years ago, her son, a sweet fourteen year-old boy, was accidentally hit by a car while walking home from school.
When he came into the ER, I performed the surgery to reset his femur, and stayed with her through the night by her son’s bed. She was a single mother, and my heart broke for her. She reminded me of Lilah, and I hadn’t wanted her to worry for her son alone.
When it was time for his outpatient follow-up care, Sasha couldn’t pay for the visits. Here from Russia on a work visa, she barely made ends m
eet. I visited her son for free at her apartment until he was in the clear. She tried to pay me with home cooked meals, but I knew how busy she was and told her not to worry about it. Ever since then, she and all the other employees never took any of my money for meals at the cafeteria. I tried not to take advantage, but this morning I was starved.
I walked the brightly lit hall towards the inviting smell of donuts. I grabbed a few, forced myself to also grab an apple, and stopped to chat with Sasha about her son. He was driving now.
“I tell him, Dr. McKinney, I tell him to remember how bad a broken bone hurts, but he drives like he’s in one of those spy movies!” She clucked her tongue and fiddled with the white plastic name tag on her blue apron.
“Well, tell him I really don’t want to see him in the ER again.” I took a bite of the apple.
She smiled and nodded. “I will. Oh, Dr. McKinney, I almost forgot to let you know a man was looking for you a few minutes ago.”
Puzzled, I glanced around the room. Ben would look for me here. I wasn’t sure about Tom. “Did he say who he was?”
“Oh, he’s not here anymore. Very handsome, that one. You know, I only saw eyes that color green once before, on a musician back home. He was trouble, too.”
She bobbed her eyebrows at me and smiled.
Ah, she was talking about Tom.
“Oh, yeah, he’s an old friend.” I tried to appear fascinated by the apple’s skin.
“No one would want to be only friends with a man like that.” Sasha winked at me.
“Well, you said it yourself, Sasha…trouble,” I murmured. I gave up avoiding her gaze.
“He was worried about you, Dr. McKinney. I can tell from his face.” Sasha added. She seemed to feel the need to stick up for Tom.
“He can be sweet,” I conceded. I raised the bag in my hands as I walked off. “Thank you for breakfast.”
“I told him you don’t work today,” she called after me.
Great.
Outside, I walked towards the parking lot out of habit and stopped. A pick-up truck was parked next to my pile of ruined metal. Muddy and beat up, it had at one time been blue, I thought.
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