Deliver Me

by Farrah Rochon

  Amanda looked up at him, a mixture of anger and disbelief etched on her face. “Unbelievable. You have the audacity to still deny it.” Her voice escalated. “How long did it last, Jeffrey? The relationship, not the individual bouts of sex. I have a rough idea how long those lasted. Unless, of course, she was able to keep you more excited. Is that why you went to her in the first place? Was I not stimulating enough for you?” she said, wrenching her arm away.

  Jeffrey stood there in shock. He could hardly comprehend the words escaping his wife’s mouth.

  “You didn’t have to sneak around,” she continued. Grabbing a towel, she began wiping the countertop in fast, furious circles. “You should have just told me you were ready for something else. It would have saved us both a lot of time and unnecessary heartache.” Her last words came out on a sob.

  “Amanda, stop it,” he said. “You’re acting crazy?” he grabbed her and turned her around.

  Jeffrey heard her swift intake of breath. A sudden, icy contempt flashed in her eyes, then they widened in alarm.

  “Get away from me,” she screamed, breaking free from his hold.

  He didn’t let her get far, catching hold of her arm again before she could exit the kitchen. She sobbed in earnest, covering her face with her free hand. The sound tore at his heart. Jeffrey wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head in the curve of his shoulder and resting his chin on her soft hair.

  “Amanda, where is this coming from?”

  “Just stop it,” she sobbed.

  “Stop what?”

  “The lies.”

  Jeffrey raised his head and gently pulled her away so he could look into her eyes. They were wet, luminous, and full of hurt. His heart crushed within his chest.

  “Why?” he asked on a whisper. He cleared the lump that had formed in his throat. “Why do you think I’m lying, Amanda? How...how could you think I would ever stray from you?”

  She pushed away from him, wrapping her arms around the wide girth of her belly. “Don’t you dare talk to me like I’m some stupid child. I saw the two of you, Jeffrey. Don’t try to pretend it didn’t happen because I saw you! ” Looking wide-eyed and confused, she turned away.

  “I have never been with anyone else since the day we starting dating—since the day I first laid eyes on you. Even when I was still dating your sister, I refused to sleep with Regina because I knew from the moment I saw you that you were the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. You are the only one I have ever wanted, Amanda!”

  “I. Saw. You,” she repeated through gritted teeth. “You had her in my house. In my house, Jeffrey! I’m sorry, but I can’t forget that. And I won’t forgive you.”

  She turned, heading for the back bedrooms. This time Jeffrey let her go. Baffled by her accusations, he couldn’t think of anything else to say. How could he defend himself for something he had never done?

  Anxiety gnawed at his brain. Amanda had it in her head that he had been with another woman. Not only been with her, but that he had brought her to their house.

  How could she even...

  When she had first filed for divorce, he had agreed without much resistance, knowing it was inevitable after her withdrawal the previous year.

  He’d nearly driven himself crazy trying to figure out what had gone wrong. After some time he simply resigned himself to the fact that Amanda had just grown tired of being married, as some people do. Jeffrey had not thought for a minute the reason behind her distant behavior had anything to do with infidelity.

  They had to straighten this out. Had to. But he’d lived with Amanda for eleven years and he knew how stubborn she was. It would take an act of God to convince her that what she thought was the case was actually the furthest thing from the truth.

  It didn’t matter. He wasn’t about to let his wife throw away the rest of their lives on some erroneous affair.

  Monica lifted one eyebrow and stared at the ringing phone. In order for her to answer it, she would have to reach over to the nightstand. That would require movement, something her mind intensely protested.

  It stopped ringing, and Monica’s body sank with relief. She nestled further into the covers and buried her head in the plush pillow.

  The phone rang again.

  “Ugh,” Monica groaned. She summed up enough strength to stretch out her arm and retrieve the receiver. “Hello,” she moaned with sufficient weariness to let whoever was on the other end of the line know they had awakened her.

  “You still asleep?”

  It was Nia. Guilt wouldn’t work.

  “I had a long night,” Monica answered.

  “Go Eli,” Nia teased.

  Monica groaned again. “He had nothing to do with it. Did I not explain my relationship with Eli to you?”

  “Unfortunately,” Nia drawled.

  “I had to pull a double shift. I’ve had about two hours sleep and I have to be back at the hospital for a meeting,” Monica rolled to the side and looked over at the red numbers on her alarm clock, “in about forty-five minutes.”

  “Then it’s a good thing I called. You would have probably overslept.”

  “I had the alarm set to go off in another five minutes.” Monica reached over and shifted the small dial to the off position. No need to suffer the irritating sound of the alarm if she were already awake. She pushed herself up and rested against her soft leather headboard. “What’s up?” she asked Nia.

  “I was just calling to make sure you were okay. I hate that we didn’t get to spend more time together.”

  “Me too, but you’ll be back soon enough.”

  “Oh, yes, honey. I discovered the shops on Canal Street. I’m a visitor for life.”

  “It was still fun, though, the time we did get to catch up. Sometimes I forget how much fun it is to hang out and have a good old-fashioned gab session.”

  “You seem to forget a lot of things Monica, like how a good man can be just as valuable as a good friend.”

  Monica rolled her eyes heavenward. How did she just know this conversation would turn to Eli?

  “Give it a rest, Nia.” Monica threw the covers off her legs and rolled out of bed, taking a deep stretch before heading to the closet, the phone tucked between her shoulder and ear.

  “He’s perfect for you.”

  “How can you say that? You don’t even know him.”

  “From what I do know—”

  “Which is barely anything,” Monica interjected.

  “—he’s everything you need,” Nia continued, not missing a beat.

  “I already explained this to you, it’s a business deal. That’s it.”

  “And I’ll bet if you suggested it become more, Eli wouldn’t turn you down.”

  “I’m ending this conversation. I need to get dressed and to the hospital.”

  “Just think about it, Mon.”

  “Goodbye, Nia,” Monica said before ending the call. She tossed the phone on her bed and pulled out blue slacks and a soft yellow sweater. She brought the clothes in the bathroom and hung them on the hook behind the door so she could steam the wrinkles out as she showered.

  Monica took a quick shower and brushed out her hair. She picked up her toothbrush from the vanity, then sat it down again, deciding to brush her teeth after she had breakfast. She went to the kitchen and poured herself a bowl of cornflakes.

  Monica rested her butt against the counter as she ate the cornflakes. She looked out over the bar into the open space of the living room.

  This place was too quiet.

  With Nia’s loud mouth gone, the full effect of living alone hit Monica with the force of a hammer. She missed having someone to come home to, someone to snuggle with on the sofa and share her day. She missed the companionship that came with having a significant other.

  Maybe Nia was right? Maybe she should find herself a man.

  Monica put that notion right out of her head. If she wanted companionship she would get another goldfish. They couldn’t cuddle, but at least she
wouldn’t be alone. And a goldfish had the added benefit of being a lot easier to deal with than a man.

  Monica tried to focus on the upcoming meeting with the banquet committee, but her mind continued to steer back to Saturday night and the contentment she had felt cradled in Eli’s arms as they swayed on the dance floor.

  He had a strong embrace, the kind that made you feel safe and protected. It had been so long since she’d felt that kind of security.

  Monica didn’t know whether to feel excited or afraid. Right now, she was feeling a little of both. She knew all too well that elation could turn into heartache in the blink of an eye. She would not put herself through the trouble.

  Even if it meant never experiencing the rapture of romance ever again?

  Monica wasn’t sure she was ready to go that far yet. Never allowing herself to experience love again would give Patrick Dangerfield too much power over her. She refused to let his selfish actions play such a big part in her life.

  But she wasn’t sure Eli was the man she wanted to give her heart to, either. He had his share of issues. The fact that he didn’t date doctors being the most prominent, at least where Monica was concerned. Just because he was physically attracted to her, which became more than evident Saturday night, did not mean he was willing to disregard his rule.

  And even if he was willing, did that mean she was just going to fall into his arms? No! The man was...Well, he was funny, and handsome, and successful, and had a wonderful family, and...

  Nia’s assertion that Eli was the perfect man for her resounded through Monica’s mind. She could not find one credible flaw, not one thing that would have stopped her from pursuing a relationship with him if this were a different time and there were not so many complications involved.

  Monica sighed in frustration.

  Why was she doing this to herself? She had a billion other things to worry about, yet she chose to waste the morning lamenting over an ex-boyfriend who’d made a fool out of her and a gorgeous co-worker who had no doubt dated dozens of attractive women.

  Yet he did get pretty excited when he’d danced with her Saturday night.

  Goodness, girl, you’re a doctor!

  She should know a simple biological reaction when she saw one, or in this case, felt one. He probably would have had the same reaction if he’d been hugged up with an iguana.

  Now that was a deflating thought.

  Monica rinsed out the bowl and stacked it in the sink. She would wash dishes when she got home tonight. Right after hooking up her new ten-gallon aquarium.

  Monica arrived at the hospital with twenty minutes to spare before today’s meeting. She told herself she’d needed to leave early just in case traffic was heavy, but in a far away corner of her mind, the real reason lay as an idle reminder of what her life had become: a lonely existence in a well decorated apartment.

  “Good morning, Dr. Gardner.” Patty whizzed by holding a full IV bag in each hand.

  “Morning, Patty. Looks like things are cooking a bit early today, huh?”

  “It’s been interesting,” Patty called.

  Monica pulled the first chart from the rack on the admin desk.

  And what was her prize today? A scalp laceration behind curtain two; a simple enough way to pass the time before this morning’s meeting.

  “What are you doing here,” Patty asked as she came around the desk, sans IV bags, marking up a chart.

  Monica stuck a couple of ballpoint pens in her coat pocket. “The banquet committee has a meeting. I thought I’d stop by here to see how things are going.”

  “You work too much, Dr. Gardner.”

  “That just shows how much I love my job,” Monica smiled. And how little of a life she had outside of work, Nia voice chimed in her head.

  The scalp lac was so minor it only took three stitches. Monica dressed the wound herself instead of bothering one of the physician assistants. When she emerged from behind the curtain area, Eli was waiting for her.

  Monica suppressed a groan. Would it have been too much to ask not to see him this morning? Monica resigned herself to her fate; she had known she couldn’t avoid him forever.

  “Can we please talk, Mon—Dr. Gardner,” he amended.

  “Actually, I’m busy,” Monica said in a light voice, moving around him toward the admin desk.

  Eli followed her. He pointed to the dry erase board hanging on the wall behind the desk, which clearly showed that she was not one of the physicians on shift this morning.

  Busted.

  “Fine,” Monica sighed, signing the discharge papers for the scalp lac and depositing the chart in the proper bin. “What do you want to talk about, Dr. Holmes?”

  Eli looked around. “Not here.” He grabbed her hand and took her down the hall and into a room Monica didn’t know existed.

  “What is this?” she asked, stepping over a plastic candy cane.

  “Old doctor’s lounge. They turned it into a storage closet after the renovations. Can we stop with the chit chat and get to the matter at hand?” Eli glanced at his watch. “We only have a few minutes before the meeting starts.”

  “And the matter at hand is?” Monica asked, her expression purposely perplexed.

  “Don’t act cute. You know what this is about. You cannot keep avoiding me, Monica. We have a deal.”

  “Which I am upholding. Actually, I’m surpassing even my own expectations. Your family adores me,” she said with a satisfied smirk.

  “You hardly spoke at dinner.”

  “Not true at all. I turned into a bona fide social butterfly once you left the room.”

  “Why are you being like this?” Eli asked, the sincerity in his voice knocking the wind from her sails.

  Monica’s shoulders slumped as her body became suddenly weak with the weight of this entire situation. It was not supposed to happen this way. This was a business agreement, with the admiration of her family and colleagues as her ultimate goal. Now, Monica wasn’t sure what she wanted as the end result of her deal with Eli. Accolades and praise didn’t seem so important anymore, at least not as important as filling this void in her life.

  Closing her eyes, Monica massaged her temples in an attempt to stave off the headache she could feel forming. She so did not need this today.

  “I don’t know what to do,” Monica whispered.

  She heard Eli take a step closer, could feel the heat radiating from his body. A jolt of electricity raced through her as he reached out and took one of her hands in his. He cradled her hand between his warm palms, brushing his thumb over her knuckles.

  “Neither of us expected this,” he said. Monica could not trust her voice. She could only nod in response as she swallowed deeply. “But it happened,” Eli continued. “Why fight it?”

  His voice was as soft as a dusting of snow on an early December morning. His words had an equally chilling effect. And, try as she might, Monica could not deny them. It—whatever it was—had definitely happened. She couldn’t put a name to the emotions rioting through her brain, but she knew one thing for sure: Their relationship had changed.

  “But you don’t date doctors,” Monica tried to insert a dose of reality.

  “I changed my mind,” Eli answered, a hint of laughter in his voice.

  Monica slowly raised the lid of one eye to see if he actually had the nerve to be amused at a time when her emotions were running rampant.

  “You are not laughing at me,” she stated.

  “No, I’m not,” Eli answered, though his broadening smile belied his words. “Actually, I’m...relieved,” he said slowly, as if testing the word to make sure it was the right one. “Relieved and happy. I’m being honest when I say I neither expected nor wanted to be in a relationship, Monica, but I won’t turn down a good thing when I see one.”

  Was she ready for this?

  If she said no, she would most likely beat herself up over the fact that she’d pushed away a fine, gorgeous man. If she said yes, she would have to buy a supply of Band-Ai
ds for those months following the moment when he inevitably broke her heart.

  Maybe that’s what fate had in store for her—a life full of broken hearts. And if that were the case, maybe she should resign herself to her destiny and enjoy the periods of happiness as much as possible. If she accepted the fact that heartache was unavoidable, the blow shouldn’t hit as hard as it did when Patrick left.

  “Are you willing to give this a chance?” Eli asked.

  How could she go against fate?

  Still not trusting her voice, Monica nodded.

  Eli smiled, and Monica could feel his shudder of relief. “Thank you,” he said. “We’ll just take it as it comes, okay?” He took her by the hand and led her from the storage room. “Come on. It’s time to figure out a way to make this banquet rake in the big bucks.”

  “How many bachelors would we need?” Adele Collins asked. The head of Oncology seemed the most skeptical, though Monica had been warned to expect it.

  “Dr. Holmes has already been successful in securing many of the physicians and even some of the male nurses to sign up. I say, the more, the merrier.”

  “And who will pay for the date?” This question, again, from Adele.

  Monica slowly counted to five while taking a deep breath. It came with the territory; she would just have to handle this like the adult she was trying very hard to be. Though her inner five-year-old was ready to hold Dr. Collins to the ground while she forced a mud pie down her throat.

  “As I stated before, the bachelors have agreed to pay for the dates. All participants understand this is for charity. No one expects the hospital to foot the bill.”

  “Are you certain?”

  “Yes,” Eli stepped in.

  Thank goodness. He had no doubt noticed the steam escaping her ears.

  “Everyone involved knows the importance this banquet has to the future of the Parenting Center. We’re striving to pull off the event at minimum cost.”

  “Well, I think the work that’s been done so far is excellent,” William Slessinger commented, rising from his seat toward the back of the small conference room Monica had commandeered for the meeting. “Great work, you two.” He turned to Monica. “Dr. Gardner, I never expected when I hired you that you would take over the way you have. I am more than impressed, I’m astounded.”