Morgan's Wife

by Lindsay McKenna

  Reaching out, she touched his broad shoulder. “You’ve done more than most people could have already, Noah.”

  He took her hand and squeezed it warmly. “Without you, this mission wouldn’t have been a success. Jim told me what happened, how he injured his arm too badly to be of much help.” He looked straight into her eyes. “I’m just glad you were in place, Pepper. I have to admit, I had my doubts about your qualifications, but you’ve convinced me. Jim’s right—you’re one very special woman. One hell of a role model, to boot.”

  Pepper felt heat spread across her face, and she knew she was blushing. Noah’s hand was warm and strong. She released it and said, “Jim is giving me too much credit. Without his experience, I wouldn’t have been able to pull this mission off, Noah.”

  The captain cocked his head and studied her in the building silence. “No, I don’t think he has. I think Jim sees you very clearly. I don’t think you always see yourself and how much you accomplish on a daily basis as a smoke jumper.”

  “Maybe not,” Pepper hedged, unaccustomed to all this praise. “I have a job I love. It combines everything I ever learned in life, and I can use it all.”

  “I know what you mean,” he murmured, satisfaction in his tone. “I love what I do in the Coast Guard, too.”

  “From what I can see, you’ve got the best of all worlds. You have a wonderful wife who obviously adores you, kids and a great job.”

  He laughed a little. “I do. I’ll be the first to admit it. Kit is something special to me. She’s my life, my soul….” He gave her an embarrassed look. “Kit and I met at a real bad time in her life. I fell in love with her immediately, but she was gun-shy of me.”

  Pepper nodded. “You’re a lot like Colonel Woodward, though.”

  “Oh?”

  “He has that same warmth, that humanity about him that you have.”

  “I guess he does, only he hides it a lot better than I do.” Noah chuckled.

  Pepper became glum. Somehow, for the next two days, she was going to have to hide how she really felt about Jim. If only she could get off the ship earlier. She knew she had to fill out a report at Perseus, but after that, she was free to resume her life as it had been before—without Jim.

  “Noah?”

  “Yes?”

  “Is there any way to get off the Falcon earlier than two days from now?”

  Chapter Ten

  “Laura? I’m Pepper Sinclair….” Pepper extended her hand to the woman who lay on the hospital bed, covered with blankets. Laura’s eyes were half-open, red-rimmed. It was 0700, and Pepper wanted to talk to Laura before catching a flight to Miami with Commander Gallagher. Her heart went out to the pale woman, her skin still translucent. But it was her eyes that most touched Pepper’s heart. They were filled with tears. As their hands connected, she felt Laura’s cool, damp one weakly wrap about hers.

  “Hi…” Laura whispered. “I’m so glad to finally meet you. Jim and Noah have had nothing but praise for you…for helping me, for saving my life. Thank you….”

  Pepper squeezed her hand gently and released it. She watched as Laura shakily raised her other hand and brushed the tears away. “I’m glad I was able to help, Laura.” She moved uneasily. “I’m sorry, I’ve come at a bad time.”

  With a half smile quirking one corner of her mouth, Laura whispered, “No, you didn’t. It’s just the memories….”

  “They’re starting to return,” Pepper said empathetically. She saw the terror in Laura’s blue eyes and wanted to help, but didn’t know how. Helplessness seized her. “I just wanted to touch base with you. I’m hopping a flight in a few minutes. I guess I just wanted to wish you the best in an awful situation.”

  Laura closed her eyes and sniffed. “Thank you, Pepper. Wh-when things are better, I want to spend some time with you. I—I don’t really remember very much about your rescuing me.”

  “You don’t have to,” Pepper whispered unsteadily, her throat closing with tears. The woman’s husband and son were still missing, yet she was attempting, despite her own pain and horror, to keep up a conversation. How unselfish she was. Touched beyond words, Pepper gripped her hand gently once again. “Just get well. Maybe in six months or so, when things have settled down, I’ll call you and we’ll talk.”

  Laura opened her eyes. “I’d like that, Pepper.”

  Releasing her hand, Pepper moved away from the bed. “Goodbye,” she quavered, and she turned on her heel, fighting her own tears. Outside sick bay, she halted in the passageway. Quickly wiping the moisture from her eyes, she glanced around, relieved that no one had seen her crying. Her last—and worst—visit was going to be with Jim. He didn’t know she had managed to wrangle a lift on Storm’s helicopter, which would be leaving shortly. When she’d gotten up earlier, Jim had still been asleep in his quarters.

  A part of her didn’t want to face him and hoped, as she climbed the ladder between decks, that he would still be sleeping. That was the coward in her talking, Pepper thought, as she moved down the passageway. Of course, part of her very much wanted to see Jim. But what was the use? He’d spent every waking moment in sick bay with Laura. And Pepper couldn’t blame him. Laura was a beautiful person—from the heart outward.

  Her hands suddenly damp, Pepper stopped outside Jim’s cabin and knocked. No answer. Again she knocked. Still no answer. She had no idea what time he’d gone to bed last night. For all she knew, he may have spent half the night with Laura. If so, he’d be sleeping deeply now.

  She took a deep, shaky breath. Going to her own quarters, she quickly penned him a note. Fighting back tears for herself—for a future she’d unwillingly gotten a brief glimpse of before knowing with jarring reality that it would never be hers—Pepper finished writing her goodbye. She folded the paper and gently pushed it beneath Jim’s door. When he woke up, he’d find it.

  Outside, she could hear the helicopter warming up, the blades whapping in the early morning air. Hurrying forward with her small duffel bag, she left the main deck of the Coast Guard cutter. She’d seen Noah already and thanked him for his help and hospitality. As she moved outside to the damp, almost-cool morning, Pepper saw the pale pink horizon dotted with a few puffy clouds, but she was in so much personal pain that the beauty of it didn’t really register on her senses.

  A crew member opened the Dolphin helicopter door, and Pepper climbed on board. She found a place to sit on the cool metal deck behind the two pilots, then leaned against the bulkhead and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to say goodbye to Jim. The burning sensation around her heart moved up her throat, and Pepper’s hand came up to cover the area. Choking back a sob, she heard the engine of the Dolphin deepen. In moments, the helicopter broke contact with the deck of the cutter, and they were airborne.

  Jim stumbled to his feet, his eyes bleary and slightly puffy. What time was it? He glanced down at his watch as he moved toward the head. It was 1000. He’d overslept. With a shake of his head, he twisted the knobs on the shower to get the water running. He’d been up with Laura until almost three this morning. The memories had started to come back, and she had verged on hysteria. There’d been no way he was going to leave her to battle her demons alone.

  Jim didn’t feel at all good this morning. He needed a long, uninterrupted sleep to recover from the grueling pounding he’d put himself through on this mission. After a hot shower, he shaved and dressed in a clean, dark blue Coast Guard uniform. His heart cried out for Pepper—for her nearness. Because of Laura’s continuing crisis, they hadn’t had the time together he’d hoped for. If Dr. Parsons hadn’t given Laura a tranquilizer at 0300, Jim knew he’d have been up all night instead of just half. He and Noah had arranged to take turns with her as she regained her tortured memories, but the captain had more-immediate responsibilities, so Jim had shouldered most of the load of remaining with her.

  Not that he minded, but his heart was torn. He knew the time he spent with Laura now would ultimately help stabilize her and help her cope. Last night, she had
recalled the rape with vivid clarity, and he’d cried with her and held her, wanting so much to protect her from that pain but not being able to. Soon enough she would remember the kidnapping—and the fact that Jason and Morgan were still missing. He wasn’t sure which would be more devastating to her.

  Grimly, he glanced in the mirror long enough to comb his short, dark hair. There were circles under his eyes, which were bloodshot from too little sleep. He looked like hell. He felt like hell. What he really needed was Pepper’s company. She had been like a serene angel through all of this. More than once he’d seen her with Noah. She was an easy person to talk to, Jim realized. And in her own way, he acknowledged, she was there for Laura and him—only at a distance.

  He made up his bunk and turned to go out into the passageway. First he would get some chow, then he’d visit Noah and, finally, go see Laura. A flash of white on the deck caught his attention as he opened the door. It was a folded piece of stationery. He leaned down and picked it up.

  Standing half in his quarters and half in the busy passageway, Jim opened the paper. He frowned and his eyes narrowed as he read the message:

  Dear Jim:

  By the time you get this, I’ll be gone. I knocked twice on your door this morning, but I guess you were sleeping pretty hard. I’m hopping an early flight to the mainland this morning. I wanted to say goodbye, but I guess this note will do.

  I don’t feel my presence on the cutter is necessary. I’m pretty wrung out by the mission, and right now home looks good to me. It’s a place to heal. To forget. Goodbye…

  Pepper

  “Damn!” He folded the note, turned on his heel and hurried up to the bridge. Noah was standing at the window with a pair of binoculars when Jim opened the hatch door to the area.

  “Where’s Pepper?” he demanded, slightly out of breath.

  Noah lowered the binoculars and looked at him. “She left at 0700 this morning with Commander Gallagher.” Glancing at his watch, he said, “They’ll arrive at the Miami Coast Guard station after a refueling stop in the Bahamas.”

  His heart beating frantically in his chest, Jim stood, feeling a terrible pain in his gut. A bitter taste filled his mouth. “Did you see her this morning?” he asked, his voice strained.

  Noah placed the binoculars on the console. “Yes.” He searched Jim’s face carefully. “Pepper finally did get a chance to introduce herself to Laura this morning before she left.”

  “Why did she leave?”

  Noah shrugged and returned his attention to the islands in the distance. “She said she felt useless around here and that it was best if she went home early.”

  With a shake of his head, Jim crossed his arms against his chest. “I should have spent more time with her….”

  Noah cocked his head. “Is there something between you two? Not that it’s my business, but—”

  “Yes,” Jim admitted abruptly, “there is.” Or more accurately, should be. “She shouldn’t have run….”

  “Pepper didn’t say much, but as she walked out to the helo deck, she looked pretty upset.”

  Jim compressed his lips. “How upset?”

  “She looked as if she was crying, but I couldn’t really be sure,” Noah said quietly.

  Jim took in a ragged breath. “I’ve really screwed up.”

  “Reading between the lines,” Noah volunteered as he sat down in the captain’s chair, facing Jim, “I think Pepper feels you care a lot for Laura.”

  “Of course I do,” Jim rasped. “She’s been a friend for more than seven years.”

  Holding up his hand, the officer said, “That’s not what I mean. Pepper said something odd to me when we were eating dinner in the galley last night.” He frowned. “She said she understood why you could love someone like Laura, even if it was at a distance.”

  Suddenly the conversation they’d had back at his condominium deluged Jim. He was thunderstruck. “Pepper must think I’m still carrying a torch for Laura!” What a fool he’d been. And of course, it would look that way to her. After all, he’d spent every possible minute at Laura’s side, helping her cope, being there to support her through her horrible trials. Why hadn’t he realized Pepper might see his attention toward Laura differently?

  “I guess,” he said, pain in his tone, “Pepper could interpret my time with Laura that way.”

  “Very easily,” Noah said. “I didn’t help things, either. I told her how close you two were.” With a grimace, he added, “I probably helped nail your coffin closed on that one without ever realizing it. I’m sorry.”

  Frustration ate at Jim. He was even more torn now. “Laura needs continued support. I can’t just pick up and leave, even if I want to.” He was talking out loud, more to himself than to Noah. “Pepper will probably skip Perseus, grab a flight out of Miami International and go straight home. At lunch yesterday, I could see how much she wanted to get back there. When she spoke about snow in the Rocky Mountains, she got tears in her eyes. And she’s looking forward to spending Christmas with her family in Anaconda.”

  Jim wanted to cry himself. Pepper had completely misinterpreted his relationship with Laura. Hadn’t his hot, branding kiss on the island told her something? His touching her intimately, almost loving her? Had it meant so little to her? No, Jim cautioned himself, he couldn’t be angry with Pepper. She might have thought the kiss and his intimacy were due to nothing more than the intensity of the moment. What she didn’t know—and what he hadn’t ever communicated to her—was that he didn’t take what they’d so explosively shared at all lightly. For him, it had been a promise of a future exploration of their relationship. But obviously Pepper didn’t know that.

  “I just talked to Dr. Parsons,” Noah said, interrupting Jim’s tortured thoughts. “She gave Laura a mild tranquilizer and is down there with her now.” His eyes showed agony. “We’ve all focused so much on Laura that I think we forgot to check how Pepper was feeling. That was a rough mission, and I’m sure she still has a lot of emotional baggage to sort out from it. I know when my wife, Kit, was an undercover cop, she would go through hell after a dangerous bust. It was important for me to be there for her through those times.” He sighed. “I’m afraid Pepper needed us, but we weren’t there for her.”

  “I wasn’t there for her,” Jim agreed guiltily, a lump in his throat. “You’re right—Pepper needed care, too, and I didn’t give it to her.”

  “It wasn’t anyone’s fault,” Noah said, placing his hand on Jim’s slumped shoulder. “The situation was unique. I don’t think any of us could have done much differently even if we’d been aware.”

  “We could have done a lot more. I could have.” Jim felt such a bitter sense of loss that he wanted to sob. Had he lost Pepper entirely? Was there any hope for them? Her note hadn’t been signed. “Your friend” or “Love.” But what did he expect? He’d practically ignored her since they’d completed the mission. The mistake he’d made was in thinking that their kiss had sealed a promise for their future.

  With a shake of his head, Noah murmured. “Ever since this kidnapping, the whole Trayhern family has been in a state of shock. We’ve been running around like a bunch of lemmings.” Scratching his head, he said, “I think we’ve got to get a handle on our emotions, whether we want to or not. I know my parents are beside themselves over what’s happened. My sister, Alyssa, and her husband, Clay, are coming in off a top-secret assignment and they’re waiting to hear if Perseus or the Pentagon can get a lead on Jason or Morgan. They’re going to take thirty days’ leave to be here and help out.”

  “That’s good,” Jim said sincerely. But it didn’t solve his problem. They had another day-and-a-half sail before they reached Miami. Then he would fly north with Laura and Dr. Parsons. “What are you going to do with Laura once she’s home?”

  “I’ve been in contact with a rape-crisis center in D.C., and have been referred to a woman psychologist who will work with her. Killian definitely thinks Laura and her daughter shouldn’t go home until after we’ve
located Jason and Morgan.”

  “Good idea,” Jim said. “Ramirez and Garcia could strike again, to get even with us for rescuing her.”

  “You’d better believe it.” Grimly, his eyes narrowed, Noah scanned the nearly smooth expanse of blue-green water. “Garcia and Ramirez have been albatrosses around our family’s neck for a long time. Now it’s coming down to the wire. It’s them or us.” His mouth flattened. “And I’ll be damned if the Trayhern family will pay the price again, to this country or otherwise. We’ve lost so much. We got it back when Morgan returned to us but now it’s been taken away again in a different way.”

  Jim felt the deep emotion behind Noah’s softly spoken words. He saw the anguish in the officer’s expression. No one was more aware of the Trayhern history than he, because of Laura’s involvement. No, of all people, this family didn’t deserve to suffer this kind of attack. “As soon as we get Laura established, I’ll be back at the Pentagon,” he offered. “Maybe, with some luck, we’ll pick up more satellite transmissions.”

  Noah brightened slightly. “You were responsible for this one, and it turned out to be a good lead.” He ran a hand through his close-cropped hair and, shifting gears, said, “It’s none of my business, but what are you going to do about Pepper?”

  Jim exhaled. “Wait, I guess. I can’t just drop everything and go to her. I was lucky to get leave for this mission. My superiors aren’t about to let me go again so soon. Besides, I want to try to locate Jason and Morgan. I think I can do it, given some time.”

  “Maybe,” Noah said, “time is what Pepper needs right now, anyway. She needs to get some distance on what happened. Hopefully, she’ll realize why you had to spend so much time with Laura. It wasn’t love but loyalty.”

  “I hope,” Jim whispered, “she sees exactly that, but I’m not counting on it.”

  “Go get some chow,” Noah urged.

  Jim didn’t feel like eating, but he knew he had to. Leaving the bridge, he headed for the cutter’s bottom deck, but his mind and heart were on Pepper. How was she feeling? What was she feeling? Had he made up this idea of something strong growing between them?