Surviving the Fog

by Stan Morris

  Asking them about them or speaking about his own life was harder. He was not naturally a loner like Jacob, but he was a more private person than most people. But he made an effort, and slowly his efforts began to pay off.

  During this period, the Christmas season arrived. Mary showed the twins a fir tree she wanted, so they chopped it down and carried it back to the house. The girls were busy making natural ornaments. The little kids talked about Santa and elves, and they watched the same Christmas cartoons on the old DVD player over and over until the whole house could quote them.

  One night after the kids had gone to bed, and Mary and Ralph were still up, Mary suddenly said, “The angel! I forgot to get the Christmas angel for the top of the tree.”

  She went to the hall closet and rummaged through it.

  “Found it!” she exclaimed triumphantly. She brought the ornament to the Christmas tree along with a rickety old stool.

  Good grief, thought Ralph as she climbed the stool, leaned forward, and attempted to maintain her balance while placing the cherub on top of the tree. Ralph got up from the sofa and moved behind her, just in case. Mary set the ornament on the tree, and then she leaned back. At that moment, the stool wobbled dangerously, and with a gasp Mary fell backwards, right into Ralph’s arms.

  For a moment the startled pair stared at one another. Then as one, they became aware of the feel of the other’s body. As Mary gazed into Ralph’s eyes, she felt the strength of his arm under her knees and warmth of his other arm behind her back. Suddenly, for reasons she could not have articulated, she blushed. Seeing her blush, flustered Ralph and muttering something incomprehensible, he lowered her feet to the carpet.

  Mary composed herself, and she threw him a nervous smile. “Well, thank you,” she said.

  “You’re welcome. I guess I’ll go to bed now,” he answered, and he withdrew to the safety of the attic.

  Later, as she lay in her own bed, Mary was troubled. For the first time since she understood that her husband was probably dead, she had responded to a man with a rush of pleasure. She didn’t want to feel that, and she especially didn’t want to feel that about a younger man who was living with her. But she was still a young woman in her late twenties, and in certain circumstances her body would still respond naturally.

  Mary thought back to when she had been a young bride. After college, she and Davis had moved to Anaheim. Davis had taken her to Disneyland and to Knott’s Berry Farm. Together, they had explored the La Brea Tar Pits and the Los Angeles County museum. It was a wonderful period in their lives. And Ralph was not much younger than Davis had been at that time. Mary tossed and turned in her sleep that night, and for the next week, Mary and Ralph treated each other a little warily.

  Christmas Day and New Year’s Day passed comfortably. The kids were contented. Comet made everyone laugh by pretending to be a reindeer. Then in the middle of January, there was a cold snap and a lot of snow. Ralph made his way to the barn, and he stayed there until the bad spell passed. Every evening, Mary talked to him on Star’s walkie-talkie to assure herself that he was all right. During the day, Mary tried to balance their usage of wood and propane.

  Finally the cold spell passed, and Ralph returned to the house. When he walked in the door, Mary was so relieved to see him that not thinking, she flung her arms around him and held him. Ralph was startled, but after a moment, he responded in the same way. For a few moments they stood there holding each other, and then becoming aware that others were watching them, they moved apart, both blushing and pretending that nothing unusual had happened. The twins saw nothing amiss, but Paige and Kylie exchanged worried glances.

  After the cold spell, the house returned to normal. Then one night, Comet caused a new crisis to arise. Ralph had gotten into the habit of putting Comet to bed and tucking him in, and on some nights Ralph would read or tell Comet a story. The twins usually not there, since they went to bed later in the evening.

  One night, after Comet was comfortably in bed, and Ralph was about to leave the room, Comet said, “Read me a story, Daddy!”

  Startled, for a moment Ralph thought that Comet had simply made a childish mistake, but then he saw that Comet was watching him intently. Ralph did not know what to do or say. Finally, he decided to ignore the endearment.

  “Uh, all right,” he responded, and he read Comet a bedtime story. Satisfied, Comet went to sleep.

  The incident troubled Ralph, but he hesitated to burden Mary with any more problems. Then, a few days later, Comet called him, “Daddy,” in Mary’s presence. Ralph could see that Mary was stunned. At the first private opportunity, Ralph tried to apologize to Mary, but she wouldn’t have it.

  “You don’t have to apologize, Ralph,” Mary assured him ruefully. “He was barely three when his father left. There is no way he is going to remember his father much longer. It’s different with Star. She adored her father. If you don’t mind him calling you, ‘Daddy,’ then I can deal with it. When he’s older, I will explain it to him. I’m more worried about Star’s reaction.”

  The next day, Mary’s words proved to be prescient. When Comet called Ralph, “Daddy,” Star’s eyes grew huge, and then she exploded.

  “He’s not your Daddy,” she raged angrily. “He’s not our Daddy. He’s just some old bully. Our Daddy is dead. ” She burst into tears and ran to her room.

  After that, Star’s behavior took a turn for the worse. She was belligerent to Mary, mean to Comet, and nasty to Ralph. She refused to clean her room, help with the chores, or go to bed on time. This lasted for a week.

  One day, Comet was in her room trying to get her to play with him. He happened to pick up one of her dolls. Angrily, she slapped him. Crying, he went to his mother to complain.

  “Why did you slap your brother, Star?” Mary asked, bewildered at her daughter’s violent behavior.

  “I hate him,” Star snapped. “He’s a dumb-dumb, and he’s stupid. I hate him.”

  “That’s enough out of you, young lady,” her mother admonished the girl. “Your brother is not dumb, and he is not stupid. You apologize right now.”

  “I won’t,” cried Star. “I hate him, and I hate you. You made Daddy go away. You made him die.”

  Mary turned pale, and she slumped down on the sofa. She was unable to keep tears from seeping from her eyes. Seeing this, Star fled to her room.

  “I’ll go talk to her,” Ralph said quietly.

  Mary looked up, as her eyes continued to leak tears. “Ralph…”

  “It’ll be okay. She’ll be okay,” the young man said. “I’ll talk to her.” He went to Star’s closed door where he found Paige and Kylie standing by the door, calling to her.

  “Go play with the twins, please,” he requested. Reluctantly, they left. Ralph knocked on the door.

  “Go away,” he heard Star yell.

  “I’m coming in, Star,” Ralph said. He opened the door and entered the room. Star was lying on her bed crying.

  “Leave me alone, you big bully,” she choked out through her sobs. Ralph did not respond. He sat down on her bed and waited. Presently her sobs tapered off.

  “I had a little sister. She was five,” Ralph said. Star kept her head pressed against her pillow, but Ralph could sense that she was listening.

  “My parents were divorced when I was twelve. My Mom left us. Then my Dad remarried, and he and my stepmother had a baby girl. At first, I was mad about it. But then I got to like her. She would follow me around, begging me to pick her up. One day, my parents left her with me. She messed in her diapers, and I had to clean her up. That was weird, but I had watched my stepmother and my Dad change her, so I did it. I cleaned her, and I powdered her butt, and I put another diaper on her. I don’t think I ever looked at her the same way after that. Somehow she was not just their kid, she was my kid, too. When I realized that she was dead, I got crazy angry. I was so mad. I blamed everyone and everything.”

  “Like me,” said Star with a sniff, her head still face down.

  �
��Yes, like you. Now I realize that mostly I blamed myself,” Ralph replied.

  Star began to sob again. Ralph reached over and softly stroked her back.

  “It’s all my fault,” Star cried. “It’s all my fault. I told Daddy that I wanted a new video, and I kept bugging him and bugging him, and finally he went to Bakersfield to get one for me, and now he’s dead. It’s all my fault.” Ralph waited until her cries tapered off again before answering.

  “Your mother thinks that it’s her fault,” he said.

  Star calmed down enough to ask, “Why?”

  “She says that she had been asking him about dryer sheets and bleach and groceries. So he went to Bakersfield to get them. But I think she forgets that he wanted to visit his parents. I think it was just bad luck that he happened to be in Bakersfield when this happened. I think it was just bad luck that I happened to be here instead of San Diego when this happened. Or maybe it was good luck. I don’t know. I just know that it’s not your mother’s fault, and it’s not your fault.” Ralph took a deep breath. “And I guess it’s not my fault.” They were both quiet for several minutes. Star sniffed from time to time.

  “Did you ever go with your sister to the zoo?” Star suddenly asked. Ralph was confused for a moment at the change of subject.

  “Oh, yes, the San Diego Zoo. Yes, we went there sometimes,” he replied. “I let my sister ride on my shoulders. But the place we liked the best was the San Diego Wildlife Preserve. It had this huge open area, and the people were up high on a hill, so we could see everywhere, all at once. There were walls around the whole thing, and there was a train that went around the whole place, so you could see everything like the lions, and the zebras, and the giraffes.”

  Star looked up. “Lions?” she asked, giving him a look of doubt. “In the open? Not in cages?”

  “That was the best part for me. They didn’t have to live in cages. They could just walk around free.”

  Star was silent for a minute. “Mama’s gonna hate me, now,” she said with a big sniff. “’Cause I hit Comet, and I said really mean things to her.”

  “Your mama will never hate you, Star,” Ralph assured the little girl. “Your mama loves you, and she always will. But she will want you to apologize to Comet.”

  “All right.” Star wiped her eyes. Then in a small voice, she asked him, “Is it okay if I don’t call you, ‘Daddy?’ I mean, if you marry my mama someday, I can wait and call you, ‘Daddy’ then, okay?”

  For a long moment it was if his heart had stopped. There was a ringing in his ears, and he had trouble drawing a breath. Slowly he breathed out and then he said. “No matter what happens, Star, you can always call me Ralph. I promise. You know what? When spring comes, I’m going to make a big sign and put it right by the road. It’s going to say, Davis Brown Farm, so everyone will always know that the name of this place is Davis Brown Farm.”

  “Davis Brown Farm,” Star repeated slowly. “That’s a good name. Davis Brown Farm.”

  There was a knock at the door. Slowly the door opened, and timidly Mary looked around the door. Star looked at her and then started to cry again.

  “I’m sorry, Mama,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry I said that. Please don’t hate me.”

  Mary shoved the door open, and she flew into her daughter’s arms. “I love you so much, Star,” she cried.

  Ralph got up, and he went to the door. With one backward glance, he shut the door, leaving the little girl and her mother to their grief.

  Things were better after that. Star apologized to her brother, and she made a point of playing with him; even letting him chose what to play. Star wasn’t perfect, of course. She was, after all, a little girl.

  February arrived, and it was time for the twins’ birthday. Mary baked them a cake. Comet gave each boy one of his toys as a present. They thanked Comet, and they asked if they might keep their presents in his toy box. He assured them that it was okay with him. Then they watched an action DVD, while Ralph attended to the barn chores. After the movie, Ralph asked to speak with them. They went to the kitchen where Ralph presented them with spears made of old broom and mop handles and filed iron spearheads. They were painted with lightning bolts.

  “I thought it was time that you two had your own spears,” said Ralph gruffly. “So I made these for you.” The boys were amazed.

  “Wow, this is so cool!” Kevin exclaimed, as he examined his. “Thanks a lot, Ralph.”

  “Yeah, I can’t wait to show mine to the guys at the Lodge,” Nathan agreed. “This is really decent of you, Ralph.”

  Ralph looked uncomfortable, and then, behind the boys, he saw Mary smiling at him and waiting for him to respond. “Uh, you’re welcome,” he answered. Mary’s smile widened.

  “He has been working on those spears for a long time,” said Mary. Ralph reddened, and he mumbled something incomprehensible.

  The rest of February passed uneventfully, to Mary’s relief. She was always aware of Ralph and where he was, and one time she had an erotic dream in which he made an appearance, but for the most part they tried to pretend that their feelings for each other did not exist. In early March, Paige had a birthday. Again Mary baked a cake, and Comet presented the girl with one of his toys, but this time, instead of making Paige a gift, Ralph suggested that they hold a dance.

  Mary had a now useless cell phone with an MP3 player feature that was chocked full of music. They hooked it to a pair of speakers and played a mixture of fast and slow music. The twins were not crazy about the idea, but since it was Paige’s birthday they stoically went along. Once they started dancing, the twins had a lot of fun. Star demanded to be taught to dance, and Comet got in on the action by prancing around the living room. It was fun, it was silly and the house rang with laughter.

  Afterwards, Kylie asked if they could have a slumber party in the attic. Ralph agreed to sleep in Nathan’s bed for the night, and the six children tromped up to the attic. Mary knew that it would be forever before they went to sleep, so she decided that only work that would be done the following day would be work that was essential.

  With the kids gone, Mary and Ralph were alone. “Well, that was a riot,” he observed. Mary laughed.

  “It was great. I can’t believe that you suggested a dance. That was a wonderful idea,” she said.

  “They’re girls. I thought that they might like it. It was fun teaching them the steps to the slow dances. I used to dance with my sister like that. She stood on my shoes, and I moved around,” Ralph said.

  “My husband and I didn’t know any dances, fast or slow. But sometimes we would get out on the dance floor and bounce around. If it was a slow dance, we just held on to each other.” Mary smiled at the memory. “Thanks for teaching me,” she said.

  The MP3 player was still playing. Roy Orbison began to sing. “Would you care to dance, Mary?” Ralph murmured.

  Mary’s heart began to pound. Are you kidding? Me and you? Alone? That’s the craziest idea I’ve ever heard. She thought of an old television show that she used to watch on a rerun channel when she was a kid. She felt like stepping back, waving her arms like the robot, and shouting, “danger, danger, danger.”

  “All right,” she heard herself say.

  She placed her hands on his shoulders, and he placed his hands on her waist. Slowly, they began the steps he had taught her; their feet moved perfectly together. Gradually, they closed the gap between them. She lifted her arms around his neck. He moved his arms behind her back. The music was lovely, romantic, and suggestive, and their bodies responded to each other; their breathing deepened.

  Then the song ended, and a faster tune began. For a moment they stood there, clinging to each other. Then Mary gave him a little nudge, and he released her. She didn’t know what to say. Upstairs, she could hear the sound of children laughing at something.

  “Let’s sit down and listen to the music,” Ralph suggested.

  “Good idea,” Mary replied.

  She walked to the sofa and sat down, expecting
Ralph to take the chair, but he followed her and sat down beside her. He put his arm around her; his hand began to stroke her shoulder. Hesitantly, she leaned against him. She sat there, tense, waiting for something to happen. When he spoke, his words were a surprise.

  “I really liked Jackie,” he began.

  “The girl who was murdered?” she asked.

  “Yes. I really liked her. She was older than the rest of us, and the things we talked about were adult things. She told me that she had sex with her older boyfriend, one night, when she was just fourteen. Two weeks later, she missed her period, and she knew that she was pregnant. She told me that she cried and cried. She was terrified. She knew absolutely nothing about how to find help. Then her period came. It was a false alarm.

  “After that, she swore off sex until her senior year in high school, and when she started having sex, she made sure that she was on the pill first. She made this guy date her for three months before she slept with him. She wanted to get to know him before they had sex. She wanted to see if she could trust him.

  “She said that she came to the camp as a counselor, because she wanted to teach younger girls how important it was to wait until they were older to have sex, not just until they thought they were ready. She said that a young girl can’t know when she’s ready to have sex until she understands the emotions of a relationship, and that you have to be older to understand those emotions.

  “When I talked with Jackie, I felt older and more mature. She was a woman among all these girls. I felt like I was falling in love with her, but I was mostly just infatuated.

  “But then this fog thing happened. At first, she tried to pretend that nothing had happened. Then, I don’t know why or how, she changed. Something happened in her head. I wonder if it was the responsibility. Then she was murdered. I think I went a little nuts after that. I stopped eating. It was like losing my sister all over again. Every day, I went down to her grave, and I just sat there. But then Hector came. Someone from outside the camp. Somehow, that made me wake up and get myself together. Strange.