It was never this hard with Danny.
I wasn’t supposed to think that. But it’s true. I miss hanging out with him. I miss having a laugh with him, mucking around, the fact that we used to be able to talk and talk and talk. And the way he’d go along with my stupid games, like when I wanted to know who could hold their breath the longest, or when I wondered if we could still do shoulder stands. (We both could, only I collapsed sideways, my knee collided with Danny’s nose and there was an awful lot of blood.)
I can’t image doing any of that stuff with Zach.
I miss the fact Danny and I could sit in silence without feeling twitchy and uncomfortable – or feeling the need to say stupid things to fill the silence, like I do right now.
But then, Zach has his good points too. Like not getting off with someone under my nose, for a start.
Zach checks his watch, sighs quietly, and turns towards the kitchen. “Where are our drinks? She’s been ages.”
“I think they’re coming now,” I say, wishing Zach would stop being such a stresshead. It’s making me uneasy.
“Here we go,” the waitress says, carefully balancing her tray. “One hot chocolate and one lemonade float.”
“That’s not what I ordered,” Zach says.
The waitress consults her notepad. “I’m sorry, I—”
“How hard is it to remember a Coke float?” Zach says. “God, how stupid are you?”
“Zach!” I stare at him in disbelief.
“No problem, I’ll change it,” the waitress says with a forced smile.
“Don’t bother, we’ve been waiting ages already,” Zach says, grabbing the drink out of her hands. It slops all over his trousers, and Zach curses.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter under my breath as the waitress scuttles off to get some napkins. But I’m not sure who I’m apologising to.
We drink in silence, angry waves radiating from Zach, while I’m caught up in a mixture of embarrassment and confusion.
I am majorly, majorly weirded out.
This is the sexiest guy in our year. I fancy the pants off him, and out of everyone he could have gone out with, he picked me. So why is this just not working? How is it possible we have nothing, absolutely nothing to talk about?
I don’t get it. Zach must be having a bad day or something.
Our drinks disappear in record time, and then we’re hovering awkwardly on the pavement outside Bojangles.
“Right… see you, then,” I say, willing Zach to offer to walk me home. As painful as this last hour has been, I still want to try to fix things.
Zach checks his watch. “Hey, if I run, I might still be able to make it over to Stevo’s. See you around,” he calls over his shoulder as he races off down the road.
“Bye…” I call weakly.
Earlier he was snogging my face off on the football field. Now he can’t get away fast enough. Talk about blowing hot and cold.
What am I doing wrong here?
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“Suzy!”
I’ve been trying to skulk home alone, so I didn’t really want to see Millie racing at top speed down the corridor towards me right now. People are scattering like wildebeest as she charges through the crowds.
“Suzy! Hey!”
I smile weakly and wave. For days, Millie, Queen of Interrogation, has been asking about my relationship with Zach. And I’m struggling to find things to tell her. Because Zach and I haven’t spoken all week and we don’t have any more dates lined up. So how can I explain what’s going on when I don’t even know myself?
Which is why I was trying to skulk home alone. Question avoidance. But clearly resistance is futile.
“Hi, Mil. What’s up?”
“Wondered if you fancied coming into town?”
“Nah, thanks. Think I’m gonna head off.”
“Oh come on,” Millie says. “I haven’t seen you properly for ages.”
“I’m not really in the mood.”
“Don’t give me that, Miss Stroppy Bum. You’ve been acting weird for days. C’mon. Please? I’ll buy you some sweets,” Millie barters.
Actually, thinking about it, some chocolate would go down pretty well right now. And what would I do at home anyway? Lie in bed wondering what’s going on with Zach?
“Hmmm,” I say, pretending I’m still unconvinced.
“Anything you want,” Millie says.
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
“Even the biggest bar of Dairy Milk they sell in the shop?”
“All right, it’s a deal,” Millie says. “But only if you share.”
“Then let’s go,” I say.
I wonder how long it’ll be before Millie asks me about Zach. Sure enough, she doesn’t disappoint.
“So how’s it going with you and Zach?” Millie says, as we leave the newsagent’s, laden down with sweets.
“Fine,” I reply vaguely.
“Seen him again recently?”
“Um, no, not really. He’s been busy.”
“You know, it still feels bizarre to be talking to you about someone other than Danny,” Millie tells me.
“Yeah, well… things change.”
“I guess,” Millie sighs heavily. “So are you and Zach officially an item now?”
“I—”
From behind us, there’s the sound of footsteps pounding on the pavement.
“Why hello, ladies,” Jamie says, in a mock suave voice, barging between us and dropping an arm over each of our shoulders. “And where are you off to on this glorious afternoon?”
“Town,” Millie says. “Wanna come?”
“Sure.” Jamie shrugs. “I’ve nothing better to do.”
“Such a charmer,” Millie says, as Jamie wraps his arm round her waist and plants a big smacker on her cheek.
I can’t help feeling envious. Their relationship is just so… easy.
I wish it was like that with me and Zach. But maybe I’m expecting too much, too soon. Millie and Jamie have been together for ages. Zach and I will get to that stage eventually. It’ll just take time.
And it’ll be great to hang out with Jamie again. I’ve not seen him much lately. Although the thought of being with these guys does make my heart sink just a touch… because only if I was green and hairy could I be more gooseberry-like right now.
A short while later, I’m feeling a bit better.
We’re sitting on the steps outside the shopping precinct at the spot where all the boardies and BMXers hang out. There have been three colossal slams since we arrived, which are always insane to see, plus Millie and Jamie are on their best behaviour and not permanently joined at the lip. All that and I’ve beaten my own personal best for eating chocolate, having hoovered a jumbo-sized bar in less than five minutes. Result!
“Mmmm,” I say, leaning back queasily.
“Pass the chocolate,” Millie says.
“All gone,” I say, opening one eye and grinning sheepishly.
“What? Already? You pig!”
“What can I say? After the week I’ve had, I needed it,” I tell her.
Millie frowns. “Suze, are you okay?”
“Wow, did you see that guy just then?” Jamie interrupts, pointing at a skater who’s now lying flat on his face, spreadeagled on the floor.
“Uhhh, my belly hurts,” I say, as I rub my hands across my tummy.
“Serves you right,” Millie says. “Shouldn’t have scoff— Oh, hey, Danny, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Hi,” Danny mumbles as I hurriedly sit up.
Danny’s clasping a carrier bag from an expensive clothes shop, and shuffling uncomfortably in front of us.
“Hi, mate,” Jamie says, sounding freakily cheerful and blatantly trying to lighten the atmosphere. “Sit down, why don’t you? Stop hovering.”
“Uh, I’m not staying,” Danny says, his gaze flitting in my direction. “I’ve got a load of homework to do and…”
“Stop being such a sad gi
t,” Jamie says, thumping his arm.
“Yeah, but…”
“You and Suzy are going to have to talk to each other at some point,” Millie butts in.
She has the tact of a charging bison.
“It’s not that…” Danny says feebly. He chews at the corner of his thumb, something he always does whenever he’s feeling nervous. I notice he’s changed his hair. It’s much shorter than before, and makes him seem older. You can see his blue eyes properly.
To my surprise, my insides flutter. Whoa, what’s that all about?
Millie turns to me. “Suze, you don’t mind if Danny stays, do you?”
“Uh…”
Actually, I don’t. Yes, it’s going to be strange, but this is Danny. Danny who I’ve known forever. Danny who, as much as I hate admitting it, I’d like to be friends with again. Not having him around just feels plain wrong. And I really have missed him. I’ve missed talking to him, hanging out with him, getting his opinion on stuff. Danny wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. There’s been a big hole in my life since we broke up. I hadn’t realised until now just how much I’d like to be mates with him again.
“Suzy?” Millie says, her voice sounding tense.
“Sure, stay,” I say to Danny, feeling strangely shy.
Millie sighs with relief and gestures to the ground.
Danny sits down in front of me and wiggles around, trying to get comfy. “So… how are you?” he asks after a long pause.
“Fine thanks,” I say. “You?”
“Yeah, good.”
Millie and Jamie are watching warily.
I tilt my head in their direction. “I don’t know what they think we’re going to do to each other.”
“Sorry, guys,” Millie says, guiltily. “It’s just a bit weird, that’s all. We haven’t been together like this for ages.”
A faint smile crosses Danny’s face. “We could start wrestling if you like, give you something to properly freak over?”
“You sure? You know I can take you,” I tease.
“You wish, Puttock,” Danny says.
As we grin at each other, the tension begins to fade away. Jamie and Millie start watching a video on Jamie’s phone, which gives us some space.
“So what did you buy?” I ask, gesturing to Danny’s carrier bag.
“New shirt,” Danny says, showing me. It’s a blue and yellow checked one from Abercrombie and Fitch. I nod my approval, although I’m surprised. He was never all that interested in clothes before.
“I didn’t know you shopped there,” I say, as I check the label. “Ouch. Expensive.”
“Yeah, well… Jade likes their stuff, I guess,” Danny says. “And I’m actually taking the shirt back.”
Right. Jade. I should have known she’d have something to do with this. I never managed to get him out of that Star Wars T-shirt. She’s probably the reason he cut his hair, too. I force myself to ignore a pang of what feels horribly like jealousy.
Danny leans back on his elbows and squints into the sun. “So, how are things with you?”
“You know. Same old.”
“How are Amber’s wedding plans going? It’s this Saturday, right?”
“Yeah. All seems to be sorted. I’ll be glad to get it over with, to be honest. At least Mum might go back to normal, then. Well, as normal as she can be.”
“And how’s Harry doing? She still texts me all the time, you know.” Danny’s talking quickly, almost like he’s nervous. “I saw this chewing gum the other day that turns your mouth bright blue. I knew she’d love it, but didn’t get it because, well, now you and me have… I didn’t know if…” His voice fades away.
“Harry’s fine,” I say, rescuing him. “Although she’s constantly bugging me about why you don’t come over any more.”
Danny smiles wryly.
“Anyway, there’s no way Harry needs more new jokes,” I continue. “She’s saving for a remote-controlled fart machine, which I suspect may well make an appearance during the wedding.”
Danny chuckles. “I can see that going down really well with your mum.”
“Tell me about it. I don’t know how I got stuck with such a nightmare for a sister,” I say, shaking my head. “Two nightmare sisters, actually.”
“Aw, they’re not so bad.”
“Easy for you to say. You don’t have to live with them.”
“Oh come on, Amber’s all right and Harry’s really funny,” Danny protests. “Remember that time she planted a dead mouse in your fridge and totally tripped your mum out?”
“Oh yeah,” I say, giggling. “I still have no idea where she got the mouse from, the little brat. It makes me feel sick to think about it. She’d put it on top of the cheese!”
By the time I finish speaking, we’re both cracking up. And I think maybe because it’s so good to be relaxed together, and we’re chilling for the first time in ages, I get one of those laughing fits where you can’t stop for yonks. It feels fantastic. But then for some reason my eyes fill up with tears and I have to blink really fast to get rid of them before Danny notices.
“No matter what you think about your little sister, you can’t deny that Harry’s entertaining,” Danny says, completely oblivious.
“You only say that because you’re the same mental age.”
“Maybe,” Danny concedes. “You know, Suzy, I—”
“Babe, I didn’t know you were here!” From nowhere, Jade appears and wraps her arms around Danny’s neck. She plants a sloppy kiss onto his cheek, leaving a glossy pink lip-print behind. “Hi, Jamie. Hi, Millie,” Jade says, blanking me.
Millie’s whispering something urgently to Jamie, but I can’t hear what she’s saying.
“Hi, Jade,” Danny mutters.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming into town?” she coos, shooting a venomous glare in my direction. “You disappeared really quickly after school. I only knew you were here because Bryony texted to tell me.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Danny says. “I only came in to take that shirt back we bought the other day. I didn’t think I was stopping.”
“What are you taking it back for?” Jade demands. “It looked great on you. And besides, you can wear it to Bryony’s on Saturday. You haven’t forgotten we’re going to her party, have you?”
Danny’s face falls and I hide a grin. He so doesn’t want to go to that party. Interesting.
“Well, um, the thing is…” Danny starts.
“Danny!” Jade pouts. “You promised you’d come.”
“But…”
Jade’s eyes narrow ominously. “You’re not going to make me go on my own, are you?”
“All right, all right, I’ll be there,” Danny says.
Next to me, Millie makes a frustrated noise.
“Thanks, babe,” Jade says, snuggling close to him. “And you are going to keep the shirt, aren’t you?”
“Uh huh,” Danny says.
Ugh, Jade is so annoying. And so is Danny, giving in to her like that.
Just as I think I can’t stand Jade fawning all over Danny a minute longer, for once in my life the Gods smile down on me.
Zach walks past with a group of his mates.
And that’s when I realise I have to show Danny I’ve got someone new. He’s busy shoving his new girlfriend in my face, isn’t he? Well, two can play at that game.
It’s time to set up another date with Zach. Perhaps he’s just waiting for me to ask him out. After all, I’ve asked him the last two times. We can go to the cinema, that’s the perfect place. That way, we get to go out, but don’t actually have to worry about making conversation. And there’s the possibility of some back-row kissing, too.
It’s an Einstein-like brainwave that can’t possibly fail.
“Zach!” I call.
I don’t think he hears me, because he speeds up.
“Zach!” I shout again, scrabbling past Jade and Danny and running to catch up with him.
“Hi,” I say. “Didn�
�t you hear me? I was calling you.”
“Were you?”
“Yeah. Why don’t you come over and hang out with my friends?”
“I can’t, I…”
Suddenly I realise what’s going on. “Ohhhh… is it because Danny’s there?”
“No, it’s not that, it’s—”
“You don’t need to worry. He’s with Jade now and we’re completely cool. Just come over for a few minutes.” I pull Zach away from his friends, who disappear towards the shops, and over to the steps. “Hey, everyone, look who’s here.”
Danny’s face is stony and I feel a small ripple of satisfaction.
I sit down and pat the space next to me. Zach sits down awkwardly, and I snuggle up as close as possible.
“So, Zach, I was wondering if you wanted to see a film tomorrow night?” I coo.
“Tomorrow? Um, I can’t,” says Zach. “I’ve got something on. Family stuff. Boring. You know how it is. Sorry.”
“Really?” Jade says. “What family stuff? Nobody told me.”
“Just something with my parents,” Zach says.
“That’s okay,” I say. “Maybe the day after?”
“Look, Suzy…” Zach runs his hands through his floppy hair. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“Talk? What about?”
“How about over there?” Zach asks, pointing to an empty bench on the other side of the precinct.
“Zach,” Jade says, tightly. “Can I have a word?”
“Nope,” Zach says, scowling at her. “I’m trying to tell Suzy something.”
“If you don’t want to go to the cinema we don’t have to,” I tell him. “We can do something else if you like.”
“It’s not that,” Zach snaps.
What’s he being so tetchy for?
“Zach,” Jade says again. “I want to talk to you, now.”
“Shut up, Jade,” Zach says. “Look, Suzy, I don’t think I can do this any more.”
“Do what?”
“This. Us. You’re too… too… full-on for me,” Zach elaborates, not letting me get a word in.
Huh? Full-on? What the blinking heck is he talking about?
“And you’re way too, well, keen…” Zach continues. “You’re always following me around and wanting to do stuff when I’m trying to hang out with my mates. It’s just a bit too intense, y’know?”
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