The New Beginnings (Books #1-3)

by Michelle MacQueen

  “Mom!”

  “Your father and I do talk, you know.” She took her by the arm. “Come help me with the pies, and you can tell me all about him.”

  “Where’s Ev?”

  “Napping, so we have some time, just us.”

  “Okay.”

  They set up at the counter with everything they needed for her mom’s perfect pumpkin pie recipe. It was so familiar that Taylor felt a small twinge of nostalgia, bringing a smile to her face.

  “Care to share with the class?” her mom asked.

  “What?”

  “You’re spacing out on me.”

  “Oh.” Her cheeks grew warm. “Sorry.”

  “Does it have something to do with Josh Walker?”

  “Huh? Mom …”

  “I told you,” she laughed. “I know everything.”

  “Oh God.” Taylor leaned against the counter and covered her face with her hands.

  “Confession time,” her mom said. “I looked him up. I mean, I’ve met him briefly, but I wanted to see his stats.”

  “Of course you did.” Taylor couldn’t help but laughing. Priorities.

  “Your father seems to think he’s going places in this league.”

  “Do you really want to talk about his game?” Taylor looked sideways, sensing an ulterior motive.

  “These boys are different.”

  “And the truth comes out.” Taylor walked to the sink to wash her hands. “This is that talk.”

  “A mother’s obligation.”

  “Are you sure it isn’t coming from Dad?”

  “No, actually, your father is quite a fan of the kid.”

  “Can’t you follow his lead?”

  “Josh seems like a nice young man,” her mom said. “But these kids … they’re asked to be men before their time. They enter the league when they’re so young, and in an instant have more money and attention than sense. It creates a certain kind of man. Look at the papers lately.”

  “Josh isn’t like Mack.” Taylor dried her hands and stuffed them in the pockets of her jeans.

  “Yet.”

  Taylor stood across from her mom with her feet planted wide and narrowed eyes. It was a fighting stance. The front door opened and quick, heavy footsteps sounded in the hall before her Dad entered the kitchen.

  “Taylor,” he boomed, his grin falling from his face as he took in the tension filled room. “Everything okay in here?”

  “Yep,” Taylor lied, turning away from her mom. “Is the whole team home?”

  As if on cue, her cell phone chimed before he could answer. She smiled when she saw who was calling. “Scratch that,” she said to her dad. “I already know the answer. I have to go.”

  Answering her phone, she left her parents in stunned silence behind her. “Hey there,” she said.

  “Hi yourself,” Josh said back. “I just got home.”

  “I know.”

  “I want to see you.”

  “I know that too.” She laughed. “I’ll be there in a few.”

  Mack went to grab dinner with a few of the guys on the team as soon as they got back, but Josh begged off. He’d spent enough time with them over the last few days, plus he’d be seeing them again tomorrow for Thanksgiving. They only had two days off before heading out on the road again.

  Josh busied himself picking up the apartment and unpacking his bag. As soon as the plane touched down in Columbus, he’d had this need to see Taylor. To hold her. To kiss her. The other night had opened the floodgates to everything he’d felt since he met her. He’d been the good guy, the friend, waiting for her to be ready, even helping her get there, but it was killing him. Now he needed more.

  There was a soft knock on the door, and he was there in a flash. As soon as he opened the door he pulled her inside, closed the door, and pinned her back against it.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  This time he didn’t wait for permission, he dove in. When his lips touched hers it was as if an electric current ran through them both. She pulled him closer until his body was flush against hers as she opened up to him.

  It was like nothing Josh had ever experienced before. For just an instant, they were the only thing that mattered. Their lips were just learning each curve, each crease, of each other’s. Taylor’s were soft against his rougher ones. Her face perfect, and his marred by all the broken noses and healed wounds that come with his chosen profession.

  He cupped her cheeks, his fingers rubbing circles on her smoother skin as he tilted her head back to deepen the kiss.

  Her arms were snaked around his back, holding on as if he wasn’t going to be there much longer.

  With the need to breathe winning out, Josh broke away, inhaling deeply. Taylor leaned her head back against the door. Josh gripped her waist, not wanting to let her go.

  “It’s a good thing you’re holding me up.” Taylor laughed breathlessly. “I’d probably fall right over after that greeting.”

  “Isn’t that how you say hi to all your friends?” He grinned.

  “Well, Abigail’s taken, but Sarah might be up for it.” She smiled back.

  He scrunched his face up at that. “You do know that girl’s practically my sister, right?”

  “Then I guess those greetings are just reserved for you.”

  “Good.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I missed you.”

  She stretched up to fit her lips to his once again.

  A ringing interrupted them, and they broke apart so Josh could look at his phone.

  “Speaking of Sarah.” He showed her the Facetime request.

  Taylor grabbed the phone. “She’ll just keep calling.”

  Sarah’s face appeared on the screen. “Tay?” she asked. “Did I accidentally call you? I thought I was calling Josh, but I guess I might have hit the wrong person. I’ve been meaning to call you to see how you’re doing anyway, so maybe that’s why I hit your name…”

  “Sarah,” Taylor said, cutting off her friend’s rambling. “Stop. I’m just on Josh’s phone.”

  “Why would you… Oh my gosh! Are you guys like dating?”

  Taylor held the phone away from herself as her friend squealed. “I…” She looked over at Josh. “Dating is a strong word.”

  Josh snatched the phone from her and turned it around so Sarah could see him. “No, it’s not, and yes, we’re dating.” Glancing at Taylor, he added, “If that’s okay with her.”

  Taylor froze as unwanted anxiety clutched at her. She knew this was what she wanted. After that speech to her mom and that kiss - holy hell, that kiss - she pushed away the doubt that arose along with thoughts of Danny.

  Leaning over to Josh, she gave him a quick kiss and then turned to Sarah, who was staring at them with her mouth hanging open.

  “You’re going to catch flies in there if you don’t shut your mouth.” She laughed. It was a Dannyism and Sarah knew that, so she grinned.

  “Is that a smile, Taylor Scott? And a laugh?” She threw her arms up. “Double score. Joshy boy, I didn’t think I could love you anymore than I already did. Take care of my girl.”

  Josh put an arm around Taylor and squeezed her to his side in response.

  “I don’t want to interrupt you guys anymore,” Sarah said. “Just checking in.”

  “Bye, lady,” Taylor said before hanging up the phone and putting it on the coffee table.

  She looked sideways at Josh, nerves building in her stomach. The passion from a few minutes ago had dissipated and Sarah was no longer an interruption. Now it was just the two of them and that word. Dating.

  “You’re thinking something,” Josh said quietly.

  “Huh?”

  “That crease between your eyes tells me there’s something on your mind. And that frown tells me it isn’t good.”

  “Then I guess you can’t read me as well as you thought,” she said, trying to change the subject.

  “It’s because I said we were dating, isn’t it?” He scratched the back of his head and
looked away. “If that isn’t what you want…”

  Taylor cut off his words with a kiss. “That enough assurance for you?” she asked against his lips.

  “Nope.” He kissed her again and didn’t stop until she was dizzy from lack of oxygen.

  Taylor knew she still had a lot to deal with, but for the first time, she actually did want to deal with it. She felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff with only two options. She could either step off and fall, or she could jump and fly. It was time to fly.

  Danny wasn’t alone in holding her up anymore. On one hand, she felt disloyal, but on the other, she knew he’d want her to be okay. Happy, even.

  Her mom didn’t bring up Josh again, and she had a feeling her dad had something to do with that. It surprised her to have her father in her corner like that, but he knew Josh better than most people.

  Thanksgiving dinner was just the four of them, and Taylor was glad. Since Danny died, she’d been so focused on herself and her grief that she felt like she hadn’t truly spent time with her family in ages. Even when they’d been together over the last year, everything was subdued, like they’d been afraid to smile in front of her, scared she couldn’t take it.

  For the first time, Taylor was able to see how Danny’s death affected other people besides herself. How her reaction to it affected other people. She’d never be sorry for grieving him, but she began to regret how she’d done it.

  It was good to see her parents’ playful banter; her mother’s sarcasm and her father’s self-deprecating humor. His team thought he was a hard-ass, but Taylor knew better. And then there was Evie. She’d giggle, and they’d all laugh in response. It was automatic. It was the way things used to be.

  That night, Taylor sat on her bed with her laptop resting on her legs. Her cursor hovered over an icon for a Danny video.

  “Tay?” her dad asked from the doorway.

  She pushed her computer away as he sat next to her on the bed.

  “You okay up here?”

  She thought about his simple question for a long moment before speaking. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Shoot.”

  “You think we can love more than one person?”

  “Honey, you can love as many people as you choose to open yourself up to.” He nudged her, and she laid her head on his shoulder.

  “Are you okay with me and Josh?”

  “Before the past year happened, I’d have said no. Now I just want to see you smile. My turn to ask a question.”

  “Shoot.” She smiled at the way she turned his word back towards him.

  “Are you okay with you and Josh?” He gestured to the video folder that was still up on the screen and gave her a concerned look.

  “Oh… this… I’m just trying to figure out what to do.”

  “That didn’t answer my question.”

  “Okay,” she said slowly. “How’s this—Yes. Josh is what I want. What I need.”

  “Then he’s what I want for you too.” He gave her a short side hug, kissing the top of her head, and left her to her thoughts.

  She sent a quick message to Josh.

  I could really use some French fries tonight.

  He responded quickly.

  You and your weird naked fries.

  Wish you were here, she typed.

  Me too. I want to kiss you so hard right now.

  See you soon, she sent back before putting her phone down. She had a mission tonight. Something she needed to do before going to sleep.

  She had two USB drives that she’d wiped clean. Plugging the first one into her computer, she copied all the videos onto it before pulling it out and dropping into the envelope she’d already addressed and stamped.

  Danny left home when he was fifteen to play for the Winterhawks. After that, his family only saw him for holidays and part of the summer. It was something they regretted. She knew that because they’d cornered her at the funeral, wanting to know more about their son. She hadn’t been kind. In fact, she’d been pretty horrible to them. A year later, at the memorial service, she’d avoided them altogether.

  Taylor had a lot of these videos. Videos that could say everything she hadn’t been able to tell them.

  When the second USB was loaded, she went to her closet and pulled out the box she hadn’t opened in a year. It was full of Danny’s things and gifts he’d gotten her. It was stuff she couldn’t throw away. She dropped the USB into the box and shut her closet.

  Then she did the only thing that was left. Slowly, she highlighted all the videos. Her finger hovered over the Delete button for a moment before finally pressing it down. She didn’t need the videos to remember. They only held her back. It was time.

  Shutting her laptop, she put it on her desk before switching off the light and crawling into bed, falling asleep with only one boy on her mind. One who was very much alive.

  Chapter Seventeen

  School started back up on Monday and Taylor was swamped, so Josh didn’t mind the team being on a short road trip. He came home a little pissy because it hadn’t gone well. In two nights, they lost to both the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Florida Panthers.

  They split the home stand that followed as the team tried to find their game again, the game that had them win most of their games in November. December wasn’t starting out well. Sometimes it was hard to separate hockey from real life. It was his job, yes, but it was more than that, and it affected everything else.

  Last night’s game went to overtime before they eventually lost. Two minutes in, Josh was put out there with Olle and Zak. Overtime in the NHL was different than in juniors. In these games, it was a five minute three-on-three format, and Josh wasn’t typically used. Coach was trying to use him in more situations, so there he was rushing down the ice with Olle on his wing and Zak trailing behind. He’d been able to get around the single defenseman the other team put out and had a wide open shot. The ping as the puck hit the crossbar could be heard among the gasps from the crowd before it bounced to a guy from the other team who then went on to score, ending the game.

  That crossbar and the sound it made filled Josh’s mind. Things like that always did. Missed goals. Bad defensive plays. Ill-timed penalties. The best, most experienced players had learned to shake those things off and move on to the next game. Josh wasn’t there yet.

  It was made worse the next night when he had another dizzy spell during the third period of a game. He lost a step and let one of the best players in the league get by him easily to score. Coach Peterson benched him for the rest of the game, probably doing him a favor.

  Josh wasn’t an idiot. He knew he’d have to get checked out sooner or later. He’d seen a doctor in New York the summer before, who only told him to take a break because he was probably just fatigued. Well, there were no breaks during the season.

  The schedule over the next month was busy for the Jackets. He told himself he’d deal with it when he was home over All-Star break.

  Michaela called, but he didn’t answer, knowing she’d get on his case about his health since she was the only one who knew. She’d have been watching the game last night, and she didn’t miss anything.

  Ethan called, but Josh still couldn’t deal with those revelations. Over the last few weeks, Josh had plenty of time to feel like shit about how he’d reacted to his brother’s problems. No matter what the guy had done, Josh knew it should have gone differently. He’d have to face him eventually, but when he did, he wanted to be ready to be there for him one hundred percent. He just wondered if Ethan would do the same for him.

  Over the next couple weeks, Taylor represented everything good that was in his life. She’d probably laugh at his cheesiness, but he found that he’d do anything to hear that laugh.

  For her, they were still very new, her feelings untested. For him, it was different. His feelings had time to grow and mature over the months he’d known her.

  She went to every home game over the next couple weeks, always sitting in the same plac
e with her mom and sister. It felt good to have her there. She’d tell him when he played like shit, which was a lot over that time, and he actually found himself enjoying her honesty. It gave him the kick he needed to keep trying as hard as he could. Sometimes just trying hard wasn’t enough.

  They spent all their free time together. He even broke his own rules about game days just for a few hours with her. And still, he didn’t tell her about his dizzy spells. He might be falling in love with her, but she was still Coach’s daughter. Plus, he didn’t want to worry her. It wouldn’t do either of them any good and he couldn’t afford to be benched.

  “I’ve got exams starting next week,” she said, lacing her gloved fingers through his as they walked to their spot. Snow crunched underneath their feet and hung from the branches up above. It’d snowed the entire night before, creating a beautiful white canvas across the city. “I’ll probably still make it to your one home game, but I’ll be pretty busy otherwise.”

  “Then I guess we need to have some fun before then.” He let go of her hand and started running across the frozen ground. She chased after him, laughing as her feet sank lower into the snow drifts with each step.

  “Wait,” she called.

  “Pick it up, son,” he yelled back.

  “Yes, Coach.” She pulled her feet free and kept running.

  The small castle stage was in sight when Josh stumbled before regaining his footing. He could feel his heart pounding erratically in his chest as his vision got fuzzy around the edges. He stopped running and reached out for a nearby tree, steadying himself against its solidness. He caught himself from falling again, and it was all he could do to keep the world from spinning around him.

  “Josh,” Taylor said, finally catching up with him. “You okay?”

  “Just need a moment.” He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed deeply. When he opened them, he couldn’t focus them on her.

  “Let’s get you sitting down.” She angled herself up under his arm and forced him away from the tree. She helped him walk the rest of the way to the stage, pushing away the do not cross tape, and then shouldered some of his weight as he climbed the three steps. His foot hit a loose section of rock and he fell, trying his hardest not to take Taylor with him.