“Home?” she choked out the word. “For like a hundred people?”
He laughed and shrugged. “You get used to it.”
He walked her through the house, empty except for the servants they passed.
Up the stairs and to the right was what he’d called his ‘wing’. “I hope this all doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”
“Nah,” she smiled. “I’m only into you for your money anyways.”
“Is that why you told me you love me after my career is over?” He laughed, but there was a slight bitter edge. “No multi-million dollar contracts here.”
He opened the door to his room and walked inside.
“Josh,” Taylor said, still standing at the threshold. “You know I don’t care about that, right?”
“I do now that you’re here.”
Taylor paused for a moment. Did he really think that was the reason she left? No. She shook her head to clear it of those thoughts. Josh knew her better than anyone. He’d have known.
She stepped into his room, not even bothering to look around. Her eyes were only for him. “It’s going to be okay,” she said, knowing personally how much easier that was to say than to feel.
He started to fiddle with his tie, getting frustrated that his shaky hands weren’t untying it fast enough. “Dammit,” he groused.
Taylor moved forward and put her hands on his, stilling them. He pulled them away, and she loosened his tie before pulling the loop over his head and tossing it onto the dresser.
“You’re going to be okay,” she said softly.
Josh exhaled loudly, and Taylor repeated it. “You’re going to be okay.”
She ran her hands up under his jacket and pushed it off his shoulders. “It’s okay to fall apart. God knows I have. You just have to have someone who loves you enough to be there.”
“Say that again.” The haunted look left his eyes, and the side of his mouth quirked up.
“I love you.” She smiled up at him.
He leaned down to kiss her slowly.
“I don’t want to fall apart tonight.” His voice vibrated against her lips. “Tonight I want you to hold me together.”
He kissed her more urgently this time and then broke away to search her face, asking for permission. The last barrier. The last thing that was wholly Danny’s. But she didn’t feel like she was taking it from him anymore. He was giving it back to her. Something that didn’t belong to Danny or to Josh, only to her. And she wanted to share it with the man she loved.
Nodding, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. He put his hands on her hips and lifted her onto the bed.
“I love you, Taylor Scott,” Josh whispered, his breath blowing into her hair. “I could say that a million times, and it would still ring just as true as the first.”
The sun filtered through the large windows next to the bed, creating a glow pattern across Taylor’s pale skin. Josh smiled down at her sleeping form and brought the comforter up over her bare shoulder.
He’d have to wake her up eventually, but he was enjoying some quiet by himself. Last night was the most perfect night, and now it was being tainted with all the other thoughts crowding his mind.
He’d thought hearing her tell him it was going to be okay would make him believe it. That’s what he’d wished for since she left.
But that’s not the way the world works. He’d woken up breathing heavily, with a new weight settled on his chest. Now that Taylor was back by his side, his mind focused in on what wasn’t there for him anymore. The game. His health. It’d all betrayed him, and he didn’t know what to do. There was nothing that could change it. Nothing he’d done to cause it. It just happened. And that was the hardest thing of all.
Taylor murmured something incoherent in her sleep and rolled closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her, her skin warm against his, and rested his chin on her head.
He finally understood. Finally got how it felt to lose something you loved.
Some people say that an athlete dies twice. The second time was obvious -when they actually die. But, the first time was when they hang it up. For most people that happened young, when they graduated high school or college and had no more teams to play on. Very few of them make it past that. Josh made it to the pros, but his first death still came prematurely. It wasn’t supposed to end like this, at least not for another fifteen years or so.
His heart ached, and it wasn’t because of his condition. It felt like a hand was wrapped around it, squeezing the life from the beating organ.
He didn’t want to be bitter. He didn’t want to hate the game.
You don’t always get what you want.
A tear rolled down his cheek, and his body quaked. It was a few minutes before he even realized Taylor was awake and watching him.
She brushed the back of her hand against his cheek and sighed. “Come here.” She pulled his face towards hers and kissed him briefly before letting him bury his face in her neck.
She rubbed his back in silence for a few moments before he finally spoke. “I keep thinking I’m handling everything okay. Then it hits me all over again.”
“It’s going to be like that for a while.”
“I know.” He sighed, wiping his face dry.
“You know I’m here, right?”
“I like to think that when I have a beautiful naked girl in my bed, I know it.” He laughed, trying to snap himself out of his funk.
Taylor pinched him and then laughed when he yelped.
“That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.”
“I do.” He didn’t stop laughing when a thought popped into his mind. “Your dad must have told you where I was, so I’ll have to thank Coach for sending his daughter to ‘cheer me up’.” His air quotes made her laugh as well.
“I’d love to see his face,” she said. “Only, it wasn’t him. It was Grant.”
That made him sit up. “Mack sent you?” He scratched the side of his face, remembering the last conversation he’d had with his roommate. Needing space, he’d been ignoring his texts, along with all the others from the guys on the team.
“Yeah, he even bought my plane ticket.”
Josh looked up at the clock on the wall. They’d slept in, but there were still a few hours before Mack would have all the media stuff prior to the All-Star game that was being played that night.
Josh leaned down to kiss her once more. “I have to go make a phone call. You can take a shower if you want to, then we’ll head down to breakfast.”
She nodded knowingly, but sat waiting for him to leave before crawling out from underneath the covers.
He laughed to himself as he pulled on a pair of shorts and headed for the door.
Mack answered on the third ring.
“Hello?”
Josh smiled. He knew that voice. The “I was up too late and refuse to wake up” voice Mack had perfected. It was All-Star weekend; he shouldn’t expect anything less.
“Hey,” Josh said after a beat of silence. He knew he needed to apologize, but didn’t quite know how. Mack was his best friend whether they were teammates or not.
“Josher?” His voice was cleared of sleep this time and there was a rustling of sheets on the other end as Mack moved around.
“Yeah.”
“About damn time, Dude.”
“I know.” He stopped for a moment, the heaviness returning to his chest. It was impossible to separate Mack from hockey.
“Well, you should see the talent here, Man. And by that, I mean the women. Oh. My. Damn.”
Josh laughed, easing some of the tension. Mack was good for that. They talked about All-Star weekend, but not about the actual game. His friend seemed to know he needed to keep it light and was just happy to hear from him. Josh realized that this wasn’t only affecting him. Like Mack said in the hospital, they had plans. They wanted to take the league by storm. Together.
After spending a while talking about the usual bullshit nonsense, Josh got serious aga
in.
“Mack,” he said. “I know what you did.”
“You may need to clarify.” Mack laughed. “Because I do a lot of things, some of them even good.”
“Taylor.”
“Oh, yeah, that one was good.”
“Thanks.”
“Well, you guys deserve each other.” Mack laughed again, physically incapable of being serious. “You’re both just so damn sad.”
“If I were with you, I’d punch you right now.”
“You’d try.”
“Yeah yeah, we’ll see when I get back.”
“You’re coming back?” Mack sounded surprised.
“This isn’t something I can run from, Mack,” he said. “I don’t know if I’ll stay.” Josh glanced back at the door, thinking of the girl on the other side. “I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“You’ll figure it out.” Mack had more confidence in Josh than he had in himself.
“I’ll try.”
“Whatever man, you’re that kind of guy that everyone hates because you’ll always land on your feet and be good at whatever you do.”
The irony of Mack saying that was not lost on Josh. Since he’d known him, he’d been jealous of Mack excelling at every part of the game without even trying.
“Talk to you back in Columbus?”
“See you there,” Mack replied before ending the call.
Taylor walked out a minute later, hair damp and face clean of all makeup.
God, she’s beautiful.
She smiled shyly as she walked forward.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he said, pulling her to him for a kiss. “Are you ready to get out of here?”
“Where are we going?”
“How about home?”
She looked up at him and nodded. He knew she had to get back for class, and he wasn’t ready to be separated from her yet. It was time to face the music.
“Let’s drive.” He kissed her again. “I want to spend 11 hours in a car with you.”
She smiled again. “Sounds great.”
“K, I’m going to shower then we can grab some food from the kitchen and go.”
While Josh was showering, Taylor wandered through the house, ending up in the dining room, where pastries and trays of fruit were set along the table.
Her stomach rumbled at just the thought of food. Looking behind her, hoping to hear Josh on the stairs, she decided it’d be okay if she grabbed something.
As soon as she stepped further into the room, she realized she wasn’t alone. Sitting at one end of the table was a middle-aged woman with a pencil-straight posture and pressed clothing. Taylor looked down at her jeans- dark this time - and yellow t-shirt, feeling like it was somehow inadequate for breakfast.
The woman cleared her throat, and Taylor realized she was staring. “Sorry,” she said, averting her eyes.
“You might as well eat.” The woman waved a hand at the food. “You were eying it like a half-starved puppy.”
Taylor slowly grabbed a plate, loaded it up, and sat down.
“Whose are you?” the woman asked suddenly.
Taylor choked on her croissant. “Excuse me?”
“Which one of my sons brought you into my house?”
Taylor chewed her food, swallowing it roughly, hoping this woman who was obviously Josh’s mom would blame her full mouth for her lack of words. She poured a glass of orange juice and drank half of it right away to try to clear her throat.
“Taylor?” Ethan appeared in the doorway.
She’d never been more thankful for an interruption.
“Hey, Ethan,” she croaked out, standing up to greet him.
He surprised her by hugging her. When he finally backed away, she saw he didn’t appear to have slept. Large bags had taken up residence under his eyes, and his hair was a little wild. This was a far cry from the man who she’d met in Columbus.
“Don’t mind Mom,” he said as Mrs. Walker scowled at him. “She’s more bark than bite.” He turned to his mother. “This is Taylor, Josh’s girlfriend.” To Taylor, he said, “You are his girlfriend, for real this time?”
“Yeah.”
“Great!” He clapped his hands together. “Where’s my brother?”
“Here,” Josh said, joining them. “Tay, if you’d waited, you wouldn’t have had to come into the lion’s den alone.” He smiled at his mom affectionately before walking over and kissing the top of her head.
“Well,” she said, standing and flattening out her skirt. “This lion has things to do.”
“We’re leaving in a few, Mom.”
Disappointment flashed across her face, but then her mask was back. She reached out to hug her son. “Be good and call your mother more often.”
“Yes, Mom.” He chuckled.
“Don’t forget that your meds are in the kitchen.”
His laughter stopped, and he nodded before she was gone.
“You okay?” Josh asked his brother. “You look like shit.”
“Rough night.” He shrugged. “The whole ‘Michaela getting married’ thing would have been so much easier to deal with if I could have booze.”
Josh looked at him skeptically, and he put his hands in front of his chest.
“Still sober,” he said. “You have no idea what I went through to even be able to say that. One night isn’t worth ruining it all.”
“Good.” Josh put a hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “Call me if you need help remembering that.”
Josh went through the swinging door to the kitchen, returning a minute later with a medicine bottle and a plastic container.
“Food for the road,” he said, loading it up.
Taylor grabbed a few bottles of water off the table and then waited. Josh slung his arm over her shoulders and waved to his brother as they made their way outside, where their suitcases were being loaded into a dark red BMW.
At Taylor’s questioning look, Josh explained, “This was what I drove when I was home in the summers during juniors.”
“Rich people.” She shook her head with a laugh. “Buying their kids fancy summer cars.”
He lowered his arm to her waist and lifted her up to a chorus of her screams.
“Put me down,” she yelled between fits of laughter.
He threw the container of food in the open passenger door and shut it with his foot before pinning her to the car.
She stopped laughing the minute his lips claimed hers. Heat pooled in her veins before he released her with a smirk.
“Ready?”
“You bet.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
It was late when the Columbus skyline came into view. Taylor was asleep in the seat next to him, so Josh just headed to his apartment.
The situation was surreal. Coming back to a city where he didn’t really have a place anymore. His contract would run through July, but then he’d be jobless. He didn’t know how to do anything else. He came to Columbus to play hockey, and now he wasn’t quite sure why he was here.
Looking at the sleeping girl next to him, he realized that was wrong. He knew exactly why he was there.
Mack wouldn’t be back in town until tomorrow, so the place was dark when he got there. Taylor murmured in his arms as he carried her towards his room and placed her on the bed.
When he checked his phone, there was a text from Mack. His team won the game and according to him he’d “killed it”.
Josh’s chest suddenly felt tight. He gripped the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it into a basket in the closet. Walking into the bathroom, he saw himself in the mirror. How was he supposed to know who he was anymore? What would define him?
The porcelain sink was cold under his hands as he gripped it tightly and hung his head, trying to breathe. He turned the faucet on and felt the iciness on his fingertips. Releasing the sink with his other hand, he cupped them together and splashed water on his face. It dribbled down his chin and onto his chest.
These moments alone were the harde
st. When he was surrounded by other people who were all telling him he’d be okay, he could believe it. But now the doubt crept in, filling the empty spaces of his mind. The spaces that used to be reserved for the next game. The next practice. The next time he’d get to pull those laces tight and wear that jersey. The next time he’d feel whole.
He blew out a frustrated breath, hating the fact that he kept returning to such a dark place. The towel was scratchy on his skin as he dried his face.
Walking back into the bedroom, he removed his pants, climbing into bed in just his boxers.
Taylor had fallen asleep in her clothes, and her jeans were rough against his legs as he pulled her to him. She snuggled closer and he buried his face in her neck, wanting so much for her to pull him back into the light.
His hand skimmed the skin underneath the bottom of her shirt. Still half asleep, she took his hand in both of hers and curled around it.
“I love you,” she murmured, so low he almost didn’t hear it.
His chest loosened slightly, and he was finally able to fall asleep.
Josh owed it to the fans. That was the only reason he was here right now. The only reason he’d agreed to the press conference.
He’d been back in Columbus for almost a week, meeting with management and basically just waiting. He didn’t know what to do with himself most days. Taylor was catching up on all the school she’d missed, and the team was away on a road trip. That’s why they waited to talk to the press. The optics. Management thought it’d look better if the coaches and his line-mates were there with him.
Josh wasn’t going to argue that. It was going to be the hardest day of his life, the official end of his career, and he didn’t want to do it alone.
Mack put a hand on his shoulder, jolting him back to the reality of the situation. Coach Scott and Coach Peterson walked up.
“You ready?” Coach Scott asked.
Josh glanced out to where the media were interviewing the GM about something entirely different. He stood up when he was finished and walked towards them.
“As I’ll ever be,” Josh said, nervously tugging on his suit jacket. His blond hair had been cut short and styled. He’d worn one of his best suits, and a tie that had always been lucky for him.
The New Beginnings (Books #1-3) Page 53