Blue Blood (PULSE Vampire Series #4)

by Kailin Gow

  Camilla gave another giggle, but was cut off as Octavius sank his fangs immediately into her neck, pulling back her hair with animal intensity. He wanted this; he needed this. He hadn’t fed in too long, and now his desire was insatiable. Kalina watched them, biting her lip. Camilla was writhing in ecstasy, giving soft moans and Octavius pressed his lips against her neck. She would have a true blood-connection with him now, Kalina knew, just as Stuart and Maeve had forged a connection when Maeve had fed him. She remembered how jealous she had felt then, how unsure. The feeling was even worse now. She wanted nothing more than to rush to them, to push Camilla aside and let Octavius suck down her own blood, let him drink from her, feel that connection, that bond, that ecstasy.

  Kalina looked away unable to watch Camilla’s face filled with the kind of pleasure Kalina could never experience with Octavius. She tried to tune out Camilla’s moans. She knew in her mind, Octavius was feeding off Camilla. It wasn’t anything else, but stialina could not help feeling jealous. When Octavius had finished, Camilla was pale – blanched by both rapture and exhaustion. She watched him slip her an envelope.

  “Not this time,” Camilla winked at him. “This time was for fun only. You will call me again?”

  “Perhaps,” Octavius said stiffly as he showed her the door.

  A still, painful silence fell over the room.

  “Your wounds!” Kalina said brightly, trying to mask the pain she felt. “Look, they’re healing!” She was right. Octavius’ cuts and bruises had begun to vanish, and he looked healthier, stronger. He was able to stand upright now without help; once more he was the athletic, virile man she had first met in California.

  “You must be hungry too,” Octavius said, with equal awkwardness. “Please, let my servants make you something. There are fewer around here than there used to be. I’ve been…away so often.”

  They sat together on the chaise-lounge until Kalina’s meal came: a sumptuous plate of linguine alla frutti di mare – her favorite dish. She savored it, and watched Octavius’ eyes upon her – savoring her enjoyment of a dish he could no longer taste.

  “We didn’t have pasta when I was turned,” said Octavius softly. “It didn’t come to Italy until more than a thousand years after I became a vampire…” His voice was tinged with regret. He looked up to face her. “I have been cruel to you today, Kalina, and I am sorry for that. I am sorry you had to watch me feed, and I am grateful to you for allowing me to do so.”

  “Of course!” Kalina breathed. “Look, it’s working – you’re healing – you’re better…”

  “I never meant to hurt you, you see.” He allowed his fingers to brush the side of her face; Kalina gave a soft moan as she leaned her cheek into the cup of his hand. “I never meant to make you think…”

  “Octavius, I…”

  “You’re wondering if I still care for you, is that it? After what’s happened?” He stopped the trail of his fingers at the corner of her mouth, just touching her lips. “I haven’t given you the best impression on that front.”

  Kalina could hardly breathe. Was he going to break her heart? She felt frail, vulnerable, powerless. He could choose to destroy her so easily. All he had to say was “no.” “I never forgot about you,” she said.

  “And Jaegar?” Octavius arched an eyebrow.

  “I care about him,” Kalina stammered, blushing. “I love him – yes. But…it’s not the same. Not like you. My Life’s Blood didn’t even work on him…that’s how I could tell it wasn’t enough…He didn’t even turn human; at least, not more than a couple of weeks at the most.”

  Octavius pursed his lips. A look of darkness flitted over his face.

  “And that is why you have decided that you clearly do not love him,” he said.

  “That – but not just that. No – I know how I feel! And I want to get closer to you. So, so badly. But every time I try…”

  “I vanish?” Octavius gave her a sad smile. “Yes, that is the way of things, I suppose. Listen to me, Kalina. You were looking out that window this evening, at the balcony, when I came in.”

  “Yes.”

  “That view, it was beautiful, no?”

  “It was!”

  “I’ve seen that view for thousands of years, Kalina. I watched Rome burn. I watched it go up in flames at the time of Nero. I watched the city fall, die, be sacked. I watched as the city built itself up again, in the times of the great Popes. I watched as these very gardens were built by the Borghese family. I thought that I’d experienced everything. Until I met you. I thought it was your Life’s Blood that called to me, that made me want you so badly. My own desire to become human. But then I met you, I got to know you – and it became so much more than that. Much more than that.” He leaned closer to her, and Kalina closed her eyes, opening her mouth.

  But he did not kiss her. He merely took her hands, trying in vain to warm them in the chilly night air, and touched her eyes open with the tip of his finger. “I do want it, Kalina. I want to be with you. Not just now, but forever. As a human. I want to grow old with you. I want to have children with you, if yo desire. I want to hold your hand through sunsets after sunsets, wake up every morning with you with the sunlight streaming through our window. I want to show you the world, experience it again with you by my side. I told you I had a bride once, centuries ago. I never got to grow old with her. I want a second chance.”

  “Then what’s stopping you!” Kalina pressed. “Why can’t we be together! I know I love you. I tried to forget you – like you told me. I tried to love Stuart, but it wasn’t enough. I tried to love Jaegar – and it was almost enough, almost, but not enough. And you – the one I want. The one I can’t have – it’s killing me!” She heard her voice crack.

  Octavius pulled her in close, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “My darling Kalina,” he murmured into her neck. “My love, my light. You don’t know how much I love you. Let me tell you this. I love you enough not to become human for you, enough not to give up my ability to protect you, to take care of you, always. I am the strongest vampire yet living who shuns biting the unwilling, who upholds codes of honor, who can protect you against Leonardo and Mal – and those like them. You think they are the only enemies you will face in your lifetime? No – there are so many vampires crueler, more dangerous than you could have thought possible. And so many Life’s Blood Carriers that need protection. I could not risk becoming human.” He sighed. “And if we were to…consummate our relationship with me still a vampire, I would destroy your chances at turning another love human, a love whom you could genuinely grow old with, who could genuinely give you the happiness you deserve. I know you, Kalina. You’re a Carrier. You could never love a human; but a vampire, unless you turn him, will only bring you pain. I want to spare you that!”

  Kalina’s heart sank, even as it could have burst with joy. She did love him – and he loved her! But even now he was rejecting her, even now he was pulling away. He wanted to make this choice to spare her; she could not stand it! Being protected – being saved! She had managed to turn Jaegar back…almost…and she had almost managed to save Stuart! All the Greystone brothers had made such great sacrifices to take care of her. It was time for her to make her own decisions.

  Kalina leaned closer to Octavius, her eyes gazing straight into his. Before he could protest, she reached up, twining her fingers through his long, silky hair, and pulled him into her, kissing him with a fury that seemed to surprise Octavius. She was in control now, powerful. She knew he wanted her; she wanted him to want her. She would not be a shy schoolgirl any longer, waiting for him to notice her, waiting for him to want her. It was her turn now.

  Chapter 16

  Kalina felt her lips interlock with Octavius’; she felt the familiar fire spread through her body, an overwhelming burst of desire and love that sent her reeling. She felt Octavius murmur useless protestation into her lips, and at last she pulled away, keeping her lips close enough for Octavius to feel her breath upon his mouth with every word that
she spoke. “Listen to me,” Kalina said, her voice husky and urgent with need. “If you’re not willing to turn human because of me, because you think you need to protect me, then know this. I love you. I love you and I’ve always loved you and I’m not going to sit here, watching that…girl have you, and pretend that I don’t! Do you know how long I’ve waited, Octavius, to touch you again? To see you again? To kiss you again?”

  His eyes grew wide, and she could see his steadfast resistance weakening.

  “You don’t have to become human – not yet. And we don’t have to…make any decisions right now. But right now, tonight, I want you. And we’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.” She kissed him again, and felt his lips open beneath her own, felt his softness, felt him succumb. For so long, she had allowed him to be in control, to lead the way. But now she knew what she wanted, and she knew that he wanted her, and so he could no longer stop her. She felt his desire for her in his touch, in the way he kissed her – gently at first, and then with such roughness that she nearly cried aloud. She felt him pick her up with his newly restored strength and carry her across the drawing room, up the marble staircase, his lips still tight and strong on hers. She felt him set her down upon the bed – felt the satin against her skin – and then they were both fumbling with their buttons, their clothing.

  “You’re making it very hard to resist,” Octavius whispered to her, his voice hoarse and hurried.

  “I know!” She felt it too, the desire to go further, to give herself to him completely. Even now she had to hold back, to be careful. Neither of them wanted to make irrevocable choices. But their desire for each other was so strong that it obliterated reason, obliterated thought. There was only the calling of their bodies, intertwined beneath the satin sheets – his so cold, but gradually warmed by the force of her touch. She remembered Camilla’s face – a picture of ecstasy – and wondered if this, this is what Camilla had felt, the true connection with Octavius’ life-force, with his power. She gave herself over to the sensation of his hands upon her, his mouth upon her, and then in the blankness – sublimated and complete – of her pleasure she found herself at last, panting, exhausted, settling once more into sleep.

  A voice awakened Kalina from her dreamlessness. It wasn’t Octavius’ voice, but it was familiar, tugging at her heart as she opened her eyes.

  Kalina! It was Jaegar’s voice, filled with pain and worry. You’re alive! She looked around the room, remembering where she was. Octavius’ arms were wrapped around her waist, pulling her into him. Does Stuart have you? Are you okay? I’ve been trying to contact you for hours…

  Is Justin with you? Her first thought was for her brother. She had worried enough about him. She could only imagine what Jaegar would feel upon discovering that his brother was gone forever.

  He’s safe. Kalina took a deep breath.

  No, I’m not with Stuart.

  She could see Jaegar, now – clearly enough in her mind’s eye. He was pacing along the corridors of the inn she had shared with Justin in New Haven.

  Where are you?

  Stuart…Kalina began. He found me – after you left for Max. Jaegar, I’m sorry…he’s dead.

  She could feel Jaegar’s pain, feel the knot in his heart. She saw Jaegar punch straight into the hotel room wall, his face contorted in despair. She saw him crumple to the ground, as weak – as broken – as a child. For all their rivalry, she knew, his love for his brother was true.

  At last Jaegar sat up, his face calmer now, more composed. I understand. His voice was slow now, but Kalina could still hear the pain – excruciating, just barely contained – beneath the soft syllables. It was self-defense, Kalina. You didn’t do anything wrong. He was – the Life’s Blood changed him.

  It wasn’t me! Did that make it any better? Kalina wasn’t sure. It was Max. She thought she was saving me – getting me out of there…

  The woman from the alley?

  Yes. How could she explain what had happened to hi, that her mother had killed his brother? Would he ever look at her the same way again.

  She saw Jaegar’s jaw clench tight. Whoever she is, Jaegar said. I’ll kill her. She had no right…no right…

  She was trying to save me! Kalina couldn’t believe that she was sticking up for Max, but she felt a strange sense of loyalty to that woman, whoever she was. Stuart’s death still shook her to the core, but she knew – or thought she knew – that Max was acting with good intentions. Stuart – she’s…I mean, she said, I think she’s…my mother.

  What? The shock reverberated in Kalina’s brain as she saw Jaegar gape, aghast. Justin, trying to follow along the silent conversation, was looking more confused than ever. Then, Kalina felt a soft caress along the end of her shoulder – a real touch, now, not borne across oceans by telepathy. Octavius’ touch.

  “Good morning, my darling.” Octavius was kissing her shoulder, turning her around to face him, and at last kissing her lips. She would have savored this moment with Octavius more than anything in the world, but for Jaegar.

  “No!” She tried to push him away before Jaegar saw them, but it was too late. She could see his pain – made worse now by what she knew he could only perceive as her betrayal. He had lost his brother and his love in one night. Kalina felt a pang of guilt. She knew she loved Octavius, but she couldn’t bear to cause Jaegar any more pain right now. Had she been selfish – allowing herself to bury her despair in Octavius’ chest – instead of consoling Jaegar?

  “What is it?” Octavius touched her lips lightly. “What’s wrong, darling?”

  He saved me. Kalina tried hurriedly to explain. Mal, Leonardo – they came after me and Max. He teleported me out here.

  I see. Jaegar’s voice was stiff and cold. Of course, I knew it. That was always how it was. Always how it was, Kalina thought. Jaegar knew – deep down – that she had always loved Octavius. She’d never denied it. But she knew that he’d put it out of his mind, that he’d let himself hope that she loved him, and him only.

  Jaegar, let me explain!

  < size="3" face="Times New Roman">But it was too late. The telepathic connection between them had been broken, and Kalina’s mind was plunged into darkness.

  “Kalina,” said Octavius again. “What’s happened?”

  “Jaegar,” she whispered, and saw Octavius reel before her. “He contacted me – telepathically. I was telling him what happened to Stuart, and he was hurting so badly, and then he saw you – and he got upset…” Kalina’s own eyes were full of tears – a mingling of pain and guilt. “We have to go back,” she sighed. “We have to talk to him, I need to explain…”

  “I see,” Octavius’ voice grew cold. “And you’ve just realized that you love him, is that it?”

  “What – no!” Kalina’s eyes grew wide. “Octavius, what are you talking about? It’s not like that at all.”

  Octavius gave a low laugh. “You see, my dear, why I thought it would have been a bad idea for you to sacrifice your Life’s Blood on me. You’d tire of me – go for someone younger like Jaegar or another vampire, someone whom you one day could perhaps turn.”

  Kalina was aghast. Hadn’t she just proved her love to Octavius last night? Did he regret it – was he trying to pick a fight? To get an excuse to run away from her? Her anger flared up. How dare Octavius convince her that he loved her, how dare he fall into her arms, and then hurt her once again! She bit her lip. Would she ever really have him, ever really feel his love? Or would she be constantly struggling to get him to commit to her, get him to settle down by her side. “It’s not like you’re about to let me turn you,” she said.

  The words clearly had their stinging effect. Octavius blanched and looked away. “So you’ve decided to love somebody who could, is that it?”

  She saw the pain in his face and relented. “I want you, Octavius,” she said softly. “But I can’t have you…what can I do?” She turned away. She didn’t want to fight with him. She just wanted him to understand – how she cared for Jaegar, how she felt guil
ty for what had happened to Stuart, how much it hurt for her to reject the vampire willing to do anything for her – and be rejected by the one she was willing to do everything for! “I don’t love Jaegar enough,” she said. “He didn’t turn human with my blood. He turned back – something must not have worked. I loved him enough to keep him human, but only temporarily. Do you need any more proof that you’re the one I love?”

  Octavius’ eyes narrowed. “Yes,” he said darkly. “I have all the proof I need.” He sighed. “It is clear to me who you truly love.”

  “Then you understand.”

  “Kalina,” his voice was heavy. “What happened last night was a mistake. An error in judgment on my part. I was a fool, an old fool to think I have a chance with you. And I’m sorry. Please forgive my…indiscretion.”

  “Indiscretion?” Kalina couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Is that what you call it?”

  “I cannot risk depriving you of your ability to turn your true love – when that time comes. It would not be fair to you, you see.”