Somehow she’d stopped paying attention to her surroundings, and her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of clapping. Pull yourself together before you make a fool of yourself, Danielle.
Her face flushed with guilt, like a child caught in the cookie jar. Everyone was so absorbed in the ceremony there was no way they could have notice her practically drooling over Beckett. Just in case, she stepped a few feet farther away.
“You must be Danielle. I’ve heard so much about you from my sister-in-law, Elaine. I’m Lynn, this is my husband, Darren, and these are our two boys, DJ and Mike. And I bet you are Jamie.” Lynn smiled at the young boy.
Jamie nodded and held Blossom’s leash closer to him. Danielle could see he was getting nervous every time people spoke directly to him. But she knew Blossom would comfort him, even if no one else could.
Danielle shook their hands. “Very nice to meet you all. Sorry, Jamie—”
“—is shy,” Beckett’s voice finished from behind her.
She watched as Jamie once again surprised her and reached up to take Beckett’s hand, and Beckett smiled at him. Danielle was thrilled he now had a second outlet, another connection besides Blossom, but this wasn’t good. Beckett was not part of their lives. What closeness they had at this moment wasn’t going to last longer than a few hours. What was Jamie going to think when Beckett disappeared from his life as quickly as he had entered it? Oh, God. He was going to have to deal with another loss. I have to tell Beckett. I need to make him understand.
Lynn bent down to meet him face to face and asked, “Jamie, do you want to come to the park with me and DJ and Mike?”
He shook his head and stepped closer to Beckett. Danielle was about to make up some excuse as to why he couldn’t go, but, before she could, Beckett chimed in.
“Jamie, how about we go together, and show them how good you are at climbing the wall?”
We? Since when do you make a decision as to what Jamie can or can’t do? Everything in her wanted to scream. She was losing her patience. Her fear wasn’t about his safety, that was a given, but about knowing people didn’t understand what they had been through and were still trying to heal from. Jamie was broken, and each day she prayed he would find his way back to who he had been. Watching him with Beckett gave her a glimmer of hope, yet the reality was going to set in very soon, and that scared her beyond anything. How would she pick up the pieces again?
Jamie nodded to Beckett and started to pull him in the direction of the park. Beckett took two steps then turned back and reached out a hand to her. “You coming?”
There was only a moment of hesitation as her fears melted before she accepted. Danielle felt her heart flutter as never before. How could she feel like a sixteen-year-old being asked out on a date? This was craziness. They were going to a children’s park, yet all she could think of was how strong and safe she felt with just the touch of his hand. How can I feel so safe when I hardly know you?
Before she knew it, they were watching all three children run around and, as boys do, trying to outdo each other. Several times she found herself holding her breath, waiting for the inevitable collision of heads butting. They were all running on one speed: high. None of them paid attention to their surroundings. Danielle should be used to it, as she took many boys to the nurse’s office for this very reason. But when it was your own, you wanted to protect them even more. Especially one as fragile as you, Jamie.
She laughed softly as she noticed he fit in perfectly with Lynn and Darren’s boys. Maybe she worried too much. This was turning out to be a wonderful afternoon. The conversation was refreshingly light and stress-free. Although this was her first time meeting Beckett’s sister, she found Lynn to be such a sweet woman, who only had to say one word and DJ and Mike came running over. Maybe that comes with years of practice.
“Boys, time to head back. We’ve got to get cleaned up before dinner.”
All three boys stopped and came running over. Jamie grabbed Blossom’s leash and shockingly led the way back toward their living quarters. He had adapted to his new environment better than she had. But you have Blossom guiding you every step of the way, Jamie.
Jamie was already inside the suite and in his room by the time she and Beckett arrived. “Did you want to come in?” The words were out before she could stop herself.
“I can’t stay.”
He entered, but stood by the door. Each time before, she had told him to leave. Talk about sending mixed signals, Danielle. “I understand. We’re supposed to be getting ready for some fancy dinner party. I was thinking of passing and staying in with Jamie. It doesn’t sound like something that’s going to hold his interest very long.”
“I won’t be at the party, either.”
She felt crushed. What had she expected? That he would ask her to accompany him as his date? Really? Danielle had never been to a high-class event, never mind one with people you would normally only read about in the tabloids. “You can stay if you like.”
Beckett stepped forward, pulling her into his arms, and lifted her off the floor so they were face to face. “What exactly are you offering?”
Her heart was pounding as her breasts pressed against him. When she opened her mouth to reply, he claimed her lips. Her entire body tingled with excitement. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him even closer. His tongue teased her lips apart, and she enjoyed the sweet taste of him. She didn’t want it to end, but they both knew it had to. Jamie was wide awake and could come looking for her at any time.
As he loosened his hold, she slowly slid down the full length of him until her feet touched the floor. “Does this mean you’ll be joining us for dinner?”
“I can’t.”
She understood. His family were the founders of Marpe-Agape Island. They would miss him, but probably not her.
“I hate to kiss and run, but there’s something I have to take care of.” He tipped her chin up and kissed her lightly.
When he left this time, she wasn’t filled with anger, but instead leaned with her back against the door, filled with longing. Longing for so much more.
When she went to check on Jamie, her phone rang. It wasn’t a number she knew. “Hello?”
“Hi, Danielle, it’s Lynn. Hope you don’t mind, but KJ gave me your number.”
Right family, but not who I was hoping for. “That’s fine. Thank you so much for inviting us to join you guys earlier. Jamie had a wonderful time, and so did I.”
“I’m glad to hear it. That’s why I was calling. DJ and Mike have spent the last thirty minutes pleading with me not to make them go to this dinner party. Somehow they’re convinced that it’s a perfect night to stay in and have pizza. They had a good time with Jamie, so I wanted to know if he could come and join them. And after your dinner, you can come back and pick him up. What do you think?”
There was so much to think about. She’d never left him with anyone without a full background check. Even with that, there needed to be a slow transition. But since being here, Jamie seemed different. She knew what her normal answer would have been, but now, she wasn’t so sure. “Lynn, there are things you don’t know about him.”
“Danielle, I’m a registered nurse. He’s in good hands. I know enough and will call you if I need you, and you can be there in five minutes. Take advantage of some ‘you’ time. You’ll learn that, as a parent, you need to remember who you are, too, and find time to enjoy the things you enjoy. Trust me. I’m speaking from experience.”
It was true. She did leave Jamie, but only to go to work. Everything else revolved around him. What would a few hours of separation hurt? Probably it would do them both some good. And Lynn was right—she wasn’t far if things changed.
“It sounds great. Thank you. I’ll bring him by on my way to dinner.” And maybe Beckett and I can have that alone time we were hoping for a few minutes ago.
Chapter Six
Tonight she took extra care applying her makeup just right. Danielle even had butterflies in
her stomach, something she hadn’t felt in a long time. It wasn’t a date, but it had been more than a year since she’d had adult-only time. From the way he’d kissed her earlier, he obviously was interested. At least, I think so. He runs so hot and cold that it’s impossible to read him.
It was wrong to even think the thoughts she had running through her mind. She had been invited here as a guest; she was not supposed to be thinking about skipping out on dinner and finishing what they’d started earlier.
Danielle had dropped Jamie off at Lynn and Darren’s suite. They not only had their two, but they also had Trent and Elaine’s toddler. Obviously, she had only offered in order to be kind. Although Lynn looked like she had everything under control, the last thing Danielle wanted to do was burden anyone with yet another responsibility. It wasn’t too late to weasel out of it. She wracked her brain for any excuse, even a lame one, but nothing came. Danielle wasn’t in the habit of making up reasons for anything she said or did. She believed in being up front about anything she had to say.
“You have your hands full, Lynn. Why don’t I keep Jamie with me, and you just enjoy your family night?” Danielle asked as Jamie left her side and started running around with the other boys.
“The more, the merrier. Besides, this will give you and my brother some alone time,” Lynn added.
“There’s nothing between.”
“Okay. I get it. Mind my own business. So go out and enjoy yourself. You have my cell number, but don’t worry; I will call if you’re needed.”
Jamie wasn’t even looking at her. It was as though he had been friends with these boys all along. There was no way she could pull him away at this point. He was slowly becoming the nephew she remembered before her sister and brother-in-law had been killed. This was what Jamie needed, what he deserved: a mother and father spending time at home with him because they wanted to. She loved him wholeheartedly, yet something was missing, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. It was a connection she feared she would never have with him.
“Are you okay, Danielle?” Lynn reached out and touched her arm gently.
She fought back the tears. “It’s been a rough year for Jamie. Seeing him with your boys shows me how it should be.”
“Danielle, I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries here, but he’s not the only one who has had it rough. The loss of your sister must have crushed you, especially in such a violent act.”
Danielle was used to telling people that Jamie’s parents had been killed in a car accident, as it eliminated so many unpleasant questions that came with telling the truth. She had forgotten she had actually told KJ and Drew what had happened as they had started to spend more time with them. Never had she thought they would also tell others.
“We didn’t lose Beckett, but I can tell you when we got the call about the IED going off, it changed all of us. Even now I look at my brother and wonder if I will ever see the man he was before. His scars and the loss of his leg are all people can see. There’s so much more buried inside of him that sometimes he doesn’t know himself, but all we can do is love him. Although we’re a very close family, no one seems to have been able to put a smile on his face in years. No one except you, that is. So, see? Jamie’s reaction is no different than what you and Beckett are experiencing. It’s the pure joy of being with someone who doesn’t see what you have hidden deep within.”
An IED? Lost leg? Almost died? Her brain was on overload. How had she not noticed any of this before? All the pieces were coming together. How he was angry when she asked him how he was. When he pushed her away when they kissed that first time. Was it possible that she had mistaken a man as running hot then cold, a jerk playing with her feelings, when, in fact, he was a man trying not to deal with his own issues?
How was she to determine the right thing to do now? She’d had every intention of going to him tonight and escaping her own pain while in his arms. This situation just got a lot more complicated. With Lynn sharing the information she had, how could she go to him, knowing that he was probably in more pain than she was?
“Thanks for telling me. I’m not sure why you did, but I can see now why Jamie is so comfortable with you.” But what I don’t understand is why he was, even more, connected to Beckett.
“Sometimes others see what we can’t see ourselves.” Lynn gave her a quick hug. “Now go out and enjoy. Don’t think of anything else but the moment you’re in.”
Danielle forced a smile and left the suite. All she wanted to do was go right back to her room, close the door, and hide. Apparently everyone knew about what had transpired in her past. For all she knew, that was why Beckett was spending so much time with her. God, I don’t want his pity. Not his or anyone else’s. No matter how much anyone cared or tried to help, this was something she and Jamie were facing alone, each in their own way.
Danielle should have headed toward the area where the dinner was being held, but right now she needed to be alone. If she saw any of them now, her words might not express the gratitude for all they had done for her and Jamie. Turning in the opposite direction, she headed down to the dock where they had disembarked from the seaplane.
It was dark when she arrived, yet she could see Beckett standing there with the pilot. He had a duffle bag in his hand. She couldn’t recall if that was what he had brought over with him, but it didn’t matter. Her blood was boiling. Only a few hours ago he had kissed her. When she asked him to stay, he said he had something to take care of. Never did he say it was boarding the plane and taking off.
She was a grown woman and could deal with the fallout, but Jamie had been through so much. How could he do this to her nephew? Especially if he knew what Jamie had been through. She knew she didn’t want anyone’s pity, but Jamie deserved better. God, I misread you. How can you leave like this? Not even saying goodbye?
She stormed down the dock. If he thought she was going to let him off the hook that easily, emotionally scarred or not, he was mistaken. Suck it up, Beckett. Life isn’t fair.
The sound of the propeller must have drowned out the sound of her approach. She grabbed his arm to turn him to her. Once she did, she knew it had been a poor choice. When he turned, it was as though he hadn’t seen her at all. He spun and grabbed her roughly, bringing them both crashing to the dock with a loud thud. Beckett had his hand wrapped against her throat. He hadn’t applied any serious pressure, yet she knew if he had, he could’ve seriously harmed her. What was I thinking? Lynn just explained all this to me, but I didn’t listen.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, not from a physical pain, but the pain in her heart. Once they started, there was no stopping them. Everything that had been building up since the police knocked on her door that horrible night, and every sad moment since, seemed to spill from her eyes.
The pilot, a retired gunnery sergeant, was barking an order behind Beckett. Only then did he realize what he had done. In one quick sweep of his arm, he’d brought her crashing to the ground. He could feel her tiny, fragile body crushed beneath his large frame, his hand still gripping one arm and the other locked around her delicate throat.
Looking into her eyes, the shock and hurt he saw made him sick to his stomach. Her tears were streaming down her cheeks onto his fingers. They were there because of him and his fucking actions.
Beckett released his hold on her and rolled off to lie on his back. Everything had happened in a matter of seconds, yet it seemed an eternity to him. He hadn’t had a reaction like that in a few years. What had triggered it now? Was it because he and Gunny had been talking about a convoy that had taken place a few hours ago? No matter the reason, there was no acceptable excuse. Thank God my restraint-and-contain training kicked in rather than my exterminate training.
He closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths, trying to regain the control he fought after each mission. This, however, wasn’t part of his orders. It was only another reminder of what a fucked-up mess he was. Unlike many of his comrades, he didn’t drink or do drugs to deal with what
had been asked of him. Maybe I should.
“What the fuck was that, Beck?” Gunny demanded angrily as he went to Danielle.
Beckett rolled to his side and pushed himself off the ground. The band around his thigh holding his prosthetic in place was killing him. But that was nothing compared to the pain he had seen in her eyes.
He bent over and scooped her into his arms. Beckett had expected her to fight him after what he had just done, but she didn’t. Instead, she buried her tear-streaked face into the collar of his shirt. Each step caused a shooting pain in his thigh. Something must have broken free when his knee hit the ground, breaking their fall, and now it was digging into his flesh.
“Where you going, Beck?” Gunny shouted.
“You’ve got your orders. Go take care of business,” Beckett said as he carried Danielle back toward his suite. His was closer, and the last thing he wanted was to have Jamie see her upset like this. He didn’t know the history of what was going on with him but didn’t want to ask either. He hated it when people asked him questions, so he refrained from asking any himself.
Tonight he was going to need to break that rule. He needed to ask why she’d grabbed him like that. He knew he had scared her, but his grip never went above a light pressure. Fear of him may have caused her to cry as she had, yet something told him it was so much more. And I’m sure I’m a huge part of it.
He walked over and set her on the couch then took the seat across from her. Now was the time for some distance, no matter how badly he wanted to comfort her. Until he had a better understanding of his role in this, he needed to stay away.
“Did I hurt you?” He held his breath, waiting for her answer. If she said yes, then he knew what he needed to do. Get some fucking help.
Danielle shook her head but didn’t speak.
He looked her in the eye. Beckett needed to make sure she understood what he was saying was the truth. No matter what the action had been, he was going to give her the truth, or as much as he knew himself.
All Bets Off: Betting On You Series: Book Five Page 4