“What I did . . . it was a reflex. Not a pretty one, either. I’m sorry I scared you.”
“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that.” Her voice cracked as she choked back more tears.
“Danielle, this was in no way your fault. Believe me. I know what I’m talking about.” Unfortunately, he knew all too well. So many of his buddies’ marriages were either on shaky ground or they had already split because of similar issues. This was the first time he’d had such a severe reaction since his first few days in the hospital after losing his leg. He had hoped those days were behind him for good. His fear that they might someday resurface was what had kept him distant from everyone he loved. It was a personal choice, not one his family agreed with, but if they had witnessed what happened on the dock, they would no longer question his decision.
She sat quietly, looking at him as though she could find answers to some questions without asking it. That’s never gonna happen.
“Since it’s clear this is not your issue, can you explain what had you so angry in the first place?” He wasn’t sure if he was calling it right, but the way she had grabbed his arm wasn’t saying: let me plant a big kiss on you.
“You were leaving without saying goodbye. To Jamie, I mean.”
I thought you were gonna miss me. He could clear things up quickly by informing her that he wasn’t leaving. He actually had decided to stay the entire week. That, of course, meant the equipment that needed repaired before installation needed to be transported by Gunny. Since she seemed to have already made up her mind as to what she believed she saw, he wasn’t about to correct her. “How was my leaving going to affect him?” They had only met forty hours ago. Yeah, the kid seemed to have taken to him, and he knew there was something going on with him, but he wasn’t familiar with special needs in children.
He noticed she became uncomfortable. His questions obviously were ones she hadn’t wanted to discuss. “You noticed Jamie doesn’t talk much.”
“You mean at all.” That was cold. By the expression on her face, she thought so, too. “At least not around me.”
“You were right the first time. Not at all. At least not in more than a year.”
“Why is that?” He waited patiently for her answer. He could see in her eyes that whatever it was caused her great pain.
She sat, twisting her fingers and looking down at the floor. “Has anyone told you anything about us yet?”
Maybe they had, but I didn’t listen. “No. Should they have?”
“Some know. I guess KJ spoke to Elaine and the other women. Not to gossip, but to better prepare them for Jamie’s needs, I guess.”
“And what needs are those?” She was not giving him the straight answer he had hoped for. Normally he would push the subject hard if needed, but after what he had already put her through, he was going to try a gentler approach. First time for everything.
“He’s emotionally shut down. That’s why he doesn’t speak. Not because he can’t, but because he won’t.” She spat out the words quickly, as though saying them was going to make it more real.
He understood shutting down. It was the lifestyle he had chosen since his injury. “What happened to make him shut down completely like that?”
He knew why he had cut himself off from people, but this was just a child. What could he have possibly been through to cause such a reaction?
“Normally I tell people that his parents died in an automobile accident and leave it at that. Funny how most people accept that as the truth, yet it’s not; it’s so much worse.” She sighed heavily before starting again. “My sister and brother-in-law were up late one night, watching television. Jamie must have been upstairs in bed because it was late. No one really knows exactly what happened, but the police say there was a home invasion. They didn’t have a lot of money, so I have no idea what the person was really looking for. The evidence showed there was a huge struggle, which ended in both my sister and brother-in-law being shot and left for dead.” She choked back tears. “Thankfully the neighbors were close enough that the intruders were scared off and didn’t notice Jamie was in the house. The neighbors called the police, who arrived to find Jamie sitting near his mother’s body, covered in blood.” Danielle closed her eyes and became quiet. After a moment, she added, “Jamie has not spoken since that day. So you see why I was so angry that you would leave without saying goodbye. Somehow he has formed a bond with you. Not only doesn’t he speak, but he also will not touch anyone. Except you, that is. And it’s not like many haven’t tried. There’s something about you, but I don’t know what it is. It’s not like you look like his father. I mean, not at all. His father was more pretty than handsome, if you know what I mean.”
If the topic weren’t so intense, he would have called her out for saying he was handsome. But now was not the time to joke. He hadn’t realized what Jamie holding his hand meant. He thought the kid did that with everyone.
Beckett wasn’t leaving when she had come to see him, but actually picking up a bag from Gunny. He could see how it looked like he might be leaving. Actually, he had made it clear that he wasn’t staying the week. That changed when he saw her getting out of the tub. No matter how much he said he didn’t want to get involved with her, he couldn’t stay away.
Now, after their ordeal on the dock, he wished he had boarded that plane and gotten the hell off this island. He wasn’t good for either of them. He was a fucking mess, and he needed to find a way to distance himself. Not for his, but for their sake.
He stood up to tell her he was leaving in the morning, but before he could, she was by his side, unbuckling his belt.
“What the hell?” He grabbed her hands to stop her. He wanted her, but not like this. Not now.
“You’re hurt. Look at your pants. We need to get them off you to stop the bleeding.”
He looked down and, sure enough, there was bright red down the entire right side of his pant leg. He knew he had been hurt, but once he had seen her face, he didn’t give his pain any more thought.
“It’ll be okay. I’m sure it’s just a scratch.”
“Let me see,” she demanded.
Danielle was almost a foot shorter than he was, and yet she was trying to boss him around. That wasn’t happening. “I’m all set. I’ll clean it up when you go.”
She crossed her arms in front of her. “If I go, it will only be to get Lynn. She’s a nurse, and I’m sure she would love to see your scratch.”
“That’s not going to happen either.”
“Then I suggest you let me take a look at it because I’m not leaving until I do.” She looked him square in the eye.
If he had thought she was afraid of him before, he was mistaken. She was one bossy little thing. It kind of turned him on. I’m a sick bastard. Taking his pants off, though, without even talking about the missing leg, well . . . that put a cramp in his style.
Thankfully her cell phone rang, and he didn’t need to butt heads with her any longer.
“I’ve got to go. Jamie is getting nervous with me being gone so long; he must be tired after all the excitement today. But I’m sending Lynn to check on you.”
She walked to the door and left him standing there. Everything in him wanted to stop her, but he could barely move without feeling a sharp pain. Maybe Lynn would want to have a look.
Carefully he made his way to the couch and waited for her inevitable arrival.
Chapter Seven
Thankfully everything had settled down when she arrived to check on Jamie. All three boys were lying on the floor, watching television with their heads resting on Blossom. She lifted her head to give Danielle a look as though saying, “I’ve got this.” What had she been worried about? Blossom had her back every time.
No longer needing to worry about Jamie had calmed her nerves only slightly. Her heart was still pounding with worry over Beckett’s leg. Danielle informed Lynn and Darren how he fell to the ground and wouldn’t let her help him. She left out the details of
what initiated the fall in the first place. That was something no one ever needed to know.
Lynn picked up her phone. “Hi, can you come over right away and watch the kids? Danielle and I need to check on Beckett.”
Me? He made it clear he didn’t want me there. I can’t go back. She also didn’t want to be in the same room when he found out she ratted him out to his sister. What they needed right now was distance. “I can stay here with the children. I’m not a nurse or anything, so what help can I be? You go.”
Lynn turned to Danielle and said, “I can evaluate and bandage him, but I might need you to talk some sense into that thick head of his. If the look on your face was any indication of blood loss, he might need to be seen off the island. I don’t think medical supplies are here yet.”
She wasn’t sure it truly was that bad since he wouldn’t let her see. The only thing she had to go by was her gut. It wasn’t like Danielle had ever been around anything more than a skinned knee or elbow, so to her, blood seeping through his pant leg was bad. God, I hope I didn’t make a big deal out of nothing. But, then again, I don’t want him really hurt either.
It had only taken a few minutes for Elaine and Trent to show up at Lynn’s. “What’s going on with Beckett now?”
“I don’t really know yet. I’ll let you know once I get there. Brad is sleeping in my room, and the other boys are settled down, watching cartoons.”
“If you need someone to knock his ass out so you can check him out, I would be more than happy to help,” Trent added.
“Yeah, I remember how well that worked out when you guys were kids. I don’t need two patients,” Lynn said as they headed out the door.
Their suite was close by, so they arrived at Beckett’s quickly. Lynn didn’t even knock; she just walked right in. Danielle stood outside the door for a second. Oh, I really don’t want to be here.
Forcing herself to follow Lynn’s lead, she reluctantly entered. Lynn was already kneeling by him, pulling out a pair of scissors she had in her bag to cut his pant leg. It appeared the bleeding hadn’t ceased as she had hoped. When she left him, he was standing, in pain and bleeding, but at least standing. Seeing him lying on the couch with his belt off his pants and tied around his upper thigh was proof that telling Lynn was the right decision.
“Will you two get the fuck out of here? I’ve got this under control,” Beckett barked, but Lynn didn’t flinch.
Danielle wanted to fulfill his request, yet her feet seemed to stay planted behind Lynn. Looking down, she couldn’t see exactly where the bleeding was coming from.
“I see you’re not wearing your protective sleeve like the doctor told you to,” Lynn said as she helped him take off his leg.
Danielle gulped at the sight of the blood once the prosthesis was removed. The force of them coming down so hard on the ground must have caused the visible cut, so much blood for something that didn’t look all that big.
She lifted her hand to cover her mouth and felt herself get lightheaded. Hold it together, girl. Lynn doesn’t need to pick you up off the floor. It’s just blood. You can do this, Danielle.
The longer she looked, the more her legs wobbled. She wanted to be there, be supportive, but she quickly remembered why she didn’t choose a job in the medical field. She had to turn away.
Before she did, her eyes met the cold, piercing glare from Beckett. He mouthed the words, and she got the message as clear as if he’d shouted them to her. “Leave now!”
She had been here before. He didn’t want her here, and it really wasn’t her place: not in his room and not on this island. Without saying a word, not even to Lynn, she quietly walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. I need to go home. Back to New York.
There was only one problem. No one got on or off the island without someone making the arrangements for them. Anyone she approached would want to know what was causing her sudden departure. How could she explain what she didn’t understand herself?
All she could do was pick up Jamie and Blossom, retreat back to her own suite, and hope tomorrow would be a better day. God knows it can’t get much worse.
Her night of sleep was far from restful. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Beckett looking at her. His eyes were filled with anger, hate. What had she done that had been so terrible to cause him to feel that way? It was obvious he needed medical attention.
When she got up and headed for breakfast, she told herself that today was a fresh start. She would apologize for whatever it was she had done, and they could start over with a clean slate.
As she and Jamie walked down the hall, they met up with Drew. “Good morning. No KJ this morning?”
“She’s not back yet. KJ said she wanted to stay with Beckett.”
Back? Stay? “Why is KJ with Beckett?”
Drew stopped walking and said, “I thought you were with him when he got hurt.”
“Yes, but I thought Lynn was going to bandage it up and everything was going to be okay.”
“Danielle, that wasn’t the first time he injured his leg. With the loss of blood and risk of infection, they had the chopper fly him and KJ out last night.”
Oh, my God. If I hadn’t startled him like that, none of this would have happened. This is my fault. No matter what he said, this is my fault. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, figured that out when you went white as a ghost. KJ texted me earlier. It’s not life-threatening, just needs attention. KJ has the most experience dealing with military hospitals, so she asked to go. Come on; let’s get breakfast and wait for some news.”
As they entered the main dining room, Lynn saw them and approached. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, fine.” Why wouldn’t I be? It’s not me who was injured. Not physically, at least.
“My brother can be a jackass sometimes. When you left so suddenly, I figured he had said something to you,” Lynn said plainly.
Oh, you sure do know your brother. “It wasn’t my place. I needed to be with Jamie. And by the looks of it, you had everything under control, including Beckett. I’m just glad he’ll be okay.”
“He will be, thanks to you,” Lynn replied.
Oh, yeah, this is all thanks to me.
Beckett had spent several hours listening to the doctors tell him the same shit they always did. He never took their advice, yet each time he came in they acted like it was the first time they’d said it. He wasn’t sure at this point who was more stubborn. Money is still on me.
“So the doctor said you could leave,” KJ said as she entered his hospital room.
There wasn’t any question of him leaving. The only question was if it was with or without the doctor’s permission. He knew he’d needed to come in. Once he started feeling lightheaded from blood loss, there really wasn’t any other option. They had suggested giving him blood but he refused saying it would replenish its self. So the doctors stitched up the tear in his flesh once more. Every fucking time he thought it had healed permanently, he did something to injure it again. Usually, it wasn’t something he could have helped. This time, it totally was his fault. “Let’s get out of here.” He reached for the crutches by his bedside.
“Perfect. The chopper is waiting to take us back to Marpe-Agape Island.”
She was out of her freaking mind if she thought he was going back there. Not on crutches he wasn’t. He was going home, and once he could put his prosthesis back on, he would return. Beckett didn’t want anyone looking at him with pity or disgust.
The look in Danielle’s eyes when she saw his leg or lack thereof was exactly what he thought it would be. One of disgust. Who could blame her? It wasn’t just the loss of the leg, but what was left was riddled with scars that went beyond his thigh. There were reasons he always wore a shirt on the beach now. He might still have rock-hard abs, but the entire right side was almost as bad as his thigh. Fucking IED.
“You can drop me off at the airport. I’m not going back.”
KJ crossed her arms and tapped her foot. “
Listen here, Master Gunnery Sergeant Davis, it’s time to suck it up and go back to the celebration. Everyone there is worried about you. It would be good for them to see you’re okay.”
Unlike his sisters who were nurses, KJ had served overseas in some of the worst places as a trauma nurse in the Marines. For all he knew, she was one of the nurses who had treated him after the explosion. They shared something in common, something neither would ever say out loud, but both understood. Memories.
“KJ, I know you mean well, but I need to be alone right now.”
“Why is that? Because you lost control and slammed that poor, sweet girl onto the ground like a ragdoll?”
That should’ve been reason enough, but his excuse was much shallower than that. “So they all know?”
KJ shook her head. “No. Gunny told me. He won’t say anything, but that doesn’t mean you should run from it either.”
If only running were something one could do to get away from one’s thoughts. When he was with Danielle, he even forgot he was missing a leg. She had a way of taking him to a place he’d thought he would never see again. A place of peace. For a moment in time, he had allowed himself to envision what it would be like to have what the others shared. He was happy for them, but when he blacked out, all hope of that vanished. There was no way he could expose someone like her to that ever again. “If you know this, why do you want me to go back there? You of all people know what could have happened.”
“Yes, you’re right. I do know. But I also know it didn’t happen. Deep inside all that shit we carry is the person we have always been and, with the right people around us, we can be again. I’m not saying you’ll forget because you never will. Anyone who tells you that is lying. But what you can do is find someone who loves you enough to take the bad with the good. Trust me, Drew could tell you some stories about me. But you know what? He never will because he has my back. You will find that, Beck. It’s out there. You can’t find it locked away in your apartment. All that does is box you in with what you’re trying to forget, until one day you implode.” She grabbed his jacket and tossed it to him. “Don’t make me pull rank on you, Davis.”
All Bets Off: Betting On You Series: Book Five Page 5