Crossing Bedlam

by Charles E Yallowitz

  “My turn then,” Lloyd claims with a maddening cackle. A rumble in his stomach causes his mind to lose its first question, so he blurts out the next thing he can think of. “What food do you miss from the pre-collapse days? I know you are old enough to have some clear memories from that time. So tell me what you wrap your mouth around and devour in seconds if you ever saw it again.”

  Cassidy tries her best not to laugh at Lloyd’s question, the man seemingly oblivious to his last statement’s alternate meaning. Munching on the apple, the blonde thinks about how many foods still exist due to the foreign trades. The quality is not always good and many dishes become rare as you move further inland. Since she has spent most of her life on the coast, which makes the question rather difficult. A distant memory pops into her head, the images from her third Halloween where she managed to hide half her candy in her elaborate cartoon character costume. The result was a restless night and a stomach ache, but she remembers one item that she cherished above the others.

  “There were these really sour candies that I loved,” Cassidy answers, the faint taste of the mouth-puckering sweets on her tongue. Noticing that she is drooling, the young woman wipes her chin with her arm and eats more of the apple. “I was part of the track team in high school, so I tried to eat healthy. While my teammates ate ice cream or fast food for their indulgence, I gobbled up these candies until I cried. Not sure where they came from, but I haven’t been able to find them again. Neddy tried once and came up empty, which means they either no longer exist or are so local that I’d have to figure out where they’re being made.” A gunshot causes her to turn around and she sees another potential looter fall off the truck. “Now my question to you is one that’s been bugging me for a while. Why are you still alive instead of having been executed?”

  “Because I’m not an idiot. Don’t let the gleeful murdering fool you. I tested high in my school days, so I’m a smart psychopath,” Lloyd answers, doing his best impression of an arrogant intellectual. He is unable to maintain his smug expression and breaks into a laugh that is loud enough to startle the drowsy rhinos. “They caught me fair and square, so I admitted to everything with pride. I wasn’t sure what the death penalty situation was in New York, but I didn’t want to test my luck. As much as I like killing, I’m not a big fan of being on the other end of the knife. So I made an impromptu speech about how I’m a different type of animal and destroying me would mean a lost opportunity for science. The mind of a serial killer might work differently than that of a boringly normal person. Offering myself up to a lifetime of experiments and tests seemed more fun than sitting in a cell waiting for a Grim Reaper cocktail. Unless they gave me the chair like the big awesome guy in that violent noir-like movie. Anyway, the court considered my request and a bunch of curious scientists got themselves a six foot tall lab rat without the public knowing that part of the story. Jokes on the white coats though, because they didn’t learn anything from me.”

  “For some reason, all of that makes me happy to have you on my side instead of against me.”

  “My question. Color of your underwear?”

  “Try again.”

  “Why do you have a scar on your forehead?”

  “Because there was a cut that didn’t heal completely.”

  “No fair being elusive. You have to answer the next one no matter what now.”

  “Fine. Give me your best shot, old man.”

  “I get that you were raised and protected by your mother. So, what happened to your father?”

  Cassidy’s face turns a little pale and she is about to get out of the jeep when she remembers the sniper. Feeling cornered and anxious, her breathing becomes heavy and she angrily stomps on the floor. Smacking the steering wheel a few times, she calms down enough to face Lloyd and give a silent warning that he better not repeat what she is about to say. For the first time since their meeting, the serial killer has a flicker of fear in his eyes and his companion can only imagine what is going through his head.

  “My father is either alive or dead, but one thing I do know is that I don’t give a shit about him,” Cassidy answers, bitterness and pain dripping from her words. Memories of her mother crying in the bathroom at night causes a few tears to fester in her eyes. “I shouldn’t be angry at him considering what happened to us. We were trying to get out of Manhattan during the early riots. People were doing whatever evil thing you could think of. Dad was carrying my baby brother because my mom had broken her arm in a previous riot escape. A big guy thought my dad was hiding something valuable in the blankets and tackled him to steal the bundle. You ever see what happens when two full grown men fall with all their weight on a four month old? I’ll never forget it and my dad never did either. He carried my brother’s body all the way to the suburbs and never said a word to us. Couldn’t even look my mom in the eye. We buried my brother in a nearby park by a large pond that has ducks and got the apartment after my dad took a few jobs to earn it. The man got us everything we needed to make the place a home then one night he disappeared. All he left was an apology note and this pea coat, which my mom bought him before the blockade.”

  Silence fills the jeep for several minutes before Lloyd hums a lilting tune that he vaguely remembers from the funeral scene of a fantasy movie. “So do you think we can escape when it gets entirely dark?”

  “Depends on the moon, but the sniper might have night vision goggles.”

  “Then we should sleep and hope the rhinos leave by morning.”

  “With any luck, one of us will dream up a plan.”

  Lloyd is already snoring by the time Cassidy finishes talking, the sound mixing with the animal snorts and the occasional gunshot. Kicking off her boots, the young woman settles back and uses her pea coat as a pillow. Reaching into an inner pocket, she finds the note from her dad and runs a finger along the bullet hole in its center. The crinkled paper still holds the scent of her mother’s perfume and the milder aroma of her father’s aftershave. Even with so much anger aimed at her parents, Cassidy takes comfort in the familiar scents and silently wishes one of them taught her how to escape a crazed sniper.

  *****

  “Fuck!” Cassidy shouts when she sees that the rhinos are still around.

  “If this goes on any longer, I’ll be the sane one here,” Lloyd interjects while flossing his pearly teeth. He tosses another bottle out the window, the container shattering against a dead body. “Our friend killed three more people during the night. Do you think we’ve established that we’re not a threat?”

  “More that we’re trapped and patient. Let me get something and see if I can put an end to this,” the blonde says, her hair a tangled mess that she feebly tries to fix. Crawling into the back, she finds the megaphone and holds it near the open window. “Not sure if you can hear me, but we don’t mean any harm. All we want to do is reach Interstate 80. The rhinos are of no interest to us. So please let us go.”

  “And maybe let us loot the truck!” Lloyd shouts into the device. He winces at the elbow that strikes his ribs and he collapses on top of his companion. “You’re all about supplies and not wasting anything. Think about how much food and water we’ve used sitting here. We could really use a looting run.”

  Cassidy is about to answer when a loudspeaker crackles to life in the distance and a female voice replies to her request. “If you’re asking to loot then I can assume you’re a danger to my babies. Those horns may be worth something to someone out in the wild. The only reason you two aren’t dead is because I can’t get a clear shot. So you wait in your car and we’ll see how this plays out. By the way, my name is Penny if you’re settled on talking.”

  “Couldn’t we have shot them before you reacted?” Cassidy asks, shoving Lloyd away and keeping her bare foot over his mouth. She turns off the megaphone, but keeps it in position to make the Guardian think she is going to speak again. “Let me get a little further with her before we try to make a looting request. We’re obviously dealing with a paranoid individual, but
she seems somewhat rational.”

  “Keep in mind that this is coming from me. Have you seen the pile of innocent victims?”

  “I said somewhat.”

  Penny’s loudspeaker screeches to life, but the first thing they hear is the end of a yawn. The Guardian coughs and tries to pretend she swallowed a bug, her exhaustion from staying up all night barely noticeable in her breathing. A loud crack and hiss can be heard, the trapped travelers assuming their enemy is chugging an energy drink. Their guess is proven right when Penny burps and makes a strange shuddering noise that ends with an upbeat, wordless yell. A few strange snorts ensue before she mutters a curse and notices that her loudspeaker is on. Instead of turning it off, the Guardian clears her throat and taps the microphone to create an ear-wrenching shriek.

  “That’s what you two sound like over my surveillance equipment,” Penny bluffs, unable to see the eye rolling of her captives. Believing she has the upper hand, the sniper takes on a friendlier tone of voice. “If you tried to drive around my babies then I might believe you didn’t care about them. Instead, you stayed here as if looking for the opportunity to poach. Just waiting for me to fall asleep or for them to wander into the nearby trees where I wouldn’t have a clear shot. Even if you killed them on the road before I could react, you’d have to come into the open to claim the horns. That’s when I would avenge my babies.”

  “I had a pet hamster when I was a kid and let it roam free in the house. Loved the little guy until the vacuum got him,” Lloyd says into the megaphone. He frowns when he sees that Cassidy has not turned the device back on, so he steals it and flicks the switch. “I’m new to the outside world, so I don’t know what you’re going on about. Shouldn’t you be more afraid of someone killing the rhinos for meat? After all, you can’t eat the horn and I’m betting a lot of people are hungry. With that in mind, you probably saw us stock up the jeep and know that we wouldn’t be able to carry even one dead rhino in this thing much less two. Not to mention I’m betting they taste terrible and we didn’t pack enough ketchup to work with that.”

  “Humor is unappreciated here,” the Guardian states, her mouth obviously full of food. A muffled noise appears as she tries to talk before swallowing. “I saw your shirt when you were packing up. Must think you’re some kind of hero. After all, you have the face of one plastered on your chest.”

  “Lady, your aim is so bad that you pissed in the sink behind you,” the black-haired man replies as he returns to his seat. Grabbing some jerky to appease his stomach, he shrugs and watches the distant building through the rear view mirror. “We should drive off and double back to kill this bitch. She’s hopped up on something and out for blood. You can hear it in her voice along with her having the intelligence of a dead wombat. Let’s face it, kid. The woman is nuts and unwilling to work with us.”

  Penny’s voice erupts from the loudspeaker, the sniper hearing everything because Cassidy never turned the megaphone off. “I am totally sane! You two idiots are the ones who dared to threaten my babies. Just like all the other people who pretended to be looters in an attempt to lull me into a false sense of security. Would a crazy person be smart enough to see through that trick after not having slept in three days? I think not! So shut up!”

  “What if we were to prove that we didn’t mean any harm?” Cassidy asks, hoping to calm the snarling woman. A sputtering noise that reminds her of a sassy chimpanzee is the only response, so she takes a deep breath and presents her risky idea. “You’re worried that we will try to hurt your babies. I’m guessing you saw us pack up our weapons, which gives you a decent reason to be cautious. What if we were to do something in your view that proved we were harmless? My friend mentioned the truck, so we could loot it without weapons. You can observe us when we leave and we’ll show that we’re unarmed. Once we’re done restocking, you’ll give us a minute to get back inside the jeep and drive. Considering our arms will be full, there’s no way we could get a gun and shoot in that time.”

  “Not to mention our front windshield is bulletproof, so we’d have to lean out the side windows to take the shot,” Lloyd adds, giving his friend a thumbs up. The killer is not entirely sure that their plan will work, but he figures Cassidy knows what she is doing. “Everybody wins here. Our legs get stretched and we restock. You get peace of mind. Though I’m not sure how we can prove that we’re unarmed.”

  Penny giggles before cracking open another energy drink and saying, “Strip to your underwear and then do the looting. That way I’ll know you aren’t carrying any guns. Also, you’ll be defenseless if my babies decide to attack.”

  “What if we don’t own underwear?” the blushing killer innocently asks.

  “Then that’s your problem.”

  “Somebody needs to get laid.”

  A bullet pings off the jeep’s roof and Penny screams obscenities over the loudspeaker as Cassidy turns off the megaphone. Not wanting to waste any time arguing with a woman who is suffering from sleep deprivation and possibly overdosing on energy drinks, the blonde begrudgingly strips down to her underwear. She gestures for Lloyd to follow suit, the man taking some extra time to put on boxers that are adorned with the face of a green-haired comic book villain. On stiff legs, the pair get out of the jeep with their arms up and stand still for a minute to make sure Penny has checked them. In case the Guardian thinks he is hiding something in his pants, Lloyd gets entirely naked for a few seconds and spins around before pulling his underwear back up. He is already thinking of various ways to murder the sniper while following Cassidy to the overturned truck.

  Unsure if Penny will keep her word, the pair hurry to the trailer and press against it to stay out of their enemy’s sights. Ignoring the cab because it would require climbing up to the door, they inch toward the back. Cassidy moves Lloyd behind her and gets on all fours to peek around the corner, her head kept near the ground instead of where the sniper might be aiming. She is relieved to see that one of the looters managed to break the lock and open the doors before taking a bullet through the neck. Signaling for her companion to wait outside, she slips into the trailer and is disappointed to discover that the accident has scattered most of the food and water across the floor. Rummaging through the mess, she finds a few undamaged bottles of orange juice and three boxes of granola bars. Knocking on the wall, she places the supplies outside so Lloyd can take them without making himself a target.

  Continuing her search through the debris, Cassidy cringes at the feel of ruined food beneath her bare feet. The only other salvageable items she can find are a small fire extinguisher, several packs of dried fruit she originally mistook for potpourri, and a box of grape-flavored chewing gum. Figuring they can be useful for trade if nothing else, Cassidy turns back to the door and freezes when she hears thundering footsteps. It takes her a second to identify the sound and notice that her previous finds are still sitting outside.

  Rushing for the exit, she is knocked to the ground when one of the rhinos slams into the trailer and its horn punctures the wall. Lloyd’s voice cuts through the animal’s snorts and grunts, but Cassidy cannot understand what he is saying. Scrambling to her feet, she struggles to get out of the truck as the two beasts continue their attack. Crawling into the open, the blonde whistles for her partner who is nervously standing between the rhinos. Their horns are stuck in the trailer while Lloyd calmly pats them on the head. With a nervous laugh, the killer ducks under one of them and backs away from the aggravated beasts. Joining Cassidy, he helps her gather up the supplies and they sprint for the jeep, but the animals quickly free themselves and go back on the attack.

  “What happened?” she asks as they run by their vehicle and into the trees. They hope the rhinos are unable to follow, but doubt their luck will change so suddenly. “Did you do something to them? They were ignoring us this whole time and now they’re trying to kill us. I know you did something, Tenay!”

  “I may have dropped my boxers and slapped my butt at them,” Lloyd replies as he leads the way back arou
nd. He can hear a tree falling over as their snorting pursuers try to follow. “Who would have thought they’d understand that gesture? Any ideas on how to get out of this mess that I take full responsibility for? Odd that we haven’t been shot yet.”

  A bullet shatters a branch above Cassidy’s head, causing her to glare at the man. “You had to say it. Run back to the trailer and maybe my new plan will work. Take these things because I’ll need both hands.”

  The rhinos are on their heels as they try to get to the trailer, the tall obstacle preventing Penny from getting a clear shot. Cassidy pulls the pin on the fire extinguisher and prays it is full as she whirls around to face the two animals. With a loud hiss, the cold foam sprays from the nozzle and hits the rhinos in the face, driving them away. Slumping to the ground, the travelers watch the beasts retreat onto the distant road and disappear around the bend. The sound of a tireless wheel scraping against the ground and a car getting rolled over is the last they hear from the animals that will haunt their dreams for several nights.

  “You look like a buffet had sex with a hand grenade,” Lloyd mentions with a laugh. Getting to his feet, the serial killer stares at the jeep and wonders if they can reach it. “If Penny is still out there then we’re stuck again. Though she can’t see her babies, which means she’ll have to move on soon. At least if I understand these Guardians now.”

  “We left the doors open and the key is in the ignition,” Cassidy points out, wiping the smooshed pastries and mutilated gummy snacks off her skin. Unable to make any progress, the young woman resigns herself to a sticky driver’s seat and a quick stop at the first water source they can find. “Even with these things, we can dive in and take cover. At this point, I’ll drive blindly until I have to make the turn over there. Think I got the distance and timing in my head, but it’s better than dragging this on any longer.”