Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six

by Bartlett, Gerry

  “Uh, hate to interrupt, but I’m coming through.” Penny’s voice penetrated the fog that had made me forget everything but Jerry. “Oh, my God! Is that Israel Caine on the couch?”

  I eased away from Jerry’s arms and turned to see Penny, followed by two burly shifters carrying boxes.

  “Yes, that’s Ray. Just finish up. Is that your last load? You only have a few hours until dawn, you know.” I sounded like a snippy house mother, which I was at the moment.

  “Yes, last load. Fellas, the boxes go back here. Follow me.” Penny smiled at Jerry, gawked at Ray, then headed toward her bedroom.

  Jerry and I just stood there silently, patiently waiting until the two men left and Penny had closed the door.

  “Uh, hi, Mr. Blade.” Penny flushed. “Sorry if I’m in the way here. I’ll be working on my laptop.” She held up earphones. “These are noise-cancelling. Top of the line. Going to my bedroom now. Music on. Loud.” She headed toward the hall. “ ’ Night.”

  “Thanks, Penny. I’ll explain about Ray tomorrow. I promise.” I smiled at her gratefully. She really was incredibly bright. When she’d disappeared, her door closing with a click, Jerry moved away from me to sit on the coffee table near Ray’s head.

  “Now I’m going to prove just how much I love you, Gloriana.” He bit his own wrist, then shoved it into Ray’s mouth. “Drink, you sorry bastard. Drink and heal so you can get the hell out of here.”

  I stared at Jerry, my mouth open. As proof of love, this was a doozy. Jerry giving his life force to Ray. And of course Ray latched on. Jerry’s ancient blood was irresistible. Ray gulped and swallowed, taking it in and healing, almost before our eyes. The cut on top of his head vanished and the circles under his eyes disappeared. He had his healthy tan back too, the tan he’d had when he’d been turned vampire. I dragged my gaze from that miracle to move behind Jerry, running my hands through his soft hair.

  “Thank you. This means—”

  “What I said. That I love you. That I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that.” He jerked his arm away from Ray, swearing as his skin ripped. He kept a hand on Ray’s chest when Ray tried to go for another drink. “Cease your whining, Caine. You’ve had enough.” He leaned down and stared into Ray’s eyes, now bright and alert. “Sleep. When you wake up tomorrow night, you should be good as new. Whatever the hell that means to you.”

  To my astonishment, Ray meekly closed his eyes, apparently down for the count.

  “You whammied him.” I stepped back when Jerry rose and pushed the coffee table out of his way.

  “Aye.”

  “I didn’t think that was possible with another vampire. Especially one like Ray, who wouldn’t want to do anything you ordered him to do.” I glanced at Ray again, who was clearly sleeping peacefully.

  “He’s still weak, has enough of my blood in him to be susceptible to me, and no will to resist.” Jerry scooped me into his arms and carried me toward my bedroom. “I’m hoping that last one applies to you as well.”

  “Wait a damned minute.” Even I realized there was no heat behind my protest. I grabbed the doorframe as he stepped over the threshold, stopping us before he was actually inside the bedroom. I had to at least make a token attempt to slow this down.

  Jerry grinned down at me. “You want me to leave? After I went against every instinct that said let the bleeding sod rot? I fed him for you, Gloriana. I’d hoped that would prove something to you.”

  “It proved, Jerry, that you like to make grand gestures. No news there.” We both knew Ray would have healed on his own. Eventually. There was no need to bring that up.

  “Can’t say I wasn’t impressed.” I stroked his cheek. The roughness of his late-night beard was just another sign of his virility. He was so strong, so all male. I loved that about him. “But do you want me to fall into bed with you in gratitude? For saving Ray?”

  “I’d take it.” He laughed when I hit his chest. “For a start.” He leaned down to kiss me in that hot and effortless way he had that curled my toes and made me grasp his hair. “But I imagine I could get you to invite me there for other reasons with a little time and persuasion.”

  “I’m too easy for you. You left me here crying your name.” I punched him a little harder this time. He’d hurt me but not nearly as much as I’d hurt him when I’d turned to Rafe. I couldn’t deny that.

  “I’m sorry for that, Gloriana, but I needed to get some things straight in my mind. A man has his pride, you know.” His arms tightened around me and I knew his pain was still raw and would be for a long while yet. If inviting him to lie with me now would make it less, I was more than willing. Who was I kidding? I wanted him with everything in me. I ached for him.

  “A woman has her pride too.” I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “But where you are concerned I have none, it seems. Take me to bed, Jeremiah. Make me scream. If Penny hears too much through her earphones, let her be jealous that I have the most delicious, the most expert lover in the world.”

  “Most expert, eh? Now there’s a high mark.” Jerry was beside the bed in three strides. He laid me gently on the coverlet and gazed down at me. “I have to ask. What the hell happened to your eyes? They look strange.”

  “I lost my eyelashes. You don’t want to know how.” Demons. Jerry would go insane when he realized hell had come calling and that Rafe and I would be working together again.

  “Don’t I?” He crawled on the bed, his hands on either side of my head, his knees bracketing my hips. “Why do I think the shifter is responsible for this?”

  I put my finger on his frowning lips. “Stop. The shifter cannot be here now. Not when I’m thinking I wear too many clothes and so do you.”

  “You’re right. I’m going to make love to you, Gloriana.” Jerry smiled and glanced back at the candles I’d placed on my dresser, left over from an exorcism.

  Oh, definitely not thinking about demons now, not with the candles suddenly lit and the overhead off. I liked the romantic lighting, much more forgiving as he eased off my sweater and dropped it beside the bed. Another glance from Jerry got soft music from my bedside radio.

  “How did you do that?” I sighed as he released the clasp of my bra. Sometimes it felt more like a cage on my too-full breasts.

  “I have more tricks than you can imagine.” His grin was wolfish as he tossed the bra aside and leaned down to trace the marks left by the underwire with his tongue. “I don’t know why you bother wearing such torturous devices. Your breasts are perfect.”

  “They bounce. Not cool.” I shoved my fingers in his hair. “Tricks? I figured you’d shared pretty much all of them over the years.” I gasped when he ran his fangs back and forth across first one nipple then the other.

  “Why don’t you just relax and enjoy, lass.” Jerry’s eyes gleamed as he slipped open the button on my jeans, then eased down the zipper. “Let me do all the work tonight.”

  “Work?” I tugged on his hair. “Since when is lovemaking work to you?”

  “Clearly I am talking too much.” Jerry swooped down, silencing me with a hungry kiss.

  He was right, of course. No more talk. I pushed my hands under his knit shirt to explore the taut muscles of his back, the ridge of an old scar, the bumps of his spine.

  He was taking care of my jeans and panties, getting me naked with an efficiency that was no trick at all. When he released my mouth to explore my breasts again, I managed to tug his shirt up and off him, then took care of the fastening of his jeans. He sucked my nipple into the warmth of his mouth and I moaned, the flick of his tongue and the pressure making me clench between my legs.

  Jerry obviously knew that because he stroked me there, his clever fingers finding just the place that needed attention and, oh, yes, pressure until I gasped and writhed in his arms.

  “Jerry!” I wanted to touch him, to make him lose his mind like I was losing mine. To hell with this “make Glory wild” mission. Suddenly I resented it, resented the way every man in my life—well, make that Jerry a
nd Rafe—always had to be in the driver’s seat. Even in bed. Sure it was all about my pleasure. Yeah, right. But you can bet the farm Jerry would get his rocks off long before dawn and more than once.

  I guess I stiffened or something because Jerry pulled back and stared down at me.

  “What’s wrong, Gloriana?”

  I almost didn’t say anything. He wouldn’t get it. In Jerry’s worldview he was making a big sacrifice here. Giving Glory the big O with all the bells and whistles. I reached up and touched his cheek.

  “I love you, Jerry. You don’t have to prove anything to me.” The truth was I had everything to prove to him. But I wasn’t getting into our issues now. Talk about ruining a mood.

  “I wasn’t—”

  I shut his mouth with a deep and, okay, desperate kiss, then eased off again.

  “You know what I want?”

  “I hoped I was getting there.” His hand rested on the damp curls at the juncture of my thighs. He leaned on one elbow and tweaked one of my nipples and, yes, I shivered.

  “Okay, yes, that.” I nudged his erection with my knee. I’d gotten his jeans off somehow. We were both naked, good to go. Why was I talking? Oh, yeah. “But can you forget tricks and special effects and fantasies and whatever cute things you might have up your sleeve and just be with me?”

  Jerry frowned. “First, look, no sleeves. Second, I set a scene, wasn’t much of a trick there. And, third?” He lay beside me and pulled me into his arms. “There’s nothing I like better than just being with you. I love you. Do with me what you will. But don’t expect me to just lie here and take it.” He rolled me on top of him. “You’ve been known to inspire me.”

  “Back at you.” I smiled and slid down his body to take him into my mouth. His gasp and groan were my reward. He only allowed it a few moments before he turned me so he could taste me as well. We drove each other wild with our fangs and our tongues until I finally pulled away to sit astride him, impaling myself on his rigid cock.

  “Jerry!” I sighed as he filled me, sure no one else quite made me feel this complete. He held my breasts, his fingers clasping my sensitive nipples as he looked at me with love in his eyes.

  I couldn’t imagine why I still held his devotion. I had tested it and would continue to strain this relationship. I leaned down to kiss his mouth as we moved, my body convulsing just as his did. We were so attuned, so in sync. If only we could forget everything but the here and now. Finally I trembled and lay in Jerry’s arms, too languid to do more than kiss his damp shoulder.

  “I will never be able to look Penny in the eyes again.” Jerry grinned, took my hand and placed it on his chest. “Move in with me and leave her here. Then you won’t have to.”

  “Can’t. I’m her mentor, remember?” I sat up and stared down at him. “And don’t rush me. A half hour ago I thought we were no longer a couple.”

  Jerry glanced at the clock on the bedside table. “That was more like an hour ago. And we will always be a couple. Make no mistake about that.” He stretched, his naked body a thing of beauty and, wow, pure sex on a stick. “I’m spending the day. You couldn’t blast me out of here. Not with Caine on your couch.”

  “Did I ask you to leave?” I glanced at that same clock. Another half hour or so till dawn. I got up and opened the bedroom door, glancing down the hall. Penny’s music was so loud, I could hear it out here. I guess if she were mortal, I’d worry about hearing damage. I grinned and went to check on Ray, not really worried that I was naked. If he woke up and peeked, Jerry would have a good excuse to knock him in the head again. I would probably enjoy watching that.

  But Ray was still out. I put a hand on his chest and could tell it was a natural sleep, not yet the death sleep that would hit him when dawn came. I took a quick detour to the kitchen, dragging every bottle of synthetic with alcohol into a bag, then grabbed an ordinary one for myself. I picked up the bag and carried it into the bedroom.

  “What’s that?” Jerry had propped himself up in bed.

  “Blud-Lite. It has alcohol. I’m hiding it in my closet. So Ray can’t get into it. I’m going to help him dry out if he’ll let me.” I dumped it in the bottom of my clothes hamper, then threw a dirty towel on top of it.

  “You’re kidding.” Jerry jumped out of bed, slid a bold hand over my backside just to show he’d noticed I was naked, then took the bottle of synthetic out of my hand and twisted off the top. “You really think he’ll let you do that?”

  “Doubt it, but I’m going to offer. I still feel like his mentor, Jer.” I took the bottle he held out to me and took a swallow. “Ray knows I’m not into him.” I grinned. “Not like I’m into you.” I rubbed my bare breasts against his chest.

  “He’d better.” Jerry jerked me against him. “Come back to bed.”

  “Oh, I am. Just needed to get my strength back.” I quickly drained the bottle, then set it on the dresser. “You’ve fed Ray, I’ve fed Ray. I think we both need to take a rest from feeding tonight.” I ran my finger down the center of his chest to his navel and twirled a curl there. “But not from any other sort of fun.”

  “Fun. Yes, I’ve got some ideas about that and I think it’s my turn.” He backed me toward the bed and rolled us until I landed on top of him. “Remember some of the fantasies we’ve tried?”

  “Oh, yeah. What can we manage in twenty minutes?” I laughed when Jerry listed four that made me shiver. Oh, yeah. My guy was serious about keeping us together. Now if I could just make sure not to mess this up. Of course there was always help with that.

  Nine

  I had a new definition of hell: four vampires, one bathroom and an ancient hot water heater.

  “Look, it’s my apartment so I go first.” I gave Jerry, then Ray, an uncompromising look. “And, no, I don’t need company in the shower.”

  Penny giggled. I swear she hadn’t taken her eyes off Ray since we’d all popped awake at sunset. Well, Ray hadn’t exactly popped. He still showed some effects of a rough night before, lounging on the couch and trying to weasel information from a dazzled Penny about my stash of alcoholic synthetic. Someone should run downstairs and get the man a shirt. Penny glanced at me and winked. Hmm. Maybe not.

  “Go ahead, Gloriana. I’ll make sure Caine behaves himself around your fledgling.” Jerry plopped himself in the chair nearest the couch. I swear if he’d brought his broadsword, it would be resting across his knees.

  “Right, babe. Go for it. I’m not sure I can stand alone in a shower anyway.” Ray leaned back to smile at me. “When it’s my turn, you’ll have to go in and hold me up, scrub my back.”

  “Like hell.” Jerry pulled a knife from the sheath he kept at his ankle and began to clean his nails. “I’ll dump you in the tub, Caine, and hose you down with the showerhead myself. Water should be good and cold by then.” He grinned and waved his knife at me. Even from the doorway I could see that it was wickedly sharp.

  “Put the knife away, Jerry.” I sighed and took advantage of the lull to grab my clothes and hurry into the bathroom. What a circus. Oh, no. Bad choice of words. Because who should jump out from behind the bathroom door and cause me to drop my underwear and dress but Spyte?

  “Israel Caine.” The demon wasn’t in clown costume today but black jeans and T-shirt. He shouldered the door closed and we were shut inside together. How creepy was this?

  “What about him?” I picked up my dress and hung it on the hook on the back of the door. “Get out of my bathroom.” I could barely move without touching the demon and I sure wasn’t taking off my robe with Spyte the spy in here.

  “He’s a hell-raiser. A prime candidate. We could make every song he puts out an instant hit. Or we can give him his mortality back. Tell him that. Reel him in for the big guy and you’ll be shrinking before you know it.” Spyte gave me a hip bump in case I missed the point.

  “Ray is basically a good person. He’s just a little depressed. I won’t be the one to send him to hell.” I set my underwear on the back of the toilet, then sat on t
he closed seat. “Get out of here. I need a shower and you’re not invited.”

  “Too bad. Curvy women were once my thing.” Spyte stared at my robe and I figured he could see right through it. “True hell is when you still appreciate the view but can’t do anything about it. Trust me on that.”

  “And that’s what you want for Ray?” I jerked my robe closed, even though I hadn’t even been showing cleavage. “Get out. Leave my friends alone. You approach Ray and no way I’m helping with Simon. That’s our deal. Don’t drop in here again. You screw this up and I bet Lucifer will be mighty unhappy with you. Am I right?”

  “Yes, of course. But then he’s always unhappy and bored. Takes a lot to amuse him. It’s a hell thing. Sure, he gets a charge now and then when we bring him somebody unexpected. Like a do-gooder who does bad or a really public figure who falls prey to one of our seductresses.” Spyte gave me another once-over. “You seem to keep your guy happy in the sack. We’ve got a job opening in that department. Pay’s lousy but there are benefits you wouldn’t believe.” Spyte’s leer made me shudder. “Lucifer likes to interview applicants himself. I’ve heard those one-on-ones can be quite an experience.”

  “Get. Out.” I hopped up and opened the lid of the toilet. I pointed to the water. “I’m sure you know the way.”

  “Funny girl. Hurry with that shower. Your bud Valdez is on his way and I don’t think your lover is going to be happy to see him.” With an evil grin, Spyte vanished, just not into the bowl.

  I looked all around, even behind the shower curtain, then stripped and turned on the water. So what if the water was still cold? I had to hurry. Rafe and Jerry in the same room. They needed a referee and Penny wasn’t up to that task.