“Dagnabbit, woman, you are just like my mother.” Franklin turned and went into the kitchen and started rummaging around, thinking Granny needed something to calm her down.
Granny slumped against her bedroom door and took a breath. “What to do? What to do?”
Granny could hear in her mind Sally’s last words to her. “The grass quit talking to me. She had failed Sally. She should have noticed the weeds. She would have known something was wrong and maybe she would have found Sally earlier. Granny wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of Sally’s coat.
Giving herself a little time to sniffle and cry seemed to help.
“Hermiony, are you ok in there? Let me in, Hermiony. Let me help you through this.”
Hearing Franklin’s voice through the door brought Granny straight out of the sniffles, especially hearing him call her Hermiony. No one called her Hermiony anymore. Granny pulled herself away from the door, stood up as straight as someone who is 5’ tall could, and answered, “Don’t come in or I’ll tell the shysters to trip you. Can’t a girl have a moment to herself?” Granny asked as she remembered why she had locked herself in her bedroom.
Granny ripped the bright green coat off and hung it in her closet. She discarded her purple and red-trimmed nightie on the floor of her closet and absent mindedly donned her polyester skirt, a clean blouse and her old lady hosiery, pulling the stockings down around her ankles. She was ready to go back to work in her undercover detective job for the Fuchsia merchants. Maybe by catching a few shoplifters her shock at finding Sally would wear off a little and she could figure out what on earth had happened at Sally’s house.
Franklin took one look at Granny and stated, “Why are you dressed in your work getup?”
“I’m going to work.”
“The Big Guy isn’t going to expect you to patrol the town today after your experience catching the kidnappers yesterday, plus finding Sally today. And no one else will miss you if you’re not there. No one in Fuchsia, except now me and the merchants know what you do. No one else in Fuchsia is going to miss an old lady shopping.”
Granny gave no inkling that she had heard him and walked over to pick up her umbrella that she used for a cane when she wanted to look feeble. It was also her weapon of choice when she needed to hook a crook.
“You walking or driving?” Franklin asked Granny with a twinkle in his eye and then he winked at Granny.
“Are we back to that winking nonsense, Franklin Gatsby? You should know by now it doesn’t work. Now get out of my way. And for your information, I’m walking.”
“You might want to change into your sparkly high tops. We’re supposed to get rain later today and those feathers that you have on your feet might get a little soggy. They might even start honking if they get wet.”
Granny looked down at her feet to see that she had on her feet her designer goose feather slippers. The feathers had been dyed red, and little purple rhinestones sparkled in between the feathers. She had the slippers designed specifically to match her red and purple nightie. They were made out of the goose feathers that the geese had dropped at Blue Bird Park. The edges of the slippers were trimmed with pink feathers and on the bottoms of the slippers, which Franklin couldn’t see, were embroidered the words, “I’m fluffy, so don’t get huffy.”
Granny lifted her eyebrows at Franklin, lifted her umbrella as if to strike, turned on a dime, shot into her bedroom, slammed the door and found her red, sparkly high top tennis shoes. She checked herself in her mirror, muttering to herself. “He seems to be more trouble than he’s worth, and to think I thought he might be attractive.” Granny plopped one of her hats on top of her head and ran right into Franklin as she opened her bedroom door.
As she nudged Franklin out of the way, Baskerville, Fish, the Little White Poodle, Furball, and Tank had been watching Granny and Franklin, and decided to take control of the situation. Baskerville grabbed Granny’s hand in his mouth and pulled her to her chair, Little White Poodle nipped at her heels, Fish and Furball both jumped at her lap at the same time, so she fell back sitting in her chair and Tank was ready on the arm to hurl himself into her lap if she tried to get up.
Just at that moment, Franklin handed Granny a glass of warm milk. Granny looked at the milk as if it were something from another planet. Granny never drank milk unless her kids were at her home or they took her out to eat. They wanted to make sure that she got enough calcium and they insisted she drink her milk. Granny always thought it was their way of getting back at her for all those years she spent “raising them up in the way they should go” and making them drink milk to make their bones stronger and not letting them have pop.
“What is this, Franklin? You know I don’t drink this stuff. You’re not my kids.”
“I thought milk might be just the thing to calm you down.”
“Calm? Don’t I look calm?” Granny took a deep breath, sighed, gave Franklin that meek smile that she always used when she wanted everyone to think she was meek and mild. “Oh, my, Franklin, you are so right; I feel weak. Maybe my kids are right. Maybe I need the wrinkle farm.” With that Granny pretended to take a sip of the milk. “Franklin.” Granny winked at him. “Would you mind? In all of my sorrow, I left my knitting needle behind at Sally’s. Could you see if the police are done with it yet? I don’t think I have it in me to go back over there right now.” Granny dabbed at her eyes with the hem of her blouse. “I’ll quietly drink my milk and maybe I will take a day off.” Granny lowered her eyes and made a small sobbing sound.
“Finally, you’re being sensible. I didn’t know you were in to knitting. While I’m there, I think I’ll look around too. I miss my detective days in New York. Never know when the Big Guy could use another eye.”
Franklin looked at the shysters and Baskerville. “Keep her here, Itsy and Bitsy. Baskerville, guard the door and don’t let her out. Little White Poodle, sit on her feet, Fish, on her head. Got that?”
The five furry creatures started wagging their tails in understanding. Franklin took one look back at them and walked out the door to Sally’s house.
CHAPTER THREE
Granny watched Franklin walk out the door. “Itsy, Bitsy!” Granny looked at Tank who was sitting at her left arm and petted Furball who was sitting next to Fish on her lap. “He still hasn’t learned that you have new names fitting your hero status.” Furball and Tank were actually Franklin’s furry pets but Fish had brought them home one day, and now they spent their days, all four of them, alternating between Granny’s house and Franklin’s abode. Granny wondered what choices Baskerville would make since he became a part of this menagerie yesterday when his owner was carted off to the hoosegow.
Granny stopped petting Furball and reached underneath her sofa cushion with her hand. She pulled out a large bone and a pack of tuna treats. This got the shysters’ attention. First she threw the bone into the kitchen. Tank, Baskerville and Little White Poodle took off, all three reaching the bone at almost the same time. Little White Poodle grabbed the large bone and started dragging it across the floor, Tank and Baskerville trounced behind Little White Poodle trying to catch up and steal the bone.
Granny saw her chance and dumped the entire bag of tuna treats on the floor. Furball and Fish meowed their ninja attack meow and pounced on the treats. Granny hopped over the cats, grabbed her umbrella and sprinted out the door, darting off the front porch and in and out of the bushes until she got to her garage. She took one glance across the street before she slipped into the garage. Franklin was heading to Sally’s back yard with the Big Guy.
Yep, both ‘57 red Chevy Corvettes were there. She hadn’t imagined that she had acquired a second Red Chevy Corvette yesterday. She hadn’t imagined she had parked in her garage last night. Occasionally, Granny forgot where her car was and lately other people had made her think that she was more forgetful than usual by playing tricks on her with her car.
Granny started her car, revving her engine inside the garage with the garage door clos
ed, before putting it in reverse. She wanted to make sure that she made her getaway while Franklin was still in Sally’s back yard, or if he was nearby, he didn’t know she was making her escape.
“One, two, three,” Granny counted as she hit the remote for her garage door on the count of three. The minute the door was raised, just high enough so her car could get out of the garage, Granny put the pedal to the metal, backed up quickly, turning the wheel to the right when she hit the street. Granny slammed on the brakes to stop her backward descent, hit the foot feed and peeled away with a screech that could be heard for blocks.
Not bad for an old lady, Granny thought. She only had a brief moment to look in her rearview mirror and see Franklin and the Big Guy running out from the side of Sally’s house before she was out of their sight.
As Granny cruised past Mrs. Shrill’s house on the way to town, out of habit, she slowed the car to see what she could do to aggravate Mrs. Shrill and get a ”tut, tut, tut” out of her. Then Granny remembered that Mrs. Shrill was no longer there. She wondered what would happen to the house.
Granny parked in front of AbStract, the department store in Fuchsia that sold anything and everything, plus items unique to Minnesota. Usually it was her first stop on her undercover detective meanderings, but this morning Granny only peered in the window. She stopped and turned around to check to make sure the top was up on the car because it looked like rain. Granny never could remember once she left the car if the top was up or down without looking unless her hair was covering her eyes from the wind whipping her hair while cruising with the top down. Once she was sure all was well with her red ‘57 Chevy convertible, she meandered down the street and into Ella’s Enchanted Forest to have a cup of coffee and a twirled, lemon meringue donut.
Ella’s Enchanted Forest had the most delicious coffee drinks and sweet goods in this part of Minnesota and probably the entire nation except for Latte Da in Illinois. Granny had heard that this coffee house in Champaign was the best. Latte Da featured coffee made with beans roasted at their other business called Boneyard Coffee & Tea, but Granny hadn’t had the time to take a trip and visit since catching the crooks in Fuchsia took all of her time. Ella’s also had plants and a forest growing out of part of her building; at least she did until recently when the forest had disappeared. Ella’s had always been an oasis with the ambiance of a garden atmosphere. Granny wondered, as she walked in the door and saw the empty Forest Room, what Delight Delure and her daughter Ella, who the establishment was named after, would do with the room now. Maybe she would ask Granny for her forest back.
As Granny walked in the door, Delight threw her hands into the air and ran up to Granny, started hugging her, lifting Granny off of her feet. Delight was a little hefty and Granny being a tiny slip of a thing was easy to lift off of the ground and be twirled around. Granny held on to her hat with one hand and used the umbrella she was holding in the other hand to reach out and hook the edge of the counter so Delight would stop the twirling.
Delight set Granny down and while Granny held on to the counter for dear life to stop the spinning, Delight started giving orders to her daughter Ella. “Granny gets free coffee and lattes for the rest of her life. Bring her a latte and the specialty donut I made for her full of whipped cream, caramel, chocolate drops, and put five scoops of five different ice creams on top.” Delight held out a chair. “Sit here, Granny, and we will take good care of you.” Delight invited Granny as she dusted off the chair.
Granny, having never been accustomed to being greeted this way when entering Ella’s, kept Delight in line’s eye as she slowly lowered herself down on the chair. “You feelin’ ok, Delight?”
At those words, Delight swept down and again grabbed Granny in a bear hug, rocking back and forth and back and forth as she hugged Granny.
Granny, feeling like a banana being squished out of its peel, managed to slide her umbrella up far enough to touch Delight’s arms and unhook Delight’s left arm from her body. Granny then was loose enough to slide down to the ground off of the chair and out of Delight’s arms.
“Oh, my goodness. Granny, what happened?”
Granny lay down on the floor on one arm, looking up at the underside of the table, trying to come up with an explanation so as to not hurt Delight’s feelings. “I was thinking that you should paint the underside of your tables fuchsia and carry the color up the edges to accent the white on the top of the table. It would brand your coffee nook as the Fuchsia of Minnesota coffee houses.”
Delight lay down on the floor next to Granny and looked at the underside of the table. “You’re right, Granny. What a great idea!”
Delight did not see Granny roll her eyes as she used her umbrella to hoist herself back up and sit down in the chair. “Delight, what’s with the hugging?”
“You saved my daughter’s life, Granny. She could have died, all because she fell for some good looking, fast talking, present bearing lothario.” Delight started sobbing.
“She’s safe now and did you see that cute policeman I had escort her home from the crime scene?” Granny replied, trying to distract Delight onto another subject as Ella set the latte and desert on the table in front of Granny.
Granny was about to take her first bite when the Mayor of Fuchsia, Horatio Helecort, and the entire Fuchsia City Council strolled in the door and headed for the former Forest Room in Ella’s.
“What’s that all about?” Granny asked Delight.
“They told me they were coming. They have to make some big decisions about what they should do with the new streets that you discovered underneath Fuchsia. Should they be boarded up? Should they be used? I bet this is something in their wildest dreams that they never ever thought they would have to deal with.”
Granny could tell Delight something about wildest dreams but a girl still needed to have some secrets.
“Here you are, Granny.” The Big Guy bustled in the front door. “What was with the screeching tires? Did you want a ticket?”
Granny sighed and took a swig of the latte, wishing something stronger had been put in the latte. It was only 9:00 a.m. and it felt like the midnight of doomsday.
“I had to work, Cornelius. I kept seeing Sally tangled in the weeds so I had to work and I knew you and Franklin would try to stop me.”
“Or you knew I would want to question you and you were trying to avoid me because you know more than you’re letting on.”
“What could I know? Sally’s dead, the grass quit talking to her and I failed to help her in her time of need.”
“Granny, tell me why you went over to Sally’s house.”
“I took my binoculars and looked out my window and Sally’s lawn was covered in weeds. Sally does not let weeds grow. I ran over to her house and her door was unlocked. I called her name and she didn’t answer so I went in. There was no one there.”
Granny decided to leave out the part of sneaking into Sally’s closet and borrowing Sally’s green coat. The coat didn’t have anything to do with it anyway and why expose her eclectic bedroom attire to the one who hauled the crooks away after she caught them. She didn’t want him to be distracted by thinking about her in lingerie from Red Hot Momma’s Boutique.
“Then I heard this awful caterwauling. Baskerville must have followed me out of my house and he was in the back yard making this gad awful noise. I ran back to where he was and there was Sally, all tangled in weeds.” Granny started coughing to hide the fact that she might be ready to break down crying and Granny never cried unless she wanted to fool someone.
“What happened next, Granny?” the Big Guy inquired handing her a glass of water.
Granny took a gulp, wishing again it were something stronger. “I knelt down beside Sally. She woke up, grabbed my arm, lifted her head and said to me, “The grass quit talking to me.” Her head fell back and she was gone. Granny hung her head in silence.
“When did George and Mavis arrive?”
“They heard Baskerville and came running. We called 911 a
nd you know the rest.”
“Explain to me why Sally told you the grass quit talking to her.”
“She always went on about her grass and told me it talked to her. She was a little daffy at times, happens to all of us,” Granny said with a helpless look.
“Do you want me to drive you home and you can get your car later? This has been a lot for a woman of your age to take in. I think you should go home and rest.”
At the word rest, Granny’s head popped up and she stuck her jaw out, got a stubborn look on her face and stood up. She stomped her umbrella on the ground right next to the Big Guy’s foot, made a huffing sound and while walking out the door said, “I’m not Sally, I’m not dead and you see my shoes? They’re red. Enough said!” Granny loved rhyming. She didn’t know what all that meant but neither did the Big Guy and it was enough to scare him to leave her alone.
The Big Guy stood up and walked out behind Granny. He watched her walk down the street, knowing when Granny was in that mood, trouble was bound to follow.
CHAPTER FOUR
Granny headed down the main street of Fuchsia with no destination in mind. She was in such deep thought that she didn’t see Ditty Belle sweeping the sidewalk in front of the bookstore that Ditty owned––Persnickety’s. Granny had been using her umbrella to guide her steps when she felt the umbrella become entangled in something. Thinking she was being accosted by a pickpocket, Granny raised her umbrella ready to strike at the same time Ditty Belle thought she was being mugged and raised her broom to strike.
Umbrella and broom in the air, both women looked up just in time to save both of themselves a good conk on the head.
“Ditty!”
“Granny!”
They both exclaimed at the same time, weapons paused in the air.
“Ditty, what do you think you are doing trying to strike an old woman?”
Julie Seedorf - Fuchsia Minnesota 02 - Granny Skewers a Scoundrel Page 2