Julie Seedorf - Fuchsia Minnesota 02 - Granny Skewers a Scoundrel

by Julie Seedorf

  The silence got Granny’s attention away from Mavis’ window. “Good job, Baskerville. Now, may I speak?” Granny’s serious tone, which was unlike her, commanded Penelope, Starshine, and Thor’s attention.

  Franklin decided he had better listen too because she didn’t seem too concerned about helping Itsy and Bitsy. Where were they?

  “Penelope, Starshine and Thor, I would like you to meet Franklin.” Granny gave a little pause, “My fiancé.”

  When the word fiancé came out of Granny’s mouth, Franklin’s head popped up and he gave a startled jump. Granny, as little as she was, had strength and she held on to his arm with a death grip so he couldn’t move without knocking her down.

  “Fiancé!”

  “Fiancé!”

  “Fiancé!” All three children screamed at the same time.

  Franklin and Granny jumped back quickly as the group had advanced on them when they spoke.

  “Yes, my fiancé, Franklin Jester Gatsby.” We met a few weeks ago. He’s a retired New York Police detective who moved to Fuchsia for a quieter life. And he saved my life yesterday. I am in good hands and I would like your blessing. Franklin, don’t you have anything to say?” Granny nudged him lightly with her umbrella.

  “I..ah…I…yes…ahh…Granny, ahh Granny,” Franklin choked and coughed out the words.

  “He’s overcome with emotion from meeting you kids, so you should go. We can arrange another time when you can get to know Franklin better.” Granny started leading them toward their car.

  Thor walked up to Franklin. “I guess congratulations are in order but we aren’t giving our blessing yet.”

  Penelope stood on her tiptoes and looked Franklin in the eyes. Penelope took after her mother in the shortness category. “You harm one hair on her head and you will answer to us.”

  Starshine, whose motto was love, walked over to Franklin, stood on her tiptoes, gave him a kiss on the cheek and a big hug. “Hi, Dad.”

  Before Franklin could unjumble the words running through his head, the three were getting into their car. Thor rolled down the window and gave Granny one more bit of news. “Just so you know, we are going to hold off having you live with Penelope and Butch or taking you to another home. We are going to adopt a wait and see attitude.” Thor rolled the window back up and gunned the engine (Granny had taught him to drive) and roared down the street with his sisters screaming in the back at such an abrupt take off.

  Granny started pacing and ranting. “All this trouble for nothing. I get to stay in my home. They’re leaving me here. They couldn’t tell me that before? Good bye, Franklin. I’ve got things to do.”

  This time it was Franklin’s turn to grab Granny by the arm, only gently. “Do you remember what else I said in my skewered note?”

  “Ah, something about not being responsible for your actions?” Granny answered in a weak voice.

  “Itsy and Bitsy were never in trouble, were they?” At those words, Fish, Little White Poodle, Furball and Tank came prancing out of the pet door onto the porch. They stopped and looked at Granny and Franklin. Fish gave a meow, Little White Poodle stood on his hind legs and shook his front paws in their direction as if in a wave, Tank gave a low growl and Furball gave a hiss as they ran down the steps and scurried down the street in the opposite direction, leaving Baskerville sitting beside Franklin and Granny. Baskerville, seeing that he was being left behind, reared up and quickly licked Franklin on the cheek, rubbed against Granny on his way down and trounced on down the street after the shysters.

  Granny took advantage of the moment and pulled away from Franklin and started up her steps. All of a sudden, she heard roaring laughter. Franklin laughing? Granny turned to see what was so funny. Franklin was laughing so hard he was almost crying.

  In between bursts of laughter, Granny could hear the words coming out of Franklin’s mouth. “You are the most irascible, infuriating, exciting, crazy woman I have ever met besides my mother. You are driving me crazy and I like it.”

  Granny’s eyes opened wide. This wasn’t the reaction she was expecting. She didn’t move.

  “Come on, Hermiony, as long as we’re engaged, I might as well buy you dinner at Rack’s to celebrate our engagement. I might even be able to get you an engagement ring out of the penny trinket machine.” Franklin bowed, walked over to Granny and held out his hand.

  Granny, now suspicious, ignored his hand and walked over to his black Corvette. “I am kind of hungry. Well, what are you waiting for, start the car.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  The waitress at Rack’s seated Granny and Franklin at Granny’s favorite booth towards the back of the restaurant. The booth gave Granny a good view of the other diners. If there was any trouble, Granny could whip out of the booth and stop the shoplifter or crook before they knew what happened. Granny always had some way making it appear as if whatever she did was an accident by a clumsy old woman, but at the same time she would push the remote alarm that she carried, tipping off the Big Guy. He would swoop down and arrest the crook. Granny would feign innocence and go back to what she had been doing. The residents of Fuchsia would shake their heads and accept that it was another Granny moment.

  Granny decided to take the night off and not look for trouble. She figured she was already in hot water with Franklin so she had better give him her undivided attention. And…she wanted to find out why everyone kept saying that Sally was murdered.

  Granny ordered her usual meal of deep fried onion rings, deep fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy from the new waiter. Granny had not seen this waiter before so she gave him a quick wink as she ordered. She needed to train him on her eating habits especially when her daughters were with her. Maizie, the former waitress in Rack’s, had known that when Granny’s family was with her, the order of the day was healthy food.

  “Franklin will have the same,” Granny instructed the waiter as she grabbed the menu out of Franklin’s hand and gave it back to the waiter.

  “How did you know what my favorite foods were, Granny?” Franklin wasn’t a big fan of the meal Granny had just ordered for him but he suspected she knew that and was trying to rile him. He winked at Granny and said to the waiter, “And for desert we would like chocolate fudge ice cream with a donut on top.”

  Granny set her water glass down with a loud thud and glared at Franklin. “What are you up to ordering my favorite dessert? No one orders my favorites for me because they want me to eat healthy. Are you trying to get rid of me by feeding me unhealthy foods so I’ll kick the bucket and leave the sleuthing in the town of Fuchsia to you? And that winking isn’t going to work.”

  Franklin’s answer to Granny’s questions was a big grin.

  Granny took a few minutes to give Franklin the silent treatment before her curiosity got the best of her. “Why is everyone saying that Sally was murdered?”

  Franklin tapped his fingers on the table before picking up the silverware to still his hands, pausing to take a breath before he broke the news to Granny that he knew would set her on her nosy nosing about.

  “The autopsy revealed that she died of strychnine poisoning.”

  Granny tapped her umbrella on the floor. “Strychnine as in the Big Guy strychnine?” referring to the Big Guy’s real name, Cornelius Ephraim Stricknine.

  “No, it’s spelled differently,” Franklin retorted.

  Granny glared at Franklin and started lifting her umbrella. “Did the Big Guy kill Sally?”

  “I’m talking about the poison. She ingested strychnine. They are still investigating to see how the poison got into her system.”

  Granny slumped back into the booth. “The grass and weeds didn’t kill her. She didn’t have a heart attack. But how, and more importantly, why? Why would someone want to poison Sally and how did the weeds appear almost overnight?”

  “Not your worry, Granny. Now let’s talk about this fiancé thing. Would you mind telling me how I came to be your fiancé?”

  Granny glanced out the window next to
the booth trying to buy time before she explained about her kids. Granny expected to see Mrs. Periwinkle, who lived across the street from Racks, feeding her squirrels. Granny was a frequent visitor at Rack’s at this time of the evening and Mrs. Periwinkle usually fed her squirrels at the same time every evening. The squirrel feeders were full. Granny glanced at the time on her cell phone. It was a little later; Granny had missed the feeding. Granny was about to turn back to answer Franklin when her eyes zeroed in on Mrs. Periwinkle’s lawn. What Granny saw made her stand with a jolt.

  Granny grabbed her umbrella and before Franklin could open his mouth, Granny took off running out of Rack’s as if someone was chasing her. Franklin decided to do just that and knocked over all the water on the table as he exited the booth and took chase after Granny.

  Mrs. Periwinkle was about to take a sip from a cup of lavender tea when Granny bounded through her unlocked door. Mrs. Periwinkle’s tea had almost made it to her mouth before Granny knocked it out of her hands. Mrs. Periwinkle stood up in surprise, tea dripping down the front of her dress. Granny grabbed Mrs. Periwinkle’s shoulders and started pushing her out the door.

  “You’ve got to leave this house, now!” Granny yelled.

  Franklin ran in the door that Granny was just about to push Mrs. Periwinkle out of. He caught Mrs. Periwinkle just as she was about to fly through the door from Granny’s gentle push.

  “Hermiony, what are you doing?”

  Mrs. Periwinkle, still being held by Franklin, looked at Granny curiously. “Hermiony?”

  “It’s Granny to you, Esmeralda Periwinkle,” Granny proclaimed with a sharp tone. “She has to leave or she’ll die. I am saving her. Come on, Esmeralda.” Granny grabbed Mrs. Periwinkle away from Franklin and started to again push her to the door.

  “Granny, stop!” Franklin Jester Gatsby then pried Granny’s hands off of Mrs. Periwinkle’s arms. “Hermiony, we are leaving NOW!” Franklin picked up Granny in a big bear hug and hustled her out of the house, leaving Mrs. Periwinkle standing with her jaw open in astonishment, not quite comprehending what had just happened.

  “Put me down! Don’t you understand?” Granny screamed as Franklin deposited her in his car. “Look at her grass! There isn’t any. There are weeds! Weeds that weren’t there a couple of days ago. She’s going to die. She’s going to die, Franklin, unless I save her.”

  Franklin made sure the doors were locked solid before he pulled away from the curb. By this time, onlookers had gathered to see what the commotion was. Mrs. Periwinkle stood at the door watching them drive away. Mrs. Periwinkle shook her head in disbelief as she turned back into her kitchen to make a new cup of lavender tea.

  As Franklin drove Granny away from Mrs. Periwinkle’s house, his mind was on Granny’s strange behavior and Granny’s children. Franklin hoped this behavior didn’t get back to Granny’s children or there would be nothing he could do to save her from her kids. He suspected, even though Granny hadn’t told him how he came to be her fiancé, that he was her loophole to avoiding the wrinkle farm.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  If there was one thing that could be said about Granny it was the fact that she didn’t walk away from a good fight quietly. Franklin had all he could do to keep Granny from hitting him with her umbrella so he would stop the car and she could go back to Mrs. Periwinkle’s.

  As he pulled up in front of her house, he tried to reason with her. “Hermiony, why in the world would you think Mrs. Periwinkle is going to die?”

  “Didn’t you see her yard? It looked just like Sally’s before she died, fully of creepy, crawly weeds and you told me yourself that Sally was murdered. Strychnine, you said; strychnine. It must have been put in her tea. Esmeralda Periwinkle was drinking tea and if my nose is right, it was the same tea that Sally used to drink, lavender. The weeds were what got my attention, and then when I saw her drinking the tea. I ran over to warn her. I knew. She was next!”

  “Hermiony, you have got to calm down. I’ll walk you to your house; you need to get a good night’s sleep and all will be better in the morning. These last few days have been too hard on you.” Franklin tried his most soothing tone and then he winked at Granny. That was his biggest mistake.

  Granny quickly opened the car door to Franklin’s black ‘57 Chevy Corvette, and hopped out decisively. “Don’t you try that wink on me, Franklin. I am not some doddering old woman who can be fooled by a wink and I am not crazy. If Mrs. Periwinkle dies, it is on your head, do you understand? On your head!” Granny slammed the car door and gave it a big thunk with her umbrella and stomped up the sidewalk into her house, slamming that door too. The big thunk to his beautiful ‘57 Chevy made Franklin cringe. Yup, she was like his mother all right. The difference was that a mother is a mother for life. Granny didn’t need to be his wife.

  When Franklin realized he was now starting to think in rhymes like Granny, he stomped on the gas pedal and sped away from Granny’s as fast as he could. The thought of starting to think like Granny was enough to drive him to drink and he wasn’t a drinking man. What was happening to him?

  Granny slammed her door and went straight to her fridge and pulled out her bottle of wine. She tossed off her red sparkly high tops and marched into her closet and opened the secret door in the back where she kept her books that she didn’t want her children to see and her flip flops when she was out of the house. Granny put her feet in her flip flops and gave a sigh of contentment. She always could think better in her flip flops. Her kids always worried she was going to flip flop on the floor in her flip flops so she had to hide a few pairs around the house as they were always disappearing after her kids visited. Granny figured she liked to live dangerously and what was a flop without a flip?

  Before she plopped in her chair to have her wine she realized that it was time to get her binoculars out to check on her neighbors. It was her way of making sure everyone was safe. George across the way and over to the right across the street from Granny always hung boxer shorts on the pole outside of his house in the morning so Granny knew he was alive and kicking. At night he took them down. Mavis straight across the street from Granny didn’t like shades so she would always perform in her own reality TV show in front of the window. Granny never knew what she would see when she checked on Mavis.

  George was all tucked in. His house was dark and the boxer shorts were gone. Mavis stood in front of her window blowing kisses at Granny. Granny wondered which movie star she was tonight. Then Granny trained her spyglasses on Sally’s house. Sally’s signal was the shades being down at night and up in the morning. As Granny trained her spyglass on Sally’s house, she remembered that Sally was no longer there. Granny put her binoculars down and sank into her chair with her glass of wine and a sob came out of her body. Tears began to fall as Granny mourned for her friend.

  The shysters and Baskerville hadn’t left yet for their nightly excursion and they didn’t know what to make of Granny sobbing in her chair. Granny never cried, this was something new that they hadn’t encountered since they joined her household. Baskerville, big lug that he was, tried to crawl into Granny’s lap. Both Furball and Fish started licking her cheeks. Tank and Little White Poodle dragged a blanket from the couch and covered her feet. All of the attention from the shysters and especially Baskerville trying to crawl into her lap almost tipped Granny over in the chair. As she caught herself she started laughing instead of crying.

  Granny stood up. She remembered parts of Ecclesiastes 3:4. What were some of those words? A time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Granny guessed this was one of those times. Sally was dead. Granny had done her weeping and would mourn but Sally would want the grass to still keep talking and others to still keep living. Sally would want Granny to laugh and dance. Granny would do that but…she sure as heck was going to get Sally’s killer while she was dancing and laughing.

  Granny skipped to her bedroom, said good night to the shysters and Baskerville as they wou
ld be leaving soon on their nightly routine ending up at Franklin’s house before retracing their daily routines and ending up back at Granny’s house. She put on her purple leather pj’s that stated Sexy Granny and I Know It and plopped into bed.

  Granny was deep asleep and dreaming about shopping at Red Hot Momma’s Boutique. She was trying on a new sequined bra when a loud howl brought her straight up in bed, her heart pounding. She grabbed the knitting needle that she had taken from Sally’s house that she had thrown on the floor earlier in the day. It still held the note Franklin had skewered. Granny slipped into her flip flops, held the knitting needle in front of her. She knew she should bring her umbrella to bed so she had a weapon in the middle of the night if she needed it but the knitting needle would have to do.

  Granny started her swat team shuffle across the floor, all the while the howling kept rising. Granny opened the door and stuck the knitting needle through the crack. She then put one eye to the crack of the door and peered through. There was nothing in the hallway. Quietly and carefully she shuffled down the hall, hopping left to right to fend off any intruder. When she got to the living room and kitchen, the only occupant in the room besides Granny was Baskerville howling at the door. It appeared the Shysters had left on their nightly journey and Baskerville, after getting stuck one time too many in the door wasn’t going to risk trying to sneak through it again. Granny put down the knitting needle, unlocked the door and let Baskerville out. She was going to have to figure out a way for Baskerville to get in and out so he didn’t get stuck and he didn’t interrupt her beauty sleep.

  Granny shut the door, turned the lock and, still holding the knitting needle, grabbed her umbrella that was sitting by the door. Slowly she started shuffling back to her room in her flip flops so she wouldn’t do the flip flop and prove her children right. As she was about to set the knitting needle down by her bedside, she lifted it up and stared at it intently. A smile crossed her face; she shook her head before putting the knitting needle down, crawling into bed with a smug look on her face.