Julie Seedorf - Fuchsia Minnesota 02 - Granny Skewers a Scoundrel

by Julie Seedorf

  “We have news.”

  At those words, Granny held the door open and let them in, making sure her white chenille robe was tightly wrapped around her body so nothing underneath was revealed. She didn’t want her neighbors to think she was a night party animal.

  “I hope it’s news about Sally’s murderer. I have been trying to sneak into her yard and her house but every time I get close, the Big Guy seems to appear out of nowhere. You don’t suppose he’s watching me do you? I’ll have him arrested for harassment.”

  “Granny, he’s the one who does the arresting.”

  “Well, haven’t you heard of a citizen’s arrest? I’m a citizen.”

  “Can we sit down?” Mavis moved toward the couch, grabbing George’s hand, drawing him along with her.”

  As Granny was about to question them further, the doorbell rang again.

  “Doesn’t anyone ever sleep in on Wednesday morning?” Granny shouted as she opened the door to the wide-eyed stare of Legs––as Granny called him because he had such cute legs––her UPS Driver.

  “What are you doing here so early in the morning?”

  “Ah, it’s noon,” Legs stammered. “I have this package for you.” He handed Granny a three foot long narrow package.

  “Noon; I never sleep till noon. Your clock’s off, but thanks for the package.” Granny shut the door and quickly stashed the package in the closet behind the door.

  “Looks interesting, Granny,.” Mavis asked with curiosity.

  “Now, what’s this all about?” Granny asked, ignoring Mavis’ comment. “I haven’t seen much of you since Sally’s funeral two weeks ago except in your window.”

  “That’s what we came to tell you, Granny.” Mavis snuck a quick look at George. “We’re moving in together.”

  George took Mavis’ hand and looked at Granny with what Granny considered a dopey look. “I’m renting my house out. At our ages we want to be sure. We’re not getting any younger as you should know, Granny.”

  “You’re getting hitched?”

  “No, NO! Nothing like that!” George answered in a loud voice.

  Mavis clarified their statement. “We are sharing expenses like two later in years adults.”

  “You mean old, don’t you?” Granny cracked in her most snickery voice.

  “We’ll see where it leads,” Mavis piped in as she looked adoringly at George.

  “Straight to the wrinkle farm when your kids find out.” At that statement, Granny walked over and held open the door. “I know the news, your house is for rent, you’re sharing expenses and I have a crime to solve. It’s been two weeks since Sally and Mrs. Periwinkle were murdered and I need to find out why.”

  “That was nice touch at her funeral, Granny, to dig up a little of the grass Sally gave you and put it on her casket. I am sure Sally is talking to the grass from heaven.” Mavis gave a little sniffle as she walked out the door followed by George.

  Granny peeked through her window shades to make sure they were gone. The shysters were nowhere to be seen so Granny figured they must still be out scavenging. She shook her head, looking at the clock on the microwave in the kitchen, wondering how she had slept so late. Granny grabbed her donut, a cup of the coffee, now cold, since the timer was set to go off at 8:00 a.m. and only kept the coffee warm for an hour. She popped the coffee into the microwave for a quick warm-up (Granny hated microwave coffee but she was craving her coffee fix). Then, she proceeded to the closet to retrieve the package that Lulu had ordered for her two weeks ago. Granny was impressed that it had gotten here this soon as it had to be made especially for her.

  As Granny sipped her warmed up coffee and nibbled on her donut, she opened her package wondering why she hadn’t heard from her kids in a couple of weeks. Yes, they had made the occasional phone call to check up on her but there had been no visits. Even with the phone calls there had been no more talk of the wrinkle farm. Perhaps introducing Franklin as her fiancé had taken care of the situation. Although it might be tricky keeping up the pretense if her children visited again, since Franklin still had his shorts in a knot over their last encounter at Ella’s a couple of weeks ago before Sally’s funeral. She hadn’t heard from him since.

  Granny held up the new custom-built cane that she had ordered. It was an aluminum cane, rounded and bright pink, you might almost call it Fuschia (or was it Fuchsia like the name of their community?). Granny never could remember the spelling even as long as she had lived here. Was it s before c, and before or after h?. Granny shook her head thinking about it, such a confusing name, which was perfect for her community. On the end of the cane was a rubber flat bottom that gave it good stability for her to lean on if she needed it. It was her new weapon of choice to protect the community of Fuchsia.

  Granny put the cane aside to get herself ready for her journey uptown. Looking out the window, she knew it was not a flip flop day even if she hadn’t had time to check her big toe that morning. She knew it was a little on the blue side. Fall had arrived.

  As Granny was ready to walk out the door, she remembered she needed to figure out something so Baskerville could have a front door way into the house. She studied the side window by the door. It was long and tall and wide, enough room for him to get through. Granny touched the window with her fingers, running them along side of the casing. All of a sudden, Granny’s eyes got wide; she stood up straight and with the determination of a woman on a mission; she bounded out the front door carrying her pocketbook and her new cane.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Granny glanced at the houses across the street as she started her walk. The weeds were still surrounding Sally’s house, although they were starting to turn a little brown with the fall weather, but weeds always seemed to last longer than grass in the fall. The police tape must have been taken down during the night. Granny made a note to check out Sally’s house later when she came back home.

  George and Mavis waved at her from Mavis’ front window. George seemed to be caught up now in Mavis’ fantasies as they were both wearing wide-brimmed hats and toasting with cups of what looked like tea cups. Granny hoped it wasn’t lavender tea but she knew Mavis had a green tea thing going in the morning, claiming it was healthy.

  Granny glanced at George’s house and wondered if he had found a renter. As she made her way to Main Street, she stopped in front of what had once been Mrs. Shrill’s house. A hopscotch board had been drawn on the sidewalk in chalk. Granny looked around to see if anyone was looking. Setting her pocketbook and new cane down on the ground, she took a leap and started jumping on the hopscotch squares when she heard a tiny voice.

  “Why do you have the cane if you can jump like that, Hermiony?”

  Granny looked around to see Angelique watching her. Granny stopped jumping and reached down for her cane and pocketbook before gesturing Angelique over to her.

  “I need my cane to walk, see?” Granny demonstrated her walk with the cane. “But I don’t need my cane to jump. My legs have hinges in them. I would show you but my hose covers my legs and ladies don’t take their hose down in public. Let’s not tell anyone about this, ok?”

  “My Mommy and my Grandpa said I’m not supposed to keep secrets.”

  Granny looked down at Angelique. “Of course not, of course not. They are right. What about us pretending I wasn’t here. If they ask you, tell them the truth but since they don’t know I was here, they probably won’t ask.”

  “You make me mixed up. My Grandpa does that sometimes too. I guess that happens when you get old. Where’s the hose? I don’t see a hose?” Angel looked closely at Granny’s legs as she rambled on not waiting for an answer. “Do you have a dog? I want a dog. My grandpa has a dog and a cat but my mommy says I can’t have a dog or a cat cause Grandpa’s dog and cat get in too much trouble. Bye, I got to go now; my mommy is taking me to stay with my Grandpa today.” Angelique skipped off just as fast as she had appeared.

  Granny wondered about Angelique’s mom and grandpa. She’d have to investi
gate that later. Granny hurried on. She had to get her plan for Baskerville’s door in motion.

  When Granny got to the main street of Fuchsia, she noticed that the street department had been busy putting up the pumpkin lights that decorated the lampposts during the Halloween and Thanksgiving season. They stayed up past Halloween, and dangling lighted turkeys were added until Thanksgiving when the Christmas lights were put up. On Halloween, the Giant Pumpkin visited and was plunked down in the middle of Rack’s parking lot. It was a giant inflatable pumpkin that was hollow inside so kids could visit the inside and jump and tumble until their hearts were content. Granny thought her new friend Angelique would love the lights and the pumpkins.

  As Granny passed Abstract and Ella’s Enchanted Forest and Pickle’s Grocery, she took a gander in the windows to make sure she didn’t see anything suspicious. She didn’t have time for those pesky beady eyed shop-lifting crooks today, she was on a mission. She passed the Wrench Bench in front of Nail’s Hardware store and opened the front door listening to the jingling of the nail wind chimes that Mr. Nail had made to alert him when a customer was present.

  “Hi, Granny, business is slow today, not many customers. I can keep an eye on them if you have somewhere else where they need your snoopy eyes more.”

  “My eyes are not snoopy, and, besides, that’s what you pay me for, to snoop!” Granny answered in an argumentative tone.

  “Calm down, Granny; it was just a figure of speech.”

  “I need your son Neil. He’s a carpenter, right? And a computer whiz? I need both.”

  “He’s not here right now but he’ll be back soon. I can send him over to your house when he gets back.”

  “Tell Neil that I will meet him at Ella’s Enchanted Forest. I need some of that Boneyard Coffee that they serve there. Kind of fits with the theme of the next holiday, Halloween; get it? Boneyard?” Granny gave a laugh, nudged Mr. Nail with her pocketbook and walked out the door leaving Mr. Nail shaking his head at Granny’s strange sense of humor.

  Ella’s Enchanted Forest seemed to be empty except for a couple of town council members examining the Forest Room. As Granny sat down, she looked around, hoping Franklin was somewhere hidden in a corner.

  “Hi, Granny, What would you like today? Want to try our new Boneyard Specialty coffee? The flavor of the day is Boneyard Blend. It’s a coffee roasted at Boneyard Coffee & Tea in Champaign, Illinois.

  “Hi, Delight, That’s what I came for. I got your email announcing you were serving it. Wonderful thing, this high falutin’ technology; solves many a problem for me even if I don’t use it much. I’ll have a chocolate donut stuffed with cream cheese, drizzled with chocolate and topped with whipped cream and a cup of that Boneyard Blend Specialty coffee. Have you seen Franklin?”

  “Not since that day a few weeks ago after Sally and Mrs. Periwinkle died and you and Franklin were having that little chat here. You left and he kept eating donut upon donut. He ate so many donuts I ran out.”

  “Franklin eating donuts?”

  Just at that moment, Neil Nail walked in the door and made a beeline for Granny.

  “Hey, Granny; what’s up?”

  “Apparently not your pants. Pull those pants up where they belong. Your boxers are too much for this old ladies heart. The only boxers I want to see are the dog kind and George’s hanging from his pole in the morning.” Granny took the round handle of her new cane and hitched it under Neil’s waistband of his pants and tugged upward with enough strength that Neil thought his feet might leave the ground.

  “Ok, Granny, I got your point.”

  “I have a drawing and here’s what I want you do.” Granny handed the plans to Neil. Be at my house 8:00 a.m. sharp. I want it done before sundown tomorrow night. Got it?”

  “These are quite the plans, Granny. Where did you learn about technology like this?”

  “Search engine, son, search engine.”

  “Got it, see ya tomorrow.”

  “I’ll see you too, hopefully not as much as I saw today. I don’t want to give Mavis across the street any more ideas for her reality show and George might get jealous about your colorful boxers and you never know what might happen if you rile George up.”

  Watching Neil leave reminded Granny that maybe she should check on Franklin. Even Tank and Furball hadn’t brought her anything from his house lately. After all, he was her fiancé so she should be worried about him.

  As Granny was contemplating checking on Franklin, Delight sat down across from her.

  “Do you see those town council guys over there?” Delight said in a whisper.

  “Why are you whispering?” Granny whispered back.

  “Because it’s a secret.”

  “So why are you telling me?”

  “Because you can keep a secret and besides you’re forgetful so you may not remember it anyway and I have to tell someone before I burst.”

  Granny took a swig of coffee and finished off a donut. She leaned forward, took Delight’s hand in hers, looked her straight in the eyes and said, “You can tell me anything, Delight. Your secret is safe with me.” And then she winked at Delight to reassure her that she was telling the truth.

  “My forest room is going to become Graves Mortuary. They are moving to my building.”

  Granny immediately pulled her hand away having an aversion to the mortuary business at least until she was 100 when the possibility of her needing their services might be a more comforting thought. “Have you gone daft? I don’t want to have my lattes while Mr. or Mrs. Stiff are hanging around in the forest.”

  “That’s the good part. We are trading buildings. The city has offered me Graves’ old building completely renovated in the shape of a teapot and coffeepot. There is room next to the building to add my Forest and add on an enclosed sunroom in the shape of a donut with patio seating in the summer time. It’s a win-win situation. But you can’t tell anyone. It’s not official yet.”

  Granny reached out and touched Delight’s forehead. “You do feel a little warm; are you sure you are not dreaming this? Why would the city do that?”

  “Because it’s Fuchsia and they are always doing unusual things and what fits in more with the community than a building shaped like a coffeepot and teapot? They are going to reveal the news on Thursday at 2:00 p.m. at a press conference in the Forest Room.”

  “I got a phone call this morning that I am supposed to be in the Forest Room to meet the Mayor the same day and time the press conference is going on. I thought I was in trouble. Why would I need to be there?”

  “Not a word, Granny, not a word.”

  “Did you just say something to me, Delight? I forgot my hearing aid. See you.” Granny picked up her cane and pocketbook, turned an eye on the two men in the forest room, shook her head and started for the door when she tripped on her cane. As Granny was going down, two arms caught her and lifted her off of the floor. She looked down straight into the eyes of Franklin Jester Gatsby.

  “Falling for me again, Granny. I thought we had gotten past that.” Granny blushed before steadying herself with her cane when he set her back down on the ground.

  “Where have you been, Franklin Jester Gatsby?”

  “Investigating murders, Granny. I have now joined the Fuchsia Police Department as an investigator part time, at least for the investigation into Sally and Mrs. Periwinkle’s murders.”

  “And you didn’t tell me, your own fiancé!” Granny stomped her cane on the floor for emphasis.

  “Nothing to tell, Granny, nothing to tell.”

  “You don’t have clues? You don’t have suspects? And why have you been staying away from me? I could help you.”

  “A few clues but none I can talk about. No suspects. I can’t think straight when I’m with you and you have gotten yourself in enough trouble lately. I am saving you from yourself. If you get yourself in anymore scrapes, it’ll be the wrinkle farm for you for sure if your kids have their way.”

  “Ah,” Granny said dismissively,
“I haven’t heard from them for weeks either.” Granny looked at him suspiciously. “Are you teaming up with them, Franklin? Is there something I don’t know?” Granny thought Franklin was looking a little sheepish. Right away she was on her guard. “Got to go, got an early morning appointment and I’ve got to talk to the shysters. They should be home by now. Bye.” Granny slammed the door loudly behind her.

  “My Grandpa says it’s rude to slam doors?”

  Granny almost tripped over the little blue-eyed angel who was aptly name Angelique before bumping into an older version of Angelique. The older version of Angelique was as pretty and as tiny as what Granny guessed to be her daughter.

  The woman looked at Granny with a speculative look.

  Granny gave in and bent down to the little girl. “I wasn’t really slamming the door, the wind caught it and slammed it shut.”

  “But there’s no wind,” Angel, as she wanted to be called, innocently informed Granny.

  “Well, um, ah, maybe I was mistaken and did accidently slam the door. I, ah, um, will um, try to, ah, maybe not do it again?” Granny said in a cajoling tone.

  “My name’s Heather,” the older version of Angel introduced herself as she held out her hand.

  “Granny.” Granny stuck out her hand while eyeing Angel, wondering if she was going to give away her real name. Angel was more interested in looking at the cupcakes in the window. “I met your little girl when my hat bumped into your moving truck as I was walking downtown. You must excuse me; I am expecting to be followed and I have to go” Granny looked back over her shoulder to make sure Franklin wasn’t trying to pursue her. When she didn’t see him she continued on her way home.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Granny woke with a start the next morning. She had been dreaming that she was walking down the aisle with Franklin and just as they were about to say, “I do,” the mayor of Fuchsia popped up and interrupted the wedding by trying to give her a key to the city. Just as he was about to hand her the key in place of the wedding ring that Franklin had been going to place on her finger, the racket had started and woke her up.