Just as Granny started to get up to go after Franklin, the mayor sat down and the Fuchsia High School Band started marching into the building playing a song Granny had never heard. Of course, that wasn’t unusual, because to be in the Fuchsia High School Band you didn’t have to be good, you only had to have the desire to play. According to the Fuchsia Band Director “There are no wrong notes.”
Granny could have argued that at this point but she was so astounded at what was happening that she was speechless. As she turned around, she saw the shysters and Baskerville all sitting by Franklin. How did they get here? Was that Angel petting Tank and Furball? What could the mayor possibly have to say to her in the middle of all this hoopla?
Granny turned to the mayor, giving him the eagle eyed stare of an interrogator. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about? We can’t talk here with all these people.”
“Patience, Granny,” Mayor Horatio Helicourt held up his hand, indicating Granny needed to be quiet.
At that moment, the band stopped playing and the Big Guy stepped to the microphone.
He held up both hands so everyone would quit talking but no one was paying any attention. Granny, frustrated with the whole scenario and wanting to get on with her talk with the mayor after this, whatever it was, stood up and yelled across the room over the noise of the crowd to Baskerville. “Howl, Baskerville, howl!” Baskerville heard her and put his snout in the air and howled the loudest blood curdling howl that his big body could give. Silence ensued.
The Big Guy continued, “Thank you, Baskerville; thank you, Granny. The mayor graciously gave me a few moments before the ceremony begins to update you on the recent crimes in Fuchsia.
“Ceremony? What ceremony, Horatio?” asked Granny.
“All in good time, Granny; all in good time. Let’s see what the Big Guy has to say.”
“As you know,” continued the Big Guy, “a few weeks ago, our good friend Sally Katilda was found dead in her yard. Then a few weeks later, Esmeralda Periwinkle was found dead in her home. The autopsies showed that they both died of strychnine poisoning, not spelled like my last name, by the way. Today we had the sad death of Mr. Nail. Our sympathy goes out to his surviving son Neil Nail. Neil couldn’t be with us today as the grief was too much for him to bear. He also bought Mrs. Periwinkle’s house––that and today’s findings were too much for him and he felt he couldn’t face the public of Fuchsia yet.”
Granny looked around the crowd, trying to catch Franklin’s eye, but he was fixated on watching Angel pet Furball and Tank. Granny turned to Horatio and whispered, “What happened after Mr. Nail’s accident? I was there and the bags of fertilizer just fell on him. Didn’t they?”
Horatio pretended he didn’t hear Granny and nodded toward the Big Guy as if to tell Granny that she needed to listen.
“It is with great regret and sadness that I have to announce that Mr. Nail was the perpetrator in Sally and Esmeralda’s death. Not only did he give them the lavender tea as a free gift which was laced with strychnine and the cause of their deaths, but he gave it as a free gift for buying fertilizer for their lawns that actually had a potent mixture to grow weeds fast and ruin the grass in their yards. Although Mr. Nail’s death was an accident, we found enough evidence against Mr. Nail during our investigation of his death to conclude that he killed Sally and Esmeralda. We still do not know his motive for the deaths but we will continue to investigate. But for all intents and purposes, the case is closed.”
“NO!” yelled Granny. “That is so wrong! Mr. Nail would never have done that!” Granny jumped up and pointed her cane toward the Big Guy. The shysters, hearing Granny’s protest, started barking and meowing.
Mayor Horatio Helicourt at that moment, apparently decided this might be the time to tell Granny why she was here. He stood up, signaled to the band to play the Bond 007 theme, grabbed Granny’s arms and half lifted her to the microphone at the front of the the room. It was a strange site with Horatio lifting Granny and moving her along with her feet dangling and moving like she might be running. Since Horatio had her arms pinned down, Granny couldn’t tap him with her cane.
Horatio set Granny down on her feet next to the microphone and immediately started speaking before Granny could protest. “My fair citizens of Fuchsia, today I want to announce some major changes that are going to take place in our community. You are all aware that a few weeks back, Hermiony, (the name Hermiony got him a hard glare from Granny) found some unknown underground streets beneath the main street of Fuchsia and older neighborhoods in the town when in her crabbiness she hit the baseboard on the side of a wall in AbStract and fell into the underground streets accidently.”
At the word crabbiness, Granny started to exit through the crowd, but Franklin stopped her exit and escorted her back to the mayor.
“Because of this accidental find of the underground streets, Granny also uncovered a crime and kidnapping ring in our very own city that was using the underground streets for ill-gotten gains. The City Council and I have decided to open the underground streets and maintain them for your shopping pleasure and for making running your errands easier in bad winter weather. We have some very clever ideas that we hope to institute soon.”
Granny was then joined by Delight and Ella as the mayor continued speaking. “One of the first changes we are making which was unanimously agreed upon by this council is using this room, which was once the Forest Room for Ella’s, for a mortuary. Graves Mortuary will take over Ella’s Enchanted Forest.”
The crowd erupted in protest as they loved Ella’s. Delight and Ella started throwing donuts out into the crowd to silence them. It got the crowd’s attention so the mayor was able to continue speaking. Granny was staring at him in complete disbelief, her mouth open but no words came out. Granny was speechless at the news, though Delight had hinted this might happen.
“Settle down, you will like what is to come. The reason we are moving Graves Mortuary to Ella’s Forest Room is the fact that it was built to house a mortuary with a lift down into the streets below with a street underground to the mausoleum in the cemetery. The mausoleum will be expanded so that internment services can be held inside at the cemetery before the person is buried. You can all be warm and comfortable at such difficult times your life. Now I will turn the microphone over to Delight and she will explain the rest.”
Delight stepped forward. Granny tried to leave again as she had no idea why she was up front and center. This time Ella and the mayor grabbed her to keep her from leaving.
“I am so delighted,” Delight giggled. “Of course I’m delighted––I’m Delight,” she giggled again, “by this turn of events. We are moving. The city of Fuchsia is going to build us a new shop where Graves Mortuary is now. It will be shaped like a teapot and a coffeepot hooked together and it will have a sunroom shaped like a donut. It is all I have ever dreamed about and now it is going to be a reality thanks to Granny and the City of Fuchsia.”
At the mention of her name, Granny was about to protest that she didn’t have anything to do with this teapot thing, when Delight continued her speech.
“Until then, we will set up our Coffee and Tea Shop in the Fire hall. They have generously offered us the space as long as the firemen get free coffee, tea and donuts while we are there. Our new place hopes to be up and running by New Year’s Day. It will be the perfect start for the New Year.” Delight giggled and motioned for the mayor to step forward to the microphone.
“None of this would be happening without Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestat. Because of her, we in Fuchsia can embrace life more comfortably in the winter. Because of Granny, our streets are safer and so in honor of what she has done for our community, I would like to present her with a key to the city of Fuchsia.” He turned to present the key to Granny.
Delight nudged Granny forward. Granny turned to look at Delight, looked out at the crowd and saw Franklin wink at her and felt a large key in her hands. Granny looked up at the mayor. Was she dreaming? She always
dreamt about receiving the key to the city. Was this all a dream? Maybe she was hallucinating. Granny looked down at her feet. Maybe she should remove the rubber end of her cane and skewer herself to see if she was awake.
Granny looked up to see the crowd standing on their feet; she heard applause; she looked at the key in her hand. She looked up one more time at the mayor and then she fainted dead away.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Granny opened one eye and found herself staring into a bright light. She then opened the other eye and still found herself seeing the light. “Am I dead? I have to go back. I have a crime to solve. I have to go back.”
“Mom, mom, you’re not dead,” Thor assured his mother.
“I’m not? Then where am I? All I can see is the light calling me.”
“Turn your head to the side. You’re looking into the examining light that the doctor is shining into your eyes. You’re in the emergency room. You fainted.”
Granny quickly sat up, pushing the doctor’s arm aside as she looked around the room. Thor, Franklin, the Big Guy, Delight, Ella, and the mayor were all in the room staring at her.
“What are you all staring at? You never saw a woman faint from surprise before? Or was it a dream? Did you really give me the key to the city?” Granny asked as she turned to the mayor.
“I did,” Horatio answered, “And then you went down like an apple dropping from a tree.”
“Well, I’m apparently fine now. So you can all quit gawking and go on with your business.” Granny thought for a minute realizing that they were worried about her. “I’m sorry I worried you. I know you were all concerned, and thank you for the honor of the key to the city. Go on now. I am going home.”
“Granny,” said the doctor holding the examining light, “as I told your son and your friends and the Big Guy, I am concerned about this faint. I ran some blood tests and I don’t have the results yet. I would like you to stay.”
“And you are? I’ve never met you before, Doctor. Who are you and why should I trust you?”
“Pardon me for not introducing myself, but you were a little distant when they brought you in,” the doctor said with a twinkle in his eye. “I’m Dr. Dreamboat, the new doctor at Fuchsia General Hospital.”
“Why, you’re just a youngster. When did they start letting kids be doctors?”
“When they started letting old ladies catch crooks,” Dr. Dreamboat quipped right back at Granny.
Granny looked the doctor up and down while the others who had been in the room filed out laughing, leaving Thor and Franklin hiding their chuckles. Perhaps Granny had met her match.
“Got a little spunk in ya Doc. How ‘bout we make a deal? I won’t try and hook you up with any of Fuchsia’s single women if you let me go home with Thor and Franklin to wait for my blood tests. I got things to do and I feel perfectly fine––well, as fine as someone my age can feel.”
Dr. Dreamboat looked at Thor and Franklin. “Do you think you two can handle her?”
“Just watch us, Doc,” Thor answered as he moved forward. Franklin moved forward with him. Thor picked up Granny’s pocketbook and cane while Franklin picked up Granny.
“We’ll talk to you later, Doc.” Franklin told the doctor as he walked out of the room with Granny in his arms.
Granny knew this was the time to not protest if she wanted to get out of there, but there was going to be payback later for this armed hijacking.
Once back at Granny’s house, Franklin made sure Granny was comfortable on the sofa while Thor decided to whip up some food.
“He tried to burn my house down last time, Franklin,” Granny protested. “Don’t let him cook. I’m not hungry. I just want my donuts and candy.”
“Relax, Mom; I am doing stir fry with tofu. You’ll like it.”
“It’s time for you to go––both of you. I need my beauty rest.” Just at that moment, the pet door flopped open and Fish, Little White Poodle, Furball and Tank bounded into the room, all running to Granny. Furball hopped on her head, Little White Poodle and Fish hopped in her lap and Tank sat on her feet. “See, I’m perfectly fine here. The shysters will take care of me,” Granny cajoled.
All of a sudden, the window door popped open and Baskerville bounded in followed by a small goat. Baskerville ran over to Granny and started howling and the little goat that was following Baskerville started bleating.
“What! What!” Granny shouted. “What is that! Who does that thing belong to? Baskerville, that is a goat and it is not mine. Take it back!!!”
Thor quickly came over and grabbed the goat.
Franklin soothed Granny. “Calm down, Granny. We will take care of it. Until we know whose it is, we don’t want you upset.”
“It belongs to that floozy across the street. Not only do I have to live across the street from a fake daughter of Sally’s, but now she’s trying to torment me with this goat!”
“She’s a nice lady, Mom. You need to get to know her,” Thor advised, still holding on to the goat.
Granny stood up, toppling the pets from her lap. She looked Thor straight in the eye. “She is a fake, I tell you. Sally did not have a daughter. Read my lips. Stay away from her,” Granny warned Thor.
Thor looked at Franklin. “I’ll take the goat back and let you handle this.”
That did it. “I do not need handling!” screamed Granny. “I am fine.” She picked up her pocketbook and her cane and stomped off to her bedroom, slamming the door, but not before warning Thor one more time, “Evil, I say! Evil!”
Granny opened her closet door and pulled out her purple workout clothes. They were more comfortable than the black dress and respectable shoes she was wearing. She thought she might try going to the basement to work out but that probably wouldn’t be allowed by the gestapo in her living room. Granny plopped down on her bed to think about the day’s happenings. Maybe she should call Neil Nail and see how he was doing. Not only was his dad dead, but they were accusing his father Mr. Nail of killing Sally and Esmeralda. Granny was trying to remember where she had left her cell phone when she heard a knock on her door.
“Granny, the Big Guy is here. He has the results of your blood test and he needs to talk to you,” Franklin hollered through the door.
Granny opened the door and patted Franklin on the cheek. Franklin looked confused by that display of affection which was just what Granny wanted. She had decided she needed to change her tactics so she could go on with her investigation into Sally’s and Esmeralda’s deaths.
“See, nothing to worry about,” Granny announced to the Big Guy when Granny arrived in the living room.
The Big Guy looked a little uncomfortable as he made eye contact with Franklin who had followed Granny back into the room.
“Granny, I think you need to give up your work for the merchants of Fuchsia. I will take your resignation now.”
“What! I have no intention of resigning. Have you lost your marbles?”
“It’s for your safety.”
“I’m safe. Who would want to harm an old woman?”
Again, the Big Guy made eye contact with Franklin. Franklin came forward and stopped in front of Granny. “Granny,” continued the Big Guy, “your blood tests show you were poisoned. That’s why you collapsed.”
“Poisoned? That can’t be possible,” stated Granny. “Who would want to poison me and why? I haven’t got anyone arrested recently except Tricky Travis Trawler and Tricky Travis isn’t a murderer.”
“We didn’t say they wanted to murder you Granny.” the Big Guy interjected. “The poison in your system wasn’t enough to kill you; it was just enough to knock you out for a while. We think it was a warning.”
“A warning for what?”
“We don’t know,” Franklin said. We don’t want to take any chances though.”
“We also need to figure out how it got in your system. It was fast acting so it had to be something you had at Ella’s Enchanted Forest,” the Big Guy stated.
“Are you saying Delight po
isoned my coffee or the mayor? Because he was the only one that was at my table.”
“No,” the Big Guy explained, “We have had everything you ate there tested. It had to be something else. Did you have anything else right before you got taken to the front of the room?”
Granny sat down on the couch to think. “I had a mint––a mint from the tin in my pocketbook.” Granny got up and sprinted to her room to grab her pocketbook, digging in it as she came back out. “Here, here is the tin. I took a mint out right before I was taken to the front.”
“Do you remember where you got these mints?” the Big Guy asked.
“No, I just found them in my pocketbook. I figured I had bought them and forgotten that I bought them. You know my memory. I don’t usually buy mints so when I saw the mints in my purse I decided that I must have purchased them at some time.” Granny looked at them as if this was a perfectly good explanation as to why the mints were in her purse.”
The Big Guy took the mints from Granny. “I’ll take these down to the station and have them tested and also test the box for prints. Of course, right now my prints and your prints are accounted for. You stay out of trouble.”
The Big Guy instructed Granny as he walked out the door. “The doctor said there should be no ill effects from the poison. It should be out of your system by now.”
“Well, then you can go too, Franklin. I need to talk to Thor to make sure he doesn’t tell his sisters about this or I won’t need any protection; I’ll be in the Wrinkle Farm faster then you can say Wrinkle Cream. Where is Thor? Shouldn’t he be back from that hussy’s house? I need to go and get him. No telling what she’ll do to him.” Granny started for the door.
“Hermiony, leave it alone. He’s old enough to do what he wants and she is awfully pretty.”
Julie Seedorf - Fuchsia Minnesota 02 - Granny Skewers a Scoundrel Page 9