Granny got out of the car and walked to the front door. The door was locked. She walked around to the back of the house and tried the back door. It was open. Granny had brought her umbrella with her. She wished she would have brought her knitting needle cane instead of leaving it at home today. She could have used that cane to skewer the guy taking her picture outside the cell phone store so the policeman in Allure would have believed her. She could have also skewered that sniveling young man in the store into telling the truth. Granny stuck her umbrella inside the door for protection before she went in. She wasn’t sure why she should need protection but you never knew.
“Woo hoo, Neil! Are you home?” There was no answer. Granny switched on the light by the door. What is with all these people moving in and not changing anything? Granny proceeded to check out the house but it was as if Esmeralda Periwinkle still lived in the house.
Granny decided to check out the basement. Granny shook her head in disbelief. This basement seemed to be under construction too and it had the same cut in the same place in the wall as in the basement at Sally’s house. Granny was about to check out the wall a little bit closer when she heard the door closing and footsteps upstairs. Granny quickly flicked off the basement light that she had turned on when she got down to the bottom of the basement steps.
“Granny, Granny, where are you and what are you doing here?”
Granny shook her head in disbelief as she recognized the voice. “What are you doing here?”
The basement door opened and Granny could see the silhouette of the Big Guy at the top of the basement stairs.
“I’m the Chief of Police. I don’t have to tell you that. However, if you come upstairs I might actually answer the question. Oh, and don’t point that umbrella at me. Remember? I’m the good guy.”
Granny made her way up the steps ready to defend her reason for being here.
“I take it you just happened to be here because you thought Neil might be here instead of in the hardware store?”
“Well, yes,” Granny answered meekly.
“Me too,” said the Big Guy. “We didn’t find any bodies. So Neil wasn’t in the hardware store. However, we did find where the fire originated and it was arson. You don’t suppose Neil had anything to do with that, do you?”
“Well, he’s not here although I didn’t check the garage out back and, no I don’t think he had anything to do with it. How could you?”
At that moment Granny’s cell phone rang the Dragnet theme. She grabbed the phone out of her pocket and as she answered and was ready to put the phone to her ear, Franklin’s picture popped up on her screen with a little picture of her in the corner. Granny almost dropped her phone. “Have you been spying on me, Franklin? What are you doing in my phone?” Granny flicked the ‘off’ switch on her phone. She looked at the Big Guy. “Arrest him. He’s in my phone. He’s watching me. How did that happen?” Granny now stared at the blank dark screen since the phone was turned off.
The Big Guy started laughing. “You must have eye to eye on your phone. You can see each other while you talk.”
“I don’t want him to see me. He can see where I am. He can see what I’m doing.”
“Turn the phone back on, Granny. If you turn off eye to eye, then he won’t see anything. Did you get a new phone? What happened to your old one?”
Granny had turned her new phone back on as she was trying to figure out how to answer that question since she didn’t want the Big Guy to know she had been in Sally’s yard. The phone rang. Dragnet theme again. Granny looked at it and answered this time, staring Franklin in the eye over her phone.
“Where are you?” Franklin bellowed. “Don’t you remember someone tried to poison you? I haven’t been able to reach you since this morning.”
“I am with the Big Guy, so I’m safe. I just saw Thor. It is not your job to follow me. They all seem to be doing a good job of it.” Granny countered. “Got to go, talk to you later.” Granny hung up the phone and put it in her pocket.
“He does have a point. Someone did try to poison you. Go home, Granny.” The Big Guy took Granny’s arm and led her to the front door and unlocked it. I’ll let you know when I find Neil.”
It took Granny a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the dark as she made her way down the steps. The Big Guy might be rid of her for now, but only because it was time to go home and grab some wine and some chocolates and put together what she had seen in Sally’s house and Mrs. Periwinkle’s house––two basements in the middle of remodeling. Both houses with dead owners and weeds in the yard––what could that possibly mean?
Granny parked her Corvette in her garage. On the way to her house, she glanced at Thor’s home. It was dark. As she glanced toward Sally’s home that was now inhabited by that goat-loving floozy, she saw two heads silhouetted behind the shades. Granny slipped out her cell phone. Maybe now was the time to try out that eye to eye feature. She dialed Thor’s number.
Thor answered with a look of bewilderment on his face. “Mom, when did you get eye to eye?”
“That’s a good name for it. Love my new cell phone feature. Now I can keep an eye on you. Who’s that I see in the background? Isn’t it a little late for you? Wanted to make sure you were ok. Mother’s duty, you know. Remember, I’m keeping an eye on you. Look out the window.”
Granny watched as Thor lifted the window shade at the hussy’s house. She gave a smile and waved before walking into her house. Once in the house, she positioned herself by the window with her binoculars. Soon she saw Thor leaving and going to his house. Mission accomplished.
A loud bleat almost knocked Granny off of her feet in surprise. She turned around to see Mr. Bleaty cuddled by the couch with Baskerville. They had been sleeping. What was with the two of them? They seemed inseparable.
“All right, all right, I give it up for the night. Mr. Bleaty can stay tonight. You two better run downstairs by the fireplace in case the hussy comes calling, looking for him. Don’t come up until morning I need my beauty sleep.”
Both Baskerville and Mr. Bleaty got up and looked at her and then trotted down the steps to resume sleeping. Granny pulled out her bottle of wine from the ottoman, moved the pet bowl where she hid her chocolates, grabbed some sweets and sat down to ponder the events of the day.
As the wine and the chocolates disappeared, Granny took the time to get familiar with her new phone. Some of the weird things on her phone might come in handy in a pinch. Heading off to bed, she stopped to check the locks on her door and make sure that the shysters had eaten today since she hadn’t been home at the same time the shysters were usually at her house. It was strange that Baskerville seemed to hang out with Mr. Bleaty instead of the shysters.
Granny decided she was too tired to change out of her clothes into one of her nighties. She would change and shower in the morning before figuring out a way to investigate Sally’s and Esmeralda’s houses and yards a little bit more closely. She was sure there was some connection. And where was Neil? Perhaps, by morning the Big Guy would have found him.
The dream started with Baskerville howling. Mr. Bleaty joined in on the chorus. Franklin was playing the drums and the strobe lights were flashing as the rhythm got louder. The band was joined by a chorus of sirens. They were in the fire hall and Delight was barbequing ribs, a new item added to her menu.
Granny lazily woke up. She could smell those ribs but now it smelled like Delight was burning them and Baskerville and Mr. Bleaty seemed to be howling and bleating right next to her bed. She opened her eyes and she could see lights flashing through the window, through the darkness. The pounding started on her door and she heard Thor and Franklin shouting as they pounded. All of a sudden, Granny felt Baskerville clamping his mouth on her arm and pulling her over the side of the bed. Mr. Bleaty started nudging her. Granny heard the window on the side by the front door being broken and soon Franklin and Thor were in her room.
Before Granny knew what was happening, she was hoisted into Franklin’s
arms and carried out her front door with Thor following behind, and Baskerville and Mr. Bleaty leading the charge. It all happened so fast that Granny wondered if she was still dreaming but when she saw the firemen putting out the flames that seemed to be leaping out of her garage roof she didn’t have to pinch herself to know she was awake.
“My cars, my cars! Put me down! I have to get to my cars!”
Franklin set her down but still kept an arm around her shoulders to keep her from going anywhere. George and Mavis and even the hussy were standing across the street watching the flames eating her garage and her cars.
The fire chief, Chuck Ladder, came over to the group. “We need you to go across the street in case the cars explode.”
“They won’t explode,” Granny informed him. “The gas tanks are empty. I drained the one for the fall and winter and I was cruising on fumes when I came back from Allure in the other. I forgot to get gas with all the excitement at Nail’s. Believe me, it’s safe.”
The three men looked at one another. “We’ll move,” Franklin assured the fire chief. “She might have forgotten.” Franklin hustled Granny across the street by Mavis, George and Elena.
As Granny watched the firemen, the Big Guy who had just arrived, came over to talk to the group. “Did any of you see anything?”
Granny turned to Franklin. “How did you get here so fast? You were here at the same time as the fire department.”
“I saw the flames from Heather’s house. I was watching Angel, and Heather just got home and so I was leaving to go home. When I got here, Thor was headed to your door.”
“I looked out my front window and saw the flames and called the fire department and then I ran over to pound on your door,” Thor informed his mother.
“Where are the shysters?” Granny asked. “I know they are not usually here this time of night but I want to make sure they are safe.”
“They were at Heather’s when I left. They stopped in to play with Angel tonight.”
All Granny could do was stare at Franklin at that news. The more things changed, the more they didn’t stay the same. Now even the shysters were changing their routines. They were all upsetting Granny’s applecart. Granny looked at Sally’s yard. Baskerville and Mr. Bleaty were lounging in the yard together, nuzzling each other. Granny shook her head in puzzlement.
“Again I ask, did any of you see anything?” the Big Guy repeated.
“What’s there to see? My garage started on fire. Probably some faulty electrical wiring. I knew that electrician I had here last year was up to no good.”
Chuck Ladder came over to join the group. “We’ve got the fire almost out. I’m sorry to say your cars are toast.”
At the word toast, Granny sadly looked at her garage and then sat down on the ground.
Thor knelt down by her to make sure she was ok. Chuck Ladder continued speaking to Franklin and the Big Guy. “It was arson. Someone started the trash container next to the garage on fire. Any idea who might want to burn Granny’s garage down? That’s two arsons in one day.”
“I’ll put the police on high alert and you might want your firemen to keep on their toes too. I’m also going to put out an APB for Neil Nail too. This all has to be tied together. Granny, I’m going to put an unmarked car in front of your house for your safety. This is the second time now that someone has tried to harm you. It looks like a warning.”
“Get real, an unmarked car? Have you looked at this street?” Granny remarked as she looked up at the Big Guy from her place on the ground. She held her arm out to Franklin to help her up since she didn’t have her cane or her umbrella. “It’s a dead end street. We only have so many houses. You don’t think someone’s going to notice an unmarked car?”
“Of course they will; that’s the point. They’ll stay away,” the Big Guy remarked in exasperation.
Granny shook her head and started to walk across the street toward her house. The Big Guy, Franklin, Thor, George and Mavis followed Granny across the street. Elena watched them go and then walked, unnoticed into her back yard.
The fire from the garage was still smoldering as Granny stopped to survey the damage. Granny uncharacteristically wiped a tear out of her eye, hoping no one else would see. The group was silent as they looked at the charred remains of Granny’s two red ‘57 Chevy convertibles, knowing that she had loved driving her cars. Granny took one last look at the garage and turned around with a spark in her eye and a look of determination on her face. “Neil Nail did not do this. He would not do this, especially to me. He would not hurt me. I don’t know where he is, but I am going to find him and I am going to prove all of you wrong.” With that, she turned and walked up the steps onto her porch, turned around and gave her garage one last look, saluted the firemen who were still left and walked into her house, followed by Baskerville who had appeared again out of nowhere.
Franklin turned to the group. “If Hermiony won’t let the police protect her, it is up to us. Thor you take the first watch from your window. George, Mavis, the second watch is yours while Thor is sleeping. I’ll take over during the day since she would kick me out if I tried to stay the night.”
“We’ll keep her safe, Franklin,” Mavis remarked as George took her arm to escort her back home.”
“This should be interesting,” Thor warned. “Remember who we are dealing with here. This is my mother; she’s cunning and crafty and she would ditch us quicker than we can blink our eyes. Remember that.”
Granny watched from her window at the little powwow in her yard. As they all dispersed to go their houses, Franklin to his car, and the Big Guy and police to their station, Granny turned to Baskerville with a smile. “I wonder if they remember my door to the underground street. We might have to test that theory in the morning, Baskerville.” As she said those words, her cell phone rang. Granny picked it up to see Franklin on eye to eye. “Yes!” Granny answered in a crusty tone.
“Just thought you might want to know, I picked up the shysters on their way back to your house. They must have been confused when I wasn’t home during their time at my house. I’m taking them back home with me. And Granny, I’m watching you.” Franklin gave a chuckle and hung up the phone.
The time on Granny’s cell phone said 5:00 a.m. The fire took up most of the night. It was time to get a few hours shut eye before she decided to put her plan into place.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The first thing that hit Granny before she even opened her eyes was the smell from the previous night’s fire. Not only was it lingering in her house but as she opened her eyes slowly, she saw that she had fallen asleep in her clothes that also smelled like smoke. As she was contemplating her escape in the underground street, she heard someone in her house. She could tell by the female voices that were coming from down the hallway, that her daughters had arrived. Granny wondered why Thor had called them.
A knock sounded on Granny’s door. Starshine peeked her head in the door. “Good morning, Mom. Your daughters to the rescue again. We heard about the fire on the news.”
Penelope pushed her way through the door past Starshine. “You should have called us. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there because we are here now. We hired the Smoke Cleaners to get all this smell out of your house. We got the Wrecking Crew to take care of your garage. And Thor’s going to fix your window.”
“Uh, you didn’t have to do that. I thought I would just rest today. You know, alone, with no one here, didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“That’s the surprise,” Starshine gleefully announced. “We’re sending you to Shea Fluffallure for a day of rest and a spa treatment.”
Granny looked at them in horror. “A spa? One of those fluffy duffy things where they do weird things to you?”
“You’ll love it,” Penelope assured her. “Imagine that you’re a movie star and you are getting ready for your big premiere.”
At the words premiere and movie star, Granny’s eyes lit up. “I don’t have a car. I can call Mavis. She
might drive me.”
Granny called Mavis and made arrangements for them to meet on the front lawn in 30 minutes. “You two run along into the kitchen and make yourself some tea,” said Granny to her daughters. “I have to freshen up before they spa me.” As the two girls turned to go down the hall into the kitchen, Granny closed the bedroom door and gave the lock a turn. She quickly scouted out her room for her flamboyant nightly attire, her reading material that she didn’t think her kids would approve of, her chocolates that she stashed under the bed and all her flip flops that she had hidden in various places to keep her kids from confiscating them. She opened the secret door in the back of her closet and threw her stash into the space. After she closed the door, she made her way down the hallway into the bathroom and took a shower to wash off the smoke smell.
Donning her Granny attire, she made sure she also grabbed her pink cane. She might need it where she was going. “I’m ready for the fluffy duffy things,” she yelled to her daughters. “It was so sweet of you to do that for me. Mavis is out front so we will see you later.”
She was on the way down the steps when she met Thor going up the steps. He looked at Granny. “Oh, no, I see mischief in your eye. You are going to the spa, aren’t you? Remember your life is in danger.”
Granny looked straight back at Thor. “So is yours if you keep hanging around with that hussy.” She tapped Thor lightly on the ankle with her cane and proceeded down the steps and into Mavis’ car.
“We’re off to Shea Fluffallure to drop you off for a day of beauty. Hold on to your seat belt,” Mavis warned as she started the car.
“Ah, Mavis, you have been such a good friend that I think you should take the day at Shea Fluffallure. They told me I would feel like a movie star and since you like to pretend you are in reality TV, you could pretend you are a movie star. Wouldn’t that be fun?” Granny suggested.
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