“Hello, would you like a reservation at Georgy Porgy Pudding and Pie Diner?”
“Mavis, what reality show are you into now? I need your help.”
“Did you say you were wondering if we had scallops?”
“Mavis!” Granny said in her most threatening tone.
“All right, Granny, we were just having a little fun with a pretend reality show restaurant,” Mavis giggled as she whispered something off to the side to George.
“I lost my cell phone next door at the hussy’s house. She likes you and George. Can you go over and find it for me without making it suspicious.”
“Why would it be there and where might we look?”
“Um, you don’t need to know the reason I was there but you might want to look, um, in the kitchen, the bedrooms, the living room, the dining room, and, um, the basement.”
“What! I don’t want to know, Granny. How are we going to get into every room of her house?”
“Can’t you tell her you want a tour and that you are scouting it for your new reality series Disguise That House? Oh, and one more thing, you might want to check the back yard and garage for my cell phone too. You have to find it before she does.”
Granny heard a loud click. She hoped that meant they were on their way. She peeked out the window to see if there was any movement from Mavis’ house. Sure enough, George and Mavis were on their way to Sally’s house. Granny watched as they knocked on the door and handed the floozy something. Just as she seemed to be inviting them into the house, Mr. Bleaty (as Granny preferred to call him), bounded up the steps with something in his mouth. Granny could see large gestures and then George taking something out of Mr. Bleaty’s mouth. They both turned as if to thank the floozy/hussy and then started to come over to Granny’s. Granny quickly jumped out of the view of the window.
The doorbell chimed and Granny answered the door. Mavis handed Granny something that looked like a loaf of bread that was as heavy as a brick. “What is this?” Granny said to Mavis.
“That was our excuse to visit Elena. We baked bread in Georgy Porgy Pudding and Pies Kitchen and we are bringing our neighbors a loaf. Now let us in,” Mavis begged.
Granny opened the door wider and George and Mavis came in. George reached in his pocket and handed Granny a crushed and half eaten cell phone.
“I take it this is yours,” George told Granny. “I guess it is true about goats eating anything.”
Granny held up the pieces of her cell phone and looked at it in dismay. “You didn’t say this belonged to me, did you?”
“No,” Mavis answered. “I told her it was mine and I must have dropped it when I chased Gottlieb back home after he had been in our yard. Although I hope she doesn’t discover that Gottlieb never has been in our yard.”
George took Mavis by the arm. “We have to go, Granny. Georgy Porgy has pig knuckles cooking in the kitchen and we have to get back to them. I hope you can get your phone fixed.”
Granny shut the door after them and looked at the pieces of her cell phone. She glanced at the clock on the microwave and saw that it was just past noon. That surprised her since it seemed like she had put in an entire day’s work.
Deciding that she needed her cell phone, Granny sprinted back to her bedroom, changed her clothes into her Granny skirt, red sparkly shoes, an old fashioned pin striped blouse and topped it off with a warm middle of the year navy coat. Navy wasn’t usually her color but she figured she might need to be colorless when going to the phone store.
Granny decided to grab her umbrella instead of her knitting needle cane. It was getting cold and windy and it appeared like it might rain and sleet and, of course, there was always the chance she might get to hook a crook for excitement.
Allure, Minnesota, was the place with the nearest phone store. Granny hopped in one of her red Chevy Corvettes to head out of town. She was going to miss having the top down now that the cold weather was setting in. That led her to wonder how the weeds in Sally’s and Mrs. Periwinkle’s yards could have grown so fast. Maybe now that it was fall and the weeds were dead, it would reveal something. Granny decided after the phone store that she would go back to Fuchsia and see if Neil Nail was going to reopen the hardware store. Somehow Granny had the feeling that there were more answers in the hardware store and that the police had closed the investigation too soon. As Granny stepped out of the car, a chill went up her back. She turned her head just in time to see someone snap her picture and drive away.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Granny opened the door to the phone store. “Did you see that? That man was taking a picture of me. Call the police. I want to know who he was.”
The young man behind the counter looked up as Granny entered. “Yeh, well, everyone’s taking pictures now, ya know. No one’s safe. Might end up on SciffScaff, the online video place. You never know who’s takin’ your picture. Were ya doin’ something stupid?”
“Ah, no.”
“Then why should you care? You’re on camera all the time.” The young man pointed to the ceiling. “Look up, see anything there?”
Granny peered at the ceiling. “Ah, no.”
“Well it’s there; right here and here and here.” He pointed as he tapped on the ceiling in different places. “See that, cameras all over taking your picture.” He walked to the front of the store. He pointed at the light pole right by Granny’s car. “See that? Yup, it’s there––a camera. I’d say a guy taking your picture is the least of your problems. You can see him. See that man who just passed you in the street? See his hat.”
Granny peered out the window at the man walking down the street.
“It’s taking a picture of you. All he has to do is meet you or follow you and it’s done. You’re recorded. You don’t know what he’s gonna do with that picture. Could be a Sciffscaff guy, and you wouldn’t even know it.” The young man stood next to Granny and put his arm around her shoulders, leaned in and whispered. “You never know who’s watching you.”
Granny jumped back wishing she hadn’t forgotten her umbrella in the car or better yet, she wished she had her knitting needle. He would have seen that she got her point across.
“Enough!” Granny yelled. “I came for a phone and if you don’t get me one soon, well, I don’t want to be responsible for what happens.” Granny grabbed his arm and led him over to the window. “You think I’m an old woman and you’re gonna scare me, do ya? Well, let me let you in on a little secret. I’m not old; this is a disguise and I’m undercover. See that car out there? It is not just a car. See those headlights? They’re not just headlights. They can take someone out in a second by a flip of a switch that’s in my pocket. Granny indicated she was holding something in her pocket. “See that car door? If it opens by itself, well, I don’t want to be responsible. Get me a phone!!! Lives are at stake.” Granny took a tighter grip on his arm. “Do you understand?”
“Right, right. I’ll be back in just a minute. I have just the right phone for you in the back room.”
Granny meandered around the store looking at the fancy electronic tablets, at the phone cases, when she heard the door open and close. Two policeman entered the store and walked up to her.
“Is this the woman who threatened you?” one of the policemen said to the young man who was now standing in the door to the back room.
“Yes, yes it is. And she’s not right. She said she’s a secret agent. She told me her car could take me out.”
Granny turned and looked at the young man with a piercing gaze. “And he told me everyone was taking pictures of me. He told me there are cameras in the ceilings and cameras in the light pole. He was clearly harassing an old woman. I was defending myself. I just came in to get a new cell phone!”
The officer looked at Granny and checked the ceiling and then pointed to the light pole. “Look, no cameras. Are you sure you didn’t imagine him saying that to you?”
“Are you saying I’m daft? Ask him. Ask him.”
“Officers, why would I t
ell an elderly lady that there were cameras everywhere watching her? Clearly, she has problems. In fact, she came in and told me there was a man taking pictures of her.”
“Did you tell him that?” the other officer questioned Granny.
“I did, because there was. Listen, you need to call the Big Guy, Cornelius Stricknine of the Fuchsia Police Department. He will tell you, I work for them.”
“Ma’am, you better come with us.”
“Where?”
“The Allure Police Station, if this young man decides to press charges, then we have to arrest you.”
“The Hoosegow? All I want is a cell phone.”
The policeman looked at the young man. “Are you pressing charges?”
“Not if you can guarantee me that she will not stop here again.”
“Get me a cell phone and you’ll never have to see me again,” Granny assured him.
The young man went over to the counter and picked out an Itphone for Granny, the latest one.
“What about my addresses that are stored in the raincloud? Can you put them on?”
The police officers looked like they were going to intervene again so Granny decided it was time to change her tactics. She started sniffling. “Please, I am so forgetful and I have no one.” Granny started sniffling some more. “I don’t know what happens to me. I get these lapses and then I behave out of character. My doctor is checking me Gottliebers’ disease. If I did something strange while I was here I can’t explain it.”
The police officers looked at the young man who was giving Granny a piercing look. “Help her out. She clearly needs her phone and isn’t capable of putting her numbers in. We’ll take her for coffee and come back in a little while. We’ll also try and get a hold of her family.”
With that, they helped Granny out of the store and took her down the street to the corner coffee shop. Granny ordered her usual donuts and coffee. The police officers decided to do the same.
“What is the number of someone we can call for you, ma’am? What did you say your name was?”
“Granny.”
“Granny what? Is that your real name?” the officer questioned.
“Who can we call?”
“I can’t remember any of the numbers. I can’t remember my name. Just Granny The numbers were all in my phone.”
“How about a name to call?”
“The Big Guy, Cornelius Stricknine, Chief of Police, Fuchsia, Minnesota.”
One of the officers got up to go out to his squad car to call the Big Guy. In the meantime, Granny took a look around peering out the window to see if she could catch a glimpse of anyone who looked familiar or like the man she had seen earlier taking her picture. The police officer returned to the table.
“We can let her go. The Big Guy vouched for her. Said she’s a little bit eccentric but harmless and she is capable of taking care of herself and driving herself home. He said she was a bit cantankerous and had a penchant for finding trouble but he will take care of it.”
The other officer stood up at the same time as Granny stood. “We’ll walk you back to get your cell phone. We don’t want any more incidents.”
The three walked back down the street with one of the officers going inside to pick up Granny’s cell phone, paying with her credit card and bringing the receipt outside for Granny to sign so there was no repeat of the earlier interaction between the young man and Granny.
Granny got in her car, waved to the officers and, characteristic of Granny, she stomped on the foot pedal and peeled her tires, leaving the officers shaking their heads as she headed out of Allure.
The closer Granny got to Fuchsia, the more she thought about Neil Nail and how he must be feeling now that his dad had died. Neil’s mother was no longer in the picture so Neil would have to make all the funeral arrangements himself not to mention running the hardware store alone. Neil might dress a little young but he was old enough to be on his own and certainly capable of running the hardware business. Granny headed straight for Main Street when she got back to Fuchsia. As she pulled up outside of Nail’s Hardware, she noticed Neil sitting out front on the Wrench Bench holding his head in his hands. He also didn’t have a coat on and was shivering from the cold weather. Granny decided that he needed a friend.
“Neil, what’ going on?” Granny asked as she sat down beside him on the Wrench Bench. “It’s too cold to be sitting out here. Let’s go inside the store.”
“I can’t. I can’t. My dad died in there and it’s all my fault.” Neil broke down in tears.”
Granny patted his hand. “Neil, it isn’t your fault. It was a terrible accident.”
“They think my dad killed those women. He didn’t. I know he didn’t. It’s all my fault,” Neal blurted out in spurts in between his sobs.
Granny had never seen Neil cry before and apparently her soft touch wasn’t getting anywhere with him. Granny stood up.
“That’s enough. Get yourself in that building and get warm before I have to go to my car and grab my umbrella. If I have to I’ll hook it around your neck and drag you inside. You have a funeral to plan and a store to run. Your dad is watching you.” Granny pointed to the sky. “He expects you to carry on.”
Neil looked at Granny. “You don’t understand. It’s my fault.”
“Well,” Granny said, “Suppose you tell me, only inside. It’s too cold out here for an old woman.”
Neil got up off the bench and turned and unlocked the hardware store. He hesitated for a moment and then he turned to Granny. “Thank you, Granny, but I’ll be alright now. I’m not supposed to let anyone into the store until the police say I can open it up again and the Big Guy said I am especially not supposed to let you in.”
Granny was about to make a cynical retort but in view of Neil Nail’s grief, she thought better of it. “Alrighty, I’ll let ya off the hook this time. It’s getting late anyway. It must be round about 4:00 p.m. I need to check on Delight in her new shop over at the fire station anyway.”
Neil continued on into the store and Granny got in her car but not before she thoughtfully took a few minutes to think about what the reason could be that Neil thought the death of his father was his fault.
The Fuchsia Fire Station was hustling and bustling with all the firefighters sitting around drinking coffee and tea and eating Delight’s donuts and other sweet confections, taking advantage of Ella’s Enchanted Forest inhabiting their fire station. Granny saw that Delight had also made sure the candy that she made and sold, was front and center too. Those firefighters had a sweet tooth.
Fuchsia’s Fire Department was full time. It wasn’t because Fuchsia had a lot of fires but the mayor and Town Council felt that having a full time crew also was a way for the people of Fuchsia to feel safe. The firefighters also helped out with accidents, fire drills at Fuchsia School and used their equipment to build skating rinks in the winter. They also helped out at the pond, lake and waterpark in the summer as all the firefighters had their lifeguard certifications.
Granny spied Delight talking to Ella and a good looking young firefighter. “Woo Hoo, Delight!”
“Be with you in a minute, Granny.” Delight seemed to be instructing Ella back to the kitchen while pointing somewhere at something that she thought the young firefighter should do. Then she made Granny’s latte and put two lemon crème donuts drizzled with chocolate on a plate and brought them to Granny.
“What was that all about? I was about to come over and say ‘hello’ but you shooed them off.”
“I’m not sure this was a good idea. All those good looking young firefighters seem to have caught Ella’s eye. I am spending more time finding things for her to do away from the firemen and policemen.
“What about that young policeman I had escort Ella home after saving her in the underground streets?”
Delight was about to answer when a loud boom shook the fire hall almost knocking them over. Before they realized what had happened, bells and sirens went off in the fire hall announcing a
fire. All the firemen dropped what they were doing and ran to the garage, getting their gear and taking off in the trucks.
Granny and Delight and the other customers watched them go. The sirens didn’t go very far so everyone spilled out of Ella’s Enchanted Forest Fire Hall cafe and ran down the streets in the direction of the trucks. From the next street down, black smoke was billowing into the air. As Granny and Delight walked further, they saw a few flames shooting out of the side of a building. To their horror, they realized Nail’s Hardware was on fire.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Granny, realizing what was happening, looked for the Big Guy. He was standing by the fire trucks along with Thor. What was Thor doing here with the Big Guy?
Granny grabbed the Big Guy’s arm. “I was just here a few minutes ago. I left Neil walking into the hardware store.” Granny said in alarm. “He might be still in there.”
Thor walked over to his mother, and put an arm around her. “If he is mom, it’s too late. Everything has collapsed.”
The three of them stood side by side and watched as the Fuchsia Fire Fighters handled the fire.
As time passed, Thor turned to his mother, “It’s getting late, you should go home. Do you want me to take you?”
“We’re not going to know anything until later, Granny,” the Big Guy explained. “The crew has to be able to get in there and then they will search for a cause and a body.”
Granny shook her head. “You’ll let me know. I must have been the last person who talked to Neil. He was blaming himself for his father’s death and now he might be dead. I should have made him come with me.” Granny walked away slowly still trying to process it all. When she got to her car, she decided to drive to Neil’s house. After all, they could all be wrong; maybe he went home. They didn’t even bother to check.
As Granny pulled up outside of Mrs. Periwinkle’s house, she could see there were no lights on. Evening had descended during the fire since it got dark around 5:00 now. Maybe Neil had fallen asleep from exhaustion because of the last few days.
Julie Seedorf - Fuchsia Minnesota 02 - Granny Skewers a Scoundrel Page 11