At that moment, Granny rolled over in bed and fell out of the bed swiftly onto the floor encased in a roll of her blankets. As she groggily awoke from the dream she heard loud pounding on her door and the doorbell ringing.
Granny reached for her Itphone to see what time it was. Who was pounding on her door at 6:00 a.m.? Granny grabbed the bedpost and the mattress and hoisted herself up off the floor as the pounding and doorbell ringing continued. She grabbed her cane for protection and threw on her new robe that was covered with pictures of her shysters and cautiously walked down the hall to the front door. The shysters and Baskerville didn’t seem to be around. Granny wondered where her bodyguards were when she needed them.
Before answering the pounding, she peeked out the side window to see who might be disturbing her so early. When she saw who it was she threw open the door. “What do you want? Do you know it’s only 6:00 a.m.?”
“Where are they? Where are they?” The hussy shouted.
“Who are you talking about?”
“Gottlieb and that monster mutt of yours.”
“I’m sure Baskerville is with the shysters at Franklin’s. I have no idea where Mr. Bleaty is. Last I saw him, he was in the pen in your garage. He broke into my house last night and terrorized my shysters. I took him back to his home and locked the gate and the garage since you left them open in your haste to schmooze my son.”
“I closed those doors. Your mutt opened them like he did this morning. I saw them running over here.”
“They’re not here. I would have heard Baskerville howl if they would have come in. Go ahead look around.” Granny swept her arms wide indicating a free search for Elena.
Just as Elena was going to search Granny’s bedroom, they heard a noise in the basement. Elena changed direction and charged down the steps with Granny at her heels.
“There, there. You lied! You said they weren’t here! Wait until I tell Thor that his mother kidnapped my goat and then tried to hide him from me.”
Granny stood open-mouthed for a minute, too shocked to answer as she looked at the hidden fireplace door that was standing open. She forgot about Elena, Mr. Bleaty and Baskerville as she walked through the door to the underground room connecting to the streets of Fuchsia. The door to the underground street was open. Had she left it open and forgotten?
Granny turned back into her family room after closing and locking both doors. Deep in thought, she almost forgot that the hussy was still there.
“I should call the cops and have you arrested for goat napping.” Elena spit at her.
“You opened that door, didn’t you? And then you came in here to accuse me of goat napping. You’re conspiring against me to get rid of me so you can get your hooks into my son.”
“I already have my hooks into your son and there’s not anything you can do about it. Once I tell him his poor mom is wandering around in yards at night and imagining locking doors and garage doors, he’ll send you to the wrinkle farm.”
Granny skewered up her eyes. She still had her cane in her hand and thought about flicking off the tip and using it on the hussy. Before she could reply to the hussy’s threat, they heard a knock on the door. Granny thought that early morning was becoming very busy around this neighborhood recently.
“Mom, mom, are you ok?”
Elena glared at Granny and called out, “We’re down here, Thor!”
Thor came down the steps and eyed the two women cautiously. “Mavis was hanging upside down in her exercise bed when she heard some noise over here. Said she thought it sounded like someone was trying to break in so she called me to check on you, Mom.”
Elena walked over to Thor and threw her arms around his neck and plastered her face into his shoulder, feigning tears. “It was me, Honey. Her bruiser of a dog grabbed Gottlieb and was going to hurt him. He brought him over here and I came over to try to rescue him. I found them here in the basement. Your mother is very confused and she was going to attack me with her cane. I don’t think she knows who I am. She keeps calling me someone called the hussy.” Elena peeked out at Granny from her position on Thor’s chest.
Granny couldn’t believe the words coming out of Elena’s mouth. Before Granny could protest, Elena swooned and fainted. Thor lifted her up in his arms and started to carry her up the stairs, but not before turning to Granny. “We will talk about his later; please see that Gottlieb gets home. I‘m taking her to the ER to make sure she is ok. Really, Mom, attacking Elena?” As Thor was looking at Granny, Elena opened her eyes and winked at Granny as Thor carried her up the stairs. Granny heard Thor talking to the hussy.
“Sweetheart, you are going to be fine. I’ll see to it and I will see my mother never treats you that way ever again.”
Granny heard voices upstairs as Thor was leaving. Mavis came down the steps. “Are you ok? We saw Elena trying to break down your door. That’s why we called Thor.”
“Who, Elena attacking my door?” Granny said in a sweet voice and then she dropped to the floor in a pretend swoon. “Oh, Thor,” Granny said, mimicking Elena, “Your mother attacked me, you have to put her away.”
Mavis stared at Granny wide eyed. “She said that?”
“Not in so many words,” Granny said gruffly, standing back up. “She’s a fake and she wants my son and she’s not gonna get him. Over my dead body is she going to get my son. I think I need to have a dinner party.”
“Ah, Granny? A dinner party? Ah, you don’t really cook very well. Who are you going to poison? Elena?” Mavis asked suspiciously.
“Mavis, will you take Mr. Bleaty back? I have to get to town and talk to the Big Guy.”
“It’s kind of cold to walk Granny and it is very early. Why don’t you wait, and George and I will drive you.”
“I’m a Fuchsia, Minnesotan. I know you wouldn’t understand that because you’re from outside of Fuchsia. But we Fusciasotans are tough. Besides, I want to stop and talk to that Heather on the way to town too. Go, go, go,” Granny urged as she shooed Mavis and Mr. Bleaty upstairs and out the door, leaving Baskerville sulking in the basement at the loss of his friend.
It was a little too early to head to town. Granny thought she might make the rounds of the stores when she got there and see if there were any pilferers grabbing the goods in the store. She knew the Big Guy thought she was in danger but who would hurt a little Granny in the middle of a Fuchsia store?
Baskerville finally decided to come back upstairs. Granny felt sorry for him so she opened the door to her fridge and got him some ice cream and a donut. It looked so good she decided to join Baskerville and have some too. She also made herself some coffee to dunk her donut. It would keep her awake since she was up so early. Her eyes still felt like they needed toothpicks to hold them up. She hadn’t been able to wake slowly as was her normal routine.
Granny looked at Baskerville. “Why aren’t you following the shysters these days, Baskerville? I’m sure they miss you.”
Baskerville finished his ice cream and donut and walked over and put his head in Granny’s lap. A soft moan came out of his body.
“Oh, Baskerville, are you in love with Mr. Bleaty? He might be bad news just like his owner. Maybe this is a rebound love since you lost your other home not too long ago. We’ll work on this.” Granny patted the top of his head and gently moved it off her lap so she could go to her bedroom to get dressed in her Granny disguise.
As Granny pulled on her polyester skirt and hose, she remembered she had meant to buy a new coat for the fall but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. Then she remembered she still had Sally’s bright green jacket in her closet. It wasn’t pink or fuchsia but maybe wearing the green jacket that had been Sally’s would spark something that would make her closer to finding the killer in Fuchsia. Granny couldn’t believe Neil Nail had it in him.
Granny grabbed the jacket and her pink cane. They made a stunning combination. As Granny opened the door to step outside, she realized that it was pretty cool and it looked like it could rain or sleet again.
Going back into her house, Granny walked downstairs and unlatched the fireplace door. She also unlatched the door going into the underground streets. She would walk back that way and see if there was any progress being made at opening them to the public. After all, the mayor had promised they would be open by the Christmas shopping season.
On her way back upstairs, Granny put her hand into the pocket of the coat. What in the world? Weeds? What was Sally doing with weeds in her pocket?
Granny emptied her pocket of the weeds and dumped them in her trash can that was in the kitchen. Baskerville was sitting by the door and opted to follow Granny out the door. Once they were on the front sidewalk, Baskerville started to cross the street to the hussy’s house.
“Baskerville, no! Come with me, lets go see Angel.” Baskerville halted for a second. Granny thought she was going to have to get tough as it seemed he was going to ignore her command, but at the name ‘Angel,’ he turned and started after Granny.
As Granny walked, she noticed the Fuchsia Street Department was filling the potholes with leaves and packing them down for the winter. The potholes prevented Fuchsia from having to install rumble strips to remind residents to stop. In the fall they filled the potholes with leaves. The city never gave an explanation why they did this, but it was Fuchsia and there was no reason to question the reason why. It had always been done that way and Fuchsia folks liked the routine. In fact, some years they had a pothole filling contest. The person who could fit the most leaves in a pothole won a night for two at the Lake of the Leaves Bed and Breakfast in Allure.
Granny was so deep in thought that she forgot she was going to stop at Heather’s house on the way to town. Baskerville hadn’t forgotten and he had been leading. He stopped so fast that Granny tumbled right over him to the ground. When Granny lifted her head off of the ground, she found she was staring at some large black shoes. She looked up to see Franklin’s eyes twinkling above her, a long way above her.
“You do like falling for me, don’t you Granny?” Franklin chuckled as he helped Granny to her feet. “Are you on your way to town?”
“I am, got woke up early this morning by that hussy. She made such a ruckus it brought Thor over and he hauled her away to the hospital ER.”
“What did you do to her?”
“Me? Me?”
“Yes, you. That sweet girl wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
“Franklin, I always thought I was a good judge of character but maybe not if you and my son can be bamboozled by that woman. I came to talk to your daughter.”
Franklin studied Granny with a suspicious look. “Why?”
“I’m having a dinner party. Tonight. You’re invited.”
“Hermiony, you don’t like to cook. Why would you have a dinner party and why would Heather be invited?”
“It’s time our families got to know one another. After all, you are my fiancé. It’ll be fun. You, me, Heather, Angel and Thor. I’ll even invite Starshine and Penelope and Butch. See, nothing to be suspicious about. With all this hoopla, it’ll be nice to do something normal,” Granny cajoled.
“I don’t know if I would call you putting on a dinner party normal. But at least it’ll keep you out of trouble. I tell you what. I’ll invite Heather and I’ll even run over to the hospital and check on Thor and Elena. I’ll invite Thor for you. That way you can concentrate on your cooking.”
“No Elena, you hear. No hussy. No floozy,” Granny instructed as she pointed her finger at Franklin.
“Relax. I won’t invite her, although it would be a neighborly thing to do.”
Granny stomped her cane on the ground. Franklin started laughing a big belly laugh.
“Just teasing. Do you need a ride since you don’t have a car to carry the groceries and it looks like it is going to get nasty.”
“No,” Granny answered. “I have it all taken care of.”
Granny looked around for Baskerville. He had taken the time to disappear while Granny was talking to Franklin. Granny hoped he wasn’t back visiting Mr. Bleaty.
“Keep an eye out for Baskerville. We don’t want him to start bleating instead of howling.” Granny winked at Franklin and continued her journey to Main Street. Once she reached Main Street, she realized that she had been going to go and talk to the Big Guy. That was the problem with her memory; it got easily distracted.
Granny decided to stop at AbStract first to scope out the customers. Estelle was back behind the jewelry counter. “Glad to see you’re back, Estelle, and none the worse for the wear.”
“Me too, Granny, that was a scary experience.”
“You learned your lesson, Estelle; sometimes a pretty boy isn’t all they’re cut out to be. He may be cute, but all he wanted was your loot.”
Estelle started laughing. “Granny, I love your rhymes and I will be careful from now on.”
Jack Puffleman, owner of AbStract walked up to Granny. “Granny, can I talk to you a minute?”
“Sure, Jack, I wanted to show you my new weapon so you’ll feel safe if you don’t see my umbrella.” Granny led Jack into the corner where she had first fallen into the underground streets. Granny looked around at the changes.
“Why, lookee here. You can get to the underground from here. You made it a real door.” Granny started to open the door when Puffleman stopped her.
“You can check that out later, Granny. The City Council is building access to all the stores that connect to the streets but now I need to talk to you.”
Granny raised her cane in the air. “This is what I wanted to show you. Look, it is a giant knitting needle disguised as a cane. I will be able to skewer a scoundrel with the jab of a swordsman.” Granny jumped into skewering mode, holding her giant knitting needle in front of her. With one jab she skewered the mannequin in the aisle. One poke and the mannequin went falling to the floor. Granny pulled out her knitting needle. With a look of triumph she said, “I might have to work on that jab. Don’t want to skewer anybody dead, just want to poke them so the Big Guy can put them in the pokey.” With the play on words, Granny started laughing until she noticed Jack Puffleman wasn’t doing the same.
“What’s the matter, Jack? I won’t skewer you,” Granny reassured him.
“Um, um,” Jack Puffleman said nervously. “I don’t know how to break this to you, Granny, but you can’t sleuth for us anymore. The Big Guy says your life is in danger and we can’t put you at risk until the perpetrator is caught.”
“The who? The what? Perculator? Sorry, I can’t hear you.” Granny put the end back on her giant knitting needle and turned and walked out the door.
The police station was next to the fire station. Granny made a beeline for the station looking for the Big Guy.
“Hey, Granny,” Ned Nifflemeyer, one of the patrolmen for Fuchsia, greeted her as she stomped in the door.
“The Big Guy. I need the Big Guy.”
“He’s out, Granny.”
“Where is he?”
“I am not supposed to reveal that information,” Ned said in a serious tone.
Granny took her cane and banged it on the desk.
“Sorry, Granny, your scare tactics will not get me to reveal his whereabouts,” Ned said as he stood up and crossed his arms over his chest.
Granny gave him a stubborn look and then collapsed in the chair in front of the desk. “Oh, Ned, there has been another attempt on my life. I was attacked by someone named Miss Hussy. And she wasn’t alone. Mr. Bleaty helped her. Please,” Granny sniffed, “I have to talk to him.”
Ned handed Granny a tissue. Granny hid her eyes. “Sorry, Granny. I didn’t know. He’d want to know. He’s next door at the firehouse at Ella’s makeshift coffee house having coffee and a donut.”
“What! He’s next door and you couldn’t tell me that! I’ll have your badge for obstructing my justice over a coffee and a donut!” Granny pointed her cane-covered knitting needle at his chest. “You are so lucky that I didn’t decide to knit you a new hole in your shirt.”
Gran
ny stood up, hit the cane on the desk and proceeded outside and next door to the fire hall to find the Big Guy. Besides, Granny also need to talk to Delight about food for her dinner party.
Granny slowed down as she walked in the door, leaning on her cane heavily. With all the firemen and the policeman having such close access to Ella’s, it was hard to find a place to sit these days because the place was always full unless there was a fire or a big crime spree. Granny did notice that the waists of the firemen and policemen seemed to be getting a little bigger the past few weeks.
Granny spied the Big Guy over in the corner. She shuffled her way to the table.
“Moving a little slow today, aren’t you, Granny?”
“I was attacked in my own house this morning. It slowed me down a little.”
The word attacked got the Big Guy’s attention. He stood up and held the chair for Granny to sit down. Delight, seeing that Granny had come in, brought her a cup of Boneyard Specialty Blend coffee and a double donut with chocolate and crème filling in between the two donuts. It was topped with more chocolate, raspberries and whipped crème.
“Thank you, Delight. I don’t believe I’ve had this donut before. The raspberry touch is a nice new addition,” Granny remarked as she sipped her coffee.
“It is my little way of making my desserts healthy,” Delight explained. “I have heard raspberries are very good for you and I want my customers to be healthy.”
“Give me a minute with the Big Guy and then I need your creativity.” Granny winked at Delight so Delight would give her a minute with the Big Guy.
The Big Guy watched Delight walk away before turning his attention to Granny. “What happened?”
“That hussy across the street from me broke into my house this morning, threatened me and siced her goat on me. I want you to arrest her. Besides, I know she had something to do with Sally’s murder.”
Julie Seedorf - Fuchsia Minnesota 02 - Granny Skewers a Scoundrel Page 14