Granny swung her feet to the side of bed and into her goose-feathered slippers. She bounded down the hall to her trash can and started dumping the trash. When the weeds that she had taken out of Sally’s coat pocket dropped out to the floor, Granny picked them up and looked at them carefully. She turned back to her bedroom, walked down the hall deep in thought and sat down on her bed. After a few minutes, she went to her closet and threw on the first clothes she could find.
Once back in the living room, Granny pulled out her binoculars and aimed them at Sally’s house. The hussy was home. Granny then trained the binoculars on Mavis’ house. Mavis and George were up. Granny went back to her bedroom and grabbed her cell phone.
“Mavis, I need your help.”
“Why, yes, Granny; we are fine. It is so nice of you to check.”
“George is in the room with you?” Granny asked.
Mavis whispered, “Yes.”
“I need you to go over and distract the floozy next door. I have to look at her weeds.”
“Why I would be happy to check on Elena. It is nice of you to be concerned since her shade is crooked.”
“Thanks; once I see you have her occupied inside, I will sneak over. Give George some food so he won’t see me. When he’s eating, he seems to forget anything else.” Granny cut off the connection.
She picked up her binoculars and watched as Mavis entered Sally’s yard and knocked on the door. The hussy/floozy answered and invited her in. Granny watched a few minutes more until they were out of sight of the window. Granny grabbed the green coat, reminding herself that she had to go shopping to find her own coat. Granny checked to make sure no one was watching as she hurried across the street to Sally’s back yard with the weeds in her hand.
Once Granny was in the back yard, she took the weeds and put them next to the brown weeds that were shriveled up because of the weather. They weren’t the same kind of weeds. Where did Sally get these weeds and why were they in the pocket of Sally’s coat? It had to have something to do with the murders. She needed to talk to the Big Guy.
Granny toddled over to the front door and knocked. The hussy answered. “What do you want?”
“George told me Mavis was here and I was hoping she could give me a ride to town. I need to purchase a fall and winter coat.” Granny angled her head around the body of Elena and looked straight at Mavis. “Now, if it’s possible.”
“Yes, yes; thank you, Elena. You were so helpful. The next time George sulks, I will use your advice.” Mavis walked to the door.
Elena was about to let her pass to the outside when a voice behind Granny asked, “And what are you doing here so early in the morning, Mom and Mavis?”
Granny jumped at the sound of Thor’s voice. Mavis hurried past all of them out the door. “I’ll warm up the car,” she said as she hurried down the steps.
“Don’t worry, Thor,” Elena said sweetly as she smiled at Thor. “It’s all fine. Your mother was just apologizing to me for yesterday. Weren’t you, Hermiony? After all, we all need to learn to get along now that I am in your life, Thor. She has realized that. Haven’t you, Hermiony?”
Granny was wishing she had her cane with her. She would have made a point with the hussy that the hussy wouldn’t forget. Granny looked at Thor. “Got to get to town. Want a lift?”
“No, I’m good. I bet Elena can find me some coffee.” Thor kissed his mother on the cheek and walked through the door. Elena made a little wave to Granny and shut the door, leaving Granny standing on the steps.
A beep sounded from the street. Mavis was waiting. “I need to get my cane,” Granny yelled at Mavis as she sprinted back to her house to grab her pink knitting needle cane.
“You never know when a good cane will come in handy,” Granny explained to Mavis as she got in the car.
Mavis drove her usual 10 mph into town. Granny closed her eyes and took a little snooze along the way. She knew there was no hurrying Mavis.
“Where do you want to be dropped off?” Mavis asked, disturbing Granny’s little nap. “I need to see the Big Guy so drop me off at the police station.”
“Do you want me to wait for you at Ella’s?”
“No, I have some undercover work for you to do.”
“Me? Me?” Mavis squeaked in excitement.
“Yes, you. I need you to spy on Thor. I want to know how much he is seeing that floozy. I need to put a stop to it.” Granny stepped out of the car and turned back to Mavis, “Oh, and don’t tell George or Franklin or Thor or my daughters. Got it?” Granny slammed the door and walked into the police station in search of the Big Guy.
The Big Guy happened to be standing in front of the police station talking to Franklin. They both saw Granny at the same time.
“Franklin, what are you doing here?”
Franklin winked at Granny. “Just conferring about the case. Feels good to be consulted about this. I didn’t realize how much I missed my detective days in New York. Cornelius was telling me a little bit about his life before he came here,” Franklin explained. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to the Big Guy too. Alone.” Granny winked at Franklin.
The Big Guy shook his head. “Will you two quit winking in front of me? The last girl I winked at I arrested for stealing my wallet.”
“How about dinner tonight, Hermiony? I’ll pick you up at 6:00 since you no longer have a car. We can plan our wedding.” Franklin chuckled at the expression on Granny’s face. She certainly made his heart beat faster. She was so feisty. He did miss his mother and her zany outlook on life. She would approve of Granny because she was so much like her, but how was he going to get Granny to take him seriously?
“Fine, fine,” Granny agreed, anxious for Franklin to be on his way so she could talk to the Big Guy.
“Franklin, that, ah, matter we talked about regarding the Nail case. See what you come up with when you visit the courthouse. I appreciate the help,” the Big Guy called out to Franklin as Franklin was walking out the door.
“Now, Granny, let’s go back to my office and we can talk.”
Once seated in the Big Guy’s office, Granny pulled the dead weeds out of her pocket and plunked them on the desk.
“Um, what do we have here?” the Big Guy asked Granny with a puzzled look on his face. “It looks like dead weeds.”
“Not just any weeds, but weeds from the pocket of this coat that formerly belonged to Sally. I threw it on to cover my nightclothes when I was checking on Sally the day she died.”
The Big Guy patted Granny’s hands that were on the desk. “Granny, Sally was always pulling and cutting weeds. There is nothing suspicious about that.”
“But there is,” Granny said emphatically while pulling her hands from the Big Guy’s grasp. “These are not the same weeds that covered her yard. Do you know what they are?”
The Big Guy studied the weeds a little more carefully. “Ah, no. Do you?”
“NO!” Granny yelled. “That’s why you’re the detective.”
The Big Guy walked around the desk and helped Granny to her feet. “I think you should go over to Ella’s, see Delight, have some coffee and then go home and rest. I think the past few months have been tough on you. You’re seeing things in weeds; pretty soon you are going to tell me that the weeds are talking to you.”
Granny stood up straight and stuck out her chin at the words, “the weeds are talking to you.” “They are! They are! I heard them in the hussy’s back yard when I was sitting on the ground in the middle of the weeds looking at the stars one night. They are! That’s it! There has to be some connection.”
The Big Guy’s eyes narrowed into a squint as he looked at Granny.
“You need to investigate, Big Guy,” Granny urged.
“Time for coffee, Granny. I’ll escort you there myself.” The Big Guy took Granny’s arm, walked her through the station and next door to the fire hall. He found a table for Granny. For some reason that he couldn’t explain, she wasn’t protesting. He c
alled Delight over.
“Hi, Granny; Hi Cornelius,” Delight greeted them in an excited mood. “Did you see my teapot and coffeepot building has started? I think it will be ready by Christmas, sooner than we thought.”
“Why don’t you tell Granny all about it? I have to get back to work. I have a crime to wrap up.” The Big Guy looked at Delight. “Keep an eye on her. I am going to call Mavis to come and pick her up. She needs some rest.”
Delight and Granny watched the Big Guy leave. Granny turned to Delight. “I have to go. I don’t want coffee. It’s great about your shop. But I have a crime to solve.” At that moment Granny’s cell phone rang. It wasn’t Dragnet but a strange number. Granny answered cautiously.
“Hello?”
“Granny, it’s me, Mr. Pickle. I know you’re not supposed to be working right now, but food is disappearing left and right and I can’t figure it out and it happens right around this time. I haven’t seen anyone suspicious. Mostly old ladies––sorry, Granny––I mean older women and they always leave through the checkout and buy something. I won’t tell anybody if you don’t tell anybody that I’ve put you back on the job.”
“Granny turned away from Delight and whispered in her phone, “I’ll be right there.” Then in a loud voice she said, “What, Mavis, your car is in front of AbStract?. I should meet you there?” Granny hung up the phone and said to Delight, “I have to meet Mavis by AbStract.”
Granny picked up her cane and walked out the door going in the direction of AbStract in case anyone was looking. As soon as she was by the alley, she made a swift right and walked around the building and headed the other way to Pickle’s Grocery.
Mr. Pickle was waiting by the door as Granny entered. He gave a nod as Granny grabbed a shopping cart to walk around the store. She put her cane over the top of the cart in case she needed it. She started meandering down the aisles, picking an item here and there to throw into her cart so she would look like a shopper. Mr. Pickle was right. The entire store at this moment consisted of women like her trying to decide what delicious morsels they would like to purchase.
Granny’s cart was almost full. The problem with doing this was that she found too many things to purchase and unless Mr. Pickle would deliver to her house she would have to forgo this many treats. She really did have to look into getting a new car as soon as the arson investigation was over and she got her insurance money.
Granny turned the corner and looked to the back of the store where the large orange juices in plastic bottles were arranged. Granny didn’t need any orange juice but the yogurt was arranged on the shelf right underneath the bottles of orange juice. The shysters were almost out of yogurt so Granny decided she would purchase some. As Granny started down the aisle, an old woman with red hair and slim build came into view. She seemed to have hidden pockets in her coat and was shoveling the yogurt into those hidden pockets.
Could it be? It couldn’t, Granny thought. The woman looked like Gram Gramstead. But that woman was in prison––or had she broken out? The nightmare woman was back and she was stealing yogurt.
Granny stopped her cart, picked up her pink knitting needle cane. She flipped the rubber end off of the bottom of the cane to reveal the sharp end. Granny moved next to her cart and stealthily shuffled a few footsteps down the store. With cane/knitting needle in her right hand, she lifted it and put it in javelin throwing mode. When she was ready, she let loose a yell and aimed the knitting needle at the woman who looked like her old nemesis Gram Gramstead.
The giant knitting needle flew through the air, hitting a large orange juice bottle and sticking in it, puncturing the side of the bottle. The bottle flew off the shelf, knitting needle and all. Orange juice poured out of the bottle onto the head of the unsuspecting suspect throwing her off balance and landing her on the floor.
Granny reached for her Big Guy alarm that was usually at her waist, before remembering the Big Guy had taken it away from her. As Granny moved toward the suspect, she started hollering, “Fire! Fire! Fire!” She heard the alarm go off.
The look alike Gram Gramstead was on the floor trying to get up but she kept slipping in the orange juice. Granny still had her handbag which was always with her and plunked it down on top of the woman’s head. As the handbag brushed the woman’s head, her red hair slid to the ground, uncovering her head to reveal Tricky Travis Trawler.
“Tricky Travis? What are you doing pilfering from Mr. Pickle? Didn’t I skewer you just a few weeks ago? You didn’t learn your lesson then?”
By this time, Mr. Pickle had arrived and Granny could hear the fire engines pulling up outside. “Here’s your culprit. Didn’t have my alarm. The Big Guy should be right behind the fire guys.” Granny grabbed her giant knitting needle cane and pointed it at Travis’ chest. “One word that I am the one who caught you, and I will find you in church the next time, and skewer your hand when you put it in the collection plate. Do you understand?” Granny warned Travis.
Travis looked at the needle pointing at his chest and at the skewered orange juice, gulped, and nodded yes.
“I’m not supposed to be here. See you later.” Granny hurried out the back door, and proceeded down the different alleys until she found herself behind Rack’s Restaurant. Straightening her clothes and adjusting her hat, she pushed open the door to Rack’s to have lunch. She thought perhaps some good fried chicken and onion rings along with dessert would give her some time to think about her next step.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
Rack’s wasn’t too busy. Many of the folks who had been having their lunch rushed out to see where the Fuchsia Fire Department was going. It wasn’t unusual for the folks in Fuchsia to follow the fire trucks, especially now that there had been two recent fires that possibly had been arson. If asked, the residents of Fuchsia would tell you that they weren’t being nosy but were concerned about their fellow residents and the safety of the firefighters. Of course, if they could find out a little gossip along the way, that never hurt anyone either.
As Granny waited for her food, she looked across the street at Mrs. Periwinkle’s former house. Granny missed seeing Esmeralda feeding the birds in her yard, the yard that now was filled with dead weeds. Granny pulled out her cell phone and looked at it thoughtfully.
A spark of interest lit up her eyes when she remembered that she could connect to the internet with her Itphone. That was something she hadn’t tried yet. Perhaps she could recognize the type of weed that had been in Sally’s coat. Granny typed ‘unusual weed’ into the search engine. She studied the weed pictures one by one, holding the phone close to her eyes since the screen was so small. She was so engrossed in the pictures on the phone that she didn’t even notice the waitress talking to her or setting her food down in front of her.
All of sudden, Granny sat up straight. She found it. Granny was so excited that she dropped her Itphone and it landed right smack in the middle of the gravy that was splashed over her mashed potatoes. Granny picked up the phone and wiped it off with her napkin. It appeared to be no worse for wear. Granny peered at the screen and then looked at Mrs. Periwinkle’s yard.
Pulling some money out of her wallet, Granny took a few more bites of chicken and then threw the money down on the table and left by the front door, making sure none of her loyal watchdogs had caught up with her yet.
Crossing the street to Mrs. Periwinkle’s, Granny had the time to note that the fire trucks were still apparently at Pickle’s Grocery as the streets were still deserted. It always did take the residents of Fuchsia a little time to disperse after an exciting event. Granny was glad she could provide them with a little excitement once in a while.
As Granny walked to the back of the house, she heard a ruckus. There was growling and hissing going on. Granny got her cane ready in case she needed to defend herself. Rounding the corner to the back yard, the perpetrators of the noise became apparent to her. It was the shysters, minus Baskerville. Granny surmised that there might be more surprises waiting for her when she got home
in the form of Mr. Bleaty courtesy of Baskerville.
The shysters were digging and pawing at the ground further along by the house. It didn’t appear they were making much of a dent in the soil as no dirt was being scattered, just weeds––possibly, Granny surmised by a glance––because the ground might be partially frozen.
“Fish, Little White Poodle, Furball, Tank, you’re going to end up in the animal hoosegow again if you don’t quit this digging in other people’s yards,” Granny scolded as she approached them. They kept on digging.
Granny thumped the ground with her cane to let them know she meant business. When she did that, she hit something that made a noise and sounded solid. Leaning down, she took a better look. With the weeds all scratched off of the ground, she could see a solid, heavy, old wooden door, level with the ground. There were also remnants of grass that had been planted over the door so it covered it in its entirety.
“What have we here? Scratch some more,” Granny instructed the shysters. The shysters continued their scratching, revealing the entire door.
As the door was revealed, Granny could see hinges. She bent down and tried to pry the door open with her fingers. It did not budge. The hinges were rusty and it appeared as if it hadn’t been opened in many years.
“ I think it’s an old storm cellar, shysters, that’s been there a long time. No mystery here. Go on home before we all get in trouble.”
Fish planted himself by her leg and purred. Little White Poodle started yapping and headed toward the garage out back. Furball and Tank took that moment to lay down by the basement window and take a rest. Granny looked at the basement window to see if it was still open so she could get back in the house. Someone had nailed it shut.
Granny sat down on the cold ground to rest a spell and studied the house and yard. She had never noticed it before, but the house and yard were an exact replica of Sally’s place. Granny wondered if they had been built around the same time by the same builder. She leaned closer to the ground to study the dead weeds. They were not the same as the ones in Sally’s pocket. But the weeds were talking to her. Granny could hear voices that were muffled but sounded like they were shouting. Granny sat back up and looked around. There was no one around and when she sat up, she couldn’t hear the voices.
Julie Seedorf - Fuchsia Minnesota 02 - Granny Skewers a Scoundrel Page 16