Neutrinoman & Lightningirl: A Love Story, Season 1 (Episodes 1 - 3)

by Robert J. McCarter

  I was left there among the plants feeling a deep and visceral fear. Her message was clear: if I was going to tell the parts that made her uncomfortable, she was going to make sure I told the parts that made me uncomfortable.

  Don’t take that the wrong way. She wasn’t being mean, she was just demanding parity.

  I stood there for some minutes scanning my memories of the past, and I don’t mind telling you I found many, many things I didn’t want to share. And several times I decided to abandon the whole project before hardening my resolve.

  My wife, she knew exactly what she was doing. She was making sure I really and truly wanted to do this.

  I do.

  Chapter 4

  Introducing Toxicwasteman

  Fall 2004, Green Valley, Arizona

  Big Al’s had a long counter you could eat at with round padded stools that swiveled on shining metal poles. It also had booth-style tables with high backs. I loved the place and wished I was just there for a burger.

  Toxicwasteman was sitting on one of the stools slowly spinning himself around. The hostages, there were about a dozen of them, were all crowded behind the counter as far away from him as they could get.

  I had seen pictures of him but had never seen him in person. It was clear he was a quantum-metamorph. So like I am a swirling yellow and Lightningirl is a blue-white, Toxicwasteman is a sickly green.

  When we entered, he stopped his swiveling and faced us. I could see that the red vinyl of the seat was quickly eroding under his toxic touch. It smoked a bit when he stood up.

  “Well, it’s about time, isn’t it?” he said.

  Next to me Lightningirl was tense, and the lights flickered as she drew power from the place. I stepped forward in between the two of them and said, “So, I’m here, what do you want?”

  “Oh,” he said with a frown. “Not so quick. Let’s not get right down to business. How about a little foreplay? After all, I’ve been stuck in prison for the last six months.” He paused, looking me up and down and then doing the same to Lightningirl. His expression and the way his eyes lingered on my neutrino form making me very uncomfortable. “Does she know you’re this quick?”

  If I had been flesh and blood, I would have blushed, and I could feel Lightningirl bristling behind me. “What do you want?” I asked again, keeping my voice as even as possible.

  He sighed and plopped himself back down on the stool. “Really? Are you really this much of a Boy Scout? No greeting to a fellow q-morph, no trading of superhero tips, no bragging about powers? Really? There just aren’t many of us and it seems we ought to try to stick together. That’s what I’m trying to do here.”

  “Excuse me?” I asked. I had no idea what he was talking about, what he meant by “trying to do here.” Tom Tyree, Toxicwasteman, was a very smart guy, and I knew it. He wasn’t some lowly flunky at the Hillington chemical plant when the accident happened—he was the chief scientist. He was one of those guys that were so smart that he could often be dumb (dumb in the ways of the normal mortals around him). So, when he didn’t make sense, I assumed it was all about me. What I didn’t know then was that he liked to mess with people. He liked to make them feel dumb.

  He rolled his eyes, “Oh really? Well I’ll spell it out. Look, I could have been in Mexico safely tucked away in a casita by the sea by now. All of this was to get you here, Mr. Neutrinoman.”

  Lightningirl stepped next to me, tendrils of electricity running down her extremities. I’m not sure where she drew all those watts from, but she was pretty lit up. “No Mexico for you. You’re going right back to jail, if I have anything to do with it.”

  “Sweet, really,” he said with a green-toothed smile and a dismissive wave of his hand. “Lovely, the two of you together are lovely. I think you’ll live a long and happy life and have many super-babies, despite Mr. Neutrino’s distaste for foreplay.”

  This was starting to annoy me. Why did everyone assume we were together? How could they tell? I sure as hell couldn’t.

  “But, darling,” he continued, speaking to Lightningirl, “I’ve upped my game since we last met. I won’t go down as easy a second time.” He stood and cupped his right hand, a glowing ball of green goo forming in it. “One move from you, girly, and the hostages all die a terrible death.”

  I could see the reaction of the hostages behind him. They were cowering even farther back into the corner.

  “You asked for me,” I said, stepping in between them again. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

  He sighed and plopped down on the disintegrating stool again, the green ball quickly diminishing in size until it was gone. “Oh yes, that. Well, you see—”

  “First,” I interrupted him, “let some of the hostages go.”

  He smiled, “You really are a Boy Scout, aren’t you?”

  “Hostages go before we talk.”

  He nodded, spinning himself around on the stool to face them. “In honor of our noble Neutrinoman, the women and children can go.” He flipped his pulsing green hand from them towards the door as he spun back to face us, one leg crossed over the other.

  Lightningirl and I moved aside, leaving the door clear as seven of the hostages left. An eighth, a young man, maybe twenty years old, tried to leave, but Toxicwasteman held out his arm and said, “Not you.” The young man slunk back behind the counter. “Are you satisfied?” he asked me.

  “Yes.”

  “Okay then. Here’s the bullet, boys and girls. I know about the aliens. There are several species involved, and they call themselves the Arcturian Alliance. I know they knocked that asteroid out of orbit and aimed it at the Earth a few months ago, and I know you stopped it, saving us all.” When he said, “saving us all,” his hands rose up and flapped in front of him, his voice edged up half an octave.

  “How do you know this?” Lightningirl asked.

  “Why are you telling me this?” I asked.

  “Well,” he began, “I know this because they told me. I’m telling you this because their next plan to destroy us is nigh.”

  “Told you? Plan? Destroy us? Nigh?” I stammered.

  “Yes, ‘nigh,’ as in here, upon us, about to happen.”

  “I know what ‘nigh’ means,” I growled.

  “Very well then, what was your question? I forgot it amidst all the stuttering.”

  “Why are you telling me?” I repeated.

  “Because, this is my planet too, and I love it dearly.” He crossed his hands over his heart, tilted his head and gave us a big smile. “Because, my dear Boy Scout, you are the only one that can stop them, again. Sorry darling,” he said to Lightningirl, “a little lightning just ain’t going to cut it.”

  “Why, I—” she began, as the lights began to flicker again.

  “And,” he continued, cutting her off, “because time is running out. Because we are the planet’s only hope. Because I want to be one of the good guys this time. I want to be a hero.”

  Chapter 5

  But It’s a Trap

  Fall 2004, Green Valley, Arizona

  Colonel Williams paced the tent. Back and forth, back and forth. The space wasn’t big enough for the energy he was exhibiting. It took just a few seconds, with his quick pace, and then he would have to turn around and go the other direction for a few more seconds.

  Lightningirl and I were as far away from everyone else as we could get, with our energy output damped down as much as possible.

  “Sir?” Lightningirl asked.

  He stopped momentarily, looked at us, and continued his cramped pacing.

  “It’s got to be a trick of some sort,” I offered.

  Williams stopped again, his mouth open. It looked like he was going to say something sarcastic, but his mouth closed and he continued pacing.

  He finally stopped, turned sharply to face us, and said, “Start over. What does he want?”

  “He wants a helicopter and the three of us,” Lightningirl said, indicating her, Toxicwasteman, and me. “He will tell us
where we are going only once we are in the air. If we are followed he will attack the following aircraft. There can be only a single pilot in the helicopter. He will be monitoring radar to make sure we are not followed.”

  Williams shook his head and folded his arms over his chest. “And if we don’t comply?”

  “He will let the aliens destroy the planet,” I said. “Just give us the helicopter—trap or not, we have to do this.”

  Williams nodded, his teeth clenched. He then turned from us and started barking orders.

  I pulled Lightningirl aside and whispered, “What do you really think?”

  She shrugged. “Does it matter?”

  “Yeah, it does. You know this guy.”

  Her eyes rolled and she said, “Some of this is the truth. He knows that asteroid you stopped had been weaponized. He knows aliens did it, and he seems to know more than Williams has told us.”

  “But…”

  “But…” she continued, “there is more he isn’t telling us. More to his plans. More to his motives. Even if the threat is real, he is maneuvering this to his own advantage.”

  “How?”

  She shrugged again. “I put him in jail, maybe he wants revenge.”

  “So what do we do?” I asked.

  “Do? Do?” her voice rose above a whisper, her eyes wide. “Why, we spring the trap, that is what we do.”

  ~~~

  “The military accepts your terms,” I said.

  Toxicwasteman just smiled a green smile and spun on the mostly disintegrated stool. “Well. I guess we can’t fault them for that decision, can we?” He spun some more, his hands waving in the air above him. “What’s the plan?” he asked.

  “You let the hostages go. While the media is busy with them, we change out of our q-morph forms and exit out the back.”

  “Yeah! Streaking!” he shouted. “I can’t wait.”

  I just shook my head. “Is this plan acceptable?”

  “What? Streaking? Yes, of course. I have no issues with my body. How about you, Mr. Boy Scout?”

  I continued to shake my head and signaled to the private waiting outside the restaurant. He opened the door and slid a metal case in.

  Lightningirl grabbed it and said, “No streaking today. Now let the hostages go.”

  Toxicwasteman stopped spinning and faced us. His mouth forming a frown and his face serious. “This is real, you know. This threat. We have to do this my way, we can have no delays. I hope you both get that. The fate of the planet depends on it.”

  I was speechless. Gone was the loony-tunes version of Toxicwasteman and in its place was someone that was grim and serious.

  “We understand,” Lightningirl said, her tone matching his. “Now let’s get this moving.”

  The serious mask of his face shattered and he looked like a little kid on Christmas morning. The kid that opened all the presents and was still looking for more. “No streaking, though? Really? I suppose you have some attractive military camo in there for us to don. Too bad.” He spun back around to the hostages and proclaimed, “You may go, oh noble hostages. You have served me well.”

  ~~~

  Our exodus took slightly longer while Lightningirl took the metal case, disappeared for a minute and came back in as Licia dressed in army fatigues that were too big for her.

  “Your turn, boys,” Licia said, sliding the case to me. Toxicwasteman let go of his q-morph form, right there on the disintegrating stool. He truly wasn’t worried about streaking. Me, on the other hand… Well, not that many hours ago I was having a date with Licia, now I was supposed to be naked in front of her. Neutrino naked was one thing, flesh naked entirely another.

  I stood there trying to figure out what to do when Licia caught my eye. Her head nodded towards the counter and she turned around. I went behind the counter and let go of my neutrino form.

  “Hey. Tom,” I whispered. “Throw me some fatigues.

  He grinned at me. His human face was long, with high cheek bones and a slim, sharp nose. He looked to be around fifty. His green eyes glinted as he said, “Really? You’re gonna have trouble making babies with this kind of behavior.”

  “End of the world…” I hissed at him. “Time is of the essence…”

  He rolled his eyes and threw me the remaining set of fatigues. They were too small for me, the pants only reaching my ankles, but I was grateful for them.

  We exited out the back of Big Al’s and ran to the waiting helicopter. It was empty except for the pilot. Tom Tyree looked around, a big wolfish grin on his face. “This is going to be fun.”

  ~~~

  Licia didn’t look good. She had sat down on one of the rear seats of the UH-1 helicopter and was fumbling with the seatbelt.

  “Let me help,” I said loud enough to be heard above the roar of the helicopter.

  She nodded, her brown eyes wide.

  I got the seatbelt on her and adjusted it so that it was snug. “Will you be okay?” I shouted. “I think I should keep an eye on…” She nodded vigorously. I took a headset off the wall behind her and handed it to her. “Put this on.”

  I went forward. Tom was in the copilot’s seat looking at the radar. He was talking to the pilot, but they both had headsets on and I couldn’t hear them.

  I grabbed one and put it on.

  “…my instructions are clear,” Tom said.

  “I don’t like this,” another voice said. I recognized it as Colonel Williams.

  “You don’t have to like it,” Tom said, “you just have to do it.”

  “Someone mind filling me in?” I asked.

  “Oh, there you are, Ni—” Williams began, cutting himself off midstream through saying my last name. We knew Toxicwasteman’s identity (no longer secret), but he didn’t know ours (still secret). “Tyree has requested a C-5 be prepped at Luke Air Force base.”

  “And where are we headed?” I asked.

  Tom turned and faced me, his grin again reminding me of a wolf. “Somewhere fun,” he said, wrinkling his nose and showing his teeth.

  I nodded and looked around. There didn’t seem to be much I could do up here, so I went back and sat next to Licia. I could see into the cockpit, and I could monitor the conversation on the headset, but there wasn’t much to see or hear. We were going to Luke.

  I took Licia’s hand and squeezed it tightly. She gave me a wan smile. For a girl that didn’t like to fly, she had already had a lot of it, and more was to come.

  Chapter 6

  Flying with the Enemy

  Fall 2004, Somewhere Over Utah

  “So,” Tom began, sitting next to us in the C-5 transport airplane, “I bet you have some questions.” We were at altitude and heading north, but we still didn’t know where we were going. We all sat in the passenger compartment. With its high blue seats, three on one side and two on the other, it felt just like a commercial airplane.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “Bzzzzt,” he said, his lip raised and his front teeth showing. “Wrong question, try again.”

  “Are you a psychopath or a sociopath?” Licia asked, her jaw muscles bunching.

  “Ding, ding,” Tom said. “Excellent question, and I would love to spend an afternoon on just such a topic. But, you know, aliens… world-ending threat… and an unlikely teaming up of q-morphs.”

  Licia glared at him and I asked, “How do you know what the aliens, this Arcturian Alliance, are doing? Why did they tell you?”

  His face lit up. “First prize goes to the Boy Scout who can’t let go of his girlfriend’s hand.”

  Licia had something of a death grip on my hand—she really did hate flying. Tom’s comment only served to increase the pressure. I didn’t mind.

  “Well?” I prompted.

  “One of my guards. This tall, Nordic looking guy, was one of the aliens. He—”

  “Ah, hell!” Licia exclaimed. “You’re delusional too. Great, just great.”

  Tom continued as if Licia hadn’t interrupted him. “He tried t
o recruit me, he promised to get me out of jail, I got him to tell me some of what they are planning.”

  “So the aliens look just like us?” I asked.

  “Well no, not all of them. There are the little grey bastards with the big heads, they are the brains, they are from Zeta Reticuli. And the big tall Nordic ones, they are from the Pleiades. Those are the names of star systems, by the way. There are others, but those are the two I know about.”

  I glanced at Licia, she was rolling her eyes.

  “Look, Mrs. Girl Scout. Roll your eyes all you like. It won’t change the facts. And the facts are they tried to recruit me. I wheedled some of their plan out of them, and they are trying to destroy us. Aliens are trying to destroy us. You know it’s true.”

  Licia nodded, her teeth clenched.

  “And why didn’t you join up with them?” I asked. “Didn’t they offer you enough?”

  Tom stared at me for a moment before he grinned again. “Bonus points for the Boy Scout. They didn’t offer me enough. If I helped, they would get me off the planet, but they wouldn’t bring my posse along.”

  “Your posse?” I asked.

  “Yeah, you know, Dr. Cheese and Chaosboy. My bros, my peeps, my posse. A man, even a sociopath, gotta have friends.”

  I had encountered Dr. Cheese before, and knew who he was, but had never heard of Chaosboy. “What are you, some league of villains or something? And who’s Chaosboy?”

  “Oh, I see that your overlords haven’t kept you up to speed. Yeah, Chaosboy. He was in Vegas when the cosmic rays hit. The story is too long to tell here, but suffice to say it was some Rube Goldberg-esque series of improbabilities on Fremont Street that nearly killed him and then saved his life.

  “At first he didn’t know anything had happened, but he soon discovered that he could bend odds in his favor.”

  “Bend odds?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Take a coin flip, it’s a 50/50 chance that you’ll get one side or another. That one’s easy. He can make a coin come up heads all day long. I once saw him do it a hundred times in a row.”