The Heart of a Fox

by T. Isilwath

  She smiled and turned the pages carefully, skimming the words written on the yellowed paper.

  “But what does this have to do with your being Michael?” she asked.

  “Look at the picture on the inside of the front cover.” She did as he asked and found the photograph of her and Michael in dance regalia that he had taped there. The image was faded and cracked in a few places, but otherwise looked none the worse for wear. Her and Michael’s faces could still be clearly seen looking back at her, and it looked like one of the old Indian Portraits Edward Curtis was so famous for in the early 1900’s.

  “What am I supposed to see?” she asked, confused.

  “Look at the beaded necklaces around my neck where they meet my choker, then let your eyes go out of focus. It’s one of those optical illusions that only lets you see what’s there when you’re not actively looking at it,” he instructed, pointing a finger to the multiple strands of beads he had around his neck in the photograph.

  She did as she was told, wondering what it was she was looking at. At first she had no idea what he was talking about, and she turned the book in multiple directions as she tried to see what he wanted her to see. She was just about to give up and ask him to show her himself when something caught her eye.

  There appeared to be a pattern in the way the necklaces were placed, and in how the darker beads matched up with the beads above and below them. She focused her attention on the emerging pattern, then let her eyes slide away so she was looking at it with her peripheral vision. As her mind deciphered the image, two kanji symbols came into focus, and she was soon able to read them: kitsune.

  “Oh my god!” she blurted with a gasp.

  He smiled knowingly and looked at her with expectant eyes. “It was right there all the time. Once I saw that, I realized that I was your beloved, and I knew that I had sent myself a message. That knowledge was my constant guide and comfort. I knew that, no matter what, I would find you again.” She sat back in the chair, stunned, and was silent for several moments.

  Then she closed the book and gave it back to him.

  “Here. This is yours. I gave it to you and I want you to keep it.” He accepted it gratefully, a look of no small relief on his face, and carefully placed it back into its protective box. “Thank you.” She nodded and took a sip from her coffee. The soup had gone cold a while ago and would need to be reheated in the microwave. Akihiro resumed his seat across from her and placed his hands on the table. He looked uncertain and ill at ease.

  “So… what now?” he asked her carefully.

  She looked down at her hands and shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s still a lot for us to work out.”

  He cleared his throat as if what he was going to say had momentarily choked him. “Do you… do you want me to go away again?” he asked, his voice tentative.

  “No… I don’t want that. I don’t want you out of my life. That much I’m sure of. It’s everything else I’m not so sure of,” she answered with a shake of her head.

  “I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Whatever you need. You have but to ask and it is yours.”

  “I don’t know what I want. Things are still really confused for me right now,” she admitted.

  “I understand.”

  She sighed. She was getting tired and her eyes were giving her a headache. She didn’t want to be there any longer, nor did she feel that they were finished talking, and she found herself desperately wanting to leave to go back to her grandmother’s.

  “Look, why don’t you come with me to Elisi’s,” she offered. “I know she’ll be happy to see you.”

  He smiled gently and nodded. “I’d like that. I have always loved your grandmother as my own.”

  “I know. Thank you. As for the rest… we’ll just take it slow. We both need to regain each other’s trust and forgiveness,” she said, trying to sound confident.

  “I forgive you,” he said immediately without any hesitation or uncertainty.

  “How can you after how I rejected you?” she asked, stricken.

  “It doesn’t matter because you came back. You’re here now. That’s what’s important,” he insisted. “I love you, Joanna. I can forgive you almost anything.”

  She wished it was so simple for her, but maybe he was right. Maybe it didn’t matter because they were finding a way through it, and everything else would have to work itself out as it would. It wasn’t the best solution, but it was the best one they had, and it was better than the pain and betrayal they’d been suffering.

  She could only hope to meet him halfway, and she would look to him to guide her as they both tried to recapture what they had lost. She doubted it would ever be the same, but maybe it would become something better and stronger now that all of Akihiro’s secrets were revealed.

  She watched as he stood and put the dirty dishes in the sink.

  “C’mon. Let’s go back to Elisi’s. I’ll drive. There’s more I want to tell you, and more things I have to show you. You don’t know how much I have longed for this day. Joanna, I’m so happy,” he said, offering her his hand.

  She looked at his outstretched hand then took it, letting him pull her to her feet. The feel of her hand clasped in his palm felt right, and she smiled. It wasn’t perfect, and they had a long way to go, but it was a start.

  Maybe that was all they needed.

  Epilogue

  “Here. Here. Open this one next,” she said enthusiastically, shoving a box wrapped in brightly colored paper towards him.

  It was Christmas at Elisi’s and they were enjoying a happy holiday morning. Akihiro had spent the night on the couch, and they had cooked her grandmother a special breakfast of cinnamon and apple pancakes, maple sausage, and fried eggs. Afterwards they’d all gathered in the living room to drink hot chocolate and open presents. Elisi had a small artificial tree that she had set up on a corner table, and a steamer filled with water and pine oil was warming on the stove and filling the house with its wonderful, clean scent.

  It had been a good morning so far. She was getting to the spirit of the season and trying to be thankful for the things that she did have instead of worrying about her health. Akihiro seemed determined to make her forget about all the complications she was suffering from her time in Feudal Japan, and he was succeeding, at least in part. When she was with him, his confidence in her full recovery was infectious, and it was easy to fall back into the habit of trusting him completely, especially when he was telling her things she wanted to hear.

  He was wearing his fox choker because he felt more comfortable in human form when there was a possibility of unannounced guests. She preferred him not to wear it if they were alone, and he had agreed to take it off when the risk was minimal. Not that he couldn’t cast an illusion almost faster than she could blink, but the choker also dampened his demonic aura in a way an illusion could not. He now kept suitable clothes for each form at both the apartment and Elisi’s. She hadn’t moved back in with him yet, although she felt that she would probably take that step shortly after New Years.

  Even though she often felt as if she were living in some twisted Fairy Tale, things were going well between them and she was happy. She was learning that the Michael she had known and loved was still there, just wearing Akihiro’s face, and that the Akihiro she’d known and loved was also still there, just older and more mature. She found that she liked the mature Akihiro better. He was confident and assertive. He didn’t cower anymore and he commanded respect from his peers. And he’d finally stopped calling her Joanna-sama.

  Oh, and he was rich. Filthy, unbelievably rich. Not that she much cared for material things, but it was nice to know that he had put her investment advice to good use, and certain things could be purchased and done that had been waiting because of lack of funds. Elisi had needed a new stove for years, but she had refused to let Joanna buy it with her death benefit money, and she needed a new septic system too. Both things would be taken care of in the near future.

  Her educ
ation, of course, was now assured because he would pay any tuition not covered by her scholarships, and he’d already paid off all of her current student loans. Come the New Year, he was planning on taking her to meet his uncle and several of his friends, some of whom would become her teachers as she entered the clandestine world of non-humans living among humans.

  “I’ve been wondering what this was,” he said as he held the small box to his ear and shook it.

  “Careful!” she warned.

  “Is it explosive?” he asked, his eyes wide.

  “No, you’re the only explosive one here.”

  “Hey, I haven’t accidentally destroyed anything with foxfire for 175 years, and the only reason that blew up was because the building was full of gunpow-der,” he informed her, sticking out his tongue.

  She and Elisi laughed as he grinned, tearing the gift open with childlike glee and pulling out the new tri-fold wallet with a fox head drawn on the front.

  “Ah!” he exclaimed in mock surprise and she laughed.

  Almost all of the gifts she had given him were fox-themed and mostly gag ones that cost under $10. So far she’d given him the wallet, a plastic fox key-chain, and a used book of fox lore from around the world.

  “How did you know I needed one of these?” he joked, winking.

  “Well, now that you have something to put in one,” she teased back.

  “I’ll have you know that paper money was a godsend. Do you have any idea what it was like to carry coins on string? It was heavy even for me.”

  “Because Japanese did not use wampum belts like the Indians,” Elisi chided with a smile, getting into the spirit of the gentle banter.

  They had overwhelmed her earlier with the gifts of IOU’s for the septic system and new stove. Little did she know there was still a box full of new alpaca yarn waiting for her under the tree.

  “Yeah, they had the right of it: beads, shells, light things that were easy to sew into belts. What did we have? Copper, silver, iron,” he shot back.

  “You see, Native wisdom is always best,” her grandmother said sagely.

  “Best for your back, that’s for sure,” he joked, making them laugh again.

  “Now I have this for you, Child, but I must warn you that the gift may make you sad,” Elisi told her, handing her a gift wrapped in plain red cloth.

  She accepted the gift with understanding and a little apprehension. Akihiro had already brought back memories by giving her the two throwing daggers and the Japanese bow that Colonel Pyle had said she couldn’t have. Apparently, her fox had taken offense when he’d heard that, and he’d secretly gone to Fort Bragg to “liberate” them for her. She’d been upset that he had taken such a risk, but he’d waved it off as no big deal because he knew someone stationed there.

  She carefully untied the binding string that held the gift together and reverently unwrapped the red fabric. Elisi made all of her presents by hand so she was sure that whatever she had been given would be special, but as the material fell away, she realized why Elisi had warned her and her eyes grew moist.

  “Oh…” she breathed as she lifted one of a matched set of beaded leather hair wraps meant to decorate long braids.

  “Your hair will grow back. It’ll be long enough to wear those next season,” Akihiro assured her, his hand on her shoulder.

  She reached up and fingered her short hair sadly. “Yeah,” she agreed faintly. “Thank you, Elisi. They’re beautiful.”

  Her grandmother nodded, a soft smile on her lips. “And now for you,” she said, handing Akihiro a similarly wrapped package.

  “Thank you, Elisi,” he said as he untied the string, revealing a new roach made from porcupine hair for his regalia. “Oh, this is wonderful. Thank you.”

  “You are welcome. Next year I will make you something with fox fur.” He grinned. “I already have plenty of my own, old woman,” he countered.

  Next came the yarn for Elisi, and she smiled when she felt the soft nap of the alpaca wool. “This is good yarn for babies’ soft heads,” she commented.

  “We thought so too,” Akihiro said fondly.

  She reached over and picked up the last gift she had for him, the only one that wasn’t a gag gift, and handed it to him. He took the box from her and gave her a knowing smile, obviously thinking it would be another joke present. His expression quickly changed when he opened the gift to find a choker made from clay beads and carved deer bone.

  “Joanna…” he gasped, lifting the necklace from the box. “This is…”

  “I started it back… back then. It was before I got sick. I planned to finish it, but then I got sick and never got the chance. I found the beads and bone pieces in my backpack and decided to string the rest of it.”

  “You were making this for me?” he asked in a small voice, holding the choker spread between both palms.

  She swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.”

  Tears brimmed in his eyes as he drew the choker to his lips. “Thank you.

  I… Both shirts you made me eventually fell apart. The ribbon shirt lasted almost fifty years and the leather jerkin lasted until after the Trail of Tears. I’ve missed having something you had made with your hands so much.”

  “But I made clothes for you here in the present,” she said.

  He shook his head and looked at her. “That wasn’t the same. You were making them for Michael, not for me. Those clothes you had made for me, and you had made them with your love sewn into each seam. Thank you for this, my vixen. To know that you were making this for me back then…”

  “I understand. I know you can’t wear it because you can’t take off the fox bone…” she began regretfully.

  “We can bead it into the collar of a shirt,” her grandmother interrupted.

  He looked at Elisi and smiled. “That’s a wonderful idea. Thank you.” Elisi nodded and went back to sifting through the skeins of yarn.

  “It shouldn’t be hard to do that,” she confirmed.

  He reverently placed the choker back into the box. “Yes,” he agreed, then reached for a small present still under the tree. It was about the size of a coffee cup box, and he offered it to her tentatively. “This is my last gift for you.” She smiled as she accepted the gift and carefully peeled off the paper to pry open the lid. The box was full of packing peanuts so she had to feel around with her fingers until she touched something small and velvety. She gave him a surprised look, but he just smiled at her as she pulled out the little ring box.

  “Akihiro…” she breathed as she pushed back the lid to find her engagement ring, the same ring she had ripped off her finger and thrown at him.

  “It would do me great honor, and bring me great joy, if you would wear my ring again, Sings in Winter,” he said as he knelt on one knee.

  A tear rolled down her cheek as she lifted the ring from its box and held it between two fingers. “I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I deserve it.”

  His hand covered hers, making her look at him, and she heard Elisi snort.

  “I am the one to decide that and I say that you do. Joanna, would you be my wife and mate?” he insisted, looking her in the eye.

  She lowered her eyes to gaze at the diamond and her hand began to shake.

  “Want a bigger one?” he offered, but she could hear the teasing in his tone.

  “No. This one is fine,” she answered with a small laugh that ended in a sob. “I’m still just not sure if I’ve earned the right to wear it...”

  “You do, you have,” he answered firmly, cutting her off.

  She nodded, not convinced, but she didn’t return the ring either. Instead, she allowed him to slip it onto the ring finger of her left hand.

  “This doesn’t mean that things are all okay between us,” she warned, wiping away the tears from her cheeks and trying to sound stern.

  “I know,” he answered, giving her a tender smile.

  Elisi snorted again, but did not make any further comment.

  “What do you think, o
ld woman?” he asked, grinning.

  “I think I will need more of this wool to weave a wedding blanket,” Elisi answered, fingering the skeins of soft yarn, no doubt already planning a pattern.

  Akihiro laughed and her grandmother gave them both an amused look.

  “Merry Christmas, Elisi,” she said as Akihiro put his arm around her shoulders and snuggled close.

  “Merry Christmas to both of you.”

  Akihiro reached over and picked up his hot chocolate, clinking the ceramic mug against hers. “May it be one of many.”

  “E-me-nv,” Elisi agreed, speaking the Tsalagi word for “Amen.” She smiled and rested her head on Akihiro’s shoulder, content in the feel of him and his presence. She was still uncertain as to how it would all play out, but his confidence was going a long way towards easing her fears.

  “I love you,” he whispered, his lips in her short hair.

  “I love you too,” she replied.

  The arm around her shoulders tightened, and he pulled her closer, tucking her against his body. She looked at her finger, playing with the engagement band with her thumb. The ring felt as if it belonged there, just as she felt like she belonged there with Elisi and Akihiro.

  She threaded her fingers in his and sighed, allowing herself to feel safe and loved, and was once again reminded of what Michael had told her years ago.

  “The heart of a fox is forever faithful.”

  Little did she know how true it had been, and what it would mean for her in her life. Her fox had lived over 400 years to be with her again. He had traveled halfway across the world and endured centuries of waiting in order to be reunited with her. He had gone to extraordinary lengths to prove that he would do whatever it took to remain by her side for the rest of their lives.

  If that couldn’t be considered faithful, she didn’t know what could, and she could only trust in him, and in Spirit, that everything was as it was meant to be.

  “Aishitekurete arigatou,” he murmured in Japanese, his lips against her ear and his breath warm on her skin.