To Kill the Dead (Hollowcliff Detectives Book 3)

by C. S. Wilde

  “Both?” she diverted. “It’s cocky to assume every girl swoons over you.”

  Good defense.

  Julian winced. “You never felt anything for me?”

  Mera shouldn’t lie, even if it might have been a damn good idea.

  “Of course I did. Still do, I think, in a way.” Ugh! She was making it worse. “I’m sorry Jules, I didn’t mean—”

  “You’re deflecting.”

  She didn’t deny it. She absolutely was.

  “Come on, Mer.” He gave her a sly grin. “Be honest with me. With yourself, too.”

  A terrible and stupid idea Mera should have ignored jumped to her mind. Getting fully involved with Bast could end badly. They’d achieved so much together, and yet, she was this close to a point of no return.

  This close to falling.

  It wasn’t fear. Of course not. Mera wasn’t terrified of how strongly she cared for Bast, of how his mere gaze set her body alight. She didn’t fear the lengths she would go for him, or the lines she’d already crossed.

  No. Certainly not scared.

  If she stayed with Julian, she could release the pent-up steam from being Sebastian Dhay’s partner. Also, she would ensure her working relationship with the Night Prince remained intact.

  Sort of.

  She couldn’t lose Bast, plain and simple. If they gave in to their instincts, who knew what could happen? Sure, they liked each other now, but life always tended to screw up things.

  It was only logical. Nothing to do with fear, really.

  “Okay. Truth time,” she told Julian. “I always had feelings for you. It’s just—”

  “Things changed, didn’t they?”

  “Somewhat.”

  “Do you love him?”

  Like she’d never loved anyone else before.

  “It’s complicated.”

  Julian didn’t let go of her hand. “Don’t shit where you eat, Mer.”

  “Don’t act all high and mighty, Jules.” She pulled her hand away, crossing her arms. “You can’t judge us.”

  “You’re good partners, I get it. So were we. Thing is, we are not official partners anymore, and to be honest? That’s a blessing in disguise. You’re both Hollowcliff’s finest, and the reason why the interborough exchange program exists. You cannot split from Bast, not for a long while. Better to let go before you do something you might regret.”

  “Who says I would regret it?” she dared, perfectly aware he had a point, and that deep down, she agreed with him.

  “I would never judge you. I never did, but you’ve always put duty first and your emotions second. We finally have a chance to break that pattern without any consequences. Don’t you want to see where this goes?”

  A part of her did. A part of her didn’t.

  “I don’t know what to think, Jules.” Her voice came out shy and weak. Not at all like herself.

  She had to get out of there.

  Quickly finding Mr. Fan, Mera waived for the bill. The restaurant owner must’ve seen the despair in her eyes because he promptly obliged, while giving Julian the stink eye.

  As they walked the street in silence, she figured their date had been a monumental disaster.

  Battling her emotions with logical thinking had been a constant throughout Mera’s life. She’d learned to live with the dichotomy, but right then, it absolutely sucked.

  Maybe she should be as impulsive as Bast, and jump without seeing where she might land. Maybe she should be as controlled as Julian and wait before going ahead, even if it meant missing a chance.

  Stopping at a corner, he caught her hand, pulling Mera closer.

  When she lifted her chin, his warm hazel eyes called to her, and she couldn’t help but admire his stupidly beautiful face. Those damn butterflies that Mera had believed to be long dead fluttered back to life.

  “I’m sorry for making it awkward,” he whispered. “Pressuring you is the last thing I want. I’ll take whatever you’re comfortable giving me, and if that’s friendship, so be it.”

  “Y-you didn’t make it awkward. I guess things were awkward before, when we both liked each other, but didn’t speak about it.”

  The wind whistled around them, playing with some of the loose strands from her bun. Julian brushed a wayward lock off her face, his warm palm lingering on her cheek. “I always wondered how it would feel to kiss you.”

  She’d always wondered the same.

  Mera’s breath hitched, and a part of her couldn’t believe she actually stepped closer, her lips so near to his. The butterflies in her stomach turned into sharks, gnawing at her from the inside out. Suddenly, the idea of staying with Julian to keep her partnership with Bast intact didn’t seem so great.

  “This is a bad idea,” she whispered, stopping in her tracks. “We shouldn’t go ahead.”

  “That’s the thing. I no longer care.” Closing the space between them, he pressed his lips softly against hers.

  Mera didn’t know what to do. Run? Stay?

  Their kiss tasted sweet and bitter, as if saying hello and goodbye at the same time.

  His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him, and for some unfathomable reason she let him.

  Mera knew she should have stepped away, knew that curiosity had killed the cat for a reason, but it was like watching a train wreck. Things had been set in motion, things she couldn’t stop from happening.

  Stop, stop, stop!

  The memory of Bast’s kisses rushed to her mind. His perfect lips, his skilled tongue… She remembered the rush of adrenaline that surged in her veins, the fire that scorched her from inside when she and Bast lost themselves in one another.

  Julian’s kiss lacked all of it.

  He didn’t set her body ablaze, didn’t pull the floor from underneath her. Didn’t make Mera lose her train of thought.

  Bast was madness, a swirling storm of excitement. Julian was tame, like a placid lake. Maybe she needed the calm, but Mera craved the storm.

  Their kiss felt right, and so very wrong.

  Before she could pull away, a voice rang in her mind; its tone filled with hurt.

  “Kitten, what did you do?”

  Chapter 14

  Bast’s magic bubbled up from his core and spilled out into the throne room. It crashed against the marbled arches, creating a small earthquake that made the entire place tremble. His power flooded the domed space in a prelude to the darkness that tried to break free from inside him.

  “Kura!” Corvus jumped from the ivory throne, startled. “What are you doing, brother?”

  Bast didn’t answer. He couldn’t. The darkness inside him screamed, reminding Bast that Mera belonged to him, NOT to that shig who dared kiss her!

  Chop off his head! End him now!

  It would be so easy. Bast only had to take a knife, trace Mera’s location through their mind link, and winnow. He would appear behind Julian Smith and slash his fucking throat!

  The throne room was an open space marked by giant archways. Wind should be blasting everywhere from this high up, but the magic in the arches shielded the inside. Hopefully, the same magic would also contain Bast’s darkness, so that anyone glancing up wouldn’t witness him losing his sarking mind.

  Spinning in a circle, he slammed both hands on his head. “Halle fuchst ach!”

  The marbled floor cracked as dark clouds of night and stars erupted from him, curling up toward the ceiling, his power finally freed.

  The storm bursting from Bast synched with his rage, stealing the ground beneath him. He might as well be floating inside his own void, not knowing where to go or what to do.

  Lost. So fucking lost.

  “Brother!” Corvus rushed toward him, but stopped at a safe distance.

  He gaped at the thundering cumulus of night and stars belching from Bast. A flash of darkness cut the air next to Corvus, and out came Ben.

  “What’s so urgent that our mind link—” His eyes widened at Bast, his mouth hanging. “Corvus, what did yo
u do?”

  “Nothing, I swear!”

  Bast and Corvus had been discussing how to trap Azinor, when he’d seen kitten with that sarking shig, Julian Smith. Bast saw, no, he felt that filthy human’s lips on Mera’s.

  His Mera!

  And kitten didn’t stop him! No, she kissed the suket back, though Bast hoped, prayed to Danu, that she wouldn’t.

  “Bast!” Corvus pointed to a squared mirror with a silver frame attached to the wall, set between two arches. It hung above a silver cabinet with wine and whiskey glasses laid out on the countertop.

  Bast’s own reflection stared back at him, a creature he didn’t quite recognize. His almost-white hair draped over his face, fluttering wildly against the bursts of magic billowing from his core. His eyes had turned pitch-black, his fangs as sharp as knives. The silver, draconian wings on his back had flashed to life at some point, stretching as if ready to take flight.

  “You’re an idiot!” Bast bellowed to himself.

  He had blocked his connection with Mera before she could defend herself. She kept trying to reach out through their link, pushing their bond, but Bast couldn’t let her in. Couldn’t let her see him like this.

  Leon’s face flashed in his memory, his voice echoing in his ears. “Control the nightblood, little brother.”

  His chest hurt, but even the thought of his big brother couldn’t snap him out of it. Bast’s breathing still came in ragged bursts, and he couldn’t gather his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried to control himself.

  Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes, but he wouldn’t shed them; wouldn’t give sarking Mera the satisfaction.

  “I’m guessing this relates to the detective?” Ben asked Corvus quietly, as if Bast was a wild animal he didn’t mean to startle.

  “Enough is enough, Sebastian Dhay!” Corvus boomed, the command in his tone drawing Bast’s attention. “Control the darkness, or I will control it for you.”

  A black sphere with crackling yellow thunder formed above Corvus’ palm. His brother’s muscles tensed, the severity in his face so unusual for him. For the first time since Corvus ascended to the throne, Bast saw in him the mighty Night King, leader of all nightlings.

  The fact that tonight he wore a silver circlet around his head made no difference. Crown or not, his brother was king, and he understood the daily battle Bast fought to control his darkest instincts. He knew it all too well.

  Ben was better at controlling the nightblood, but Corvus and Bast… their wayward magic tended to sweep their common sense swiftly and without mercy. Some days were better than others.

  Today was not one of those days.

  “She denied me.” The words clawed at his throat. “Min hart denied me.”

  Stepping closer, Corvus watched the darkness flow up and cover the entire domed ceiling. Pitch-black lightning roared inside, a storm about to fall upon them. “How do you know?”

  “She kissed someone else.”

  A loud laugh burst from his lips, and he waved his hand dismissively. “A silly kiss, Sebastian? Surely it takes more than that for her to deny you, doesn’t it?”

  “Corvus… ”

  No wishful thinking. No more fooling himself.

  Bast had never believed in soulmates, but when he met Mera, he knew his golden string led to her. She was the one soul in this whole, wretched world who completed him, of that he was certain. And yet, she’d denied him.

  His hart had denied him.

  “I’ve never met min hart, so I can’t understand what you’re going through,” Corvus admitted carefully, eyeing Bast as if he were a ticking bomb. “I suppose you are right. It’s disappointing that the detective kissed someone else, but don’t let it destroy you. We lost Leon and Theo. We can’t lose you too, brother. Please?”

  That snapped him out of it. Fast.

  Bast’s wings pulled back into his essence, and the rumbling storm of night and stars retreated into his core.

  Taking deep, calming breaths, his control over the nightblood slowly improved. The darkness still roared, claiming Mera was theirs, but the truth was she belonged to herself and no one else.

  After a moment, his shoulders relaxed and he nodded at his brothers, a silent message that said he would be fine, even if he wasn’t completely sure yet.

  “Such a pity.” Ben went to the silver cabinet below the mirror and pulled out a bottle of wine from inside. “I liked the detective. She was good at calling Bast on his bullshit.” Opening the bottle, he filled three wine glasses on the countertop. “Now, she must pay for breaking his heart.”

  Corvus approached the cabinet and snatched two glasses. “Not a bad idea. Let’s revisit that topic later.”

  “No one lays a hand on her,” Bast snarled through clenched teeth, his fists balled. “Understood?”

  They looked at him the way pookah pups begged for meat, but through his anger, through his hurt, it was clear. Mera’s safety came first, regardless of how she’d hurt him. Regardless of what she did.

  Always.

  “As you wish.” Corvus handed him a glass, then raised his in a silent toast. “Take the high road, then.”

  All three took a long gulp.

  They drank in silence for a while, until Ben nodded at Bast. “Are you sure she’s your hart? The whole ‘having your heart beating out of your chest’, ‘golden string’ thing sounds awfully melodramatic to me.” He eyed the small measure of wine left in his glass. “Settling for life with one partner seems incredibly unhealthy.”

  “How the fuck should I know, Ben?” Bast snapped. “I have never met someone like her. Someone who makes me lose control so completely.”

  As though to prove him right, the darkness billowed inside him. Dipping his chin, Bast closed his eyes, stamping a hand over his heart to calm it down.

  “You’ve never been the jealous type, I’ll admit,” Corvus added, drinking his glass dry. “We had that riffle over Karthana, but you were never truly jealous. When it came to the detective, however, that certainly changed.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She was different from other females, I knew it the moment I saw you interacting together. How you looked at her…” Corvus shrugged slightly as he stared into his glass. “I wonder if I’ll ever look at someone that way.”

  “Quite true, brother.” Taking the bottle, Ben refilled their glasses. “I don’t use the word ‘love’ lightly, but you love her, Bast. That much is clear. I’m not saying the entire hart debate is real, but it certainly is real to you.”

  Loved.

  “Fuck,” he grumbled under his breath. “I can’t think about her.”

  It hurt too much. Why couldn’t he get a hold of himself? It was a silly kiss.

  Just a sarking kiss!

  Bast wasn’t a gentle flower. He would never let a female he was attracted to destroy him in such a manner. So why did he?

  WHY?

  “It seems to me you do important work together,” Ben stated once they finished their second round of drinks. “Avoiding her might be a hindrance.”

  “Of course it is, Ben!” he barked. “I can’t avoid my partner forever.”

  “If she isn’t your hart, then she’s someone you simply wanted to fuck. Someone you happen to work with.” Corvus took the wine bottle from the cabinet’s countertop and emptied the remainder into their glasses. “Getting involved with her was a bad idea from the start. Stop thinking with your dick, and you should be fine.”

  If Mera was indeed at the end of Bast’s golden string, they would have been together already. He’d grossly misread the situation, and that single fact hurt, perhaps most of all. Sadness slowly rolled over his anger, a sensation that sunk his chest.

  Ben and Corvus were right.

  He couldn’t jeopardize his working relationship with Mera, especially if she wasn’t his hart. Not to mention, they still had to catch Azinor.

  After they put the malachai behind bars, they could go their separate ways. Be done with it. Or maybe,
they could find a way to keep working together. Surely, a couple of one-night stands would help him forget about her.

  Her silent presence pushed against his again. Mera had been tugging at their link the entire time, her anguish prickling his essence nonstop.

  Bast couldn’t keep avoiding her.

  Taking a deep breath, he opened his side of the channel. Her emotions crashed upon him, and at first, Bast couldn’t make sense of them; couldn’t actually breathe as her crippling and merciless despair dragged him under.

  “Stop!” he yelled through their connection, making himself heard in her uproar. “We’re fine. There’s nothing to be said, Mera!”

  The surge of emotions bursting from her stopped. He hadn’t called her kitten, and she’d noticed. Bast felt tears pooling in her eyes, tasted their salty tang on his tongue.

  Halle. This was torture.

  “I’m so sorry,” she cried, her tone slightly muffled by the distance, unlike her emotions. They spoke louder than words, after all.

  “Sorry for what?”

  Mera hesitated. “For kissing someone else.”

  “We were never exclusive, were we?” Not wanting to hear her answer, he continued. “You always put a wall between us in fear of what might happen if we got involved. In retrospect, you were right.”

  “Bast, I—”

  “We’re partners who shared an attraction.” The thought knotted his throat, but he let it out nonetheless. “We should focus on our separate cases. It’s a good thing we’re apart. I suspect you would agree.”

  “Of course not!” She went quiet for a moment. “You’re my partner. Please tell me this won’t destroy us.”

  He couldn’t guarantee it. No one could.

  Upon his silence, a cold horror gnawed at her essence. “Bast? Please?”

  A thousand needles pricked his chest. Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed her at the coffee shop. Maybe she’d gotten scared. If only he’d been more patient… No way of knowing now, was there?

  A world of unspoken things weighed down their link, waiting to be freed, but Bast couldn’t go ahead. Couldn’t tell Mera that she’d hurt him, she’d betrayed him, and that he still wanted her.

  He always would.

  “I’m such an idiotic shig,” he grumbled to himself, but the thought went through to her.