“Really?! You never let me pick!” We both rounded the car and I wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“Oh bull! You have picked more times than I can count!” Walking up the steps to my front door, I locked the car behind me and found my house key. Unlocking the front door, I let her go so she could walk into the house. Dropping her bag in the entrance, Abby kicked off her shoes and ran into my front room where I kept my TV. She headed straight for my DVD wall while I headed for the kitchen. I grabbed drinks from the fridge and snacks from the pantry before going to join her. Putting all her favorites on the table in front of us, I set the drinks down and watched her as she tapped her finger against her lips, her eyes roaming over the titles as she decided which one she was going to choose. Slowly over time, some of hers had snuck into my collection just as mine and Corey’s got into hers. Slipping one of them out, she hid it from me and crossed to the entertainment center. I turned on the TV and sat back. After she put it on, Abby joined me on the couch. She laid her legs out and put them in my lap as she laid down on the cushions.
“Comfy?” She nodded and turned to look at me.
“Yep! You stalling or are you gonna put the movie on now?”
“You are having way too much fun with this.” Abby just laughed and turned to look at the screen.
“Just play the damn movie Toby before you judge.” It was my turn to laugh as I hit play on the movie. Settling back I let out a soft groan when Dirty Dancing started. I should have known this would be the one she’d pick. She had made us all watch it more times than I could count and if someone didn’t have a copy of it in their house, they soon would when Abby was done. It was like a security blanket to her. At the sound of my groan, she dug her heel into my thigh.
“Do not say a word, Mister!” I held my hands up and she relaxed, moving her foot to just relax on my leg. Anything to keep her mind off what was happening with Xavier and her brother. I would even act it out if I had to. I just wanted to see her smile.
CHAPTER TEN
Abby
Of course I was torturing him with Dirty Dancing. I could only get away with it with him and depending on his mood, Corey. I had made all the guys watch it a time or two. Chaos only let me if he and the guys weren’t in ear shot or Katy made him let me. JD would rather stick pins in his eyes and Raven had to have just gotten laid. It was my go to movie, my safe space. After what happened with the asshole who’d raped me, I went through nights where it would play on repeat. I had given Corey a break from it over the years but not Toby. His ass always got stuck watching it.
Turning my head a little, I got a better view of him out of the corner of my eye. I was trying not to make it obvious that I was checking him out. I slowly turned my head a little more. He looked tired. He had dark circles under his eyes. I couldn’t stop myself from wondering when the last time he’d slept properly was. Was it a trait with the men in my life or was I the cause of it? When I let myself think about it, I don’t know when the last time Corey had slept through the night.
“You actually gonna watch this or keep staring at me? Im fine if you do. I’ll just stop torturing myself with it.” I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Turn it off and see what happens.” I shifted to take the remote controls from him and stuffed them between the couch and the cushion behind my head.
“Do you really think that will stop me?”
“No but it will hold you back for a minute. Just shut up and watch the movie.”
“Hey, I wasn’t the one not paying attention.”
“I never not!” He rolled his eyes dramatically. “I’m a woman. I can watch the movie and you at the same time. It’s called multi-tasking.”
“Just out of curiosity, why were you watching me?”
“You look tired. It made me wonder if it’s because of me. Corey has dark circles under his eyes too. I came out of my bedroom last night and he was awake, watching a movie. Do you think he was waiting for a nightmare?” Toby let out a small sigh. He watched as his hand slowly moved along my leg, his fingers trailing over my skin.
“Knowing you and your brother, I am gonna say yes. He worries about you. He told me once that when you get upset, like really upset, your nightmares come back. Not as bad as they were before but still pretty bad.” He looked up and met my gaze. “Do you remember them?” I shook my head.
“No, my mind blocks them out. I wake up screaming like someone or something was all over my skin but I never remember more than that.”
“Do you talk to Corey about them?”
“There isn’t really much to talk about. I tried when I was seeing my therapist every other day but even with her, my mind was putting up a block. In the end, I just got so frustrated, I would only go and see her if I needed to get something off my chest and didn’t want to put that burden on anyone around me.”
“You know none of us think that, right?”
“I know but my head is a special place at the best of times. I know if I really needed to talk you would all be there for me and wouldn’t even bat an eye at me calling. There was just a time there though where I just couldn’t get out of my head. I would fight with Corey because I just wanted to focus on something other than what was going on with me. I owe him so much. He never gave up on me or turned his back. He let me use him as a punching bag and didn’t complain. He was there when mom decided she couldn’t deal with me.”
“He would never turn his back on you. I watch you and him and it makes me wish that I hadn’t cut Kailey out for as long as I did.” Sitting up again, I moved to curl into him, the way I do with Corey. “She made mistakes, I should have been a better brother to her.”
“As bad as it sounds, she needed that. If you and your parents hadn’t forced her into rehab then you would have lost her a lot sooner. We wouldn’t have had the few good years we had before her car accident.”
“I guess. I can’t help but feel as though I failed her. I should have been protecting her.” I laid my head against his shoulder as his arms wrapped around me. I understood where he was coming from. I didn’t agree with it but I understand. Corey still hates himself for what happened to me and wishes that he could do that night over so he and the boys were at the bar. The past is the past though and all the wishes in the world can’t undo what’s already been done.
“That’s one of the things I love about you. You have the protective instinct which, I am guessing, is why you became a cop.” He nodded.
“It is. More so when shit went down with Kailey. If I could stop that from happening to someone else, I’d be okay. I never thought about what I would do if I lost her.”
“I know it’s a cliche saying but we can’t change the past. You are stopping it from happening in the future though.” He gave me a small squeeze and I lifted my head to look at him. “Plenty more damsels that need saving.” I gave him a cheeky grin which got me a laugh.
“Okay smartass, watch your movie or I am gonna change it.” I laughed and cuddled back into his side. After relaxing a little, he pressed his lips to my head. I knew our heavy conversation would be weighing on his mind still but I was hoping my words would sink in. We can’t change what happened, we can only rebuild and go from here. Those words, were ones I needed to remember as well. I can’t change Xavier being a dick. All I can do is not let that relationship taint my one with Toby. He was my knight in tarnished armour. It was a little scratched from battles he’d fought but at the end of the day, I needed a man who would fight for those he loved. Not one who would sit back and reap the benefits of pretending. My scarred and tattered heart would be safe with him.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Tobias
We managed to make it through Dirty Dancing before she let me put one of my movies on. I chose one that I knew she liked, but I knew that wouldn’t stop her pretending to complain about it though. What I didn’t count on was her falling asleep through it. I guess her sleepless night had caught up with her because she didn’t even stir when my phone rang. I
quickly moved to answer it before it did. Seeing Corey’s name, I slid my thumb over the screen.
“Brother.”
“How’s she doing?”
“She’s okay, she fell asleep watching a movie. How are you doing?”
“Exhausted. I didn’t sleep last night in case she needed me and this asshole just took more than I had. The less you know the better though.”
“Probably for the best. The less Abby knows as well. We can at least be an alibi for each other if they come knocking and I know the boys will cover for you. You coming round.”
“I dunno. I was but if she is asleep, I don’t want to wake her up. She may not sleep again otherwise. Do you mind bringing her home in the morning? We picked up her car. I could really use some sleep though.”
“It’s fine, bro. You don’t have to even ask. You sound exhausted as fuck so go home, sleep and I will bring her home in the morning.”
“Thanks, man. I know I don’t have to ask. She been okay though? Really?”
“You don’t need to worry, she’s not letting the asshole get to her. I’m pretty sure she got it all out of her system last night. With more sleep, Abby will be back to her bubbly self.”
“I hope so, I really do. Maybe she needs a girls’ night in or something.”
“Well it couldn’t hurt. Go get some sleep, we will talk more tomorrow.”
“Call me if you need anything.”
“I will but I’m sure we will be fine.” I knew this was hard for him. If everything had of been fine then I don’t think he would have been as worried as he was now, but until he knew she was okay, he wouldn’t relax. He needed to sleep though or he would end up burning out and be no good to anyone. The Reapers needed him at his best and so did Abby. After saying goodnight, I sat the phone down beside me. I would leave her where she was for now. If I moved her into the guest bedroom then it could wake her and like Corey, I didn’t want that. Once she had been asleep for a while, she wouldn’t wake until the morning. Well that’s what I hoped anyway. Would the change of environment work against me? I didn’t have her anxiety medication here. She may have some Amitriptyline in her bag, but I didn’t want to go through it. If I put her in my bed though, she shouldn’t freak out at the familiar scent that will hit her when she takes a deep breath as she tries to figure out where she is. I would sleep in the guest bedroom.
I finished watching the movie just to let her fall into a deeper sleep. Turning off the TV, I carefully moved so that I could stand and pick her up. Carrying her into my bedroom, thankful that I had cleaned up this morning, I pulled back the covers and laid her down. Pulling them back over her, I waited to make sure that she didn’t wake up before I turned the lights out and let her sleep. Walking into the spare room, I pulled my shirt up over my head and kicked off my shoes. Getting out of my jeans and leaving them all beside the bed so that I was just in boxers, I climbed into bed after turning the lights off in the rest of the house and grabbing my phone. I made sure my alarm wasn’t set before getting comfy.
I must have been more tired than I thought I was because I closed my eyes one minute and when I opened them again to check my phone for the time, it was seven in the morning. Well that and the fact that Abby was now lying next to me, curled into my side. She must have woken through the night and come in to see where I was. I wanted to be happy about it but I wasn’t sure if something had happened through the night and I missed it or if she actually wanted to be here with me. I didn’t have the heart to wake her to make sure she was okay. This was a big thing for her though, Abby never did this. If something woke her in the night, she would stay awake and watch movies or whatever, but to actually seek someone out to share a bed with them, was massive. As far as I knew, she’d never done that with Xavier. She would always send him home when she was ready for bed, something I was feeling pretty smug about right now.
I very carefully moved so that I could wrap my arms around her properly and closed my eyes again. I wasn’t about to move until she was awake. If she wanted me here then I was staying. I was drifting in and out when I felt Abby shift beside me. Running my hand along her back, I pressed my lips against her head. I waited for her to wake up properly before I spoke so that she could get her bearings and remember where she was. “Morning beautiful.” I chuckled softly at her groan as Abby hid her face in my shoulder.
“Do I have to get out of bed?”
“Nope! You can stay here as long as you like. Coffee and breakfast can come to you if you want it to.”
“The TV isn’t here though. I can’t curl up with coffee and a movie in here.”
“No, but you can curl up and relax.” Abby lifted her head to look at me.
“Where is the fun in that?”
“It’s supposed to be relaxing, not fun but if you want to curl up, you can go and curl up on the couch with the blankets and watch a movie while I make you coffee and breakfast.”
“Why don’t you have a TV in here?”
“It’s my guest room, I don’t spend a lot of time in here to need one. Had you stayed in my bed where I put you last night then you would have woken up with one.”
“Why was I in your bed?”
“Why all the questions?” Abby shrugged her shoulders.
“Just curious.”
“Well, I put you in my bed because its more comfortable than this one plus all my stuff is in there so it wouldn’t freak you out when you woke up in there because it smells like me.”
“So why are you in here?”
“I didn’t want to cross a line you didn’t want crossed. I know you like your personal space and even sleeping here would be a big thing for you so I didn’t want to push you.”
“One more question?”
“Go on.”
“Can I have coffee now?” I laughed again and nodded.
“Coming right up gorgeous.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Abby
I watched Toby pull the covers back and get out of the bed. I pulled his pillow to me and wrapped my arms around it. The sight of him in just boxer shorts made my stomach flip. Not the bad kind though, the good kind. When I woke up through the night and found myself in his bed, I found myself smiling. He was right about his smell being in that room. It wrapped around me while I slept like his arms had done when I fell asleep. I felt that he wasn’t there, as much as I didn’t want to leave his bed, I went in search of Toby. Finding him in the other room, I curled up with him. There was no nightmare, nothing. Just wanting him next to me while I slept. Now that I laid here and thought about it, it scared me a little. I had never wanted someone like that. I usually shied away from sharing a bed with someone, not seek them out. Now here I was waiting for him to come back to bed with coffee. I hid my face in the pillow. I couldn’t believe how giddy I was feeling over this. Hearing his phone go off beside me, Toby called out to me from the kitchen.
“Abby, can you get that for me please?” I shifted to get a bit closer and saw Corey’s name on the screen.
“Hey, Bee.”
“Ace?”
“Yes… Does anyone else call you that?”
“No, I’m just surprised that you are awake and answering Toby’s phone. You doing okay?”
“I’m fine, got some sleep last night so I am not as fragile as I was yesterday. You okay? You’re not just getting home, are you?”
“No, I called last night but you were asleep so Toby and I thought it best that I go home and get some sleep and he would bring you home in the morning. We didn’t want to wake you.”
“Thank you, I needed that. So did you.”
“Did you have any nightmares?”
“Nope, none. I woke up once but I was able to go back to sleep pretty quickly.”
“That’s good, I’m happy you got to sleep.” I looked up as Toby came back into the room holding our coffees. I took mine from him and mouthed thank you. “We got your car and brought it home.”
“Thank you, I will get Toby to bring me home later. Yo
u okay? Get everything sorted yesterday?”
“It’s dealt with. You don’t need to worry about him again. Just remember if anyone asks, you saw him at the coffee shop but that was the last time. You and Toby went back to his place and stayed in for the night.”
“So tell them the truth?”
“Exactly.”
“I can do that.” I took a drink of my coffee and curled back into Toby’s side as he got back into bed. I noticed that he had gone and put some sweats on so that he was no longer just in his boxers.
“Toby awake?”
“Mmmhm, he is right beside me. Want to talk to him?”
“Well, Ace, I did call his phone.”
“Only because I don’t have mine and you missed me so you called to check on me.”
“Well, it is quiet without you, that’s for sure.”
“Asshole.” I handed the phone to Toby with a huff. “Might just give him another night of quiet if he wants to be like that.” I could hear him laughing and just rolled my eyes. Toby put him on loud speaker and the look on his face told me he was trying not to laugh too.
“Oh, come on, Ace! You know you love me!”
“That’s debatable right now, Jackass!” I took a drink from my coffee and couldn’t stop myself from smiling. Toby wouldn’t rat me out. He would play pretend and make Corey think I was mad at him. Not that he believed it though. We’ve never had a big fight in our lives. Sure we had the normal sibling squabbles but we were better than that. We knew what was important.
Finishing off my coffee and setting the empty cup beside me, I soaked up the feeling of being in Toby’s arms. He hadn’t wanted to let go of me to talk to Corey so he’d sat his mug down. Looking over at it, I shook my head. He still used the same one that I’d gotten him to celebrate leaving the academy. It was just a stupid novelty one but he’d kept it. The evil in me wanted to buy him one for his desk at work. Almost as if a light had been switched on, I remembered what he did for a living. My brows creased in a frown. He was an undercover detective. That meant now that Xavier was out of the picture, he could go back to work. That also meant that he might get sent out on a job. I’d heard him and Corey talking about him getting involved in club stuff. Not patching in like the rest of the boys did but going under cover in rival clubs and using the Reapers for their knowledge. Would Toby do whatever it took to get the job done? Including sleeping around with club sluts or getting involved with someone if he needed to be gone awhile? What would that mean for us?
Killing Me Softly Page 4