“Can you ask Corey to come and get me?” I quickly moved from the bed and ran out the door before he could stop me. Grabbing my jeans, bra and shirt off the floor where I’d left them when I stole one of his shirts to sleep in, I locked myself in his bathroom while I waited for my brother to come. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought about it before now. I stepped back against the wall and slid down to the floor. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I choose this moment to freak out? I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I don’t know how long I’d there was a knock on the door.
“Abby, are you okay?” I stayed quiet, wiping away tears, as I tried to compose myself. Until I heard Corey on the other side of the door, then I wasn’t moving from this spot.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Tobias
I sat blinking trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. I’d been having a conversation with Corey when she asked him to come and pick her up before running from the room.
“Dude? What the fuck?!”
“I have no idea! She was fine one minute and bolting out the door the next. I think you’d better get over here.”
“I’ll be there soon. Are you sure she was okay last night? She said she had no nightmares last night. Why is she so freaked out today?”
“To be honest, I have no idea if she did or didn’t. I went to sleep not long after she did. When I woke up, she was with me in bed. Must have come in through the night.” I heard him sigh. “I’m going to see if she is okay.” Getting out of bed, I checked the house for her but couldn’t find her. Going into my room, I walked over to my ensuite door. Knocking lightly.
“Abby, are you okay?” There was no answer from inside as I waited. It was killing me to be on this side of the door knowing something was wrong. I turned away from the door and sat down on the bed. I didn’t want her to think she was trapped in there, but couldn’t bring myself to move very far in case she needed anything. I let everything play over in my head to try and figure out where it went wrong. We had been drinking coffee in bed. I hadn’t wanted to let go of her to talk to Corey so I sat that down beside me. I knew the call wasn’t the problem. Corey had only just asked me to come and see the guys when she ran from the room. There was something I was missing, but what?
I know last night she didn’t give a fuck about what happened to Xavier, but in the cold light of day was she having second thoughts? She didn’t press the matter with Corey so maybe not. Running my fingers through my hair in frustration, I heard someone at the front door. I looked at the closed bathroom door. She was about to leave and God only knows when I would see her. If she didn’t want to be here then I would keep my distance from the house. I could only hope I would know the answer once Corey got her home and calmed down.
I heard a knock at my front door. Moving to unlock it, I stepped to the side so Corey could move past me.
“My bathroom.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze and went to Abby. I grabbed our mugs from the spare room and took them to the kitchen. Tipping out what was left of mine, I washed them up and sat them on the sink to dry. My mug caught my attention and I smiled remembering the day Abby gave it to me. It was my reward for graduating from the academy. I had used it every day ever since. I didn’t take it to work purely because I didn’t want anything to happen to it.
“I’m taking her home.” The sound of Corey’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“I figured as much.” I leant back against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest.
“You okay?” I nodded. I’m not sure he really believed it though. “I’ll call you later if I can get her to talk. Otherwise I am calling in the big guns to get it out of her.”
“Let her know I’m here if she wants to talk. I’ll give her some space though.”
“I’ll let her know. We still good for Monday? I spoke with Raven and the boys. They are on board with it. You can speak with your Chief and we can go from there. I’m glad you are finally getting out of the undercover shit though, bro. I’ve always worried about you when you go under.”
“I know, I should have gotten out years ago. Never really had the determination to actually do it until now.”
“Alright, I am heading off. Call me if you need anything. I’ll see you on Monday if not.” He stepped forward, holding his hand out toward me. I gripped his with mine after unfolding my arms. Stepping to meet him, I slapped my hand against his back while he did the same. We let the other go and he left me alone, standing in my kitchen, confused as fuck with no idea what to fucking do with myself now. I tried to think of something I could do to keep my mind off of what just happened. Walking out of the kitchen, I went to my bedroom. Pushing down my sweats and boxer shorts, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. After letting it heat up, I stepped in and let the water wash over me hoping to relax my tense muscles. Corey would try to get to the bottom of what happened but I wasn’t the most patient person and I was worried about her. That just heightened everything.
Running my hand over the back of my head, I pressed my fingers into the skin, kneading the muscles along to my shoulder. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to refocus my mind, letting it all wash away. When I felt somewhat better, not entirely but marginally, I washed before getting out of the shower. I would need another one with what I was about to do but I didn’t care. I would feel better after a few rounds with my trainer at the gym. If I still didn’t feel better then I would head over to the shooting range and release my frustrations there. One way or another, I was going to wear myself down.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Abby
Corey came and picked me up. I knew I would have to explain what the fuck that was, but I am not entirely sure that I could without making it sound crazy. He wasn’t the person that I owed the explanation too. I would deal with him though, but I just needed to sort my head out first. Could I deal with this alone though? I wouldn’t get my answers without discussing this with Toby. I didn’t want him to run for the hills. I actually gave a fuck about him so to lose him before anything started would kill me and I hadn’t spent this whole time protecting myself for this to happen. No, my walls needed to stay firmly in place. I looked over at Corey as he drove. He was my big brother and I knew he loved me but I could see in his face that he was pissed.
“Unless you are going to start talking Abby, quit staring. It’s creepy.” I turned away from him and looked out the passenger window.
“I’m sorry, Corey, I just freaked out is all.”
“Oh is that all?”
“Yes, that’s all.” He let out a sigh and shook his head. Looking back at him.
“Abby, I just don’t get it. You were fine when I called. It’s Toby so I know he wouldn’t do anything unless you made the first move because for so long now, he has respected your boundaries. What is it that could possibly freak you out?”
“My head. I love you, Corey, but you just don’t get it.”
“No, but I am trying to. You have to talk to me. If not me, Toby, because we can’t help you out of your head without it. I know you are scared, Ace, but there is nothing that can’t be worked through. You are only hurting yourself and Toby otherwise.”
“It’s so easy for you to say. I only give a fuck about a few people in my life and Toby is one of them. I can’t lose him, Corey and with everything I have in my head, I know I am going to.”
“Dammit Abby, no you won’t. How long have you known Toby?”
“Most of my life.”
“Exactly! He knows everything about you. The good, the bad and the insane, but that miserable fucker still loves you anyway. Look, I am not saying that you have to be with him. You can leave it be, but do not play with his head. Don’t lead him on if you are going to just up and run when it gets tough.”
“Fuck you, Corey.” As he pulled up in the driveway, I got out of his car and slammed the door closed behind me. Walking to the front door I unlocked it and went inside, and headed straight for m
y bedroom, slamming my door closed behind me. A couple of minutes later, Corey came barging into my room.
“No, Abby, you don’t get to run from this. There is no sweeping this under the rug this time. You are going to talk to me about what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours or I can call Hailee and Katy and they can come and get the truth out of you. The choice is yours but you are going to start talking.” I sat down on my bed and just glared up at him. He crossed his arms over my chest and raised a brow, waiting on my decision.
“You know this is why you are single, don’t you?”
“Nope, you can’t piss me off in the hopes of me dropping this. Start talking or I call Hailee and Katy.” I ran my hands over my face and looked down at the floor.
“He is an undercover detective, Corey. With Xavier out of the way, he can now go back to work. If he gets sent undercover again, he may have to do shit that he can’t avoid. How can I be with him knowing that? What if he had to sleep with someone undercover? I can’t go through Xavier again, Corey. I can’t be hurt by Toby because I know, I won’t recover from that. It will destroy me.” Corey moved over and crouched down in front of him.
“Really? That is what this is about? Him being a cop?” He shook his head. “Ace, had you stuck around and spoken to him, he may have told you that he is quitting the undercover part of his job. He and I have been talking and he wants to work with the club on drug trade with MC clubs. He knows we don’t do it so he is coming in to talk to Raven, Chaos, JD and I. He has had this planned since before Xavier pissed us off. We were just being careful because we knew what a dick Xavier would be about it all. We don’t have to worry about that now and neither do you.” I chewed on my lip.
“I have heard you talking about it. He didn’t tell me he was giving up the undercover side of it, but he did mention the club stuff. I just figured he would go into other clubs, spy for a bit then shut them down.”
“That’s true, that was the plan yes but it changed. He realized he couldn’t do that because it could hurt you and he wasn’t prepared to do that. He is leading the team of the ones who will be doing that.” Well shit, now I just felt like a fucking idiot.
“You need to get out of your head, Ace. Toby isn’t Xavier, you can talk to him about this kind of thing. Speak what’s on your mind, don’t let it fester until it becomes bigger than it is.” I nodded softly. Corey pulled out his phone and handed it to me. I shook my head.
“Not yet. I need to have a shower first.” He rested his hand against my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He stood up and put his phone back away.
“You have until this afternoon. Don’t make him crazier then he already is.” He turned and left the room, leaving me to process all of this and wrap my head around what he had just told me. I knew I needed to call Toby but I had to understand it first. Moving to my draws, I pulled out some clean panties and bra, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I opened my bedroom door and went to the bathroom.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Tobias
Opening up my front door, I dropped my gym bag beside the door. Making my way to the kitchen, I took a beer out of the fridge. Opening it up, I took a long drink from the bottle. It took me hours before I could pull myself away from the gym. I just kept going at the boxing bag, picturing Xavier standing there, as I took my frustrations out on it instead. I reached over and picked up my phone from where I’d left it charging while I went out. I hadn’t wanted the distractions. Seeing a missed call from Corey and one from Abby, I decided on calling Corey back first. It was the safest option. With the phone in one hand, I moved into the living room with my beer in the other. I sat down on the couch and kicked my feet up on the table.
“Brother.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. You all good?”
“I’m good Toby. Abby asked me to call and check is all. She said she tried to call you but there was no answer.”
“Yeah, my bad. I went to the gym and just checked it now when I got home. Abby okay?”
“She’s Abby. We talked and got to the bottom of what was bothering her. Told her she needed to talk to you about it now.”
“Should I be worried?”
“No, I don’t think so. Hold up, let me see if she is awake. You know how she loves her afternoon naps.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Hearing movement on the other end of the phone, I knew he was headed for her room. He lightly knocked on the door and must have opened it because the next sound I heard was Abby’s voice.
“Hey.”
“Hey gorgeous, you okay?”
“I’m sorry about earlier. I know I should have spoken to you about it but I got inside my head again.”
“Babe, didn’t we talk about that last night. You gotta stop doing that.”
“I know, I know. Bad habits are hard to break.
“So you gonna fill me in now or do you still need time?”
“No, I’ll tell you now but can you come over. I don’t want to have this conversation on the phone.”
“Okay, no problem. I’ll see you soon.” We said goodbye and hung up. Finishing off my beer, I went and jumped into the shower real quick. I was still all sweaty from the gym and hated showering anywhere but my house. Stupid I know but it was a personal thing. I didn’t know how well the showers at my gym were cleaned, but I knew when mine was done. Dressed in jeans and a shirt, I grabbed my keys again and went out to my car. Backing out of the driveway, I headed for Corey and Abby’s place. Reaching over, I turned on the stereo so that the sound of The Weeknd filled the silence. He was my go to when I needed something on in the background and I had been playing this on my way home from the gym because I just couldn’t handle quiet no matter where I was or what I was doing. Music had a soothing effect on me and made me think about something other than the thoughts in my head and right now I was wondering what it was that had Abby wanting to see me in person. I mean, she wasn’t the type of person to dump someone over the phone or in a text message. Not that we were dating but still. Bad news is still bad news.
Pulling up in the driveway, I turned the car off and got out. Locking it behind me, I walked up to the front door. I knocked once before letting myself in. Corey was sitting in the living room, playing on his PlayStation.
“So glad I didn’t wait for your ass to come and answer the door.”
“Oh please, you are family. Since when have you ever needed to knock?” I rolled my eyes and moved to see him playing Call of Duty.
“Abby in her room?”
“Nah bro, out back. She was getting anxious so she went swimming.”
“Should I be worried?”
“Go and talk to her and find out. It’s not my place to say.” I nodded and moved through the house to the back door. That did nothing to ease my mind. Opening up the door, I stepped out and made my way to the pool area. I looked over to see her towel on one of the deck chairs and went to sit by that. Waiting until she had finished doing her laps, she stopped at the end of the pool I was at and rested against the side.
“Hey.”
“Feeling better?” She moved her hand side-to-side in a so so motion. She lifted herself up out of the pool and I reached behind me to grab her towel. Standing up, I wrapped it around her and rested my hand against her shoulders. “Please don’t do that again. You scared the crap out of me.”
“I can’t promise that but I can promise to try to stop running from the things that scare me.” I nodded. It was a compromise and one I was prepared to take. “I can’t say I am sorry enough, Toby. I just got hit with a thought and it took hold too quickly for me to stop it. Once I talked to Corey about it, I realized how stupid it was, but by then it was too late. I had already run.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I can’t keep shutting you out like that. You are a big part of my life and I can’t lose that. Which is what I got scared of. With Xavier out of the way, you are free to go back to work and back to doing undercover work.” I went to o
pen my mouth but she put a finger to my lips. “Just let me get this out.” I nodded.
“If you go back to undercover work, who knows what it is gonna make you do. Had I have spoken to you though, Corey told me that you would have told me you were getting out of that line of your job but like I said. The thought grabbed hold too quickly for me to stop and think rationally. I really can’t lose any more genuine people from my life and I thought that I was about to.”
“Abs, you are never going to lose me. I promise you that. Corey is right, long before Xavier I had been thinking about getting out of that but he kept begging me not to. It was always just one more job with him. He didn’t care who it hurt but I did. When he told me about him messing around, I knew it was time to leave. I couldn’t have his back when he could do shit like that. He would put me in harm’s way so I could no longer trust him. So the boss is looking for my team while I took the week off. I’m not gonna go back until I am supposed to so I don’t raise suspicion. I get it though, you have been fucked over so recently, it would be hard to trust someone again so soon, but trust me. Trust Corey because just know if I fuck up, he will be the first to kick my ass into the middle of next week then kick it again on Thursday. I got you, Abby.” She nodded and laid her head against my chest. Wrapping my arms around her, I pressed my lips to her head and just held her in my arms. Baby steps and we would get there.
Killing Me Softly Page 5